Answers for March 2009

WINNER this month – from Coolgardie, WA (and evidently watches old Mr Bean programs – well what else could one do in Coolgardie?) – Linda, welcome to the triple-winner club!

Linda Houston


Question 1

During the “Xmas truce” in 1914 where English and Germans came out their trenches and played football, what was the score when the ball went into barbed wire?

Answer

Germans 3-2 ahead

Additional Answers

  • Allies 250,000, Germans 800,000 -oh, do you mean the score in the football?
  • Two – Two. But the loss of the ball was really tragic because it was Hitler’s, and he didn’t have a spare.
  • 1-0 in favour of Germany, just like every other time England plays Germany
  • 3-2
  • 3-2 in favour of the Germans. And I’m betting they played “square” football too, passing it back and forth so the Tommies got weary chasing the ball about in the mud of No Man’s Land.
  • 3-2 Krauts
  • 3-2 nevermind who to…
  • 3-2 to Germany
  • 3-2 to the Germans
  • 5 for 137, which really confused the Germans.
  • A win to the Germans 3-2, with extra detonations and a disembowelling in penalty time.
  • At end of the day – 6.8 m combat deaths. Play was abandoned.
  • English 1 Germans 1 Minefield 15
  • General consensus seems to be Germans 3 Poms 2
  • Germany 2, England 1. England protest that the Germans were offside.
  • I don’t have the Knowing, but I am the Guessing that the Englishs would winning be. At the Least, That what the British Governmentum would to have Us believing is.
  • It went to penalty shootouts………….. like with real guns and the death penalty
  • Nil all
  • Paul McCartney-1, Germans-0
  • pi : phi
  • Saxons 3-2
  • Sieben zwei zu uns. Ja!
  • The score at 25/12/1914 was only a few tens of thousands for each team. It paled into insignificance compared with the score at the final whistle on 11/11/1918.
  • There is no real evidence or testimony that a score was even kept, however “the times” published a report from an anonymous major that the score was 3-2 to the fritz.
  • There were quite a few games evidently but the celebrated one the score was the Huns 3 Poms 2. They won again in the reenactment 2 1. The referee was a passing Icelandic bloke called Thor.
  • Well they were not actually keeping score you see– the deal was if you didnt set off an unexploded shell neither team scored– if one went off then that team lost a point
  • Well, Dr Bob, I don’t know where you are getting your information from, but sources I have consulted concede there is some uncertainty about whether or not this football match took place. An often quoted figure for the final result is 3-2 in favour of the Bosc- er, Germans.
  • Wire one, ball zero
  • Zilch
  • Insanity 1; Reality 0
  • We probably don’t know the real score, the Brits could have said whatever they wanted after they won the war.
  • Final.

Question 2

During the same match, what position was played by a certain Corporal of the 16th Bavarian Reserve?

Answer

Disgusted, did not join in

Additional Answers

  • Right wing … what the heck it tickled me
  • Adolf Hitler
  • Left Right Out.
  • Left Back Behind.
  • Left Back in the pavilion, he was a Reserve
  • In the library, with the lead pipe.
  • Reputedly, Hitler (for it was indeed he of the then handlebar moustache) stood back in the German trenches and steamed furiously about this lack of warlike behaviour on the part of his comrades. One would be forgiven for thinking the screws were already coming loose for this gent, and this was yet another quarter turn towards completely letting go at the seams. Seriously, if true, it showed an alarmingly serious passion for war and killing.Are you refering to Adolf Hitler? He was a ‘consciencious objector’ to the cease fire and did not participate in the football match.
  • Centre
  • Corporal Hitler objected and didn’t participate.
  • Corporal Hitler was the Germans left hand sour puss… less Christmas, more destruction!
  • Fullback, all the way home
  • Goalkeeper, he obviously didn’t do a very good job.
  • Guard
  • He was on the sideline, whinging. Probably pissed off when told he wasn’t allowed to play as it was an international and he had represented Austria in 1912.
  • Hitler again, eh? I believe he was a cheerleader. Oh, how I believe it
  • Hitler? Playing soccer? Fraternising with the enemy. Get out of it. He thought the whole thing was dreadful and wanted to dob everyone in. Or was he in a different spot then?
  • I can never remember if Adolf was the bloke with One Big Ball or the fella with Two But They Were Small. Either way, his position in Christmas 1914 was both unacceptable and untenable and remained so until his unlamented ‘own goal’ 31 years later.
  • If it was Hitler it would’ve been left-right-out. Well ,it should’ve been. Is this story apocryphal? I know, I know – you ask the questions….
  • It’s a pity they didn’t use him as the ball and kick the cr*p out of him.
  • It’s always about bloody Hitler, isn’t it! Anyway, it must have been the position of Spoilsport.
  • Missionary! I had to say it.
  • Missionary.
  • More Schicklgruberity! Didn’t he sulk in silence, appalled at the camaraderie and refused to play, hunching over his art books?
  • Being singular in the testicle department, was he the ball boy?
  • Striker, A. Hitler.
  • Stürmer.
  • The Pie Phieman
  • Umpire . . . they didn’t have a full understanding of the game.
  • Whereever he was ordered to be.
  • Young Adolf played Wet Blanket.

Question 3

In what part of the building was Elvis Presley’s “Heartbreak Hotel” recorded?

Answer

Dr Bob’s answer (I forget where I got this): In the fire escape stairs, to get the echo.

Additional Answers

  • There was a building???
  • A hallway at RCA Victor.
  • A hallway where a speaker was set up at the opposite end in order to record a full echo of Elvis’ voice.
  • Elvis was left of the building, down at the end of Lonely Street
  • Hallway
  • HH was recorded in the pub’s microwave oven. It’s such a hot song.
  • Hmmm. Studio ‘B’, but that’s not noteworthy. Or was it nicknamed ‘The Titanic’?
  • I don’t have the knowing for this one either, but I hope it was the exercise room.
  • In a hallway.
  • In a pioneering move the studio engineer relocated the recording equipment into the middle of a group of cattle as the track required more cowbell. – Or in the hallway of the studio(whatever’s better for you).
  • In the hallway of RCA Victor studio at 1525 McGavock St, Nashville.
  • In the hallway, to get the echo effect!
  • Inside it.
  • Laundry
  • Room 1412 or 1214 or 1124? [But it could be used in Room 101]
  • Sadly, the part where the microphone was switched on.
  • The basement
  • The basement toilet. Apparently, from the sound of the song. Certainly from the lyrics. What can I say – apart from a few exceptions, I loathe Elvis songs, and this shows the quality of output.
  • The bit with the sound gear of course
  • The building was a studio apartment, so the recording was made in all the rooms.
  • The Cardiac Surgery Room
  • The ER
  • The inside.
  • The part Elvis was in.
  • The recording studio. Duh!
  • The song was recorded in a hallway on the right wing of the building – it overlooked a Burger King.
  • The toilet?……no no, that was later right?
  • These days one would record in a sound-dampened studio and apply software filters, but I have to say that as a trained singer, I can appreciate exactly why Elvis laid down his vocal tracks in the stairwell. Carparks, bathrooms and ‘lively’ concert halls have the same effect.
  • Toilet
  • Toilet, no wait, that was George Michael … er … Reception?
  • Where ladies and gentlemen could watch him leave the building
  • Who?

Question 4

In Mr Bean’s Christmas (the scene with turkey on head, etc).  What commercial product is on the centre of Mr Bean’s mantelpiece?

Answer

///quiz200903Q4.jpg///A tin of T-CUT – vicious car polish that leaves a really wonderful shine, by taking off the top layer of paint

Additional Answers

  • I can’t make it out from the grainy footage on YouTube, but it appears to be (possibly) Solvol.
  • Pringles or Brasso? Its a red cylindrical object
  • Baked beans.
  • 99% chance that it is Coca-Cola just by guessing
  • A can of Heinz baked beans? An anti-flatulence nostrum? Cranberry sauce for the turkey? A basting brush? Strewth, Dr Bob, short of having to pay a fortune to an ABC Shop for a DVD of the show, how the hell would I know? [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovjbrT5_pBU near the end, at 5:46]
  • A Coke can
  • A model of a Mini? A small china teddy?
  • A tin of beans? Too obvious?
  • A…ehm…mantelpiece-centre?
  • Acme roller skates— how funny would that be? Mr Bean on those babies– I dont recall seeing that one
  • An edition of “Homo Faber”?
  • Aw, man. I’ll say… spam.
  • Baked beans?Get the pun?
  • Blast! I’ve seen that one a couple of times, but the only scene I seem to remember is where Monsieur Bean switches off the electricity.
  • Coca-Cola
  • Dressing
  • Fire fuel???
  • Floop; everyone could do with some floop.
  • Glue?
  • Good grief, I can’t remember; all I can remember is the thoroughly disturbing turkey on the head bit – and now you’ve made me think of it again. Aaaaaargh! Mind bleach to my office, stat!
  • Heinz baked beans
  • Hmmmm squared. I remember a snow globe . . .Anyway, one of the finest moments of British comedy when the Dalek attacks the nativity scene. [I nearly died, watching that scene – I laughed so much that I began to asphyxiate and everything went sort of yellow and green – This has happened with several programs over the years. It happened twice when I was a passenger on an aeroplane, which could have been quite critical. Oddly, when I see them again they seem nowhere near as funny.] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0_Sa-cw_Aw – I just watched it again. My widow will find my dead body slumped in front of the monit…..]
  • Its a toy Dalek and it’s going to exterminate him hopefully.
  • Laxative
  • Mylanta tablets
  • Never watched it. Mr Bean got stale very quickly.
  • Prophylactics… a turkey on the head is no substitute for contraception. If it’s not on, it’s not on!
  • Wood polish.
  • X-box 360?

Question 5

The 1960s BBC satirical program “That was the week that was” was transmitted late on Saturday nights and tended to run well over time. The BBC mandarins began to transmit the spy series “The Third Man” after it, to try to contain the length of the show.  But why did they stop doing this?

Answer

The TWTWTW crew read out the entire plot of the following “Third Man” episode

Additional Answers

  • Just a guess: The satirists started to spoil the twists of the series out of spite?
  • Come now, Dr Bob! Too easy! “By the second series, it was followed by repeats of The Third Man, starring Michael Rennie. Frost took note of this, and at the end of each edition of TW3 would reveal the plot featuring the key twists and turns of each episode so that there would be very little point in watching the programme. After three weeks, the BBC took note; The Third Man was taken off the air and TW3 got its full hour back.” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Frost
  • “That was the week that was before the third man”? It don’t sound too good.
  • Because “That was the Week That Was The Third Man” would look like a porno in the TV guide
  • Because billy birmingham would not stay up late enough to do the show
  • Because nothing is as dead as yesterdays news.
  • David Frost took to reading synopses of the plots of Third Man at the end of each TW3, meaning there was little point in watching. The BBC dropped the repeats and TW3 was left open-ended.
  • David Frost cheekily gave away the plot.
  • David Frost read out spoilers about The Third Man episode to follow.
  • David Frost read the plot of the following episode of “The Third Man” during “That was the week that was”.
  • David Frost started reading summaries of “The Third Man” plots at the end of “That was the week that was”, so there was little point in watching “The Third Man”.
  • Expense
  • Frosty would leak the plots during TWTWTW
  • I wish you wouldn’t ask questions like this, Dr Bob. Now I can’t get the wretched Third Man theme out of my head. It’s terrific but it leaves no room in my brain for anything else. Dum de dum, de dum de dum… (BTW, the answer to “why did they stop doing this?” is “I don’t care.”)
  • I’ll say because people thought that ‘The Third Man’ was part of ‘That was the Week that was’, and tended to believe it as truthful news…
  • It was in direct protest to the lesbian kissing scene in the new series, which outraged conservative groups.
  • It was probably deemed unConstitutional or something. We all know how the Motherland respects its Constitution.
  • Only 3% of viewers continued to watch.
  • Perhaps something to do with the BBC announcer having a strong Irish accent? “I know what you’re tinkin’, it’s tirsty work, to be sure, so now, we’ll watch an episode of…”
  • Pure lethargy.
  • Request from the Royal Family
  • David Frost was pissed off at them and started giving next week’s plot away.
  • The comics took the mickey out of it.
  • The host David Frost took to reading synopses of the plots of Third Man at the end of each show, meaning there was little point in watching it. (thank you wiki)
  • The inimitable David Frost took to reading out a synopsis of the upcoming episode during TW3. I imagine many viewers felt that spoiled the fun.
  • They had David Frost reveal the episode that was following.
  • They realised that the BBC was horrible network that needed to go off air completely; but unable to do this they simply removed all the worthwhile programing.
  • Too many complaints?
  • The “Week That Was” crew took to reading out a summary of the upcoming episode of “The Third Man” – as someone who enjoys shouting “Rosebud was his sled when he was a little boy/She’s actually a he/They’re really back on Earth, in the future/He’s already dead and a ghost himself/They’re actually in the 20th century” then running away, I find this particularly hilarious.

Question 6

///quiz200903Q6.jpg///Caption please

Answers

  • “And here is where I got a little exited whilst thinking about your mum” [Er, I think you mean “excited”. A lot of other people got exited due to these two]
  • “And this void appeared as soon as we powered up the Great Soviet LHC”.
  • “4000 virgins, eh?”
  • “Cheer up Vlad, and I’ll explain what came over the map”
  • “Just here in this town is a good chiropractor who can look at your back.”
  • “And through this hole you can see what the people in the next room are doing …”
  • “Oh I see, here’s Transylvania – that’d be why you don’t cast a shadow”
  • “This is where everyone else can live.”
  • “This map will have to do – I am using the other one as a tablecloth”
  • “Vladimir, you need a holiday – how about here? And why bother to return?”
  • Lenin finds G-Spot! Top Party officials are overjoyed. Well, some of them.
  • “They call it “Wallpaper” my good man, but the rising damp has caused a calamity of distortion.”
  • “There are also white spots on the carpet and ceiling. Its a mystery.”
  • “That’s not a gulag, Mr Lenin – THIS is a gulag!”
  • Stalin: You can see here where my incompetent fools of mapmakers have arsed-up this map of Europe. Look! You can even tell where Italy is! Lenin: I can’t see anything without my glasses.
  • Stalin tells Lenin: “…5…6..7! I get 200 rubles for passing Go, I own Red Square WITH a hotel on it, so you owe me 500 rubles!” Lenin: “Hmmm. That looks like the Lubyanka to me. I think you need to go straight to Jail and not pass Go…”
  • Prison camp locations.
  • “One day, Vlad, all this will be mine!”
  • “OK the place in the last quiz was about here”
  • No, No, No, Lenin, Dis is not Das Kapital, Das Kapital is over dar.
  • “Look, Vlad. When I’m done, all the Ukrainians will fit into that tiny spot down there.”
  • Lenin – We must bring electricity to all parts of Soviet Union! Stalin – OK, let’s build a nuclear power station…. here, in Chernobyl. If it blows up sometime in future, no problem comrade, there’s already a big blank spot on the map.
  • “C’mon, Vlad. My dacha in Sochi is right here. We’ll have some laughs, some vodka shooters, do a little ethnic cleansing — it’ll be a blast!”
  • JUGASHVILI: “If Doktor Bob doesn’t take his kamera away this instant, I will send him to gulag just about here…” ULYANOV: “Yes, he will give us the quiz with which we will short out his brain circuitry.”
  • Here lies Beersheba (Go the 4th Lighthorse Brigade!)
  • Dr Bob and Former Editor Santa Claus Discussing the Best Place in Russia to Go For a Drive. 1933.
  • “And then, Comrade Vladimir Ilyich, we take Berlin! “
  • Vlad orders Joe to quit stallin’ and tell him how that nasty white spot came to be on his nice new map.
  • Joe shows Vlad where the gecko shit landed, right on top of the marker for the Peoples 58th Pitchfork and Scythe Division.
  • “Oh I see the mistake, I took the enemy attack forces to be trees on this map….there were so many of them ……oh……this is bad…..”
  • “Honestly, Vladimir! Spitballs, and at your age?”
  • “Sure, you can rub my head for luck.”
  • “Spit the gum!”
  • “He was only THIS tall!”
  • “Have you met my good friend?”
  • “Fear not, I shall hunt down and murder the person who threw a nasty great chunk of chewing gum at your favourite map. Might have to do it as a batch job, to be absolutely certain that I get the culprit – do you mind a few million collateral casualties?”
  • “It’s not a tumour”
  • “And this is where Mad Max finally found Toecutter and Annie Entity”
  • “Don’t tell my wife I’m using this.”
  • “Behold! Bigfoot!”
  • “and that my friend, is where babies come from”
  • “A simple drilling procedure conducted here, and we have a hole to fill with your glory sir!” “Say, that gives me an idea…”
  • “Товарищ Лэнин, щто это за бэлое патно на нащей карти? Вчера такого нэ биыло.” (Georgian accent intended) [which translates to a dialect rendering of “Comrade Lenin, what’s this white patch on our map? It wasn’t there yesterday”]
  • “And Billy Butlin’s Holiday Camp just here.”
  • “This is where that Borat lives Vlad. You know, that (very handsome he he)chap getting around looking like me on the telly? He’s very niiice. Yes, yes the one in the mankini, that’s him…………”

Comments

  • A bit tricky,Dr Bob, but I got them all!.
  • Aar out [Damn! Then only ‘dvark is left]
  • Agh good to see an Adolph question in again. Also Vlad and his mate Uncle Joe. We are spoilt aren’t we?
  • Blimey, Dr Bob, one would think you supported communism, the way you keep on about Stalin and PDRK.
  • Ennuie
  • Everybody is special and worthy. Except for those people you want to slap.
  • Hey, what do they call it when comparisons start to include hitler/nazis?? [Reductio ad Hitlerum, or, Godwin’s Law (1990): In any discussion Hitler will eventually be mentioned, ending the thread]
  • I really shouldn’t have done this quiz in my current mood.
  • I won! My life’s purpose has been achieved!
  • If I swear more in my answers, will I still get evicted?
  • Is that picture from the crossover episode of Frasier and Magnum P.I?
  • Mr Bean does it for me. He floats my boat. ooh yeah.
  • Not even 1 where I had the foggiest….
  • Numbers make answer sending hard.
  • Sorry for the latity…late-ism… BEING FRIGGING SLOW!
  • STOP MAKING ME LEARN SO MUCH!!!
  • Thanks Doc!
  • The Qld election will be decided by the time the March quiz is published. Will it be Anna or the Borg? Can Pauline come from behind in Beaudesert or has she fried her last fish? Can Capper crush the chip lady? Will our beloved PM vote at the Nambour High booth or is he too busy stimulating himself in faraway Canberra? The answers to these and other breathless questions will be known by the time you read this…
  • The real answer to Q5 was too easy to find on Wikipedia so I made up a crap Irish joke!
  • Why would Russkies be interested in the whereabout of Toecutter…?
  • Yay questiums.
  • You will be glad to notice I did not google a single answer, nor did I think about them either.
  • You’ve got a thing with Stalin, don’t you? [Well I had, long ago, but he died]
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