Answers for June 2002

For this most Japanese of my quizzes, after much contemplation and a few rounds of pachinko I have identified the following winner:

David Wicks

Tireless factoriser of numbers, several times winner of the “Dr Bob Falls Off His Chair” award and previous winner for Nov 2000. Put it on your resume, David. On second thoughts, maybe not.

Question 1

When Sen-no-Rikyu, master of the tea ceremony, was ordered to commit seppuku by the emperor Hideyoshi, how did he demonstrate his displeasure?


During the progress of seppuku – specifically, after cutting open his stomach but before being beheaded – he pulled out his intestines and coiled them up on a tray, ordering that they be sent to Hideyoshi.

Other Answers

  • A haiku: Dear Hideyoshi / So sorry about the shirt / Tell the laundry: bleach.
  • Actually he didn’t really commit suicide, he was trying to get rid of a stomach ache caused by eating those nasty red bean-curd dumplings. He also stamped his foot, pouted and broke his tea set in a fit of pique.
  • As I recall, he mailed the emperor a letter bomb. [Not far off – the stench would have been pretty powerful]
  • By committing seppuku.
  • By eating lots and lots of eels prior to doing the deed.
  • By serving the emperor boiling tea in a truly bottomless cup. He is said to have laughed even while he was cutting himself up.
  • By singing one of those awful hanson songs
  • He ate the emperor with a nice dessert wine.
  • He didn’t offer Hideyoshi a cookie.
  • He didn’t warm the pot and used teabags instead of leaves and he didn’t turn the pot clockwise three times and then anticlockwise twice….
  • He didn’t, it would be rude to the emperor
  • He dropped his guts – bad pun
  • He expectorated a large globule of phlegm into Mr Hideyoshi’s tea before committing seppuku
  • He informed Hideyoshi that he was, in fact, not the emperor but just a shogun. That got him really riled up.
  • He killed himself.
  • He left the table in disgust and muttered a few nasty words
  • He pissed in the Tea. [I got many answers like this] Emperor, no likey tea, maybe he prefer pee?
  • He put the milk in last with the tea bag still in the cup
  • He rotated the tea cup the wrong way before presenting it to Hideyoshi. Little did Hideyoshi realize that the tea had also been adulterated with a slow acting incurable poison. Sen-no-Rikyu knew he would have the last laugh because that poison would guarantee Hideyoshi’s death within the next 10 to 20 years.
  • He said “I’d rather kill myself than commit seppuku!”, and promptly did so. (Gee, how many times are you going to get this answer?) [Once]
  • He said ‘Fine, here’s some bloody PG Tips!’ and walked out
  • He served from thereon only expresso coffee
  • He used sweeteners in the Emperors tea instead of sugar.
  • He wanted to tell his emperor, “May your teapot turn to plastic and be forever cursed with rancid Earl Grey” but he didn’t have the guts any more.
  • He wrote a poem about having to commit seppuku.
  • He wrote death’s poems (haikus?). Or he cut all the flowers except one. Or he talked about a sword (katana?). Or he asked for a coffee, at least … tea is insane, no-one could know it better than him in that very moment.
  • Imitating “George the First” he “seppuked” all over himself.
  • Not only did Sen-no-Rikyu have the audacity to put Arsenic in the Emperor’s Tea, but he also turned the tea with the wrong hand and forgot to wipe it! Some people!
  • See He held one last, grand, perfect tea ceremony before committing seppuku. However, what is more likely not known is that, to the disgust of his guests, he put an ungutted eel in the teapot beforehand, which, when boiled with green tea, made the brew rancid and stinky. However, the guests, being the extraordinarily polite Japanese they were, kept smiling and bowing and pretending that nothing was in the slightest bit abnormal, and consumed it. And so this traditional recipe has been handed down to the world today, and we know this concoction as “miso soup”. Incidentally, my rudimentary Japanese says “Sen-no-Rikyu” translates as “The sixth Teacher”, but a Japanese translator will no doubt correct me!.
  • Smashed all the tea-sets
  • Stabbed himself with a teaspoon?
  • When performing the tea ceremony to commemorate his own suicide, he served the emperor his special salty yellow tea.

Question 2

Like many Japanese, the author Osamu Dasai committed joint suicide with a lover. What record did he set in so doing?


I don’t know if this was actually a record, but it was his 5th attempt. Three women had already died in joint suicides where Dasai, ever the gentleman, allowed them to proceed first. It is so easy to change one’s mind at these times …. And it must have been hard to get girl friends after those, but still he managed somehow. I bet their mothers worried a lot. A fourth attempt was a complete failure before he succeeded on a fifth try.

Other Answers

  • “First Dr Bob Quiz Question that can’t be lampooned” [Really? Well we’ll see…]
  • Actually, it is a little known fact that Osamu Dasai was famous for two things, not just the one record (which, by the way, was a scratchy 78rpm of ‘We Did It Our Way’). Osamu is better known as the oriental ancestor of the latter-day Osama bin Desai, an unpleasant man who flits between Afghanistan and India terrorising the locals by pissing in bottles and then forcing them at gunpoint to watch him drink it.
  • By being the first to kill themselves using one of those plingy plongy instruments (he hit himself on the head)
  • Closest simultaneous death
  • First joint suicide in a vat full of eels
  • First one done with a homosexual lover
  • He added to the record number of prats who hadn’t heard of the saying: there’s plenty more fish in the sea.
  • He and his lover were secretly fishing for eels to make traditional miso soup from a bridge over a canal. Unfortunately they hooked a really big one and it toppled them over into the canal, where they drowned. Since eels are omnivorous, Dazai and his mistress are now recognised ingredients of miso soup.
  • He was the 1,000,000,000th struggling writer ever to commit suicide and drag his girlfriend down with him.
  • He ate the most number of eels ever eaten by someone about to commit suicide. In fact he broke Sen-no-Rikyu’s record.
  • He committed suicide by joint, a really big one. We are talking a splif the size of a combi van. [Gosh, that might even be dangerous … the fatal dose for cannabis was rules in 1969 to be 1 kilogram, presumably by being dropped from a great height] Man, you couldn’t see the bodies for days from the smoke. The fire brigade went to retrieve the bodies from the fire and were found 30 kilometres away all pretending they were ducks.
  • He had committed suicide with more lovers than anyone else.
  • He was awarded the 1.000.000 th I-kill-myself-and-my-lover stupidity price for killing both instead of only killing his lover staying himself alive for new adventures
  • He was not monagamous, so there were 40 others involved in the “suicide”. I believe Sarin gas was involved too.
  • He was such a miserable bugger, it was his 5th attempt at a double suicide. Got to question his lover who finally went with him – didn’t she see some sort of probable end before she hooked up with him?
  • He was the first one to actually kill himself with the lover. It was sort of hard to stick the lover down his throat.
  • He was the first person to write himself to death.
  • He was the one millionth suicide in the country. Balloons fell from the sky and there was a big party, and the late Osamu won a Hawaiian vacation.
  • I’m glad you asked! He and his lover where the first people in history to commit suicide by eating too much junk food. It took them 20 years but they finally died from eating at McDonalds 3 times a day.
  • It was his 5th attempt at double suicide
  • It was the first time he succeeded in killing both himself and his lover. The previous attempts the girls proved more brave or less clumsy then Osamu.
  • It was the first time seppuku was shown on TV.
  • It was the most recent suicide at the time.
  • Moments before the climax of the suicide party, he set his hifi with the latest Marilyn Manson record for its depressing ambience (actually, it was a CD)
  • Most decibels during a suicide?
  • Most double suicide attempts? I looked the guy up on Google and frankly he is just a tad creepy. Why was he so bad at killing himself, and why did he always bring a friend?
  • Of all the suicide attempts Dazai attempted, this was the first one to succeed. Others were not so successful (??!).
  • Persistence. “Try and retry” galileian method. Fourth attempt, the only one successful… incredible. For me it is hard to convince a girl to have a drink together, and he found four women ready to take seppuku together. [Wasn’t there a girl who said “I’d rather die than be seen with that Piero Fabbri”]
  • Record for balancing balls on ones nose whilst committing suicide
  • Smoked the worlds biggest joint – it takes a lot of THC to overdose
  • The number of joints two people have to smoke to kill themselves?
  • They were the first to suicide using the sharpened bookmark approach recommended by the good bookkeeping guide (1948 edition)
  • Tsushima Shuuji – do I get bonus points for his real name – Dasai is so “uncool” (sorry, puns are hard in japanese). His lover drowned with him (she probably pushed him in, so was it really suicide). All this extraneous crap is to hide the fact that I have no idea what the record was, although it was probably one by Hawkwind.
  • World’s worst wedding reception

Question 3

One hot day in July 1724, the residents of Edo (now Tokyo) were unhappy to note a shortage of eels. Someone had bought all the eels in town. Why did he do this?

Dr Bob’s Answer:

Eels were aphrodisiac, and the very best prostitutes of feudal Edo were really – REALLY – hard to get an appointment with. You had to be interviewed at a neutral location before they would condescend to even let you into their rooms (the prostitutes, not the eels) and you’d have to make several visits, bringing really expensive gifts, before you’d get what you were after. Well, somebody finally did secure an audience (if that is the right word) with one of the best ones in town (prostitute, again … bear with me, the eels will come in a minute) (so to speak). And to celebrate this extraordinarily difficult and amazingly expensive achievement, the lucky winner thought that nobody else ought to be allowed to consume eels on that day. P.S. I have a large quantity of eels to hand at present, does anyone want one?

Other Answers

  • A strange japanese sexual fetish?
  • Because all ‘is shoes ‘ad lost their ‘eels, and ‘e needed new ones.
  • Because he had a yen to do so.
  • Because he was having a party and everyone likes eels and since he was a bit of a loner, this would entice people to come along
  • Dr Bob, sir, please! Does the significance lie in the hotness of the day. [No, but on the following day, our friend probably began to devise ingenious schemes to make propellers, fans, etc from the eels] Like a stroke of lightning, the obvious answer pops to mind: who gives a damn?
  • Early bestiality porno films. Would you eat one after where they had been?
  • Eels are a special summer food in Japan – high energy, low volume foods are very suitable for hot & sticky weather. [Nearly right – it was hot & sticky something else]
  • He so loved eels that he freed them all.
  • He wanted to have himself an “eely” good time.
  • He wanted to see if they glowed [they didn’t, but I ‘m sure he did]
  • He wanted to use the eels to cool himself down. Ack!
  • He was a founder member of the Japanese clan of Greenpeace and set them free, just to piss off everyone else. His descendants would take a similar role with respect to whales.
  • He was building a self-powered massaging raft so he could go and cool down at the beach
  • He was going to set a record for commiting joint suicide by eel
  • He was making eel soup, of course. It was a bad season for whales.
  • He was planning a double suicide in a tank of eels.
  • He was trying to create an artificial shortage so he could drive up the prices. At least that’s what Michael Moore said.
  • He was very thirsty but suffered from a speech impediment. He wanted to buy all the ale in town.
  • He wished to see how many he could fit in a phone booth.
  • Hmm…for the eel-ections?
  • I spent five minute to understand the meaning of “eel”. When at last I recognized the word, I get disgusted. [An eel would probably feel the same way about you.] I refuse to look for a answer. Probably, the mysterious man was an Italian from Comacchio, feeling home’s distance feeling. (Uh, there is a “eel” in “feeling”!) [Evidently the “chi” is not flowing strongly enough in “Comacchio”]
  • It was Osamu Dasai, for the reasons stated above.
  • Japanese radio commercial of the 1700’s – “The Day of the Ox is an eel day. Eels increase your virility and energize you. Eating eels makes you immune to the summer heat”
  • Muraenidaphilia. Sadly, this was before the advent of the internet and he was unable to contact like-minded individuals to discuss technique. As a result, he spent most of his life doing it wrong, which goes some way to explain his need for so many replacement eels.
  • One of the little fishes in the person’s huge pond bit him and in a fit of rage he bought out all the eels in Tokyo and put them in his pond. Fish today have chosen not to learn from this as they still bite the unsuspecting citizen.
  • So he could kill himself by having them eat him.
  • Some weird felching ritual, I presume.
  • The Emperor had found out, that the emperor’s mistress was enjoying eels as vibrators to satisfy her nymphomanic pleasures, but he didn’t like the fish smell in bed so he ordered to get rid of all the eels.
  • This was actually the inventor of sushi, but issues concerning stonefish
  • To begin the stockmarket
  • To create a monopoly in the market of eels used for sexual gratification
  • To create an eel rope reaching all the way across Japan. Needless to say, it all ended in tragedy in those days before effective eel preservation.
  • To make money – by buying all the eels and creating a shortage – he artificially raised the demand (and therefore the price). He then sold his eels making a killing…
  • To start a world-wide industry based on Japanese eel-flavoured tea.

Question 4

The newspaper Asahi sponsored an expedition to the South Pole; when the explorers radioed that they would have to abandon the attempt, what were they ordered to do?

Dr Bob’s Answer:

They were told to leave the men behind and arrange for rescue of the dogs. The newspaper was under new management, who did not quit empathise with the concept of polar exploration. In the event, the men were rescued and the dogs were abandoned. An expedition came the following year to look for the dogs; they found one large dog and many bones.

Other Answers

  • As the explorers were incredibly hungover from the free supplies of Asahi beer that were provided for their trip, they radioed in advising the attempt would be abandoned. The newspaper told them to take a Berocca and soldier on.
  • Being good Japanese, they all decided that coming home would not be honourable so they all suicided. (By Japanese standards that’s a really happy ending!)
  • Bring back lots of eels.
  • Collect some ice to bring back with them
  • Commit seppuku. (I’m only kidding, but it may even be the right answer….)
  • Commit suicide and create a nice design in the snow with their bodies.
  • Devour their rations of frozen eel at once.
  • Eat the radio, in case it fell into American hands.
  • Eels? Suicide?
  • Kill a few of those minke whales. While you’re at it, kill a few more and send ’em back.
  • Goddamn, they at least have to take a photo.
  • Head north
  • Hmm, tough question. Being ordered to commit seppuku is too obvious. So are plays on the word ‘nippy’ in relation to the local geography/weather. They were probably ordered to choke to death by ingesting their load of frozen Asahi beer, a dreadful brew at the best of times.
  • Kill all the whales in their vicinity for “research” porpoises (HA!)
  • Learn to tap dance
  • Move on or freeze, we have already shelled out enough dough for this, finish it or you’ll have to walk home.
  • Rather then admitting defeat, they were told to go out in style: make a last cup of tea, buy some eels, tell a good joke and commit seppuku with their lovers.
  • Sit and wait for the newpaper to come along and interview them on the ice
  • Take a picture of wherever they were, say it was the South Pole and then commit seppuku to conceal the truth. Osamu Dasai and his lover, who happened to be running from the villagers of Edo with arms full of eels, happily obliged. The rest of the explorers made a million dollars selling this story to a rival paper. One explorer remained to take care of the eels.
  • These questions are so depressing.
  • They were ordered to continue, eating the most junior members of the expedition as required, until they reached their goal. By the time they reached the South Pole, the expedition was down to two members, having eaten everyone else. Tragically, neither of the survivors were able to operate the radio to notify Asahi of their success and request transport home. Their frozen, bite-covered bodies were found at the South Pole four years later by a follow-up expedition.
  • They were told NOT to radio again. They had been supplied with enough eels from the previous questions to last the winter, and whales were one-yen-a-dozen down there, surely. A local variant, Adelie penguin miso soup, turned out to be less successful than it seemed at first glance.
  • They were told to report that they DID reach the South Pole and never say otherwise. The Asahi paid a lot of money for the trip and they were not going to be cheated out of success.
  • To commit seppukku. But they didn’t have any bottomless cups so they couldn’t carry this out.
  • To drink all the Asahi beer cans they had taken as proviant and build themselves an Igloo so they could survive the snow storm.
  • To find a place more southern of the South pole, or to commit seppuku. Eaaaaasy…. the verb “to order” is always followed by the noun “seppuku”, in japanese stuff.
  • Wait for a chopper
  • Walk to the NORTH pole, to teach them a lesson about persistence.

Question 5

Why are there comparatively few jokes told by the Japanese?


Because it is difficult to tell jokes between persons of unequal status, and nobody is ever of equal status in Japan.

Other Answers

  • Because behind their inscrutable, unemotional faces, they’re laughing at all occidental people, but are too outwardly polite to contemptuously laugh right at us.
  • Because most jokes are in English.
  • Because the chicken crossed the road and they didn’t have chickens until a little while ago.
  • Because the great part of jokes are based upon tricks about words, and japanese do not have words. I mean, they do not have “real” words…
  • Because the nature of the Japanese language makes double entendres difficult like this one: Woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. So he gives her one.
  • Because they are a very serious people who enjoy pufferfish and Go.
  • Because they are genetic Dullards
  • Because they’re all originally from Germany and have no sense of humour whatsoever.
  • Because you have to have a 5th dan in humour before you are allowed to tell jokes. Lower practitioners are only allowed practical jokes and puns.
  • But there are! We just do not realise when they are joking.
  • Centuries of the careful study by the practioners and devotees of the ceremonial rituals of hahado, led to the discovery of the haiku of underlying truth: “For Divine Joking / There Is One Perfect Punchline / It Is Funny. Laugh.” Once this was known, all jokes were updated to conform with this new ideal. Overnight, anyone who could utter the words “It is funny. Laugh” became a master joke teller. Eventually, people realised that jokes weren’t as good anymore, since everyone knew the punchline. The popularity of joke tellers declined, until finally jokes almost completely faded from Japanese society.
  • Come on, how many jokes can there be about killing oneself?
  • Do you really truly want an answer to this one, Dr. Bob? [No, I was only joking]
  • Japan’s joke of the year 2001. Why did Osamu eat lots of eels before committing suicide? Because the blossoms came late that Spring. Now – would you pay to hear crap like that?
  • Judging by the jokes I’ve heard recently it’s no great disgrace
  • Raw or pickled fish are known to have a detrimental affect on the digestive system, creating pain, gas and discomfort. Add this to rice, and its tendency – if taken for lunch to make you want to doze off mid afternoon means that most Japanese are not only sleepy in the afternoons, but are also irritable from indigestion. Afternoons are usually the peak times to email everybody jokes rather than work and the intestinal miseries of the Japanese stifle this. Once they eat more fast food such as McDonalds and KFC, the world will see a large increase in the amount of joke emails circulated by the Japanese and productivity will decline to rates common throughout the rest of western civilisation.
  • Relatively few jokes? What about the following classic: Q What did the Buddhist Zen master say to the hotdog vendor? A Make me one with everything. Or the classic “So this gaijin walks into a bar….”
  • See I’m not sure where you got this idea from, Dr Bob, but the Japanese have a long and rich tradition of comedy, including the whole gamut of jokes, puns, storytelling, plays and slapstick. The difference is in the public displays of amusement – in the more closed Japanese society, laughter in public among strangers is “impolite” and indicates nervousness or insecurity (or possibly lack of macho) rather than humour. But among friends and family or at the right venue, the Japanese are just as amused by a fart or knob joke as the rest of us! Surely not ANOTHER wrong answer from Dr Bob?
  • Suicide, eels?
  • The highly inflected language makes puns very difficult.
  • The language does not really allow for multiple meanings which is the basic building block of jokes.
  • The third Emperor of China declared that no jokes were to be said for that day on, occasionally a Japanese person with absolutely no honour breaks this tradition. But everyone has slip-up’s now and again, don’t they?
  • There are a lot of jokes told by the Japanese. The jokes just don’t translate well into English, making no sense [or sense of humor] to our sensibilities.
  • They are all about seppuku. And realistically how many jokes could you make about ritual suicides?
  • They can’t laugh and as the language is written backwards they always get the punch line first, which spoils the whole thing.
  • They don’t know any good ones.
  • They hold high respect and might misinterpret a joke.
  • They much prefer practical jokes to verbal ones, like for instance the burning of Nanking or the bombing of Pearl Harbour – wasn’t that fun?
  • They used to have paper doors, so ‘Knock knock’ jokes made no sense whatsoever
  • They weren’t issued any when they became life time members of the Mitsubishi Car Corporation.
  • They’re not very funny…
  • This is a complete surprise given the ability they display to appreciate the ridiculous. You only have to look at any reason they put forward for hunting whales.
  • What is so darned funny about eels in your miso soup? Sen-no-Rikyu thought that it was a fine gag – he probably died laughing!
  • What is there to laugh at in Tokyo, high prices, smog, country in recession, strict social order. Laugh … we haven’t laughed so much since Granny got her tits caught in the wringer.
  • Who says the Japanese tell no jokes? They have been telling the rest of the civilised world their incredible methods of how they got their economy back to world powerhouse size in only a few decades after starting from scratch in 1945, when in fact it’s all hooey. The joke goes like this: (scene in a Tokyo bar, 1964); HIRO: How are we going to stop the Yanks from taking our manufacturing secrets? MATSU: They’ll get them anyway, so let’s tell them a load of rubbish! They’ll buy that since they buy all our cheap plastic toys! HIRO: What sort of rubbish? MATSU: Oh, you know – Just-In-Time, Lean Thinking, Quality Management, downsizing, team building, counselling, mentoring, company songs, all that sort of stuff. HIRO: Great idea! Your shout, by the way.
  • You probably have never been to dinner with japanese customers, they are better joke tellers than any western, they are subtle and not embarrasing, though pretty funny.

Question 6

<Picture of Japanese businessmen> What is happening here?


Not much. The caption for this Melbourne Age picture said that businessmen had been told to take it easy. This caption therefore implied that one could see the process at work in this picture.

Other Answers

  • A group is about to bust out singing “We Are Gentlemen Of Japan” from Gilbert and Sullivan’s “The Mikado.”
  • A group of tourists, expecting to be in Honolulu, find themselves at a railroad museum in Tokyo. Their disappointment is palpable.
  • I used to do the same when I was a child, but my bucket looked different, I remember!
  • I’m not too sure, but I believe it may be a scene from one of those wacky TV gameshows they have over there.
  • It’s a bunch of Mitsubishi Car Corporation workers listening to lunch time comedians-in-the-park.
  • It’s either art or they’re waiting for the train in the background to start again (they’ve been waiting a reeeeeally long time)
  • It’s the eel queue at the Tokyo fish market on a slow day. The bloke at the front right of the picture is whiling away the time by counting all known Japanese jokes on one hand. The other blokes are dreamily contemplating seppuku if he tells any of them.
  • It’s the office party, the damn hotel got double booked. But they didn’t despair, using their thinkers they decided to clog up the sidewalk instead.
  • Japanese men waiting for seppuku
  • Japanese sararimen contemplating eels and suicide.
  • Japanese sararymen with really bad hangovers from the company boozeup are waiting for the 5.00 am train to take them to work next day.
  • Looks like an earthquake has just hit – probably around 7 on the Richter Scale. These happen so often that noone really notices any more.
  • Nothing.
  • people are sitting around waiting for transport
  • People waiting at a train station platform.
  • People waiting for the train
  • Suitcase birthing
  • The 27th National Suitcase Race’s first pile-up
  • The aftermath of Japan’s World Cup loss.
  • The annual Japanese briefcase birthing competition. Points are awarded for quantity together with the ability to look bored. The eventual winner is the older chap on the right who has already produced twins. Note how they are all trying to ignore him in an effort to sway the judges’ vote.
  • The latest in the Porta Potty design. These men are obviously waiting for the Bullet Train and want to get a good seat.
  • The tri-annual “sit on your briefcase looking bored” competition. The guy third from left (Lu-King Bored) is the hot favourite, and won all three contests for two years running.
  • The Yokohama suitcase sitting competition. The last one left wins the car.
  • Their businesses have failed so they are waiting in line to jump under passing trains.
  • These are Japanse skeptics anxiously awaiting Dr Bob’s evaluation.
  • These men have all been kicked out of home by their wives. Being salarymen, they own nothing but suits & suitcases. As they spend 18 hours/day working, they have little knowledge of how to cope with society outside their job. Here they are sitting outside their office at 6am, having been there the whole night, waiting for the doors to open and their life to resume.
  • These people are all covering their lower parts because Sen-no-Rikyu has served them tea.
  • They are all busting to go to the toilet
  • They are businessmen who have been “rightsized” by the new Japanese economy. However they cannot bear the ignominy of having no job to go to each day, so they dress in business clothes and leave home every morning, sit here in the park, and then go home again at night, just like they did when they were “wrongsized”. They fervently hope that they will remain anonymous in the huge crowds and that family and friends won’t see them, and that the call on their mobile telling of a new job will come soon. So this picture is NOT HELPFUL!
  • They are hatching out mini me’s
  • They are professional eel-smugglers waiting for the train in the background to get up steam and leave for the Antarctic. They are attempting to outsmart the Tokyo police (appearing on the left, sans coats), who think the eels are in the suitcases. In fact, they are in the smugglers’ overcoat pockets.
  • They’re waiting for the eel merchant, so they can get a good feed before heading home to commit seppuku.
  • This is one of the monthly meetings of the Yokohama Luggage Breeders Association. Shown here is the incubation portion of the meeting, where the briefcase eggs are traditionally hatched.
  • Too easy! This is a picture of SL Hiroba (a steam locomotive) in steam locomotive square in Shinbashi Japan Railway station, about 10 minutes from Ginza area, Tokyo. The locomotive is a real one but now is just for display. People meet each other here because SL is an easy mark to find. It is also a famous place to make a speech to an audience (sort of like speaker’s corner in London). The people sitting are either waiting for someone (meeting place) or maybe listening to the speech, etc.
  • Very little.
  • Waiting a free box (one cubic meter) to take a nap in those incredible hotels? Protesting for a seventyfive seconds late of the Nagoya-Kamamura shinkansen? [which is very unlikely, even impossible] Imagining an error in cha-no-yu at five o’clock? Committing seppuku by holding breath? Administration council of Panasonic during earthquake?
  • Waiting for McDonalds to open? No, uh, waiting to be deported? Uh, waiting for the first Japanese joke to be published?
  • Waiting for the used panties vending machine to be fixed.
  • What’s not! It’s the 51st annual lunchtime meeting of Japan’s most boring accountants. I know what you’re going to say, of course there would be many more of them, but these guys are in fact the most boring of entire Japanese accounting industry. I believe this photo shows them discussing the impact of the GDP of Mali on sugar production in Cuba.


  • All of the above answers are pure guesses and were answered from bottom to top.
  • Are the yellow devils invading Australia AGAIN, or what does this suspicious amount of Japanese questions indicate?
  • Beer for One – better than tea for Two
  • Bob-san, I think we awr know what you did on your horidays. (Don’t tell us you were working, we won’t berieve it)
  • Cool trivia about Iceland [Well, most things about Iceland are pretty cool]
  • Do I sense a Japanese theme here?
  • Doctor Bob has gone to Japan to lose his sense of humour, drink tea and frolic in the ocean with the whale off cuts.
  • Everyone knows the sound made by two hands clapping, but which is the sound of a single hand? [Right or left? … no – the one in the middle?]
  • First time i take this and dont really know how to respond
  • Ha, tricked you, I in fact did NOT look up any of the answers, I made them all up. I know it is pretty difficult to tell from the superb quality of my results, but sometimes my mind can produce the goods when necessary!
  • hedgehog
  • Hey Mr Bob, as it is probably obvious I had absolutely no idea what I was talking about.
  • Hi Dr. Bob!
  • Hi again Dr Bob!
  • I can only hope that this will be the last of the all-Japanese quizzes. Bring back Hitler! [The story goes that someone found him in Argentina and asked him to come back to Germany. He thought for a while then said – OK I’ll do it, but there will be no more Mr Nice Guy]
  • I can’t remember how I found this site, but tonight I finally read through some of your quiz answers. Laughed until I cried!! Thanks for a great way to while away an evening. I’ll be back, and maybe even one day get up the nerve to try to answer a question or two.
  • I just sent 50.000 dollar by mistake to Hong-Kong. Please advise how to get it back. [Oh that’s easy. Send me your bank account details and signature, and I’ll arrange to have it paid in]
  • If I don’t win, I’m going to kill myself.
  • If you haven’t guessed, I don’t like miso soup. Perhaps you can see now, after my extensive research, why I hold this view. My taste-buds may be on the top of my tongue, but when miso soup gets near, they retreat to somewhere about my pancreas.
  • If you select me this month I PROMISE I will return the negatives of you and those blonde triplets. Available to others at $29.95 per set – the photos, not the ladies.
  • I’ll take a wild guess that Dr. Bob has gone to Korea for the cheap hotel prices after the World Cup.
  • Is Aung San Suu Shi a persecuted Japanese political leader?
  • It’s so much simpler and easier to make smart-ass answers to your questions than actually research them. Sayonara!
  • Needs more soy sauce.
  • Nice questions, look forward to July
  • Silly questions, Dr Bob!
  • So, not being a tiny bit Japan-oriented at all here?
  • Sorry about all the stupid eel answers. I was tired of pretending to be smart by looking up the answers on the Internet.
  • sumimasen dr bob-san i frink i frucked up
  • This was no fun this week, can we find a happier bunch of people to crap on about next month. Maybe Koreans, now, those dudes like to party.
  • Why the obsession with suicide and eels?
  • You know, in a perfect world, even just mentioning my answers would be illegal…
  • Your funny [Funny what? Bone? Cular railway?]
  • Your web site was the only one in the Google index with the term femtofortnight. Thought you might like to know that my web site will become the second. [Actually, the third, after and – sorry about that]