Answers for May 2002

Late answers as I was overseas. One terrific hotel I was placed in had 13 restaurants! But it turned out to be hell on earth – the meals were like $400 each. The next place I nearly went to had football that day – England v Argentina to be precise – so I was pleased to return and find coffee at less than $8, Penfolds at under $1000 a bottle and a WINNER from my own home city:

John Bourke


Question 1

What was Ms Brownie Wise’s contribution to the development of Tupperware®?

Corporate Answer

  • She was a key figure in the design and implementation of a stylised product sales and marketing system, within the context of organised ‘home parties’ in the 1950s, which, according to some: “sold a kind of organised female solidarity, an exclusion of men that was empowering in itself and, for some, embryonic economic independence. This was not merely catching the spirit of the times – this was pinning it to the floor and extorting money from it”. (www.modelreasoning.com/review5.html)
  • The product did not sell because air got entrapped in the containers, but Brownie Wise discovered a technique of ‘burping’ the containers. This meant that Tupperware® could not be sold off the shelf, it had to be demonstrated, so she hosted an event that we now know as the dreaded home party; sales took off and have never stopped. The company chairman’s office ought to have a dignified oil painting of this event, with choirs of angels, etc.
  • Don’t be stoopid, be a smartie – come to my Tupp-ER-ware Party.
  • A bizarre speech impediment that gave it it’s name
  • A very sensible & thoughtfully shaped container she thought of to put those chocolate topped cookies in.
  • Brownie expanded and refined the home party plan sales model, without which we would have no Amway, lingerie or adult toy parties. I mean, what would life be like if you couldn’t have an excuse get the girls around to have jelly-texture-black-sparkley-dolphin-spinning-core-three-pronged-delux-10-incher races across the kitchen table. You have to admire the engineering that goes into one of those. [Yes I know I should, but I never seem to have time when the opportunity arises]
  • Brownie Wise invented the Tupperware Party, thus popularising it. If she wasn’t already dead, I’d be plotting to assassinate her, or at least campaigning to have her tried in the Hague for crimes against humanity. The mass marketing and popularisation of tupperware facilitated a revival in the preparation of hideous concoctions of leftovers, including my mother’s particular take on ‘bubble & squeak’ (even our notoriously unfussy dogs were reluctant to eat it) which on occasions included leftover leftovers. [Oh you had leftovers! Sheer luxury – just think what I would have given for some leftovers. All we had was … etc]
  • Brownie Wise was looking for a way to pay for her son’s sex re-assigment surgery and hit upon the idea of door-to-door sales! Armed with before and after photos of her son (now daughter), she knocked on doors and began her sad story. People were so eager to get rid of the woman that they bought the tupperware stuff immediately so that she would leave. After massive protests to the company, Brownie was told to sell the stuff in the privacy of her own home.
  • Her speech impediment helped name the product. She was a tup dancer who got some tups of the Tup Dogs and thought she could go all the way to the tup. (read the rest! they get better! really!)
  • Hmmm, a toughie to start with this month. Let’s do some analysis. For starters, to “tup” is to copulate with a ewe. [Readers please note: this answer comes from Queensland; read on at your peril]. “Per” is a preposition meaning “for each”. And “wares” are things of the same kind that are stored in (ware)houses. Fine. So Ms Wise’s contribution was to develop products that are bought by sheeplike people who are screwed by salesfolk and who subsequently store (as opposed to ‘use’) Tupperware in each house across our wide brown land.
  • In 1813, Ms Brownie Wise, a 12 year old school girl from southern Texas, put pen to paper, and produced the first known instance of the letter “R” enclosed within a circle. She produced this design to be used by her father, Brownie Wise Sr, for branding cattle on his ranch, the “Registered Trademark Brown Cow Farm”. Without this remarkable achievement, neither Tupperware®, Silly Putty®, Post-it®, Velcro®, Piggly Wiggly® nor any other registered phrase would be possible today. [And Robert Louis Stevenson would not have written Treasure Island: ® Jim lad]]
  • It must have been quite a shock to all her friends when they came over to her place, expecting to get drunk and chat up complete strangers at her party, and she sat them all down and tried to sell them plastic goods.
  • Ms Brownie Wise unwisely invented Tupperware® parties, one of which starts somewhere in the world every 2.5 seconds, according to the official Tupperware® website. [That one must be a hell of a party.] This is a truly alarming statistic, equating to 1.26 million such parties per earth per year .. and more in a leap year. Thankfully, most of these are held in America and other third world countries.
  • Ms Wise and the product inventor, Mr Tupper, were responsible for inventing the first successful example of home marketing, the Tupperware party. Ms Wise was able to brainwash middle American housewives in to parting with substantial amounts of cash for cheap plastic containers which, instead of throwing out “left-overs” straight away after a meal, enabled the housewife to store left-overs in a nice airtight container before throwing them out three weeks later.
  • Nope. I can’t think of anything remotely funny to put here. [Do you have anything in those containers in the fridge that might do?]
  • Putting Hash Brownies into the Tupperware containers, and, several weeks later, conducting quality control tests on their freshness.
  • She coined the use of the word “burp” to describe letting air out to create a seal.
  • She contributed the brownies to save in the tupperware box.
  • She decided she was getting a bit old so she stuffed herself in a giant Tupperware container. She had no airholes to breathe of course and promptly snuffed it, but gee she looks as good today as when she climbed into the bowl.
  • She made the first snack that was to go into the container and was going to last forever (now where did she hide the cookies?)
  • She had a plastic personality. This is now a requirement for all tupperware presenters.
  • She invented the air tight lid that keeps in moisture & helps preserve favour. [And, optionally, flavour]
  • She invented the tupperware party, and the cult of multi-level marketing as psychotherapy. Supposedly she was eventually fired for her bizarre self-promotion.
  • She invented the vacuum seal lid.
  • She managed to convince Mr Tupper that he didn’t have the silliest name.
  • She perfected the Tupperware Party, for which she later became a vice president of the company. The key ingredient for making sales seems to have been the liberal application of alcohol to the target audience. To this day, most T.P.s are segregated by gender to minimize the potentially embarrassing consequences of losing one’s inhibitions.
  • She REALLY REALLY liked the fact that Tupperware existed and so bought the first rectangular model. Or not.
  • She suggested to Mr. Tupper that he make his tupperware containers in different sizes, because not everyone baked christmas cakes the same size as Mrs Tupper.
  • She was the first person to dig up the “Tupper” that is used to make the “Tupperware”
  • She was the first woman to force her friends to sit through a 3 hour long demonstration of plasticware in a feeble attempt to boost her household income. She is now the most hated woman in the world because of it.
  • She was the inventor of the Tupperware party! The Australian version of the Tupperware Party – the Liberal Party – also went on to market its plastic products very successfully. (Well how else do you explain John Howard or Bronwyn Bishop’s Hairdo?)
  • She was the original Party Monster.
  • She was the woman who refined the Tupperware party into the auto-da-fé that it is today.
  • That heartless woman, Brownie Wise, invented the Tupperware party, thus cynically exploiting the desperate social deprivation of housewives.
  • The creation of intelligent pastries that would willingly submit to being eaten (shades of Al Capps schmoos)! (Dr. Bob, if you hadn’t put those “R’s with circles around them” after all the brand names, would the manufacturers have sued Australian Skeptics?)
  • The fantastic colour range of orange and poo brown
  • The shape of the larger containers was based upon her prolapsed uterus. Sorry for this really gross answer but who knows, it could be true! [Well I once designed an improved hot dog sausage … anyway, moving right along … ]
  • The terrible home-parties for selling stuff. She was a genius in marketing, especially for the husbands… free, at least, to go to the pub without special excuses.
  • The Tupperware party! Woo hoo! Now if only they could have confined that sales approach to Tupperware.
  • The Tupperware Party. Its phenomenal success led to the Tupperware company foregoing all other means of marketing. So the only way you can get Tupperware now is by hosting an excruciatingly boring tea-party with loads of housewives who are interested in plastic. Actually, come to think of it, just add peanut oil and you have the makings of a fine orgy! Perhaps Mrs Wise was onto something there…

Question 2

Silly Putty® was provided on NASA spacecraft for two purposes – one was to hold things down; what was the other?

Answers

  • “To relieve boredom”. Imagine, balls of Silly Putty® bouncing around the inside of the Shuttle and ricocheting off the buttons, turning the music on and off, dumping hot meals from the food machine, wiping the windscreen, firing up the retro rockets and activating the ejector seat – certainly not much danger of boredom. It is tempting to speculate that Silly Putty® was actually developed as part of the NASA programme, which would make it one of the more useful spin offs (And that the recipe was given by space aliens, but that this information has been withheld by the CIA. But the truth will come out when we discover the aliens’ home planet, which is made entirely of Silly Putty® and thus follows a very curious orbit around its star).
  • It was used for an onboard experiment designed by schoolchildren to examine its deformation properties in a weightless state.
  • It was supposed to be available to the astronauts to play with to relieve the boredom, or as a kind of worry bead substitute. Presumably the Powers That Be thought that having a bit of Silly Putty to mangle and tear rather than strangling the irritating bastard who hummed tunelessly or sang the same country & western song over and over again would be less hazardous to the successful completion of the mission. Decades later, an attempt to repair a fuel tank O-ring on the space shuttle ‘Challenger’ with Silly Putty had disastrous consequences.
  • Silly Putty? Only two purposes? Come off the grass Dr. Bob, the stuff is good for: 1. holding things down. 2. rolling in a ball or flattening out – good space exercises. 3. writing bouncing cheques on – great for sending bank managers into orbit. 4. eating instead of standard NASA tucker if you’ve got the trots (a big worry in space) – adds glue to your poo. 5. throwing at Martians to distract them as you land…the list goes on…
  • A little known fact. The Tasmanian tree climbing dog will only lay its eggs in a nest made of old kerosene tins. This explains why questions on Silly Putty are ridiculous.
  • A toy to play with, to keep morale up. There they were, in a little metal container surrounded by the infinite vacuum of endless space, and they needed a toy to keep them occupied. Any sane person would be curled up in the foetal position, paralysed with terror. Or playing charades.
  • An emergency source of food.
  • As an experiment to measure the viscosity of the putty itself under zero-gravity. Even sillier that John Glenn’s purported reason for his trip; to measure 90-minute day/night cycles on a 70year-old man. They could have rented a motel and shut the curtains every 90 mins (according to Dr Robert Park, anyway)
  • As an experimental subject from a group of High School Students “…the other experiment, SPLAT, will study the effects of the space environment on physical characteristics such as texture and composition, elasticity, image transfer capability, and bounceability of silly putty.” It also gives the astronauts something to play with when they get bored….
  • Astronaut: “Silly putty? What’s this silly putty doing here AAAAUUGGHHH!! IT’S GOT ME!!! HELP!! MAYDAY MAYDAY!!!”
  • Ear plugs?
  • Emergency Air Leak Sealant
  • For Close Encounters of a Sticky Kind
  • For the Astronauts to dangle from there nose’s as bugger jokes
  • For the astronauts to use in their small amount of free time. They would throw it at each other and when it hit it would explode, hehehe
  • foreplay
  • Ha! Trick question! Since the craft are in space, there is no “down” to hold things to. (Either that, or they did some lame experiment on the effects of space on Silly Putty elasticity and longevity: SPLAT! “Did it stick?”)
  • To hold things up… if ya know what I mean!
  • In space, no-one can hear how bored you are.
  • It was there to seal a leak….to prevent their air from leaking out into space.
  • It’s a mixture of boric acid and silicone oil, I’m not surprised the yanks find it in some way useful for their spacecrafts. I’m going to hypothesis that the astronauts use it to relieve stress.
  • Just two purposes?! There were a few more purposes – it was to be used: To repair oxygen tanks (which obviously didn’t work); as a rudimentary but effective autopilot; to prevent anal leakage after too many off space-food sticks or rough anal (once it’s out, it’s very hard to catch); and latterly NASA has been sending up silly putty for incredibly important research in experiments designed by third graders.
  • On Apollo 8, ‘To alleviate boredom.’ I guess cutting an apple and watching it turn brown was too tricky.
  • Plugging the holes and holding the bloody spacecraft together. Remember that the Spacecraft were made by the lowest bidder and with the quality control made famous on the Jeep and Boeing aircraft, I am surprised it is not made of string and paper.
  • To provide amusement for the crew.
  • Silly Putty was perhaps used to seal up any cracks or minor hull breaches? To clean dust and grit from surfaces? To copy print from newspapers and reports and reproduce them on a new sheet of paper (a Xerox machine would have been too heavy?) To keep their hands occupied and thus prevent seriously extended bouts of masturbation during the long flight? To see in the dark (if it was glow in the dark Silly Putty)?
  • Silly Putty was sent to space by school children as an experiment.
  • So astronauts who need to uh, break wind, can pretend, when other astronauts look around accusingly, that they were just squeezing trapped air out of the Silly Putty.
  • So the astronauts would have something to play with. Space is very boring.
  • The descriptions on the instruments were all backwards just in case the Russians got hold of the spacecraft before it was launched. Just in case the astronauts forgot how to use the instruments they simply had to take a silly putty impression of the description and read it.
  • The direction “down” does not exist in space, therefore this question is invalid. Please try again.
  • The experiment, SPLAT, will study the effects of the space environment on physical characteristics such as texture and composition, elasticity, image transfer capability, and bounceability of silly putty.
  • The other purpose was to hold things up. An unforeseen side benefit was to give the astronauts something to play with when they’re bored as they’re not allowed to have sex in space. (I have space in my sex life, mostly measured in months).
  • The other reason was to entertain the crew when they were bored, in much the same way as plasticene® entertains children.
  • The same purpose it has on Earth. To play with.
  • The second purpose was medical, for even the most rigorous training cannot fully prepare one for spaceflight. It is common knowledge that on average 1 on 4 astronauts will suffer from crippling nausea when first entering microgravity conditions. What is less well known is that approximately 1 in 5 will suffer from explosive diarrhea. As the hygiene issues are bad enough without this, Silly Putty® is employed as a temporary stopgap measure.
  • to be (plain) silly
  • To block any little gaps round the windows to stop draughts.
  • To entertain the astronauts by enabling them to take ink impressions off of color comics and stretch and contort them.
  • To hold things up, like mainly their willies, when the astronauts wished to widdle.
  • To hold things up…and sideways…and anywhere at all, really. Astronauts were inadvertently stuck to the loo, walls and, as a joke, to their sleeping bags by their naughty cabin mates. What a jolly lot they are!
  • You will notice the inverse proportion of silly putty use and apollo 13 type events.
  • To hold things up? All I could find is that it was used to secure tools. It has many other fun uses…keeping the Apollo 8 crew from getting bored might have been one of them. Or perhaps squishing it was an early form of the “stress ball” or as a quick fix for something.
  • To keep the astronauts amused obviously. When you are up there for days or weeks (or even months and years these days) boredom can be a problem as can other urgings. Giving the astronauts silly putty to play with keeps their hands busy thus solving both problems.
  • To keep the astronauts busy and away from the controls of the various devices they use.
  • To make pretend boogers for the amusement of the crew during those long earthlit nights
  • to plug leaks … er … that should read “to plug potential leaks.”
  • To prevent gases from leaking. By the way, they changed their brand of putty shortly before the Challenger Explosion. That’ll show them something about brand fidelity…
  • To seal micro fractures in the craft create by particles of space dust.
  • Two special experiments, BLAST & SPLAT (Bubble Lab Adds Science and Technology & Silly Putty Longevity and Adaptability Testing). I do not care about the experiments, but if Norma Boakes is the creator of the acronyms, she’s a genius.
  • Well, according to http://www.c3f.com/nty1015.html, NASA spokesperson, Rebecca Kramer, stated that, “There’s a lot of bogus mythology about plutonium. A lot of stories that just aren’t true. Plutonium is really like Silly Putty or a slinky and can be safely eaten in large quantities by people of all ages. It is used in the glue that sticks advertisements for vodka on tomatoes. And, certainly, nobody’s ever died from a hand-squeezed Bloody Mary.” So, I guess that means they probably ate it.
  • Well, when you’re in zero gravity, even passing bodily gasses through the anus will cause you to fly around and bump your head. The silly putty (item #1) is to stop this flow (turn to appendix 4 section 67 for detailed instructions of how to insert)

Question 3

What was the original purpose for which Post-it® notes were invented?

Answers

  • To mark the place in a hymn book so that the organist could find the right tune. Obviously divine help is not what it used to be – one could expect the Finger of God to appear and not only mark the place, but also to turn the pages. Or that the organ music would be provided on two stone tablets. The 3M company could claim that Post-it® notes were invented under divine guidance (or, more correctly, under the lack thereof).
  • To provide temporary anchoring to bookmarks, such as those which marked the songs on a program during boring hymn services.(web.mit.edu/invent/www/inventorsA-H/frysilver.html)
  • Toilet paper you don’t have to hold on to.
  • To keep yellow bits of paper together
  • Some god-botherer with a penchant for looking for loophole in the Christian User Manual (Bible) had discovered a possible loophole in the living forever thing where he didn’t have to die first. In order to make sure that no one else knew about it he came up with a piss-weak glue that would hold the little sticky bits where he needed them. Of course with typical Post It note quality, when he was about to cark it, he waved his User Manual at the figure of death and all the post it notes fell out.
  • Originally they were intended to replace band-aids but the bloke with the glue gun could never cover the entire sheet of paper. Eventually the marketing guys managed to convince a generation of buyers that it made sense to write user-ids and passwords onto a piece of paper and stick said paper to the device the user-id and password was supposed to protect.
  • Post-it notes were invented to remind absent minded postal clerks to reject mail without stamps.
  • Post-it notes were meant for the purpose they currently have. The glue used on them has undergone a 180 degree turn, however.
  • Post-it® notes were invented in feudal Japan, during the late 13th century, by an organisation whose name loosely translates as “Happy Mercenary Blossom Martial Arts Supplies”. This was an organisation which specialised in providing the necessary equipment for a professional samurai. At the time, a samurai’s training taught that strength and aggression could only bring about a half victory. Complete success required also an embracing of honour and beauty. A popular conduit for beauty lay in the ancient art of folding paper, origami. The proprietors of Happy Mercenary Blossom realised that since frequently all that stood between an honourable victory and ritual disembowelling were a few paper swans, there was a need for a method for both safe storage of and instant accessibility to squares of paper. A small stack of paper was lightly glued together, and submitted for testing. Initally, the system worked well, granting the possessor a significant edge in combat beauty. The project was eventually abandoned.
  • Mrs Fry went was off to visit her sick mother and found the Post-It notes very handy for labelling the frozen dinners, the underpants and socks etc that her husband would need. His story was something about bookmarks in church but we wives know better.
  • To enable us to write down and remind ourselves of a lot of things that we would otherwise have had to memorize or scratch down on torn paper slips.
  • The inventor told everyone that they’d be useful as bookmarks that wouldn’t damage the pages of his hymn book, but actually he wanted some way of putting little signs like “I’m an arrogant twat” on his boss’s back.
  • Silver wanted to market the adhesive as a spray, or as a surface for bulletin boards on which temporary notices could be easily posted and then removed
  • They were to be used to stick all over every object in the UN in various languages.
  • For marking the right pages in a songbook. I have never seen Cradle of Filth having such problems. [And while playing “Cthulhu Dawn” there isn’t time to turn the pages anyway] Which proves again that the devil does have the better music.
  • To overcome the abundance of yellow paper in north america
  • To replace the use of Tipp-Ex when editing text on computer displays.
  • A bookmark that would stay in place, and do you know who came up with the idea? An Iowan! An Iowan, do you hear me? You are all in Iowa’s debt! Kneel, son of Jor-El! Kneel before Iowa! *maniacal laughter*
  • One could say that the purpose was invented before the notes. Dr. Spence Silver had developed the ‘unsuccesful’ adhesive for 3M corp. After hearing of the glue, Art Fry … Well, let him tell it in his own words: “I can remember the aggravation when it was time to stand up and sing in my church choir, only to find that the little piece of paper that I used to mark the music had fallen out, making me fumble about, trying to find the right page. This was followed by a dull sermon and my mind was wandering back to the music problem when I had one of those “flashes of insight”: Eureka! I think I could make a bookmark, using Dr. Silver’s adhesive, that would stick and remove without damaging the book. “The next day at work, I gathered paper and adhesive and prepared samples of the bookmark.”
  • Well, the post-it notes weren’t invented for any purpose. The adhesive was a flop, it was supposed to actually stay stuck. Someone just happened to notice it was removable and didn’t leave a mark and stayed sticky so could be reused when it was placed on some scrap paper. Hence the invention of the post-it note.
  • To stick paper airplanes to the walls of the space station between rounds.
  • To mark pages in a bible or songbook with little removable sticky bits of paper. The glue for the sticky notes was invented in a serendipitous way as the inventor was trying to create an extremely strong bonding glue.
  • To mark pages in a hymnal. Apparently, the inventor was unfamiliar with that other piece of modern technology, the “bookmark.”
  • As a page marker for hymn books. The inventor was keenly religious and attended sung services regularly.
  • Cheating in origami tournaments. A complete failure, with a pretty nice (by a commercial point of view) side-effect. Is there a side effect in this quiz, Dr. Bob?
  • The same one that they have now…to write stupid little memos and stick them all over friends bodies while they sleep and then when they wake up they’re all like…oh, that’s what i need to do…
  • To put on your ‘letters to be sent’, so your spouse would remember to mail them
  • To decorate office stationery, PC’s, walls – any boring surface.
  • The transmission of chain letters.
  • The lord needed to keep track of his instructions in his copy of “Every deity can sing a universe into being” during the creation dreaming. To track hymns
  • To make MMMoney.
  • Ask their inventers Romy and Michelle (popular culture reference).
  • They were invented? I thought they had existed from time immemorial.
  • “hey did i send out my credit card bill? damn it! late again” To Quote “post-it note guy”
  • Arthur Fry had too much time on his hands and was easily frustrated (page markers for his hymn book as the slips of paper he used kept falling out) Talk about overkill.
  • To remind God botherers that homosexuality is evil! Why else would they page mark their bible.
  • Office age fig leaf.
  • As a bookmark which wouldn’t slip out of place. When used in conjunction with a fridge or a computer screen, Post-It Notes are now the most popular form of non-verbal communication, allegedly. Why talk to your partner when you can say it all in two sentences and stick it to the door of the fridge?
  • It originated because of a boardroom game of “Guess who I am?” In an effort to cut down on supply costs, specifically of sticky tape, the masterminds at 3M created a self adhesive note paper that they could draw on and easily stick and re-stick to the player’s forehead.
  • The scientist as 3M were looking to make a stronger adhesive and instead created a weaker adhesive. They tried several ideas, like a book mark that stayed but did not damage the page until they came up with the idea of a temporary note.
  • To use as loo paper in outdoor dunnies that had no nail to hold torn-up pages from the Sydney Morning Herald. One simply stuck the Post-it notepad directly to the wall and peeled sheets as required.
  • For reminding Alzheimers patients of (and teaching foreign language students) the names of their own body parts.
  • Decoration.
  • Malice?
  • To annoy. They remain a huge success at that.
  • Now, if God had wanted us to sing hymns, he would have created hymnbooks with Post-it included, wouldn’t he?

Question 4

What is unusual about the Velcro® used for ammunition boxes?

Real Answer:

  • Lest the eye-watering, ripping noise it normally makes wake up sleeping enemy soldiers, Velcro manufactured for ammunition boxes is completely soundless. Thus, the goodies (us) can load up our rifles whilst they (everyone who is not our ally) slumber on, blissfully unaware that they are about to be blasted into eternity.
  • Normal Velcro® makes a sound when it is opened or closed, which could be seriously detrimental to your health if you are closely adjacent to some Taliban terrorists. (Is that a tautology?). Hence ammo box velcro is silent, made so by incorporating some sort of stealth technology which I can’t tell you about because it’s secret. I use stealth technology when I fart in lifts.
  • it doesn’t make that sound – you know “skreeerch!!”- when you pull the two parts apart. This helps when big game hunters are tracking the ferocious deer, so as not to disturb their prey.
  • It is not called Velcro, heaven forbid that the military (whose love for acronyms goes well beyond what would be considered normal for any sane people) are expressly forbidden from using any comemrcial product or name. So all manuals state that Velcro must be called “Hook and Pile Fastener”. Thats what it says in the manuals, the military personnel call it Velcro. Which only goes to show that people at the top have no base whatsoever in reality.
  • It’s silent. Last thing you want while sneaking up on the enemy is a noisey ammunition box, although the velcro on a golf glove can be very useful to distract an opponent making his shot.
  • It is very quiet so it does not set off the ## BOOM ##

Answers that are Neither Confirmed Nor Denied:

  • I guess Velcro is normally white and the version used on ammo boxes is camouflage coloured?
  • Its designed to hold up to earthquakes, and hold up well in warm environments
  • Its made to stay stuck at high temperatures.
  • Mounting devices to the frame should be done using strong velcro. In order to be interchangeable, this means that the hook-and-loop style fasteners should be used, as opposed to other styles. (This is so we can swap hardware out in the field, if needed, and not worry about how to keep the new piece from bouncing around inside the box.) The “Loop” part goes on the insert, and the “Hook” part goes on the equipment. If you’re wondering about my improvements in english, that’s only because I cut&paste all the previous phrases.
  • Gee, google throws up some unusual sites – I do wonder about people sometimes.
  • Being purchased through the military supply chain, it costs around $400 per square inch, instead of the usual $0.27.
  • I looked this up but was still puzzled. Velcro is used to customised ammo packs and enable instant-access replacement belts for many weapons (just one example is; http://www.geocities.com/equipmentshop/pab.htm) but there does not seem to be anything “unusual” about it. Maybe if we increased the currently abysmal level of government spending on weapons we could avoid our troops having to improvise – that was your point, wasn’t it?
  • They replaced the farting noise you usually get from velcro with a high pitched scream which, they hoped, would save on ammunition by frightening the “end-users” of the ammunition.
  • That’s a stupid question! How else are you supposed to scratch your back in the middle of getting shot at!
  • They use special fire-retardant material. The main reason that velcro is used at all though is that the average American redneck finds anything more complex to difficult to use.
  • It’s earthed so that the static electricity generated when the Velcro is separated does not ignite the explosives within.
  • The putrid smell.
  • It is secretly a pacifist.
  • It doesn’t produce static electricity.
  • It doesn’t produce any sparks when used
  • It’s bright pink, cause the guys using them are fashion concious
  • They’re the only Velcroes available in Olive Green 106. Which doesn’t bother me as it is a nasty color anyway. But WAY better than the universe (Off – White, Yuck.)
  • I could not find this at all. I found lots of weird things while searching, so might as well share. I learned that ammunition boxes (the little cardboard ones bullets come in) apparently have just the right sized holes to be used as cheap test tube racks. And I also learned it’s really frightening the full assortment of weaponry one can purchase over the internet. The only thing I might guess, after venturing about the Velcro website, which basically just kept ending every sentence with “contact us”, is that it may be made from one of the other materials, such as polyester, that is better suited for outdoor applications than the traditional nylon variety.
  • Now, there must be an answer to this one but for some reason, I don’t care. Should I care?
  • If it’s made by the army it probably doesn’t stick. It also probably only comes in green.
  • I started looking on Google for this, but ended up on such depressing sites I gave up.
  • Because of its slight abrasive qualities, it is designed to be used as a pull-through to clean the bores of small arms and light sub-machine weapons.
  • Fluffy so it doesn’t give off sparks.
  • It’s made in luminescent orange, which makes it a good target for enemy soldiers at night.
  • I’m guessing here, but I’d say that it’s manufactured from a compound that doesn’t give rise to static electricity. Since when do they have velcro on ammo boxes, anyway? I have memories of great big nasty metal clips that would bite unwary fingers, but then I’m an ancient SLR vintage girl. What next, plastic hand grenades? Next thing, you’ll be telling me that they don’t teach trebuchet field maintenance anymore. I dunno, kids these days, oh, pass us the pig grease, Boadicea, that bloody chariot axle is squeaking again.
  • The velcro had a T shaped hook.
  • They were gunner make it but the ^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H, sorry but I have no idea
  • It has exploding metals at the ends of the plastic coils
  • It’s extremely expensive. To meet all (U.S.) military requirements, it costs over $1000 per foot, making it more expensive than the weapon with which it is used. It is also a little inconvenient, in that it comes in separate hook-only/loop-only strips, so you have to make sure you have both types and you put the right one in the right place, but you do get your choice of decorative shades of khaki and drab.
  • It is earthquake and heat resistant.
  • It is camouflaged.
  • It is backwards when viewed from the other side.
  • It isn’t, at least in the army I was conscripted to.
  • It doubles as a weapon. If your gun jams, you can wrap the velcro around a bullet and whip it at your enemy.
  • Some grunts are actually smart enough to figure out how to use it.
  • It is always found on or very close to ammunition boxes.
  • It’s lot a better than the screws that held the ammo boxes closed at Isandhlwana, being as forgetting the screwdrivers won’t have lethal consequences.
  • It is “dustless” so that it does not accumulate propellant powder, and thus become dangerous in case of flash ignition from nearby firing.
  • It’s explosive

A Good Idea

  • It’s childproof.

Question 5

In 1916 the world’s first self-service supermarket was opened in Memphis, Tennessee and the chain is still operating. Why was the name Piggly Wiggly® chosen for the store?

Answers

  • Acccording to Clarence Saunders, the founder, so that people (including you) would ask questions about it.
  • The owners rightly believed that the idea had grunt.
  • The name “Buy My Fucking Food You Bastards”, their first choice, was already taken.
  • Because the owner was a twit.
  • The original name was Fuckly Wuckly but there were protests from the WTCU and Salvation Army. The name was changed to a more sedate “Pig Fu*kers” but that didn’t work out either. Variations on the original name with the word “pig” thrown in finally yielded Piggly Wiggly.
  • When the store was opened, the owners planned a “grand opening” day with a sausage sizzle and competitions and prizes. The highlight of the day was to be a contest to see who could catch and hold down a greased piglet. The contest was called the “Wiggly Pig” competition. There was embarrassment all round when the strapping young men of Memphis were put to shame by 4 year old Mary Lou Haines, who upstaged them all and won the contest. When Mary Lou was interviewed for the local newspaper, she blurted out that she had won the “Piggly Wiggly” contest. The supermarket owners were very displeased initially, when this name was reported in the local rag, but the name stuck, they went with the flow and the business has since been known as Piggly Wiggly Supermarket.
  • For the customers to have something to think on when shopping.
  • (i) Memphis has those highway policemen with the 10-gallon hats and sunglasses. (ii) Highway policemen all have handlebar moustaches. (iii) Supermarkets sell donuts. Therefore, the store is called Piggly Wiggly because the highway policemen would go there to buy their donuts, and they would wiggle their moustaches in concentration while trying to decide between pink sprinkles or blue stripes.
  • I have two theories – EITHER: 1) at the grand opening of the first store, the proprietor hired officers from the the cash-strapped local police station to perform lewd pole dancing routines in order to attract custom from ladies in town to do the shopping. As word of mouth about store spread via the women’s social network, including salacious descriptions of buff young men wearing blue g-strings gyrating suggestively, they described the shop as “that Piggly Wiggly place”. OR: 2) so that people would ask that exact question, humans being more likey to talk about and remember a weird name like “Piggly Wiggly” rather than something more staid, like Coles or Woolworths. Theory #2 is more probable, but I like theory #1 better.
  • Because it was the name of a favourite toy belonging to the store manager’s daughter. Her name was Kay Mart.
  • No particular reason; the founder just thought it was a curious name and would stick in a customer’s mind. Sort of like Hotpoint refrigerators.
  • The owner named the store in honour of his two daughters, “Piggly Wiggly” and “®”.
  • Because the person that owned the store had a pet pig that he loved dearly and its name was Piggly Wiggly.
  • According to Mr Saunders, the founder of Piggly Wiggly, the name was chosen “So people will ask that very question”. This is the marketers equivalent of the familiar “because it is there” argument used by mountaineers as justification for climbing mountains. There may be some other deeper, darker motives hidden in the recesses of Mr Saunders mind, but he’s not answering my emails.
  • They specialised in pork??
  • It was a ploy by anti-semitic Tennesseans to keep anti-hog kosher Jewish people out of the stores. Didn’t keep the Reform Jewish out . . .
  • Because just like pigs, people would try to get in front of each other to be the first to get the food they wanted so badly and leave the store with their goods – just like the little piggly wiggly’s. A true visionary HE was!
  • Oh those ad people. Always so eloquent and refined.
  • Saunders, the founder of the chain, saw from a train window some pigs wriggling under a fence. What that has to do with groceries is beyond me, but he thought it was unusual and catchy, and so it was.
  • It was the nickname given by the owners wife to the owners penis. Hell of a joke really when you think about it – a store called penis! Oh wait…yeah, I forgot about Dick Smith Electronics!
  • Because Clarence Saunders named it with the first thing that came into his head. We had the same problem naming our kids–our first child is Anvil, our second Splat, and our third Omigodyou’reugly.
  • That was the name of the famous three legged pig. Why three legged? Well a pig that good, you don’t eat all at once.
  • From the Pig’s mouth itself – Saunders’ reason for choosing the intriguing name Piggly Wiggly ® remains a mystery; he was curiously reluctant to explain its origin. One story is that he saw from a train window several little pigs struggling to get under a fence, and the rhyming name occurred to him then. Someone once asked him why he had chosen such an unusual name for his organization, and Saunders’ reply was, “So people will ask that very question.” He wanted and found a name that would be talked about and remembered.
  • Hey! This is a trick question! Clarence Saunders, the founder of Piggly Wiggly supermarkets has never told anyone. The only reason he has ever given was, “So people will ask that very question.” And see, now you went and asked.
  • The official line is ‘So people would ask’. I reckon because Clarence Saunders wanted to see his customers rooting through the aisles like greedy pigs.
  • It’s a mystery! http://www.pigglywiggly.com/cgi-bin/customize?aboutus.html
  • Because all the good names for markets were already taken.
  • Clarence Saunders’ reason for choosing the intriguing name Piggly Wiggly ® remains a mystery; he was curiously reluctant to explain its origin. One story is that he saw from a train window several little pigs struggling to get under a fence, and the rhyming name occurred to him then. Someone once asked him why he had chosen such an unusual name for his organization, and Saunders’ reply was, “So people will ask that very question.” He wanted and found a name that would be talked about and remembered.
  • Three words – Elvis – peanut butter
  • It’s amazing the decisions you make after enough single-malt whisky!
  • Because, pre-figuring Captain de Groot’s misguided charge at the opening of Sydney Harbour Bridge, the grand opening of the supermarket was interrupted by a wiggling porker charging through the ribbon which the mayor was about to cut. Onlookers laughed so hard at His Worship’s discomfiture that they spontaneously chose this memorable name.
  • It is not clear but one version I found is that the store’s founder saw some pigs squeezing under a fence and came up with the rhyme. Perhaps it also had something to do with the concept of piggy banks and saving money?
  • “Saunders’ reason for choosing the intriguing name Piggly Wiggly ® remains a mystery; he was curiously reluctant to explain its origin. One story is that he saw from a train window several little pigs struggling to get under a fence, and the rhyming name occurred to him then. Someone once asked him why he had chosen such an unusual name for his organization, and Saunders’ reply was, “So people will ask that very question.” He wanted and found a name that would be talked about and remembered. (www.pigglywiggly.com/cgi-bin/customize?aboutus.html).
  • It was a butchers? Or it was a play on piggies going to market?
  • Piggly Wiggly® was better than “Wal-mart”
  • “So people will ask that very question.” , says the legend, even if there is also the theory of a Saunders’ story about a train window and several little pigs struggling to get under a fence. Anyway, Dr. Bob seems quite got in Saunders’ intentions…
  • Because ‘Graceland’ was already taken by another local family of porkers.
  • Dingo Wiggly was already copywritten.
  • It was named after little Penny Wiggly’s piggy bank, Piggly.
  • The founder wanted a name that would be easy to remember and bring people into the store to ask “Why do you call it Piggly Wiggly?”
  • Because the name “The World’s First Supermarket” had been taken by an retirement investment advisor by the name of John Lee Pettimore who also started a minor dynasty in the region of Copperhead Road.
  • Anti-semitism
  • Purely at random! It simply sounded good to the proprietor.
  • Ha! Another trick question! No one knows for sure. Saunders would never give a straight answer. He teased an inquirer once by saying “So people would ask that question” but no one takes that glib reply seriously.
  • Have you ever read “Animal Farm”?

Question 6

[God, Angel looking in book] (A) What language is this? (B) What are they saying?

  • (A) Angelish. (B) How would I know, I only speak Engelish, and badly at that.
  • (A) Creationist gobbledygook (B)This is from one of leering hellfire damnation Jack T. Chick’s badly illustrated cheap tracts (the one entitled “This Is Your Life”); the faceless one is “god” (if we’re created in “god’s” image, why do we have faces and not blanks) asking “does the name of that humane freethinker Bonnie Bullock appear in the book of names of people that I already decided before creation weren’t damned forever to hellfire(if “god” is all knowing, why would she have to ask?) the “angel” (a caucasian; note that few angels are depicted as Negroes; is there a reason for this?) says “no, the name of that humane, kindly, constructive freethinker Bonnie Bullock doesn’t appear here; before all creation began you with your divine foreknowledge had already condemned her.” (What a hellish eternity that would be; lackey to narcissistic malevolent Jehovah forever and ever.) [Oh Andrew!! such words. Obviously you were created with these thoughts already in place – very handy since belief in an omniscient deity destroys any notion of free will or moral culpability; the god not only knew in advance but created the chain of events beforehand]
  • (A) It is english, cyphered, and (B) … I’ll get back to you on that one… (so my enigma machine’s busted…who cares already.)
  • “Apri il libro, figliolo, guarda se resta ancora qualcosa da fare” – “Dio Padre Onnipotente, resta soltanto da rimanere puri”. The simple italian-australian translation is left as exercise to the reader… [Babel Fish makes this: You open the book, boy, watches if something remains still to make – God Father Omnipotent, only remains to remain pure.]
  • The same thing people always talk about: SEX. Mr Walker, ghost who walks, is asking his little mate to look up a likely name in his big little black book. Mr Walker is going to a fancy dress party and needs a female companion with likely prospect of further after party activity. His little helper is reminding Walker to always use a condom.
  • See http://www.lojban.org/ [On second thoughts., don’t]
  • The language is Hmong (mountain peoples from the interior of Laos). What they are saying is almost certainly pointless as it is definitely a silly religious tract from the USA and would therefore not be entirely welcome among the Hmong, who were decimated by US bombing and other political intrigues during the Vietnam era. They have more sense than the Yanks!
  • This is the language of the Hmong which was only spoken and not written. Since the alleged occurence of an unofficial and highly classified police action in their region an indeterminate time in the past, many of these people have been repatriated to English speaking areas and the language now uses the Roman type alphabet in its written form.
  • Hmong, the language of some Asian people. It says something like “Open paper there is…looked at” – “God,.. stay clean…” and some gibberish, at least according to my sources. While telling god to stay clean is always a good thing to do (after the things he pulled in the Old Testament), the deeper sense of this conversation is hidden to mere mortals.
  • Okay, I figured out that it’s Hmong. Vaajtswv is apparently “God” or “Father”; I’m not quite sure which. My crash course in the language has only gotten me so far as to say: Nyob zoo. Koj lub npe hu li cas? Mus zoo. (Hi. What’s your name? Bye.) I’ll get back to you if I find a site offering translations.
  • Gosh, Dr. Bob, are you going soft? Everyone should get this immediately. Blue Hmong is getting quite common around my town [Wow, you live in Laos?].
  • Enochian
  • Goddish
  • Chomskiese
  • Moronic
  • Knowing this quiz, it’s probably Klingon. Which of course leads me to the joke, What does the Starship Enterprise have in common with toilet paper? Both circle Uranus looking for Klingons. I will say one thing about the Klingons in Star Trek, though – if I had a crab stapled to my forehead, I’d be pissed too. I much prefer them in my undies where I can keep them safe and warm.
  • You need a course in basic theology, Dr Bob. The one on the left in the comfy chair is no Angel – he’s none other than God. God can always be distinguished from Angels by the blinding rays of light, elevated seating position, lack of wings, much whiter flowing robes and pointing finger. Why, even God’s finger is famous, being the one painted by Michael Angelo in “The Creation”.
  • <fawn>I’ve always been a fan of yours, Bob</fawn>; normally i don’t attempt the quiz unless I can do most of the q’s w/o the assistance of http://www.google.com. But your inclusion of Jack T Chick’s work – of which I’m a fan – spurred me on to search. N.b. admirers of Chick the underground artist, rather than as a fundie proseletyser, should check out the fan site at http://www.chickcomics.com. My fave tract (thought you might ask) is the Catholic Who Goes To Hell – http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0082/0082_01.asp – the best answer to Pascals Wager I’ve ever seen.
  • Dr Bob, thanks for picking an obscure language that was near the top of the list. It would have been very tedious if you had chosen Zulu. In appreciation, I would like to send you some Chick publications in Hmong. The minimum order size is 10000 copies per title, but I’m sure you have that many friends who read Hmong. All I need to know is your mailing address and credit card information.
  • Who cares about the language, or what they are saying? The really important thing is, they are both left-handed. Let’s hear it for southpaws!
  • Punjabi. The fella on the right has the Yellow Pages, looking for ‘Fire Extinguishers’
  • The Angels are hmong us.

What are they saying?

Qheb phoo ntawv muaj tsujsa saib Vaajtswv, tsi pum nwg lub npe nyob huv nuav
Hey you get away from that big book! Oh sorry, I was erasing someone’s nam…uh….um…nevermind.
<anything> If you are all knowing, how come you have to get me to look it up?
I bet the muscles for those wings get really stiff That’s a bit academic now – someone has spread Super Glue on the phone directory
This months Dr. Bob is not as difficult as some Yes, but this question with the angels is a real bugger.
Holy smokes Batman! Yes, very holy, Boy Wonder.
Call me a plumber, my throne is broken [OK you’re a plumber] Boss, here’s one but he doesn’t work weekends
Thomas, why have you become so moody and disrespectful of late? Because for centuries I have been ridiculed, but here YOU are, in the very first edition of Skeptics Monthly!
I wanted Philadelphia Cream Cheese for lunch Almighty, the grocery list specifically says to buy the no-name brand
No more scatological jokes, Dr Bob! But it says here that fart and knob jokes are explicitly permitted!
Get on with your work you lazy bum But it says right here in the bible, Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest
The recipes in that cookbook are terrible! But Master, this is a phonebook!
What’ll it be? I’ll have a number 72 with black bean sauce, please.
Tasmanian on left: I have no face, so whence cometh my voice? It says here in this very large newspaper that it must be from your other head
What are you laughing at there, Gabriel? Just looking at the latest Jack Chick comic, and these fundies think that this sort of stuff will get them in here?
I am a jealous God, and it really gives Me the Holy Shits that I created you to be better looking than I am! Temper, temper – your own biographers warn about the long term, deleterious effects of wrath and jealousy on gastric ulcers!
Open the book, and see what is there O God, if You would just program the speed-dial on the phone, we wouldn’t *need* to keep looking up the number every time You want a pizza delivered. [But surely not even God can work out how to program the speed dial]
You’re a wanker – I created Evolution just like Darwin said! Strewth, God, if that’s the case then why didn’t you say so right here in Genesis?
How soon can I have the operation to restore my facial features? Well, even though you’re an omnipotent being, it says here that without private health cover you’re currently number 275 in the waiting list!
Gabriel you idiot, where on earth did you get that herbal face pack! (unintelligible pathetic reply)
What do the instructions say about making the face disappear! It says to avoid all contact with halos for a period of 6 weeks and it should reappear – otherwise see a quack,..erm doctor!
Bollocks, I’ve left my ciggies in the pub Its okay – there’s a 24hours garage just ’round the corner
Tell me whats written in that book Lord, I can’t read it. It must be in Finnish.
Angel’s telephones go wing wing! Shut up, or I’ll make light of your head!
Queb, What does the BOOK say? Vaajtswv, it doesn’t say anything but it feels nice.
Get some Chinese take away Yes, let’s try this one, it might cheer us up a bit
Anything interesting on the TV tonight? Yes, there is a religious program about you, Big Brother.
Find and kill all the right handed people Yeah, let’s start with this one … oh shit, he’s gone to Japan

Comments:

  • Oy Gevalt! Dr Bob you should stay far, far away from Jack Chick! He is one of the world’s greatest perverts! [Er, um, actually, that is why I do hang around with him].
  • Qheb phoo to you too Dr. Bob.
  • Register THIS trademark, you corporate whoremonger!!! Oh yeah, Hawkwind rules.
  • Remember that a writer must not shift your point of view. [Oh. I was going to disagree, but now I can’t]
  • It’s been a while since I’ve seen a Jack Chick tract. [Oh, lucky you]
  • Well, well, well, wasn’t that an amazing set of coincidences in your September quiz last year, your 1,000 aeroplanes on the roof, that question about the plane flying into the Empire State Building, etc etc. So amazing that one might conclude some sort of extra-sensory perception was involved. Except, of course, that we all know (as good little sceptics) that there is NO SUCH THING as ESP… So, the only possible conclusion to be drawn is …(drumroll)… that you, Dr Bob, are an al-Qaeda terrorist! You’re probably off planning more attacks at this very moment. Let me win this time and I won’t tell anyone.
  • This statement is trademark protected ®
  • I would love to know the real answers.
  • I can feel the five planetary alignment vibe. I know I’m gonna win this month. Ommmmmm Ommmmmm
  • While poking through the languages at Mr. Chick’s web site, I found it curious to note the different noises people make when they die, depending on the language. Euskara (which I think is Basque or something): “Ai!” Maltese: “Uuuq!” Estonian: “Oi oi!” Russian: “O, uzhas!” Hausa: “Waiyoo?” Personally, I think I’d follow the Mongolians and say “Ukhel!” [And electricians say “is this the earth wire?”]
  • Doctor Bob, people tell me that I don’t have much of a personality. My self-confidence is all in shatters. What should I do? [Go away. Next, please]
  • Hey, I’ve never seen this site before and I just thought I’d give you some dodge answers cause I don’t have a clue…
  • I have stopped reading the “informational” comics that the religious fringe publish. They make my head hurt. [I get a feeling of discomfort too, but somewhat lower down in the body]
  • I did this one without ANY research. You’re slipping, Dr Bob! (Go on, put a comment in here now…)
  • I tried thinking once. Didn’t work out too well
  • This was fun.
  • An anagram of ‘mother-in-law’ is ‘woman hitler’. Apt, eh?
  • My performance this month is meem xeeb teer cia.
  • My task this month is to deliver my form while the winner of May is still “awaiting Dr.Bob’s evaluation”. Your task is probably to buy a new car with the money you get with a full advertising form, isn’t it? [Yes, I got a 1982 Daewoo with fuzzy dice hanging from the mirror]
  • More porn, ladies in hot spas & questions about Pi please !!! [OK: A naked lady is sitting in a circular hot spa…]
  • punctuation like capitalisation is very important
  • Some corporate drone is paying you an awful lot of money.
  • Self destruct sequence initiated. You now have 5 minutes to reach minimum safe distance.
  • I actually think I’m in with a chance this month.
  • um..uh…say “cheese” *clik* haha the duck strikes again!!
  • Yubra don bulose gras timplo – oi, oi, oi.
  • Pul-ease, Dr Bob! Give us some HARD questions to answer, can’t you????????
  • This is my first submission, and it’s 3 o’clock, so excuse me for some of the lame jokes I have included.
  • There are very few problems that cannot be solved by orders ending with ‘or die.’ – Alistair J.R. Young
  • Why don’t I ever win? Don’t you like me anymore? [No, I like you very much. I do feel more at ease in the company of losers.]
  • Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,kissed the girls and made them cry,when the boys came out to play,he kissed them too he’s funny that way.
  • Did those companies all pay you for the advertising? Yet again, I’ve learned more useless information in my quest to answer your quiz, yet still haven’t found the right useless information to actually get the answers…or maybe that’s because it would become useful information? Ah well, sib ntsib dua.
  • Register THIS! [Well, Microsoft have registered the name ‘Bob’]
  • Doctor in whattt? [Trouble]
  • Officially NO COMMENT.
  • I had a lot of fun! Thank you! [Have I missed something here?]
  • ®
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