Answers for April 2003

Oh what a month! I will never be defeated by correct answers – Never! There are no correct answers! People only come here to commit suicide … Inevitable victory is mine! Only one person, early in the month, got Q1 right and even by mid-month nobody at all had Q4 or Q6, so I put a clue up for Q6. Then a right answer to Q4 came in – from the same person who already got Q1 … then later a very rare right answer to Q6 – from the same person again!!!! Arrgh she must be psychic –

Cathy Bannister

And now, a special greet:

– to tired old trivia hack DAVE HAWLEY who, impatient for me to construct my long-awaited Hawl of Fame, has gone elsewhere to win prizes! I’ll let Dave tell it in his own words – I’m SO over the moon just now! I’ve just discovered I’ve actually won something! Guess what!!! Not Tattslotto, not a meat-raffle, it’s VICTOR ZAMMIT’S TWISTED SPOON AWARD! Wheeeeee!!! See and look down the bottom of the page beneath the Articles box. What a pity he didn’t even tell me when he posted it, but you can’t expect that from people like Victor. Never mind. *SIGH* Fame at last… OK, I’ve arranged the limo and the champagne and the pneumatic dolly-bird, so would you like to come to my award ceremony? 🙂 Mr Zammit, never having met or even corresponded with Mr Hawley, had nevertheless been able to use his psychic powers to describe him as:

  • the greatest closed minded skeptical coward in the world
  • a negatively entrenched defeatist
  • a coward materialist
  • the same negative person as Barry Williams
  • a loser, and
  • from Australia

Dave reckons there is considerable room for improvement, especially as he’s never met Barry Williams, let alone been Barry Williams (a frightening prospect, by the way), but the only insult that really hurt him was the last one – he comes from TASMANIA!!! Now a lot of people come from Tasmania, usually very quickly after they arrive … but my estimation of Tasmanians has increased considerably. Onyer, Dave.

Question 1

In what film does someone say “We educators cannot do anything until the public is sufficiently aroused”?

Brilliant Answer

I watched through the whole of Reefer Madness and I still didn’t hear that sentence.

How They Flounder in Seeking the Truth:

  • 1 Million Years, B.C., but it was dubbed over with “urak, gaah, nerrraaahhh.”
  • 55 days in peeking. [I suppose the amount of arousal depends on where you peek.]
  • Absolutely terrible entry question: no clue, and this is a bad way to begin. In my country, however, a sentence like “We educators cannot do anything until… (put the event you prefer here)” does not need a film to be pronounced. [But a lot of things are pronounced about your country Piero, notably its shape]
  • Another bowdlerised quotation from Skeptic Central. It should read “…until the pubic is sufficiently aroused”. The movie was, of course, the screen version of Senator Boswell’s famous book, ‘Life of Masters and Johnson’ and starred Ron Jeremy as William Masters & Margaret Thatcher as Virginia Johnson. The quote was spoken by bit player Linda Lovelace, a well-known educator in the field in question.
  • Ben Hur
  • Blackboard Jungle
  • Debbie Does Dallas [and dozens of similar answers]
  • Debbie Does Harvard? No, that can’t be right…
  • “Debbie Does Dallas”. Or Maybe “Dubya Does Dubai”. Possibly even “Dr Bob Does Debbie, Then Dubya”?
  • Deep Throat?
  • Dude, Where’s My Car?
  • Dumb And Dumber
  • Educating Rita
  • Enter the Dragon. Bruce is teaching one of his disciples the lost art of “Zen Pedagogism”.
  • For some reason that sounds like Sidney Poitier in, say “To sir with love”. Am I even close??
  • George Cole in The Belles of St Trinians…but very quietly.
  • Goodbye Mr. Chips
  • Grease
  • Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
  • High School Sluts 4: Teachers Take to the Whip
  • I don’t have a clue but I do know that most ‘educators’ wouldn’t do anything anyhow … it might interfere with their 12 weeks holiday a year and the coffee breaks between classes.
  • I don’t know the specific answer, but it must be pornographic
  • I hav no idear but beeng an ejucator myselph I no thjat arousal of anyone in one’s close proximity will get me the sack.
  • I wouldn’t know, I’m not allowed to watch R rated movies
  • I’m sorry I don’t watch porn. [And I’d be sorry too, if I didn’t]
  • Inherit the Wind
  • It was in the movie “Catholic School Girls In TROUBLE!” Just before the shower scene [where they all get stabbed]
  • Monty Python’s Meaning of Life
  • Not me, I am just glad when my students stay awake.
  • Rabbit Proof Fence
  • Rambo
  • Shame on you Doctor Bob. I’m sure your entrants don’t watch those sorts of publically arousing films. I mean, we all know what “training films” are don’t we?
  • That was actually Bill Clinton’s final State of the Union address to the American Congress.
  • The Joy of Sex Instructional Series: Episode VIII – Common Household Objects
  • The latest Schwarzenegger vehicle, The Educator.
  • The Life and Times of Hugh Hefner
  • The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie
  • To Sir, with Love
  • You bugger! I’m Stumped! [Presumably this is a rare English film about cricket and … um…look let’s move on to Q2 shall we?]

Question 2

What is the lowest uninteresting number?

Attempts at Answers

  • It can’t exist. If a number was the lowest uninteresting number, that would make it interesting.
  • There is no such thing as an uninteresting number. If there was, then the lowest one would itself then be interesting because it was the lowest. This would make the next uninteresting number interesting because it would then be the lowest, but then the next one would be interesting because it was the lowest uninteresting one which would then… My brain hurts – I think I’ll go and lie down
  • -18 is just slightly more uninteresting than -19.
  • 0
  • 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001/2
  • 0.0000001
  • 02 5443 3000 (John Howard’s phone number)
  • 1. No, wait, that’s the LONELIEST number that you’ll ever know.
  • 3
  • 4
  • 1 has always been uninteresting to me. It doesn’t have the roundness of a three or a five; or the dramatic angles of a four or seven.
  • 7 – odd, prime, no curves, no one wants to be associated with 7
  • 7. It’s the number of children I have, and most of my friends find this most uninteresting.
  • 12
  • All numbers are interesting aren’t they?
  • All numbers are uninteresting, unless you are an economist. My eco lecturer gets quite excited. [I’m sure he does, but please keep to the subject]
  • All numbers are very interesting, except for 135,298,801.3
  • Any number not attached to a $ (dollar) sign.
  • Apparently, according to Eli Maor, the number would be eleven. [Try selling that concept to Barry Williams, or any other ardent cricketophile]. I kind of lost interest looking it up, so you can count me as a supporter of this theory.
  • Are there interesting numbers?
  • Humph. The “lowest uninteresting number” I’ve ever met was this guy in Goopey’s Bar and Gun Grille, and he asked me if I would go….oh, never mind.
  • i … Imaginary numbers are bloody boring.
  • If we’re talking about money, TimTam biscuits or Derwent pencils, ALL low numbers are uninteresting <disdainful sniff>
  • Is this an exercise in showing out a bombastic mathematician? But the lowest common denominator shows out, the line of the lumpenmasse, the collective herd, man reduced to his littlest, miserable circumstance, so much for the virtue egalitarianism. Mind you, crocodiles regard man, horse, cow, sheep and fish as all equally food
  • It can’t exist because someone must be interested in it to ask the question. Either that, or it’s 74.
  • Must be a Berry number, such as Johnny B. Goode.
  • My salary; the IQ of a Collingwood supporter; John Howard’s CORE promises
  • No such thing as the “lowest”. Uninteresting numbers form an infinite sequence from -infinity to infinity (I tried plucking out the “8” key and turning it on it’s side, but it didn’t work).
  • Numbers, all by themselves, are all pretty uninteresting.
  • Since interestingness is a subjective concept, one can define interestingness as one sees fit. For example, I do not consider being the lowest in a large group as particularly interesting. Based on my arbitrary judgement, I do not consider the number 73,681 particularly interesting. Nor do I consider any number in the range 10^73,681 to 10^73,681^73,681 to be interesting [Wow, that’s quite a loss]. However, based on my highly subjective and arbitrary opinion, all numbers above 10^73,681^73,681 are hereby declared “interesting,” by official order of me, the Central Arbitrator of All Numbers Interesting. Since I have disallowed lowness as a criterion for interestingness, you cannot use lowness as a defence. Since nothing can be said any particular negative number that can’t be said about its positive counterpart (other than what can be said about negative numbers in general), it is the humble opinion of Central Arbitrator of All Numbers Interesting that the lowest uninteresting number is (10^73,681^73,681). Of course, that’s just my opinion, you don’t have to agree with me just because I’m the self-appointed Central Arbitrator of All Numbers Interesting; only that you’re wrong if you do.
  • That poor little number – you didn’t describe it very well… it would have felt a lot better if you had said “what is the best of the not-very-high, not-quite-as-interesting-as-the-rest numbers”
  • The I.Q. of Ken Ham, Australian creationist currently residing in Kentucky.
  • There are no uninteresting numbers. Assume that there are. Then there is a lowest uninteresting number. That would make that number very interesting. Which is a contradiction. However, that being said, most parents of teenagers say that their teens are very uninterested when they say they have no (0) money to give them.
  • There is no such thing. All numbers are interesting it’s just that some are more interesting than others. Numbers have feelings too and you shouldn’t go around classifying them based on some ideal of which ones you find more attractive than others.
  • They’re all uninteresting, but none as uninteresting as ten. It’s not prime, triangular, square, perfect or anything all that novel. [But there are 10 sorts of people in the world – those who count in binary, and those who don’t]
  • Uninteresting to whom? My guess would be 5. Any negative number is interesting, so luckily they don’t count.
  • Well zero is quite interesting, so is one, and well everything under Avogadro’s number,…mutter, mutter, infinity. Nope, they are all interesting. Next!
  • Wow! That’s great! As the honorable Dr.Bob says sometimes, I can “economically recycle” an answer (Oct.2002)! I may look a bit presumptuous saying that, but, Dr.Bob, I feel honored by the question. Thanks.
  • Zero of course. 1 being an infinitely exciting number. As we know the first of anything – arousal for instance, is really interesting.

Question 3

In line dancing, how many different dances are there?

Expert Opinion seems to vary:

  • 0.0000000000001
  • 1
  • 1 – the congo line [This answer could generate several puns, all of them unpleasant]
  • It’s just the same thing repeated endlessly with variations. Let’s face it, if there were more than one then there would be too many for the average line-dancing devotee to remember.
  • 135,298,801.3
  • 17,183 so far, and that’s 17,183 too many
  • 2 – The Nutbush & Bus-Stop
  • 3
  • 4
  • 34
  • 100,000
  • 6.022 x 10^23 and all of them but three suck really bad. The last three only suck a little, well maybe more than just a little, but not really bad.
  • A hip slide, turnabout and, generally, behave like the village idiot who finds 16 out of zippo.
  • A shitload.
  • According to one web site I looked at, there are at least three major line dances on every weekend in Texas. That means 156 a year in Texas alone (ignoring the small dances) [which there aren’t any of, since nothing is small in Texas]. Reading further, I discover that people choreograph line dances to different songs such that each song has its own dance. Sometimes two or three people will choreograph a different dance to the same song so that adds to the total number of possible dances [I can only imagine the carnage when that song gets played]. All this is just technical, you only have to watch the thing to realise there is but one dance – and it is boring.
  • Around 18,240. Actually is this the answer to question 2?
  • As many as there are dancers in the line.
  • Creativity knows no bounds. How many do you want?
  • Different from whose perspective? From my perspective the defining parameter of dancing in general is “Does it make the participant look like an idiot?” Since, in the case of all line-dancing, the answer is inevitably “yes,” all line dancing is the same in my eyes. Ergo: all line dances are the same and there is only one kind of line dancing.
  • Dunno, but do you know what’s 50 feet long and smells of urine? Yep, it’s the line-dancing team from the old folks home.
  • Each line dance is different.
  • Hmm… Let me count… Squeeze the chicken, Slap the donkey, Barf in the Stetson – that’s 3 – …. – I have no idea.
  • I am proud to say that, despite many sad, long years lost to various forms of folk music, I most definitely do not know the answer.
  • I’ve never seen a line, as in “________________”, dance, so I couldn’t tell you. How about wiggle? I’ve seen a line wiggle, but only one way, and only on Tuesdays.
  • In *Country and Western* line dancing, about 4,900 dances are archived. [What a good idea.] However, no-one has bothered enumerating the millions of forms of line dances out of various folk dancing traditions, including at the very least Scottish Country and English folk (dating right back to the dark ages). The Scots, at the very least, were peeved when the term “line dancing” was pinched by the Yanks.
  • It depends how many people there are in the line, how many of them are do-lally old biddies and how fast the band plays and whether any of them become aroused [Or educated]
  • None of them are different. It’s the country and western equivalent of rave parties – absolutely mind numbing.
  • Not nearly enough!! Just think how many Texans it keeps occupied and off the streets. If only GW had found line dancing rather than Gahd, the world could have been a safer place.
  • One – but it’s like Mexican food. You just rearrange the ingredients to look like it’s different.
  • One, but it has a different twist to it to make it a lot of different dances
  • One. The STUPID one where every body lines up and spins and jumps and taps their feet and claps and …on my god why can’t they just lock up line dancers, not only do they have absolute crap dress sense they dance to the most inane music there is…country music ..aaaarrrrrrgggghhhhh!
  • Only one, lines are one-dimensional, for two try square dancing.
  • Only two basic dances: 1) People Making Utter Twats Of Themselves To Ghastly Music and 2) Vapid Women With Big Hair Shaking Their Breasts At Billy Ray Cyrus. Any apparent variation is introduced by participants wearing different hats.
  • Over 20,000
  • Over 400 on However, effectively infinite if non-repeating patterns are allowed (shudder – infinite line dancing)
  • Oxymoron Line dancing is so uninteresting – I suppose Line dance is the lowest number
  • Seven? Uninteresting.
  • Silly, line dancing isn’t about the dancing, it’s about the stupid clothing.
  • Sixtyfour. A nice power of two, by the way. At least, they are sixtyfour if “line dancing” is the same thing of “contra dance”. [It’s not, but I read that “Contra dance is a form of dance that thrusts a different person of the opposite sex into your arms every 30 seconds or so”. Sounds good. Do they do dances for sheep?]
  • Ten thousand and counting…
  • The answer is always one too many
  • The number of uninteresting numbers, according to the Central Arbitrator of All Numbers Interesting, taken to the power of googleplex, googleplex times over.
  • There are over 10,000 Country Western Line Dances (source:
  • There is only one. It is given different names to try and make it seem better than it is.
  • Too many!
  • Too many, the whole practice should be outlawed.
  • Two: one up the line, and one down the line.
  • Well that depends on whether your lines are going to make up a triangle, a square, a pentagon….
  • When I saw it, it seems that there are as many dances as there are dancers; each has their own, none are even remotely similar.
  • Who cares? There comes a time in a woman’s life, where tight black jeans are nasty, and no, you don’t look like Shania, and your husband does not look like Keith Urban, I don’t care how big his hat is. And tell him to lose the ponytail.
  • With 132 steps able to be used in any combination … factorial 132 – my calculator gives an error. [Ha, mine says it’s 111824865119600430744996307607616902997562475571842633838412167568361169672820118454045730260688510087990927196104962685462595837360336094267205134948250389032461924909766607715924086489297715200000000000000000000000000000000, but then I paid more for the calculator software than I did for the computer]
  • You call that dancing?
  • Zero different ones; they are all the same.
  • Count the stars in the sky. Measure the waters of the oceans with a teaspoon. Number the grains of sand on the sea shore.

Question 4

What country recently almost forbade sex, childbirth and caviar?


Some wag in drafting Australian Stem Cell legislation got in a clause about “heterosexual sex if the intention was not pregnancy; creating embryos with two parents; giving birth following pregnancy; eating caviar or any other fertilised egg”

Other Answers

  • “Almost”. What does it mean “almost”, here, uh? How can childbirth be “almost” forbidden? [It refers to people who have been almost pregnant]. Vatican City could be a good guess, apart from the caviar. By other hands, “almost” every islamic country can forbid caviar, according to Koran. Azerbaijan did something similar, for example. I can live without caviar, anyway. But childbirth and sex? Write down that name, Dr.Bob, so I can wipe it off from my Atlas.
  • Afghanistan
  • Azerbaijan seems the best candidate, Islamic influence, export trade in caviar …?
  • Burkina Faso
  • Caviar would seem to indicate someplace like Russia, but it’s probably any place ruled by women approaching 50.
  • China. They have always had trouble with the population (childbirth) aspect, and found that truckloads of caviar were bringing about massive upswings in sex in married couples. There is believed to be strong correlation between sex and childbirth (contrary to the myth reported by the media about storks and childbirth).
  • Don’t know about a country but sounds like my wife (only joking dear)
  • Don’t know but need answer urgently. Going OS & luv caviar. [And what about … no I wont ask]
  • Dunno – but if they’ll agree to outlaw line dancing and uninteresting numbers too, I plan to emigrate immediately.
  • France [No, but other countries should pass a law forbidding France]
  • France – they should not reproduce or consume anything that tastes like the inside of a fish tank smells.
  • Hmm, sex, caviar…must be something to do with eggs and prudery…what politically powerful prude would ban eggs?…a repressed vegan prime minister perhaps?…yep, that’s it, Helen Cluck dunnit so the answer is New Zealand! I win. You still Bob. [Thank you Mr Fowles]
  • How can you almost forbid something? However having all 3 simultaneously would be a stretching tasty challenge
  • I can understand forbidding the second two … but let’s see how about Liechtenstein?
  • I hope it was Atlantis, I suspect it must be the US.
  • I want to live in a country that forbids childbirth. It’s messy and painful and unnecessary. Did I mention it’s painful? I’m guessing somewhere sophisticated, like Canada. [But other countries are messy, painful and unnecessary too]
  • If you forbid sex there is no need to banish childbirth – it goes away all by itself. Seems a shame about the caviar though. Did they banish arousal as well?
  • I’m not sure but I guess if they are banning sex and childbirth it is most likely China. They have been cutting back on baby production for a long while now so it makes sense that they would want to stop it for a while. Not sure about the caviar, maybe it is an aphrodisiac or something.
  • Iraq – Those able to have sex are too busy protecting themselves, and those able to eat (buy) caviar are too busy hiding.
  • Iraq – the constant bombing by the USA inhibits all three of these things.
  • Israel. This is to counter the Palestinian threat – they have more sex and more children than the Jews. Unfortunately the Pentateuch was vague about the caviar bit.
  • It could only be that always-baffling USA
  • It has to be “aids-ridden” Swaziland, but there is a valid case that the USA could fit the bill. The USA banned consumption of caviar for a time, recently banned natural childbirth (but only if the mother had previously had a caesarian), and I wouldn’t mind betting with the current administration that there are moves afoot to ban sex.
  • Let’s face it, it has to be either the USA (on general stupidity grounds) or Saudi Arabia (on the basis that they repress everything else). My own view is that not even the Saudis are self-destructive enough to want to forbid childbirth, so lock in USA please Eddie…
  • Must be Vatican City.
  • No idea, but I can only wish it was the USA.
  • No idea. But if they ban line dancing I’d like to immigrate.
  • No place I want to visit.
  • Oklahoma seems to think that these things are illegal. Since Oklahoma doesn’t feel it needs to follow the same laws as the rest of the United States, then Oklahoma can be regarded as a separate country. In other words, I have no idea.
  • One can only hope it was France, but it was probably some place totally random, like Uganda or Nauru.
  • Only almost? I’m moving there as soon as I can….
  • Sounds like good ol’ America. We have the most absurd laws ever recorded (although a mayor in France did top us with his law making death illegal)
  • Sounds like Sweden but Norway, for some reason, occurs to one. But Belgium is a cot case, after all, it’s full of screaming ninnies out to spoil others’ pleasures and not satisfied until only they themselves can reproduce with a proclivity which already appals.
  • That would be France, as well as bathing and deodorant.
  • The Democratic Republic of Guacamole
  • The United States as a recent newsclipping shows 😉 Conservative religious leaders recently called for legislation forbidding sex in the hospital rooms where childbirth was taking place. Caviar was also being served to onlookers. “This degradation of society must be stopped.” said one spokesman who declined to be named. “These giant orgies where disgusting and filthy sex is occurring have no place right next to mothers giving childbirth.” declared another. The ACLU, on the other hand, defended the practice and called it a guaranteed constitutional freedom. They were recently taping one episode to use it in a court of law.
  • The United States of America. The measure (called the “Helms-Thurmond Act”) was designed to combat terrorism and communism, by preventing the corruption of American youth. The caviar bit was added as a rider by Strom Thurmond who (thinking the USSR was still around) thought that caviar turned people into communists. The bill was narrowly defeated, when a Democratic senator discovered that the ban on sex applied to white people too.
  • The Virgin Islands.
  • This must be Finland, which ALMOST forbade Donald Duck too.
  • Tonga
  • Uzbekistan
  • Vatican City. A nation of celibates can’t have the first two (officially anyway) and the Curia is trying to look financially tight-fisted after all the sex scandals in the USA produced a drop in income.
  • Well they are in the news a lot at the moment and they can usually be relied on to do stupid things so I’ll go for the good old USA. Even if they didn’t do it, it is the sort of thing they would do.

Question 5

What size was Neanderthal Man’s brain in comparison to ours?


Slightly bigger

Other Answers

  • Duh?
  • Ooogh?
  • “The average brain capacity of modern man is estimated at about 1450 to 1500 cubic centimeters. Unfortunately for evolutionary theory, Neanderthal man had an average brain capacity of about 1600 cc.” Source: L.A. von Fangs, “Neanderthal, Oh How I Need You!” in Creation Research Society Quarterly, December 1981, p. 145. (also a site from the late 40s is listed). [Fangs for the memory]
  • 1:2 in our favour (apparently except for creationists)
  • Not a statistically significant difference, but of course Pauly Shore is bringing our average down.
  • 1500 ccs compared to the current 1400 ccs.
  • 25% smaller. But they used more than 10%, so they were about as smart.
  • A darn sight bigger – the Neanderthals had the brains to die out before buggering up the planet like we homo saps.
  • A good half pint larger than ours, but what was in the half-pint we don’t know.
  • A little bigger than ours. This explains why they did not have any line dancing.
  • About 1300cc to our 1200cc. I knew they were larger so I did a quick Google for the figures. Interestingly the first nine sites to give me the answer were creationist sites. They obviously have a thing about the Neanderthal brain. [They probably feel more at ease with like minded intellects]
  • About 15% bigger than Kent Hovind’s — which by sheer coincidence, is roughly proportional to their relative intelligence.
  • About right.
  • About the same, providing you trepan a politician.
  • Actually bigger than ours, which anti-evolutionists mistakenly try to use as evidence against “progressive evolution” (a straw man attack against a position no scientist takes).
  • Bigger but not better. Or maybe it was bigger AND better. I’m sure it takes more brains to make fire than to drive an SUV to the mall.
  • Bigger but unfortunately most of it was wasted space. If any were alive today they would be making American daytime television programs [Oh they are, they are…]
  • bigger….didnt help him none eh? Loooser!
  • Generally larger by a couple of hundred ccs. This does not necessarily mean that they were more intelligent – however, when I look at certain political figures (and line dancing) I do wonder about a possible theory of DEvolution…
  • Given the risk of losing fingers, toes or eyes, I don’t know whether anyone dares get close enough with a tape measure to Mark Read’s head.
  • I have some friends whose heads I can measure if you want a more specific answer.
  • If I’m not mistaken, Neanderthal rings in at a 12 1/2.
  • It was probably a bit bigger than ours. It had to do more work back then. Also it was before education, and caviar which probably meant it spent a lot of time thinking about arousal.
  • It’s not the size that matters.. it is how you use it that is important … ohhh you meant THAT brain … oops 🙂
  • Large compared to our extra-medium
  • Larger by at least 200ccs (….but woman’s brain?)
  • Larger, because the average Neanderthal Man had to think/work things out for himself more than the average person today.
  • Larger, but not an advantage as we are here (not much longer if Bush has his way) and they are not.
  • much bigger – not that it did them any good
  • Much bigger – owing to brain swell brought on by being hit over the head with clubs.
  • Much larger because it allowed sex, childbirth and caviar.
  • No different – some people have not evolved from Neanderthal to modern humans yet.
  • Not that simple: we have no Neanderthal BRAINS for comparison. Still, the cranial volume of Neanderthals is roughly the same, or slightly larger, than modern humans.
  • Significantly bigger – only because my friend has a huge head and we call him “Neanderthal Man”
  • Slightly larger than modern man’s. Didn’t help.
  • Slightly larger, just like an elephant’s.
  • Somewhat larger.
  • The Neanderthal Man’s brain was the size of a kumquat while today it’s the size of a small pineapple, although it doesn’t have nearly as many indentations as a pineapple
  • The Neanderthals of Europe had larger brains, but the Asians mass-produced them them smaller, cheaper and more efficient.
  • When you say “ours”, do you mean yours or mine, or yours and mine and everybody else doing the quiz’s brains stuck together? Because if you mean the latter, it was obviously a lot smaller.
  • Will bigger than George W. Bush’s cut it as an answer?
  • It would seem to me that it was way bigger than ours, and he probably used many more brain cells. I’m just guessing though, based on the fact that I’ve never read anything about his invading caves looking for boulders of mass destruction and then destroying his neighbors’ rock and petrified dung collections.

Question 6

What well-known tune is being taught here?


This is from the cartoon “Johann Mouse” (1950) starring Tom & Jerry. There are 6 lessons of increasing complexity; by the 6th lesson Tom is playing the Blue Danube Waltz and is able to throw the book away.

Bang on:

  • Tom is learning from “How to play the waltz in six easy lessons by Johann Strauss”
  • Okay, now I’ve skimmed “Allegro Non Troppo” again and failed to find this bit. Therefore, by elimination, it must be: Strauss’ Blue Danube Waltz.
  • “E” by Gum.

Desperation again:

  • “Doh a deer a female deer’, or “Doh!” by Homer Simpson
  • “High-E for Dummies”?
  • “Jesus Hates Me”
  • “Lesson X” by the looks of it.
  • “Mary Had a Little Lamb” (with potatoes and mint jelly)
  • “My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don’t Love Jesus”
  • “The Sounds of Silence” by Simon and Garfunkel
  • Advance Australia Fair [At least the part of it that everyone knows]
  • Anything by a heavy metal band from the 80’s. Big hair was pre-requisite, but apparently musical ability was optional.
  • Bah!
  • Bloody hell, not another Philip Glass or Walt Disney question! The tune is either something inconsequential from Glass’ “The Hydrogen Jukebox” or something equally inconsequential from “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice”.
  • Ding
  • Do-Re-Mi from the Sound of Music. This is the first verse, Do.
  • Hmm,Hmm…Hmm…Hmm,Hmm,Hmm. Collingwood AFL team song. ( and you thought I’d say Little Johnny’s favorite nursery rhyme “Three blind mice”…)
  • Homer Simpson’s quick ditty,….”D’oh!”……………
  • I don’t know. Can you line dance to it?
  • I love to have a beer with Duncan
  • I refuse to answer this question, on the grounds that the treble staff needs a sharp in the key signature. You should never trust cartoons.
  • I’m a Cranky Old Yank in a Clanky Old Tank on the Streets of Yokohama with my Honolulu Mama Doin’ Those Beat-o, Beat-o Flat-On-My-Seat-o, Hirohito Blues by Hoagy Carmichael
  • It could be the score for a triangle or a gong. I don’t know. What about “Johnny One Note” by Rogers and Hart?
  • It is obviously that well known tune – The One Note Polka – by Philip Glass. Obvious because a) it only has one note 2) It must be by Philip Glass because there’s not been another question this month that has Philip Glass in it because I’m pretty sure he didn’t write any line-dancing tunes.
  • It’s the triangle part for Beethoven’s Fifth.
  • Jingle Bells
  • Koyaanisqatsi, but I didn’t know it was well-known. [It is, but only to me, you and Philip]
  • Lesson I of course – it says so at the top of the page
  • Lesson One is an arrangement of “Ave Maria”, whilst Lesson Two is the theme from “The Bill”, both scored for alto whoopie cushion. (From John Cage’s school music book, “Starting Steps in Stupid Self-Indulgent Stunts for Students”)
  • Loving You. It’s easy ’cause you’re beautiful. [Yes I agree]
  • Meditations in F. Dunno what the second tune is.
  • My grandfather clock. This is “one o’clock”
  • ‘No’. It is the mother’s first word for a newborn baby.
  • None whatsoever. Each stave ends in a double bar, indicating that 4 different pieces are on this page, or possibly 4 separate movements. There is no time signature; except for plainchant, there isn’t any “well known” music without an identifiable beat. The staves are in different keys, again, unknown in any “well known tune” As there is only one note, the piece could only be classified as “noise” as music only exists in the relationship between sounds.
  • Okay – I can work this out – it’s for a child holding an “F” bell in a bell ensemble, and it lands on its highest note on the fourth beat of the fourth bar (or fifth, if you include the intro), and then not again for the rest of the verse. So … it could almost be Marie’s Wedding. Unless it’s timpani or some other sort of percussion. Oh, I’ve got it. It’s the Andrew Lloyd Webber orchestration of Ozzie Osbourne’s Crazy Train, marking the point at which the “geek” (see Miriam-Webster online) “offs” the chicken.
  • One note Johnny (well known?) [Regrettably yes – ask any Iraqi]
  • Probably something by Philip Bloody Glass. One note that is bound to be repeated again and again and again……
  • Silence (as sung by an occasional non-conformist). Aside: No tempo (i.e. 3/4 etc.)? What is with that. Being the non-conformist I am, how do I know when to hit that high note? [Sir, your life hit that high note at the very moment that you first gazed upon DR BOB’S QUIZ]
  • Song of Arousal
  • The Brown Note: the one note that makes anyone in hearing distance to disengage bowel functions.
  • The complete works of Status Quo (volumes I and II).
  • The intro to the Beatles’ “A Hard Day’s Night.”
  • The Jaws theme – the writers saved money on the script by playing the one note over and over.
  • The Sound of Music.
  • The unknown Johann Sebastian Bach fuga “In der Beschränkung zeigt sich der Meister”. This is an amazingly funny joke in German. As a matter of fact, this is the only joke in German.
  • ‘Time’ by Pink Floyd
  • Well known to the intelligentsia or to those of us whose favorite band is “Cradle of Filth”? I’m guessing it’s a slow part of the piece.
  • Well, it seems a Fa (er, sorry… you call it F, maybe). It is a “lesson”. It is a bit lazy tune. You say it is well-known (Philip Glass!!!). It seems to be a piano lesson, too… “Jolly Good Fellow” for tortoises?
  • Who wants to be a millionaire ??? LOL [Cough, cough]
  • YOU BASTARD!!! I bet this is sooo obvious. I know it’s probably bells or percussion, but do you think I can work out what popular tune which in C has a high F in the fourth bar, and then not again for ages??? Hang on, there’s no rests??!! “The Nagging F”, Percy Grainger. — Oh bugger it, I’ve just seen Lesson II and it’s Chopsticks, isn’t it.
  • You could have given us the time signature at least.
  • This is the cannon part for the 1812 Overture.


  • Last night on “Rove” there was this guy talking about a new pastime called Googlewhacking. If you type two words into the search engine Google and get exactly one page that matches, you have scored a Google-whack. After several attempts I tried affogato and penis [Yes I suppose you would have got pretty fed up by then – but what did you type into Google next?] Your August 2000 quiz results is the only page known to Google with those two words. But, if you publish this, then soon there will be two!
  • A line dancing question. A LINE DANCING QUESTION, Dr Bob, you disappoint me so badly that I don’t even have the heart to shake my breasts at you.
  • A very tough collection this week! Kudos Dr Bob.
  • And Chopsticks to you, too. Do you realise how long that bloody picture question haunted me? Is that your hairy arm turning the page?
  • As a USA citizen, I hate this Iraq war. I understand Australia is in this one with us, just like the Viet Nam conflict. Australia pulled out of that one first; hopefully, Australia will lead the USA out of this one too.
  • Completely stumped, like an old-growth forest after a visit from the CFMEU, this month I’m afraid.
  • Didja know that the name of Nixon’s Veep, Spiro Agnew, is an anagram for Grow A Penis? [and an anagram of Win Fowles is Swine Wolf … Ha! As Dr Bob I am safe from anagrams.]
  • Do the winners actually win anything ?….if so ….what? [Fame. If lucky, dinner with me (as Hannibal Lecter said). Second prize, 2 dinners … if winners are really lucky, the dinner is with extra fries and the large Coke. But don’t worry, you don’t have a hope in hell of winning with these answers!]
  • Dr Bob please take this advice / I’ve entered this bloody quiz twice / I did something dumb / and typed with all thumbs / and deleted some lines in a thrice (well, you try and find another rhyme!)
  • Dr Bob your quiz is a game / that I’ve played in again and again/ I’ve won it before / But I can’t any more / ‘cos that bloody picture’s a pain…
  • Dr Bob, you are naughty – these are too hard. Happy Easter.
  • Dr. Bob, you certainly cabobbled me this month. (Titter, titter.)
  • ennui
  • Damn! I was caught doing this at work.
  • First time I have seen your site/questions and answers. These are a worthwhile diversion from serious matters at work. [Try and tell the boss that]
  • Great site. Causes me to laugh a lot. [I am too nervous to press further and ask what the cause of the laughter is]
  • Hey Bob
  • Hey, is there any way to cheat on this quiz?
  • I promise I’m only going to answer one more time, after I work out Q6 (and I’m going to bloody get it this time. It looks too bloody easy though–probably everyone else will too!)
  • I will accept partial credit.
  • I wouldnt have a clue to the answers to any of these questions i just put the first thing that came into my head [Luckily this page is text only, with no pictures] guess if i wanted to i could look some of the answers up. I am new to this site its pretty cool
  • If I had something clever to say I’d be on the ABC [And you’d be a lonely man, even then]
  • Interesting questions.
  • Is there anyone in the US who can send me a set of Adams Idea golf irons? They’re too expensive in Australia.
  • No comment
  • Not fair – Google was no use at all! Very difficult this time
  • Question: How do you tune a banjo? Answer: With an axe.
  • Something for you, Dr. Bob, [Thank you Joanne – this is beautiful. It got to 487 before I was able to compose myself enough to resume work]
  • Thanks for the extra clue for Q6, Dr Bob. It really helped! [Well it helped YOU – nobody else had any bloody idea. He he he]
  • The University of Houston’s football hand-signal: Place both your hands in front of your face, palms placing towards you. Bring your hands to your eyes, covering them completely. Now shake your head rapidly from side to side while repeatedly saying, “This isn’t happening, this isn’t happening”.
  • Your quiz is better than attending meetings.
  • Your quiz makes me want to compose Haiku. The questions are fun But the answers are more fun Dr. Bob’s a stud