Answers for April 1998

Our WINNER for April is closer to home –

Andrew Smith

of Psych Dept, Monash Uni. Well done Andrew, enjoy the rain festival.


Question 1

What European country uses the most soap (per capita)?

Answer

Great Britain!! Having lived there myself I find this very hard to believe, as my remaining friends will probably attest.

Alternative answers:

  • Well, if you believe Finland’s Trade Point Online Database, it is the United Kingdom. [What would the Finns know about this?]
  • Why, LUXembourg, of course.
  • Definitely not France
  • Definitely not England…. Q: where do the Poms hide their money? A: under the soap.

Question 2

Which of these cities is known as the Venice of the North: Stockholm, St Petersburg, Manchester, Amsterdam?

Answer

All of them

Alternative answers:

  • Well in Amsterdam they refer to Venice as “the Amsterdam of the South”
  • Manchester. It’s third on the list and if you have a choice of 4 it’s usually the 3rd one [this is indeed so, for multiple choice questions]
  • None of them, they are known respectively as Stockholm, St. Petersburg, Manchester and Amsterdam.

Question 3

Where did Columbus finally believe that he had been?

Answer

Despite having been to the New World three times he died poor, raving mad and still convinced he had been only to India or Asia.

Alternative answers:

  • Abducted by little green aliens with a poor knowledge of human anatomy and unhealthy interest in certain regions [You mean India?]
  • At sea for a long time
  • Cloncurry. It reminded him of Melbourne (apart from the night-life, which is more exciting in Cloncurry)
  • Queen Isabella’s boudoir

Question 4

Charlemagne’s son Louis the Pious fell very ill, but at Ingelheim on 5 May 840, what finally killed him?

Answer

Oh darn, I got my facts mixed up. What *I* read was that he died of fright upon witnessing an eclipse of the sun (which did occur on 5/5/840). However certain tedious respondents have gone and looked this up properly and find that he carked it on 20 June. Maybe he was sort of weakened by seeing the eclipse then he felt more and more downhearted …. you know how it goes.

Alternative, and probably more accurate, answers:

  • The medical bill from the king’s doctor
  • Riding around in the pope-mobile before the invention of bullet-proof glass?
  • Since he apparently died on June 20, he must have spent 46 days in a time warp abducted by aliens – come to think of it, he would have had to be in America to have had this privilege.
  • He was poisoned by eating a dodgy pious and sauce at the footy.
  • His doctors (one called Bob in particular)
  • Piety – the last lash of the birch that he gave himself as he crawled, prostrate, across the great square to the Basilica [well, if it killed him it would have to be the last one wouldn’t it]
  • Chronic priapism

Question 5

Jesus’ first miracle – turning water into wine – produced how much wine?

Answer

(John 2:6) six pots of 2-3 firkins each, i.e. 450-700 litres in all. And everyone was drunk already.

Alternative answers:

  • 1 jeraboam
  • 12-18 firkins – then they all had a firkin good time!
  • 12% (the rest of it is still water)
  • If he was really the Messiah he would have turned it into whisky!
  • According to the records at the CECG (Customs and Excise Commission of Galilee) no tax was paid in regard to the manufacture of wine or spirts in the region at the time, so officially at least, none was produced….
  • How would anyone REALLY know considering the party had already drunk the entire supply of the house?
  • Not enough … and it seems that anyone can do the reverse miracle.
  • Six big pots … he also did top-ups on request.
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