Answers for April 2006

This month’s WINNER is the appropriately named

Win Fowles

from Queensland. Ne Il Diamond, indeed.


Question 1

What would you notice if you shook the hand of the President of North Korea?

Answer

Not many jobs have a requirement that candidates applying for the job must be dead, but this is one of them.

Additional Answers

  • His supple youth, vivaciousness and intelligence. And the smell of embalming fluid.
  • All current president’s of North Korea are purple walruses. That would be noticeable I think. Of course all current presidents of North Korea are also 12 feet tall and have no hands so the point is moot. [Actually, he’s about 1 foot tall and 5 feet wide].
  • Another Kim got a Nobel Peace Prize for doing it, [doing what- dying?] but I guess that only happens if you are someone important. If I did it I doubt this would happen, especially now that his influence over North Korean politics is less…um…direct than it was, unless certain theories about the afterlife are true.
  • Depending on reports a) the smell or b) the weird haircut, especially apparent from my great height
  • eew! wet fish……
  • He doesn’t have any.
  • He had one of the Axis of Evil as a birthmark.
  • He has a VERY firm grip! So hard indeed that when I shook his hand he pulled it off! And so when he offered to shake my other hand I declined politely…
  • He has enough fingers to shake a hand.
  • He has slanty eyes [Actually, all of him slants quite markedly. On a marble slab]
  • He is human being and not controlled by an alien cockroach as claimed in the Trey Parker and Matt Stone film, “Team America”. I would also admire his raised platform shoes.
  • He was wearing a glove
  • He’s a short-arsed little bastard, with lifts in his shoes.
  • His glasses.
  • His skin
  • How short he is (5′ 3″)?
  • I thought that orientals use to do a reverence instead shook hands. [yes but Mexico is not in the Orient. Well, it sort of is, if you go from Europe to Japan and sort of keep on going…]
  • I was dreaming? The black glove? The guards waiting to take me away? Is that a gun in his pocket or is he just, oh, it’s a gun. Help.
  • I was in the wrong country! Or grease, blood, hair cream, etc. (He uses lots of hair cream to make his short arse look taller by making his hair stand on end.)
  • I would notice my surprise at being in North-Korea and his clammy gloves
  • I’d feel il. [Groannnn. Do you like salt? And snow?]
  • I’m guessing a combination of things. Right off the bat, I’m sure I’d notice all of the AK-47’s. After a few tense moments, I believe I’d start notice the frosty chill blowing in from Hell.
  • Iron
  • It depends on whether it was attached to his body or not. [Well if you shook it, it would be attached when you started, but pretty soon it wouldn’t be attached].
  • It’s an independent life form, and was featured in both the television and movie versions of ‘The Addams Family’ as “Thing”. (And paid quite handsomely, I hear)
  • Moo Goo Gai Pan breath? But seriously… his hand is made of iron. I know because all the articles about him say that, “He ruled with an iron hand..”
  • My clammy hands?
  • That he has been dead for 12 years? Maybe? Kim Il Sung died in 1994 but was made “Eternal President”.
  • That I had a gun at my head? It’s not going to happen any other way.
  • That I wouldn’t be dreaming, because there is no president in North Korea.
  • The answer is that you can’t, as the title of President was abolished after the death of Kim Il Sung. I suppose you could argue that Kim Il Sung is still president – in which case, since he’s been dead for 13 years, he would probably smell a bit, and if you shook his hand it might come off in yours.
  • The fresh blood of executed victims dripping off . . .

Question 2

What else happened on the day that Kim Il Sung was born?

Correct Answer by D Hawley

Note to self: Must look up old Kim Il Sung’s birthday… Oh poop. I just did. Dr Bob, how COULD you! I thought you were over this obsession! *hangs head* [Sorry Dave …. I just COULD NOT RESIST this one! I should probably be embarrassed, but I got over that years ago]

Additional Answers

  • 15 April 1912… Hmmm,
  • A nation screamed?
  • A single bright star hung over Mt Paektu, and a double rainbow appeared.
  • According to the North Korean government, a star rose in the east . . .
  • Having been born on February 30, it would seem Kim feels a wee bit special.
  • His father died and he became president
  • His mother was not pregnate anymore
  • His mum was in the wrong place. Had she been on the Titanic we might have been spared the Korean war.
  • I am not privy to North Korean propaganda.
  • I don’t know. [Ah, but you will]
  • Leonardo DiCaprio drowned but Kate Winslet survived. That was after their ship sank after hitting a fake iceberg. Well didn’t it say that was the date on the screen? Or am I imagining that bit? Oh and it was my grandfather’s sister’s husband’s birthday. Little did he know then that only four years later he would go “over the top” at about 7.30am on July 1st 1916 at Thiepval. Listed as “missing”.
  • On a night to remember, the band played while the ship went down – does this say anything prophetic about the fortunes of North Korea?
  • Being afraid of Kim Il Sung the gods decided to sink the Titanic, so he wouldn’t be able to use it against them.
  • Sunrise……sunset
  • The band played on, while the unsinkable happened. Peter Menzies was born
  • The doctor didn’t smack his arse, his mother did.
  • The earth managed yet another full revolution on it’s axis, keeping the record for consecutive revolutions on an axis alive. The North Koreans dispute this, however, thinking that on that day, the planet cheated by skipping a turn. As a result, they went and reset their calendar to “0” in protest.
  • The end of the previous era of korean history
  • The English as well as the Koreans have a sinking feeling about this day.
  • The sun came up
  • The world hit record temperature highs because the gates of hell were opened for 3 hours to let him out.
  • The world kissed their dream of international brotherhood goodbye.
  • Wasn’t that the day singer Ne Il Diamond first sang ‘Song Sung Blue’ because the newborn Kim, ill, was what was then quaintly known as a ‘blue baby’? (Yes, yes, I know the Great Leader was born donkey’s years before N.Diamond but I like MY version of history.)
  • There was ice, lights and a fast moving boat that stopped suddenly and then there were no lights. The name of the boat escapes me. [It seems that everyone wishes that it would escape ME!].

Question 3

When Kim Il Sung’s birthday is celebrated in Pyongyang, obviously the whole city is in party (or Party) mood. Regardless of the events and associated posters and displays, how else does the city look different on the evening of this day?

Answer

They try very hard to not have any power blackouts.

Additional Answers

  • All the lights are dimmed in respect (or perhaps because they use all the day’s electricity for the celebrations, a bit like the Faro a Colón in the Dominican Republic).
  • Amazing, everything works. No power cuts. All the lights are on.
  • Dark, as power is diverted
  • Electricity is made available for more than an hour on the Great Leader’s birthday, so the lights are actually on.
  • Electricity is on
  • Everyone gathers in the streets to sing and dance. It’s terribly crowded with the military out in full force to make sure that everyone is displaying the State Approved levels of merriment, and the medical teams carting away those who don’t smile wide enough.
  • Everyone was happy?
  • It is lit up – they turn the electricity on for the night.
  • It rained cats and dogs so that people could finally have something to eat
  • its dark? [No, that’s the other 364 days of the year]
  • It’s in a light-, or (Light) hearted mood.
  • It’s possible to see, cos they remember to keep the lights turned on that night
  • Kimjongilia-itis: a rash caused by the flowers in front of the statue of Kim II Sung, and the mass dancing in the streets is on, but USA citizens are not invited.
  • Lights.. camera action
  • Lynched dead people, who were insufficiently celebratory, hanging from lampposts . . .
  • Parade of weapons and army
  • People beginning to notice very large fire crackers.
  • People look unusually happy.
  • Pyongyang’s Kim Il Sung square is usually empty, but for this holiday it is decorated and filled with people who take part in parades similar to the opening ceremony of the olympics – lots of shapes etc made by humans.
  • Sacrifice of first borns?
  • The gutters run red with the blood of those who answered the invitation with “No thank you I shan’t be able to attend.”
  • The lights are turned on. They are usually off, so that the Dear Leader can have a hot bath.
  • The mummies dance in the street
  • There are no dogs to be found anywhere. They were all eaten during the festivities of the day.
  • They have electricity. It’s working everywhere. Lights. Amazing.
  • They paint it red.
  • Tinsel! Gobs of tinsel!
  • VERY dark and mysterious! With evil smiling pumpkins everywhere! And … and … and children dressed up in costumes singing #Trick or Treat! Give me something good to eat or smell my feet!# or something along those lines. I have deduced (though I have absolutely no IDEA when this guy was born) that it is HALLOWEEN!
  • When you’re shit-faced from drinking too much gineungju you don’t care.

Question 4

The North Korean National Library in Pyongyang has a collection of songs from all over the world – including Waltzing Matilda. The librarian was interviewed in 1997 and complained that one country was missing from the collection. Which country?

Answer, Which Nobody Got!

Norway. Look – I dunno why Norway. Perhaps the collection for alphabetically neighbouring “North Korea” expanded so much that it shoved Norway off the end of the shelf. If they have shelves, that is.

Additional Answers

  • ??South Korea, which North Korea says doesn’t legally exist??
  • A good clue here would be whether he is still the librarian. But a wild guess might be South Korea?
  • Antarctica – not many songs there, but you need at least one for the compleat collection! Also, did you see on this website, Kim Jong II is listed straight after Iceland? Weird! http://www.hertz-lion.com/culture.html
  • Bugger – no idea. Maybe the USA coz they are such good friends……..
  • Dammit Bob, very cunning. A story about songs in North Korea – you must have known that was ungooglable! Seeing as the Grand People’s Study House is too far from Bolton for me to go, I shall have to guess. I know there’s some Beatles and Michael Jackson there, so that narrows it down very slightly. I will go for the obvious. Iceland.
  • Easter Island
  • Greenland
  • Holland
  • Hutt River Province
  • I have no idea but I did find this (not very good joke) joke: Q. Did you hear what happened at the North Korean National Library? A. Somebody stole the book.
  • I know! I know! Antarctica! No one lives there except for scientists and really REALLY cold penguins! 😉
  • Iceland
  • Iceland, of course. Other than Bjork, who does not count, no Icelanders sang and therefore there were no Icelandic songs for Kim Il Sung to sing.
  • I’m going to guess – the USA?
  • Logic, Google and puns be damned- our leader, Dr. Bob, be praised. The answer is Iceland!
  • Narnia.
  • North Korea
  • North Korea
  • North Korea
  • North Korea. Surprisingly, even field recorders from the world’s great libraries have failed to capture the achingly lovely spoon playing that makes up much of the North Korean music library. [Capturing a couple of spoons would be a useful start].
  • South Korea I guess, but I doubt she had the opportunity to complain again.
  • South Korea, I guess…
  • South Korea.
  • South Korea. Officially it does not exist, according to North Korea.
  • Tasmania
  • The United States. Apparently, they tried sending over a Milli Vanilli CD back in 1990. By then, the scandal was public knowledge, though, and the North Koreans sent it back.
  • USA
  • Where in the world is Waltzing Matilda? Near Poland?

Question 5

What was the last thing that Kim Jong Il said in public?

Answer

“Glory to the heroic People’s Army” (in 1992)

Additional Answers

  • “Arrghhhhh”
  • “Is this podium safe to stand on”
  • “Is this wire the grounded or the live one”
  • “Always leave ’em laughing!”
  • “Death to . . . Kill all . . .”
  • “Glory to the heroic Korean People’s Army … Oh, and bring me some lobster and the girl in the third row.”
  • “I love Japan.” I say this for the reason that if I said that in public in Korea, it would be the last thing I ever said in public.
  • “I still refuse to screen “Ishtar” in my country!”
  • “I’m so lonely” – no, wait, was that just in the movie? Maybe “which way to Macao?”
  • “We shall fight on the bleachers, we shall fight on the coffee grounds, we shall fight in the fijords and in the trees, we shall fight in the mills; we shall never dismember.” (The Dear Leader is proud to model himself on another Great Leader, Church Il, but poor KJI never gets it quite right…)
  • *screams*
  • ? [That’s what I’d say too]
  • According to this alternate timeline (http://www.othertimelines.com/testing/viewtimeline.php?timelineID=394) it was to denounce the Soviet Union for not providing military aid. In reality, it was probably something like wishing the Korean football team good luck.
  • As I don’t speak Korean I’m not sure of the translation. How about, “OOOH SHINY”?
  • Bye!
  • Err, last thing in the news was him saying that there would be “grave consequences” if the US attacked North Korea. If he’s said anything in the last week or so I’ve missed it.
  • For the last time i am not adopted i just CHANGED MY NAME!!!
  • Fuck knows. [Usually they delete this sort of quote from the interview]
  • HAPPY HALLOWEEN! The poor man died that evening from chokeing on a boiled sweet… (I am terribly sorry to anyone who thinks that I dont know anything… I know stuff … just not anything about Kim Jong II)
  • I am Kim Sung II
  • I love yous all
  • I luv yers all! *sniff*
  • Is this thing on?
  • It wasn’t me! It was my evil twin brother!
  • Kim Jong-il has never delivered a public speech, although in 1992 he did shout “Glory to the heroic Korean People’s Army” from a reviewing stand at a military parade. Yeah it’s a copy fom here http://www.nautilus.org/DPRKBriefingBook/negotiating/ProfileofKimJong-il.html but does it count for the quiz? That is the question.
  • Long live the People’s Republic of Korea… and thanks for all the fish.
  • Most people mistakenly believe that his last public words were, “Glory to the Korean People’s Army.” Truth be told, immediately following that was “Let’s roll! MTV is running that new show ‘Beavis and Butthead’ and I don’t want to miss…what? The mike is still on? Crap!” Kim was so mortified by this that he refused to ever speak in public again.
  • Thanks
  • The grail is at castle………….aaaaaargh
  • x
  • Why?
  • Yes
  • You make it sound as though the effin’ sod is dead. For all I know he is speaking in public now; It could be a different answer by the time you edit this. Nasty tricksy Master…. Or have I missed something on the news lately??????
  • “Army”

Question 6

What building is this?

Answer

Ulaan Bataar Drama Theatre. By an amazing quirk of irony, I have been saving up this picture for use in the quiz for some years, and now during the very month it’s used, my wife has seized the chance to book us on a rather unusual holiday (no, not with one-way tickets, since you ask) … so the answers to July 2006 will include a photo of me standing outside that building!

Additional Answers

  • A replica of the Reichstag of Germany (pre 1945).
  • Headquarters of the neo Nazis?
  • Dyslexic nazi headquarters (note the backwards swastika).
  • Ein Gebäude in Deutschland!
  • Going with the flow of the questions this month, I’m willing to bet it is Kim Jong Il’s main letterbox.
  • Headquarters of The North Korean Nazi Party?
  • Hm, I really don’t know. Most likely an american embassy somewhere. Or Pyongyang, or Reykjavik, or Melbourne, or Bolton – no, it’s definitely not Bolton – we have the flags but not the architecture.
  • I know, I know, it’s the place our very own Kim Jong Beazley goes to reinvigorate his swas ticker when Howard is giving him a prolonged bout of the political shits. KJB goes there often.
  • It is a very nice building
  • It’s a masonic lodge, somewhere where conifers grow. Either that or with the left leaning swastika – Greenpeace Head Office?
  • It’s an advertisement for musical about the glorious life of Hitler and his jolly, good fellows
  • Its the Reichstag in 1942’s Bizarro world
  • Korean national library
  • North Korean Hindu Temple. This is the annual yearbook photo. The North Korean Hindu “Kim Il-Pradesh” is pictured with his government “escort”.
  • Secret Nazi HQ in Pyongyang
  • Since this is not the German swastika, maybe a Buddhist temple? Or the headquarters of the Red Swastika Society? Or the headquarters of the British National War Savings Committee? No, I think they took theirs down already. Anyway, did you know that [text stolen for a future question]
  • That’s the leaning building of pizza delivery in India. Note the Hindu symbol on the flag. I hear they can deliver anywhere in the Sub Continent within the year. Free if more than 365 days late.
  • The famous Korean Acropolis facade complete with the buddhist swastika
  • The North Korean National Library?
  • The Roush house of parliament
  • The Taj Mahal. What a minute that’s in France isn’t it . . .
  • The white house?
  • This building was built back in the 1920’s and housed the “Arthur Murray School of Goosestepping.” Of course, they quickly and quietly went out of business in the 40’s and Mr. Murray decided Dance was really the way to go.
  • This is the world headquarters for the X-Games.
  • Yeah. The Nazi’s weren’t the only ones to use the swastika.

Comments

  • Amazing how you managed to work the Titanic into this month’s quiz… [(blushing) Aw shucks, (grinning) it was nothing really. Just a little fun. (grin begins to resemble a manic sneer) . . . Just you wait.]
  • Are you a Doctor of North Koreaness? Also, what are the chances of NLP having a positive effect on me? [About the same as my being a doctor of North Koreanness]
  • Are you going to drop a month so that you can catch up? [Gosh, that’s a good idea, but I don’t want you all to miss a month. Tell you what I could do – I’ll base a whole quiz on one of my pet obsessions … what’s that? Have I really? Gosh.]
  • Comments? You want comments? You tell me what Feckings have to do with Aglets and I’ll comment. Commo’s with red numbers. Pass me another beer Darl. Thanks HIC!
  • From http://www.simonbone.com/pyongyang.html: The choir and the applause ended, and were replaced by a dance troupe acting out scenes from the revolutionary struggle, as projections of patriotic images continued behind them. There was Lake Cho in Mount Paekdu, the Slogan-Bearing Trees, and Dr. Bob’s log cabin. No guesses what came next: to sad music, the smiling face of Dr. Bob appeared, and the dancers surrounded it and kneeled down before Him as the crowd applauded. After about a minute, the image changed, to Barry Williams and Dr. Bob, the latter toting a pistol and wearing a military uniform with a long pleated skirt; the applause became more intense, then as the dance continued, this picture gave way to one of the couple holding the infant Dr. Bob. The clapping was deafening. [Well, some people do do it in a very noisy way. What was the applause like?]
  • G’day Dr Bob. I have just stumbled upon your web site and am thinking I would enjoy becoming an active member. Please tell me do you judge the competitions based on facts or perhaps its very early in the morning which made me think that sometimes you give it to the most humorous? [God only knows how I judge the answers – I have no idea myself. To qualify as a winner you have to give your name and at least one brilliant answer, truly amazing in its humour, repartee, correctness, depth of research, or attached contribution to my favourite charity. Or, if possible, all of these].
  • great work bob
  • have a great day! [well, I was, until I got your answers]
  • Hello Dr. Bob… I’ve been a bit crook for some months, so I’ve missed my monthly dose of masochism. The chemo’ made it hard for me to sit for long periods at the computer – I get such a sore bum – and believe me it often takes (me) a long time to figure out this damn quiz. PS Why does the red number keep changing? Or is this an indication of just how slow I really am?
  • Hey Dr Bob – my first non-smartarse entry. Seeing as I’ve been reading up on Dictators recently I thought i’d have a go – unfortunately looking at my answers I think I’d better get back to the books. Incidentally do you know that [text stolen for use as a future question]
  • Hope you receive this one, Dr Bob…
  • I don’t understand what for are this questions about North Korea. [Neither do I. With a bit more effort, you will not understand what the whole quiz is for. I don’t know that either].
  • Ich sprechen Deutsch! Ja! Ja! Mwahhahahahahaha … (pause) … ha!
  • In these days of fossil-fuel dependency, we all need to grow a little dinosaur in our gardens….for the generations to come, lest our world turn into one where all we can see is a string of red numbers…..hey!……it’s too damn late!!!!
  • In this whole quiz on North Korea, I can’t believe you didn’t mention Juche! Also, I hope you edited this quiz respectfully: [text stolen for use as a future question]
  • Is it true that in the 1970’s, Australia not only pulled its troops out of South Vietnam, but established diplomatic relations with North Vietnam AND North Korea? [Yes. It’s because we Australians are smart enough not to fight wars. Well, we do seem to fight other people’s wars – so we’re not THAT smart]
  • Jesus, I should be in bed rather than typing this shit.
  • Just a quickie, today. Sorry? Oh that’s spelled QUICHE! [No, it’s “Juche”]
  • Nazis and Commies and Dictators, oh my!
  • No comment
  • Sorry Uncle Bob the tourists are arriving in Broome and I wish that they were in Korea so cannot raise enthusiasm or even the nazi flag this month – see you in May maybe
  • That was a tough one!
  • Well I didn’t find this months building in my searches. But at the bottom of this page http://www.geocities.com/dprk02/day2.htm I found LAST month’s building. The solution to this problem is obvious.
  • With a name like that you are either a heroin addict or genius. Possibly both.
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