Answers for September 2007

Ah, Coolgardie! Lying resplendent 38 km from Kalgoorlie, which in turn is nowhere near anywhere else, this historical town whose main street in 1924 glowed in the light of four hurricane lamps now benefits from a tourist industry “resulting in a small increase in population” according to Wikipedia. What are they doing …? There used to be a competition to see who could drill through a concrete block the fastest, but people lost interest in even that. Dr Bob’s heart goes out to the population, among whose 1395 persons is this month’s WINNER

Linda Houston

I suppose you feel safe in Coolgardie, Linda. It’s a pun, you know, Coolgardie safe? No, I have not given up my day job. Better get on with the quiz:


Question 1

Bible Code: when the UK Daily Mail fell for this very silly idea, they desperately tried to keep it running despite all the derision. Once, [in August 1997] they printed all week “Bible Code – The Proof …. evidence that all the major events in world history were encoded in the Bible … further details on Monday”.  What did they print on the Monday?

Answer

Nothing about the Bible Code, but quite a lot of news about a car crash in Paris, which the Bible Code failed to predict.

Additional Answers

  • “Bible Code – The Proof …. evidence that some of the major events in world history were encoded in the Bible … further details on Wednesday”.
  • “Free Sex! Call 089094039709, etc.” to distract attention. It worked for believers because they got angry. It worked for unbelievers because they got excited.
  • “MAKYBE DIVA WINS CUP – RELIGION REPORTER NOW BILLIONAIRE”
  • A newspaper.
  • A photograph of Osama Bin Laden with the caption “Now, it warns of nuclear war. Dare we ignore this message?”
  • A retraction and apology?
  • A warning about September 11, 2001 — just over a year after it happened.
  • April Foo-ool!
  • APRIL FOOLS! We all know that Jesus (much like Ted Turner) is just a hologram.
  • Bible codes! Randy aliens! – we don’t demand too high a standard of proof. Well that’s the best I could find.
  • Bible predicts newspaper article on the proof of the bible.
  • Buy and read Michael Drosnin’s book for more information
  • Further details. No that’s too obvious. Racing results and news that Spike Milligan had passed away [Wow! Although entirely wrong here, this is quite a coincidence -see Q6], and the Editor’s resignation letter.
  • Genesis.
  • Nothing
  • Nothing much. There was a big train crash in Siberia, and a chimp in the London zoo had given birth to triplets, so the Bible Code story was relegated to page 29 and nobody read it anyway.
  • Nothing, it was a public holiday & no newspapers were printed.
  • Probably, “Evidence for Bible’s inerrancy postponed until further notice.” There never was any further notice.
  • Retraction?
  • Stories about piglets
  • That Jesus had a brother (a television show ad)
  • The Death of Princess Diana, which of course wasn’t predicted by the Bible Code, nor by any psychic until after the event.
  • The Monday edition (!) blaming it all on GCHQ and Simon Singh.
  • The weekend crossword answers, sports results, the days racing form guide and the usual rubbish about snotty members of the Royal Family.
  • The winning lotto numbers from the previous week! Amazing proof of the predictive powers of the Bible
  • The words “further details”,just as promised.But nothing more.
  • Who cares? A comet is going to destroy the Earth in 2012. Why, Dr. Bob, why did you force us all to face this?

Question 2

According to Lyndon LaRouche, who heads the world-wide cocaine smuggling conspiracy?

Answer

H.R.H. Queen Elizabeth II

Additional Answers

  • A bunch of zomibie infesteted communist aliens, no sorry thats my theory.
  • A dude with a long, red beard, blue sunglasses, a peaked straw hat, four arms and no legs. Must be an alien…
  • CIA
  • Dubya. As in The Prez. George W Bush. Of course it had to be him.
  • George Bush
  • George Bush, secret head of FARC
  • George Herbert Walker Bush and the CIA.
  • George Soros and the CIA.
  • Himself, he has his head so far up his arse trying to find the cocaine that he may never get it out.
  • hmm,some South American.The ghost of Eva Peron?
  • I head the world wide cocaine smuggling conspiracy. The person Lyndon credits is my fall guy. Tell no-one!
  • I think it is QEII, ably assisted by Phil, Chilla and the whole Windsor crew. Lyn’s probably right – always thought they were a sniffy family.
  • It would have to be the US Government wouldn’t it?
  • Lyndon LaRouche himself, the worldfamous Cajun-Based Mississippi delta dweller, also famed for writing the song ‘I am the head of a world-wide cocaine smuggling conspiracy, tralali, tralala” (Come on, you know it).
  • Online gamers and piano tuners
  • Osama bin Laden. Who else?
  • Queen Elizabeth II.
  • She’s victorius, happy, glorious and long to reign over us.
  • Sherlock Holmes.
  • The legendary Kooki Kokkainen. (Just a wild guess).
  • The Pope, the Wiggles, Freemasons, the National Icelandic Ladies’ Hole Fishing Club (Inc), who knows, LaRouche is a bit of a nutter isn’t he, it could be anyone.
  • The Queen of England. I did not know that. This probably explains why Tony Blair supported the US invasion of Iraq.
  • The Queen of England. Can’t you just see it? – “We are NOT trafficking in illicit substances, we are merely trying to make a living.” Yeah, right.
  • The Queen, but I have been thinking that for years. How else would she come up with that goofy expression on her face.

Question 3

In the famous “alien autopsy” hoax movie, a film technician was one of the two operators shown. What was the special skill that decided the choice of the actor for the second operator?

Answer

Local butcher Roger Baker [odd name for a butcher?] got the part, because he could also supply the chicken entrails necessary for some of the special effects.

Additional Answers

  • A special effects guy to make the blood spurt on cue [and not take off his 90’s watch]
  • Acting?
  • At a guess, the ability to speak with an American accent.
  • Being able to put his eyes out on stalks, cause people to levitate, etc… Just in case the alien broke down and they needed a replacement.
  • Big boobs
  • Bloody big eyes.
  • He “Looked” like a scientist type of guy, you know, stooped, thick eyebrows, creases in the forehead etc.
  • he could gargle peanut butter
  • He had 20+ years of experience working as a carpenter/ freelance butcher, who on occasion, had no difficulty sawing up a butchered cow. Or alien, for that matter.
  • He had a beard to put in the beard net?
  • He had the best drugs.
  • He had to be able to do the job without laughing on camera.
  • He owned a white coat.
  • He was an experienced gelder of stallions and bulls.Or maybe blokes?
  • He was homeless (and nameless)
  • He was small enough to show all of him and not reveal that it was a set.
  • He was the only one who could operate a camera.
  • He was the special effects expert who set up the fakes.
  • It was a hoax??????? Damn you have really ruined my day.
  • Not being a film technician, to cancel things out so that the aliens could land safely without an interfering magnetic fields.
  • Oh, he was able to fart the opening bars to the theme from Close Encounters.
  • Per the film shooter’s recollection “Even if I could remember, I wouldn’t give you names! Yes, there were scientists, military brass, and medical experts, even Truman’s team got down there, it was the full works”
  • Slender fingers?
  • Sushi Chef
  • The ability to cop heavy laser knocks from the aliens.
  • The other operator was the maker of the alien “body”. He was used because he would best be able to handle the dummy, making it appear real.
  • The second operator was actually an alien, making “alien autospy” refer to an autopsy being perfomed by an alien.

Question 4

Of whom was it stated “No marks whatever.  Probably third class” (note: if you key these words into Google or Wikipedia then you are a cissy).

Answer

Sidney Leslie Goodwin (OK, you can Google it now)

Additional Answers

  • A ping-pong ball lying in a third-class carriage. (Ping-pong balls normally do not have any markings on them, unless attacked by an insane printer).
  • A student who flunked a mathematics exam.
  • AARRGGG! Temp me not thee vile google page. I thought about this for weeks. Well a few hours over a couple of weeks. I figured it had to be someone clever who was failing school when in the 3rd class. I was in the 3rd class at school in England. Someone probably Scandinavian. Or maybe Einstein. But it just didn’t seem right so I’m a cissy and now it makes sense. Eino Viljami Panula. From Finland.
  • Bill Gates
  • Eino Panula, or “The Unknown Child”.
  • George W Bush, handing in a hand written proposal for a new war, in Iran probably?
  • George W. Bush
  • Me. All the time. 😛 Either that or it was Albert Einstein (no I didn’t google).
  • No cissyness for me, also no answer.
  • Oh hell. I thought it had something to do with the Titanic. Then I googled anyway. Now I’m a sissy. Shit. Shit. Shit. Sob. Sob.
  • Ronald Reagan
  • Sidney Leslie Goodwin
  • Sidney Leslie Goodwin (Sorry, I googled just so I could finally get a single question correct).
  • Sidney Leslie Goodwin- a child who lost his life aboard the Titanic
  • Some really bad maths student.
  • Some unlucky passenger of the Titanic?
  • Ted “the tomato” Puckley
  • That was said of me when, in my second year (of four) at military college, I totally and completely flunked a history exam.
  • The grave of Eino Viljami Panula. Which was on answers.com. (Yes I know that’s a Wikipedia clone but you didn’t disallow clones did you?)
  • The little boy whose identity was just proven by docs in Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada – I’ve seen his ‘Unknown Child of the Titanic’ grave marker in Halifax
  • The man in the iron mask, his name was Fred. Nice guy actually. (note: I don’t google, I just take the piss)
  • The Titanic George Bush.
  • Third class? Lets see – passengers – Titanic, I imagine. I see a pattern forming now Dr Bob.
  • Titanic survivor
  • Um, Whom refers to a person. Rats, I was going to say the IRS tax bill (third class postage). Another option is classes of trains or airplanes or ships. So, I will go for a comment in the Steve Martin movie “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles”
  • Yeah. Elvis. I’m sure of it. Either by Art Linkletter or Mr. Ed.

Question 5

Dr Bob’s elderly relative fell over and broke her wrist.  She already had a future appointment at the Falls Clinic, but they cancelled it, why?

Answer

Due to wrist in plaster preventing proper training of how to cope with a fall

Additional Answers

  • Because of the irony. [Yup. Irony is one thing that occurs aplenty when you have an elderly relative and have to deal with bureaucrats]
  • Any elderly relative of Dr Bob would have to be younger than our geriatric quizmeister, whose IQ (>130)is exceeded only by his age. Rather like me, actually, except I’m aged 32. (Er, bugger, didn’t get that right, let me think on it for a bit…)
  • Because she failed to arrive on time due to her fall. Ain’t it ironic.
  • Because she fell over and broke her wrist.
  • Because she had already fallen (they try to prevent falls occurring)
  • Because she had already fallen, silly.
  • Because they felt guilty about trying to charge her for a service that she had already performed on her own.
  • Because they had to change the details and yeh. As usual.
  • Because they specialise in broken hips, not wrists, so go elsewhere!
  • Because, Dr Bob, being a doctor, had already “taken care of her” (after making sure her will was “friendly” and up-to-date).
  • Dr Bob is a doctor, therefore they found no use to give her an appointment. Bob can fix it, yes he can!
  • Falls clinic studies geological formations resulting from water, often in the form of a stream, flowing over an erosion-resistant rock formation that forms a sudden break in elevation or nickpoint.
  • If she’d already fallen over, there wouldn’t be much point in going to a fall clinic, now would there?
  • No casts allowed in Falls Clinic
  • Ouch poor luvvy, is she alright now? No idea why they cancelled, usual bureaucratic nonsense and waiting lists I guess. Especially if it’s attached to a public hospital. Or maybe they just didn’t want someone in plaster hanging about, it might make them look bad.
  • She had sprained her ankle?
  • The range of motion test would not have gone so well? Or if it did go well the elderly relative would not have enjoyed it. (Visualizing arm with extra ‘joint’ between wrist and elbow.)
  • there was a bread revolt in the kitchens
  • They dont bulk bill.
  • They exclude patients with dementia.
  • Too late, she’d already fallen.
  • Two choices 1) It was a fitness clinic at the world famous NZ Sutherlands waterfall and they couldn’t go because of the pain 2) There were other issues besides a broken wrist (perhaps death) which prevented her from attending

Question 6

Whose gravestone is this?

Answer

Spike Milligan, sadly missed. This is the complete picture showing his granddaughter at the grave. The one line shown in the quiz was the Gaelic for “I told you I was ill” – Spike having been refused permission to display this epitaph in English on his tombstone.

Additional Answers

  • A Goon. Really Spike Milligan. He told us he was ill.
  • Early Irish royalty, way back in pagan times. Or a druid. Or is it Welsh? nah,druid.
  • Eccles.
  • Frida “bun bun” Thoom
  • Gandalf
  • Guine me leat so naibh me breaite? What-the-…?? [Actually it is Dúirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite]
  • James Joyce
  • Kokkainen, who was desperately asking for “quinine…so [I can] breathe” before dying misunderstood.
  • Ned Kelly
  • Not the spelling bee champions.
  • Oh please. Terence Alan “Spike” Milligan. RIP. I told you I was ill. I wrote and asked him to marry me when I was nine. He turned me down. I never recovered from it. His birthday is the day (and about 47 years) before mine, 16th April.
  • Philip Glass? Oh damn, he’s not dead yet, just his music, not him then. James Joyce maybe – is that a portrait of the artist as an old man under the pixellation? John Howard? Nope – he’s only dead politically. Sorry, dunno, must stop making grave errors. Lost the plot, really.
  • Shakespeare. Yep. No doubt about it. Or Robert E. Lee. Or Abraham Lincoln. Definitely someone who lived at least 150 years ago probably over 500. I’ll stick with Shakespeare.
  • Some dead guys.
  • Some poor bloke who’s wife couldn’t think of a clever epitaph so just had the drunken welsh stonemason engrave some gibberish.
  • Someone whose check to the stone cutter’s association bounced so they smudged out the words on their gravestone since they had already written it. Could it be Dr. Bob’s elderly relative who broke more than her wrist.
  • Spike Milligan – The inscription is in Irish Gaelic and reads “I told you I was ill.”
  • Spike Milligan’s. It says “I told you I was ill” in Gaelic.
  • Spike Milligan’s. Translated from Gaelic it reads “I told you I was ill”
  • The guy who invented the technology that blurs things in pictures. This effect was used on his gravestone so we could remember him fondly.
  • This gravestone belongs to the Great Goon, Spike Milligan.The visible writing reads “I told you I was ill”, is written in Irish, chosen because Spike was an Irish citizen.
  • Ulysses S Grant ?
  • When I entered some of the words into google, the first link was that of a Dutch comedian (Andre van Duin) who once wrote a song called “There’s a horse standing in my hallway”. I suspect then, it is his grave (or his horses). I didn’t know he’d died. Neither probably, does he.
  • “He’s fallen in the water” R.I.P Spike. Ar dheis go raibh a anam

Comments

  • Called me a sissy, let me in on the fact the Earth will be destroyed in 2012, told me the Roswell video is a hoax . . .You are a real bummer this month Dr. B.By the way I got 995787 on the submit code. Unless someone can beat two pair I win the pool this month. Send $5 Aus to Jeff care of the Australian Skeptics.
  • Carramba, vot a hard quiz!
  • ha ha. I didn’t google a thing, and only got one right! ha ha. I do hope your elderly relative recovers soon Dr Bob. Broken wrists are ghastly things. Love ya Spike. Mwah.
  • I am back once again, and who knows maybe I’ll get one right this month. Oh well, at least the computer is working for me so I can post my answers for Dr. Bobs enjoyment.
  • I’m baaaaaaccccccckkkkkk!!!
  • I’m off to France next week for the Rugby World Cup, Dr Bob. You will be stuck with that odd game they play in Melbourne while I shall be watching the game they play in heaven (if there is a heaven, of course, which leads one into a theological minefield which neither you nor I have the time or indeed the wit or the interest to breach). [Well, I went to New Zealand while this quiz was running – Rugby is above the status of a religion there. And if there is a heaven on this earth, it may be in NZ but, IMHO, it is certainly not in France]
  • I’m working late and it’s nearly time to go for the train. But thanks. I was a bit bored. Not very good answers though.
  • Lyndon LaRouche is a disappointment, giving us GW skeptics a bad name.
  • Man, I do not know anything about about these random trivia queations.
  • Not as much fun as usual Doc, also looks like we didn’t get as many questions as we normally do.
  • One right and I’ll be surprised.
  • Rather easy considering there was no mention of Hitler or Iceland. [Well, the other one crept in. Do I have to visit ALL my fetishes in every quiz?]
  • So, this is your september September quiz (as opposed to august August)? Huh.
  • Thank you for enriching my life. Next time I meet with the Pope, I’ll ask him to deify you. [That would be neat oneupmanship, as I like to defy him]. I’d like to see more questions about penguins , though.
  • The picture question was a doddle this time – didn’t even have to think. [That makes two of us]
  • This is a stupid, unknowable test. When I can pass this I’ll be a certified imbecile.