Answers for December 2004

Well well well – our WINNER this month is

Wendy Wilkinson

who lives in Wagga Wagga – and indeed is the convenor of the Wagga Wagga Willing Women’s World Wide Web Wednesday Workshop; members needed, e-mail her at ww@wwwwwwwww.org.au. “Don’t W8, join W9”.


Question 1

What new religious holiday, having its origins in the Book of Exodus, was proclaimed in November 2003?

Answer

24/11/2003 was proclaimed “Sam the Sham Day” by mayor Jim Shapkoff Jr, in Leesville, Louisiana. I’m not sure what they did in 2004, it may have been a one-off. Domingo Samudio, with unchanged appearance apart from white hair and a big motorbike, is now an ordained minister active in visiting first-time offenders in Texas jails. See his Hispanically-named web page at http://www.samthesham.com/indes.htm – or, preferably, don’t. If ever I go to Texas, I will be more than usually careful not to commit any jailable offences.

Other Answers

  • “Arabs-Get-The-Oil-While-We-Get-To-Cut-Off-Our-Foreskins Day” (proclaimed in Israel on Masada Cup Day, a Tuesday in November 2003).
  • “Stone your Neighbour Day” – those that have been caught working on the Sabbath anyway – Exodus 35:2.
  • “Daughters in Slavery Day” Sell your daughter into slavery, legally, on this day! Exodus 21:7.
  • “Kill all firstborn Egyptian Children Day” to celebrate the mass murder of babies and children. Exodus 12:29.
  • Ah yes, the International Day of Prayer for those Persecuted by the Church on the 9th, or was that Prosecuted. Oh sorry, that should be the International whatsit for the Persecuted Church!
  • Angelina Jolie Is The Most Beautiful Woman In The World Day.
  • Are you thinking of “Arrival Day”? The oxymoronic American-Jewish ethnic secular celebration in which everyone is allowed to be Jewish (and American)? Loosely speaking I suppose this started in Exodus, as much as being Jewish did, but actually this is an idea they nicked from the South Asians of Canada and then adopted.
  • As the Second Book of Moses is called EXODUS, from the Greek word EXODOS, which signifies going out, I assume that the new holiday is an excuse for another “going out” day, and as it was proclaimed in Nov, I conclude that it is an Australia wide holiday for us all to go the Melbourne Cup carnival.
  • Being a devout atheist I dont know nor care…so long as I get a day off work.
  • Being very knowledgeable in the Book of Exodus I’d have to say it’s the annual “Run away! Run away!” celebration, obviously.
  • Christian Day. It was discovered by George Dubya…he was looking in Exodus for a way out of Iraq, when he made the discovery. Another notable element is that he realized it was a world holiday, not just a Christian holiday. Yes, he’s pretty special…
  • Don’t look at me. [That’d be a reason for naming EVERY day]
  • Exodus day, highly celebrated in Paris, Texas.
  • Exodus means to leave – so the Exitentialist (sic) Ecstasy
  • George Bush’s Birthday.
  • Harry Potter Day
  • Icelandic independance day [no, that’s June 17 … damn, another trivia question gets compromised]
  • I’m still upset US greeting card companies created Sweetest Day 25 years ago and having it actually catch on. Now religions are inventing new holidays???!!! I’m not having any part of it. Unless I can have the day off work. Or maybe the next Monday. Or the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.
  • In December 2002 the secret organisation in control of the worlds supply of cabbage (and hereby brain washing, as cabbage was the original brain food) decided that it would speed up their ability to brainwash people if they had more leisure time. Instituting raids on Vatican City and Buckingham Palace (amongst other places) armed with lots of cabbage and a shovel they “persuaded” christian religious leaders to scan their books for another holiday they could enforce. 11 months later, an early edition of the book of exodus (that was formerly censored due to some damaging comments about nail biting, which all the former popes had indulged in) was rediscovered and a new holiday was announced.
  • International “doing-a-runner day”, a celebration of all those who have legged it, skipped off, done a bunk, or generally scarpered.
  • It depends. AD or BC?
  • Let’s Get the Hell out of the Middle East Day.
  • Lots of people are stoned in exodus, and it recommends the stoning of many others. Perhaps misunderstanding of this inspired the annual festival related to one particular weed in Nimbin.
  • Moses’s birthday
  • November 2, 2004–The Apotheosis of George W. Emperor—all Red Staters have the day off. All Blue Staters must eat dirt for four years.
  • Pay No Attention To The Talking Bush Day. Unfortunately it had not really caught on by November 2004.
  • Sabbath day
  • Schoolies Week.
  • The eternal election and re-election of Bible blockhead Republicans to the presidency of the USA.
  • The Feast of Holy Mackerel. From Exodus where Adam says, “There’s something fishy going on here…”
  • The Melbourne Cup has now been moved to a new date.
  • The… holiday… in honour of…. religious… stuff…
  • There’s another one??? How many do we need???? I confess: being one of the countless rotating roster shift workers (insert drone here) of the world means that the majority of holidays have absolutely no meaning to me unless they come with an increase in penalty rates. I’m afraid I’ve failed you, Dr Bob. I feel so ashamed (which is the latent Catholic in me).
  • Um oh Exodus …. must be Xmas
  • ‘Wandering lost in the wilderness day’. When hundreds of Jewish people walk aimlessly in the desert looking for a land of milk and honey but usually ending up with sore feet and sunburn and in a bad mood.
  • Who care. We accept any reason for taking holiday. Its not the queen’s birthday, but we take the day off.

Question 2

The ancient Persians preferred to make important decisions when they were drunk, and review them later when sober. What happened if they were sober when a new decision was urgently needed?

Answer

According to Herodotus, they made a temporary decision, then reviewed it next time they were drunk. But then perhaps they were stringing poor old Herry along “We can’t give you a drink because only the President has the operational codes to release our drinks cabinet”.

Other Answers

  • Divinated the truth from the hair on their backs.
  • Became intoxicated rapidly – so obvious
  • Decided, then drank and saw if the decision still made sense. It’s kind of like the quiz. Fill it out sober early in the month. Then do it again when drunk later in the month using a pseudonym. (Then try to keep perspective when your drunken fictional persona wins and you don’t.)
  • Easy – they whistled up the ancestor of permanently pissed-looking Ayatollah Whatsisname to do the thinking for them. Just like today, really. And the outcomes were just as Farsical.
  • Easy. They ordered up several large cans of Foster’s, Australian for beer, and were quickly plastered enough to make decisions.
  • Flaming Lamborghinis, I mean Flaming Chariots, all round!
  • Flaming Tequila Shooters!
  • Get drunk again.
  • Go find the town drunk and ask for enlightenment.
  • Happy hour
  • He would consult with Iyham Legless, who, in preparation for such emergencies, was perpetually “blotto-ed.”
  • I can’t decide on an answer because I’m not pissed
  • I don’t think the ancient Persians were ever all sober at the one time. However, on the odd chance they were all sober at once (and I bet there were recriminations in the party room later) then they would probably convene an urgent Excess Consumption meeting, with a commitment to upholding a non-sobriety benchmark with a key performance indicator in the number of EtOH containing beverages consumed in a minimal timeframe, with an end-point of enhanced productivity with regards to decision-making. Sort of what happens in the parliamentary dining rooms. Sort of. Or they could just read that management-speak for equally stupefying effects…
  • If they were sober? Beyond imagining … never known to occur…they were always drunk … for deeply spiritual purposes only
  • Like all of the rest of us – do Tequila shooters until decision making can be proceeded with. Of course as I don’t wait and reconsider my choices in the morning, sometimes the tequila haze decisions are not my strongest …
  • Making important decisions whilst drunk? BRILLIANT!
  • Persians made important decisions? Where is your evidence?
  • Presumably they got drunk on Me(a)de (sorry about that) and then reconsidered the decision they took when they were sober. Actually their process is a bit like our modern politicians – except they don’t reconsider when they sober up…
  • Procrastinate through rug weaving. This led to the Empire’s eventual decline.
  • Some of them got drunk and the ones who stayed sober reviewed it on the spot.
  • The grabbed some peoti or whatever that drug-esque cactus is called?
  • The important point is to review the decision twice, once with alcohol to advise, once without. The order doesn’t matter. Obviously, the thing to do would be to make a preliminary decision, get roaring drunk on your poison of choice, and if it still seems like a good idea, go ahead. Of course, lots of things seem like good ideas after enough beer – especially more beer!
  • The Persian lawmakers would jauntily saunter down the boulevard to the Hammurabi Café, where Darius, of the great Achemenides clan, would treat the lawmakers to several dozen bottles of shah daroo, vintage 390 BCE. After becoming suitably inebriated, and encouraged by King Darius, the lawmakers would then pass an edict that made it lawful for Darius to accept the kingship for another four years even if all the votes went uncounted in the Ohioianthian province. Darius saw this, and it was good. He then went on to conquer Parthia, Hyrcania, and Floridacia. The rest is history.
  • They always had a six pack of Guinness on hand for just such an emergency. Each council member would down their six pack in the shortest possible time, sometimes with a couple of arak chasers for the more hardened drinkers.
  • They drank. Actually that’s too obvious, so. They just went ahead and made one anyway.
  • They go to the bar and get drunk!
  • They got drunk very quickly. Though in really, really urgent situations they would roll dice.
  • They got drunk, fast. A very fine example of butt protection: `It , the matter, was sprung upon us late into a good booze up and, well, we came up with what seemed a really corking decision. The next morning, once the hangover had dissipated and sobriety had set in, we realised it was a mistake, but as you can see, it was an honest mistake. O.K., we lost all but two regiments in the battle of quigamole against the desert Arabs… but a general can’t revoke battle orders once committed.’ Now, it didn’t look too good for a general, an ink stain in the copy book, to lose an army to desert bandits, slightly, in those good old days, it was head detachment stuff. So, the experienced general kept a drinking school of chaps on his staff and they hit the turps quick smart.
  • They got drunk, of course, just like Dr Bob does when he writes quizzes.
  • They got sloshed, as soon as possible, and didn’t bother about the review.
  • They got the town drunk (or Boris Yeltsin) to make a decision for them and then they reviewed that.
  • They had a roster of permanent drunks who were on call. I hear the old democrat leader was only following ancient government traditions.
  • They lit up a joint instead.
  • They phoned Doctor Bob’s ancestors
  • They went down to the local pub and asked someone to make the decision for them, then they would review it themselves as they were sober. Failing that they’d flip a coin.
  • They would argue over it for longer. If they had known of marijuana they would’ve used that.
  • Think vodka; think iv drip; think instant decision.
  • This was certainly a dilemma. Their answer – the beer bong! It was invented by the ancient Persians to create the quickest possible state of drunkenness so they might act urgent important decisions. That’s why college students use them before tests – using a beer bong really enhances their decision making.
  • Well they couldn’t decide what should happen because they weren’t pished

Question 3

Ingmar Bergman’s _The Seventh Seal_ was premiered on 16 Feb 1957. Why are most Swedish films premiered just before or after Xmas?

Answer

Only in July & August is there enough light for filming outside. The usual time for cutting and editing causes the final version to be ready around the end of the calendar year.

Other Answers

  • Because on Xmas day itself, one turkey is enough.
  • Back in the dark ages, where dinosaurs smoked to look cool, and killer bees were still on speaking terms with fighting mongooses, sweden was little more than a town. Coincidentally, they had a celebration known as Xmas, where the X stood for celebration (not to be confused with modern day christmas). As such, movies were officially decided to be released at this point to enhance the celebrations of what was a very non-celebratory nature at the time, and this tradition stuck (unlike the much mourned spiky tuesdays, where people threw swords at each other to settle petty arguments).
  • Because Bergman’s film was originally titled The Sixth Seal. Surprisingly, one of the seals was pregnant and gave birth on January 1, thus the title of the film had to be changed to The Seventh Seal. To avoid this embarrassment in the future, all films were mandated to premier in December to avoid having to accommodate other unforeseen seal births in any Swedish film.
  • Because everyone in Sweden gives and hence receives movie tickets as Christmas presents, and the Swedish are notorious for opening their presents early. Swine!
  • Because everyone’s either too busy going to warmer places during the rest of the year, or enjoying summer in the countryside, so the only time people are in towns is Christmas season.
  • Because it’s cold for 24 hours of the day and dark for 20, to give the Swedes something to do (watch new moofies) that doesn’t create more Swedes.
  • Because it’s the holidays for everyone and there’s nothing good on TV (end of ratings silly season for them too.)
  • Because of the very short days around that time of year so most people want to do indoor activities – a lot of Swedish babies are also conceived around that time of year.
  • Because on Xmas most people would want to spent time with friends and family, so a film released then would flop.
  • Because there is a terrible tradition of all people (children and adults alike) to watch Disney movies on Christmas eve and Christmas day. With such a tradition around, it is essential that there are adequate numbers of mainstream and alternative new release movies out there to dull the pain.
  • Because they’re annoying.
  • Best time for ticket sales and they don’t have nighttime wasting
  • By your definition of “just” most films anywhere premier just before or just after Christmas. (Or Easter)
  • Chilly Christmas is the only time when the sex-raddled Swedes are cold enough to wear clothes, so they go to the movies and get their sex vicariously for a month or two.
  • Everybody is on holiday for the rest of the year.
  • Everyone is tired from too much “Hide the sausage”, and needs a break.
  • Holidays, it’s the “premiere season” where you enjoy good beer and aquavit and herrings with friends before going to the premiere, or is there some obscure funding issues to do with December… I’m confused. Where’s Benny and Bjorg when you need them??
  • I have no idea Dr. Bob, I looked up Swedish Film and Christmas on Google, got some rather interesting results and ended up just a little distracted! I didn’t know Santa and the Reindeer got up to things like that!
  • If they were released in April you would ask “why are they released around Easter?” If they were released in September you would ask “why are they released around Grand Final Day.” The truth is they do not get released just before or after Xmas, they get released just before or after Hannukah.
  • I’m guessing it’s a commercial decision, much like it is in the US and Australia.
  • It is too cold to go anywhere else. Theatres are heated, the rest of the country isn’t.
  • It would be a Christmas miracle if anyone, apart from the French, watched one. No? Right, how many Ingmar Bergman films has anyone watched? Of the few who have managed to sit through one, how far through, 20 seconds? Of those fewer who sat through an entire film, how many didn’t feel ill and swore never to watch one again? Apart, from the French. Huh? Huh?. Yah , that’s right, what’s a Bergman?
  • Its porn season
  • It’s the begining or the end of their ‘Oscar’-esque competition
  • Just in time for the Golden Beetle awards. Vroom vroom?
  • just like australia theres nothing on free to air tv
  • maximal market penetration
  • Obviously it snows a lot at this time of year in Sweden therefore there is literally a captive audience as outdoor activities are non-existent also movie theatres are kept nice and warm. Although I think I would rather risk frostbite than sit through an Ingmar Bergman film.
  • People are then preoccupied with the holidays, so if the film positively reeks, no one will care.
  • Probably there is a film festival around that time. Maybe it includes Icelandic films, too. But come on- what else are you going to do in Sweden in the winter- go to the beach?
  • The Swedes are drunk over the Christmas period so they will watch anything
  • To coincide with the birthdays of ABBA band members Benny and Frida.
  • To get the holiday crowds and to be eligible for the oscars – no wait that’s Hollywood.
  • Well, any film that isn’t premiered on Christmas can be justified as being “just before” or “just after” christmas.
  • What else can they do in the winter months ? if they were filming in winter their naked bits wouldn’t look as impressive as they look when filmed in summer.
  • Xmas? Because they are smutty porno flicks and Xmas is the rated X day? Xmas? What’s the matter with you, are you some heathen who can’t bear to spell Christ?
  • You need to be full of the milk of human kindness to appreciate them…???

Question 4

Which country or province is the world’s largest supplier of legal opium products?

Answer

Tasmania

Other Answers

  • Afghanistan. Well, they are legal in Afghanistan.
  • Aha, so incest isn’t the cause!
  • Australia’s very own Tassie. No wonder the natives each boast two pointy heads and marry their mums.
  • Britain. It’s why they don’t care if they have ugly teeth. And it’s probably what caused the ugly teeth…have you been in a jail or prison facility lately…no one there on a drug charge has good teeth.
  • Burma, answer from – http://www.umsl.edu/services/govdocs/wofact2002/fields/2086.html
  • China.
  • Coloumbia
  • Disneyland.
  • Do not know but lead me there (joking)I love poppies
  • France. Yves Saint Laurent manufactures the stuff in Paris and offloads it to the Australian public through David Jones and Myer, in the fragrance department.
  • Ghazipur and Neemuch in India. To retain his license to grow opium for another year, the farmer must fill his quota of 4.5 kilograms. For one kilogram the government pays him Rs 250 ($8) – a fraction of the drug’s value on the black market.
  • Holland (well, they have dutch poppy fields….)
  • I believe that would be the USA. And the “legal opium” products are distributed to all True Believers by Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson.
  • I know they grow a bunch in Tasmania. What I particularly like is the signs saying people attempting to steal and misuse the poppies will be KILLED!
  • Iceland?
  • India (legal), Afghanistan (illegal), Tasmania (most locally available).
  • India (northern, growing centres in about 3 provinces) – supplies more than half of the licit opiates. And it’s in between Afghanistan and the “Golden Triangle”(Afghanistan being one of, if not the, biggest illicit producers), but the Indian Govt is insistent there is very little ‘leakage’ of the licit to the illicit trade. Hmmmmm.
  • India is the world’s largest legal producer of opium, Tasmania is the largest producer of opiate products.
  • India. Tea and Opium. . . That was a good scam for Britain while it lasted. Too bad about Ghandi and all that.
  • Isn’t it Tassie ? Any place where the family tree doesn’t have any branches can do just about anything
  • Tasmania Australia, the bit they often leave off maps
  • Tasmania grows 40% of the worlds legal crop, which probably explains a lot about the Tasmanians I know…
  • Tasmania. I always thought there was something weird about that place. Bob Brown comes from there you know.. enough said.
  • Thailand
  • The province of Tasmania?
  • The state of Tasmania, in Australia, wins this honour. And I was born there. This explains much, I fear.
  • The Vatican. A little known fact, but accurate just the same.
  • This sounds rummy – with the shit sniffer blaring at full alert, it’s pointing at Canada. So, Canada.
  • Van Diemen’s Land
  • Washington, D.C., a reading of whose Congressional Record will quickly produce a state reminiscent of opium.

Question 5

If you were visited by Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II and she said she fancied a cup of tea, how should you add milk and/or sugar to it?

Answer

No sugar, and milk in LAST.

Other Answers

  • According to a republican I know, you should mix them in your mouth, and……
  • Ask her (them the Royal plural) and she/they will ask her/their corgis (plural?) and probably give them the milk
  • Aunty Liz drinks her tea the correct way….black no sugar…as she says “we are sweet enough already”
  • Bloody carefully. Let’s face it, insufficient sugar in her tea is why daughter Anne’s face looks like a sucked prune and one is sure that HM does not want to wind up the same way.
  • By pouring any milk required from a jug and using a teaspoon to add any sugar HM wants from a sugar bowl – preferably bone china and matching the cup, saucer and milk jug. Refrain from saying “Sure thing, Liz”.
  • Correct Answer: Pour tea, add milk, ask Her Majesty about sugar. Practical Answer: “Sorry Your Majesty. I’ve got no tea. How about coffee? Nonfat milk OK? Hmmm. No sugar. Would ma’ am like to meet my friend Tim, Tim Horton?” Note: Tim Horton’s is a Canadian and Northern US chain known for coffee, donuts and being cheap. [Ah I see. Reminds me of when I visited a cheapskate mate, who called from the kitchen “I’ve got International Roast if you prefer, or are you happy with the cheap stuff”]
  • Daintily. Mind you don’t forget the hash cookies for the corgwn.
  • From wwwiz.com… The British Standards Institute has proclaimed that milk is best poured before the tea, though this is debated by some tea lovers. Those in favor say that the hot water scalds the milk, which brings out the tea’s flavor. (And they never use cream, as it masks the tea’s taste.) Others have speculated that the milk-first theory prevents the china from cracking in reaction to the boiling water. However, Queen Elizabeth II reportedly enjoys her tea by adding the milk afterward. Oh, those reckless royals…
  • Have someone else do it.
  • I should add milk or sugar to Her Majesty’s tea only after I’ve dressed her corgwn in little pink tutus.
  • I would say I’m pleased that she fancied a cup of tea because it seems her husband, eldest son and two ex-daughters-in-law fancied half of Britain.
  • I wouldn’t .. I’d tell her to get her monarchist arse out of my house before I set the dobermans onto her and her corgwn.
  • It must be exactly 5:00pm and you must be pretty damned important, so be ready with the following: Sterling silver pots, Earl Grey, bone china cups and saucers, no sugar, only milk (Her Majesty will add her own milk to suit herself, thank you very much)…don’t step on the Corgis hoovering the crumbs nor on their bone china holding their scones with strawberry jam and creme, and the Dundee Cake (which Her Majesty brought along in case you don’t happen to have one) is for the Queen…First piece is hers…
  • It should be Keemun Hoa Ya A blend (if you have it), brewed for about five minutes (no longer, it gets bitter) and add the milk afterwards, then the sugar (lots of it). Thanks. QEII.
  • Milk first, then tea, sugar last.
  • Milk first, then the sugar, then the tea. And don’t let her see you spitting in it.
  • Milk MUST go into the cup before the tea (of course the tea must be made in a pot – goes without saying really). But QEII is a rebel and prefers her milk added after the tea. No sugar!
  • Milk should be added straight from the udder, sugar is added by distilling a diabetic’s urine. You need about 3 months notice.
  • Physicists have discovered that pre-lactonation provides the best results in tea making. Thus, milk first.
  • Pour tea, add milk then sugar (in lumps??) if required. Of course, this is an age old debate – milk in the cup first or tea? Many ponder. Many don’t. Of course, this could be a trick question – HM wouldn’t visit me in my mundane existence. WAYYY too few Corgwn in the back yard.
  • Put the milk in the cup BEFORE adding the tea, because any good tea aficionado can tell if you added it second. Give her the sugar bowl and teaspoon and let her add her own sugar. It is presumptuous to add sugar to another person’s tea, intrudes upon their personal space, yea, even unto psychological rape. Use a milk jug and a sugar bowl, and both should be high quality china or silver (plate will suffice). The cardboard milk carton, or sugar from the bag you bought it in, are not appropriate, and will get you incarcerated in the Tower.
  • QEII would not visit me. And I don’t do tea. But if I did: Milk: A quick swig from the plastic bottle then straight into the pre heated tin mug (before the tea). Sugar: Lick the coffee off the spoon and whack in 3 (after the tea has been added to the milk). Then stir gently so not too much is slopped. (Mugs don’t have saucers and you don’t want to get any on your Jackie Howe)
  • Really, I’d expect the servants to do it for me.
  • Shaken not stirred
  • since I voted for the republic, I would add tell the old lady to do it herself, or else get one of her many taxpayer supplied servants to do it for her. If however it was my mum, it would be hot water, tea, milk then sugar (plus some whiskey since mom always says she needs a stiff drink when she meets me)
  • Straight from the carton for the milk, and by wiping the spoon for the sugar under your armpit first to ensure the sugar doesnt stick to the spoon.
  • Survey says in the UK 98% of people take their tea with milk but only 30% take sugar. So I’ll go with the averages and say she takes her tea with milk, no sugar.
  • Trick question, you would add lemon. If she did ask for milk in a fit of insanity you should put it in first so the heat of the tea does not crack the chinaware.
  • With your right hand.
  • Using her Sevres service you’d put it in the cup. I know that some Poms would put it in the Saucer, but it’s a little known fact that Earls and above are specially trained to drink it out of the cup. They’re still working on the co-ordination needed to dunk their biscuits though.
  • Very carefully, to avoid splashes, wearing cotton gloves, the lip of milk jug cleared of rim of cup, tongs ( if cubed sugar) or spoon clear of surface of milk, preceded by a Ma’am, `How do you enjoy your tea?’. To save time, cut to the chase with: `Ma’am, would you care to play mother?’ Can’t make any faux pas if she helps herself… and you won’t cock it up because, on the off chance some peasant should enjoy the treat of a tete a tete with H.M., their nerves would be so shot they’d probably drop the teapot – I’d like to be a spectator to said teapot dropping peasant, to hear once again those words of intimacy and affection: `Orff with his head!’
  • What kind of sex pervert is QE2 if she “fancies” tea cups?!
  • With a used syringe you found in a gutter off of Hollywood Blvd. and Vine St.
  • With great flourish, bows, decorum and no farting. Also pour the milk and use a spoon on the sugar rather than vice versa.
  • You put them on over your head, just like the ordinary people do.
  • You shouldn’t, she doesn’t take milk or sugar with her tea – though if offered a pre-poured cup by someone who has neglected this fact, she will maintain the good British stiff upper lip and force it down.
  • You shouldn’t. Only savages add milk and sugar. Real tea is drunk with lemon.

Question 6

Although you can’t see him [Dr Bob’s sexist assumption – how many women would be interested in atom bombs] what can you say about the photographer who took this picture?

Answer

He must be pretty scary as everyone prefers to stand near the atomic bombs. And see how they form a very tight group, like penguins in a blizzard. Note the Christmas tree at the right. Actually this is present all the year round; they bring the bombs inside for Christmas. Probably for the Christmas party.

Other Answers

  • A lousy photographer – the angles, the perspective and the composition: is the guy/gel in infants photography schools, or yet to graduate from tiny tot’s level?
  • All the bombs are pointing at him. All the posers are looking at her. She forgot to tell everyone about cheese. He had a digital camera or used a scanner later. He was in a higher position than everyone else. She should keep her day job. He was facing a different direction to everyone else. It seems she wasn’t persian or suffering DT’s.
  • Besides being awfully tall, he forgot to add a few people to make the shape of Tasmania in front of the people making the shape of Australia. And it would have been a nicer picture if he’d bothered to get the bomb things out of the way. Not very professional IMHO.
  • Dunno- my browser doesn’t display cyrillic right. I’d fix it, but I can’t read Russian either. (http://www.vniief.ru/museum/museum_e.html) By the way, “NUCLEAR WEAPONS MUSEUM TEACHES US TO VALUE THE PEACEFUL LIFE SILENCE.” Those would be words to live by- had they been translated coherently. I finally got a picture question, I finally got a picture question, I finally got a picture question . . . sort of
  • For starters, his name was Mirv. He used a Cannon camera. Oh, and he was 25 feet tall.
  • Given the state of world affairs these days he should NOT be showing so many people what is in his garage.
  • He has an inordinate interest in ordinance? Or, maybe, this was to be the Christmas photo for the staff email. Or maybe he just likes all the people in the photo. Or just maybe, he’s the one person who doesn’t want his mug in the frame with what looks like a comprehensive historical time-line display of nuclear ordinance. Maybe he wasn’t wearing his radiological safety/exposure badge and wasn’t allowed to get any closer…. I digress, sorry, won’t happen again. The photographer is probably the tour guide or facility worker recording the massed group of people for posterity.
  • He hasn’t learnt how to crop in on the subject.
  • He is extremely tall, and collects low yield thermo-nuclear explosives as a hobby!
  • He is very tall. He has worried a lot of people with his loaded slingshot. He is a crap photographer since the focus point isn’t in the middle of the picture. And while he has everyones attention, he has someone try to sneak the far bomb out the back door.
  • He likes bombs more than people – the bombs are big and clearly the focus of the picture, and the people are little. Also, he doesn’t care if the people aren’t looking at him when he takes the picture. Is this the same guy who did my wedding photos?
  • He likes gigantic phallic objects pointed at the rears of groups of guys.
  • He needs to take pictures of hot naked chicks instead.
  • He owns a camera with a fast shutter speed, and he was accelerating towards the earth at approximately 9.8 metres per second per second. Or, was he standing on something? What would Occam say? [He’d bring his mate, Oraz, who would take another picture with Oraz’s Camora … sorry]
  • He should have used a filter to reduce the light from those windows. On the other hand, the coordinations of the green T-shirt with the green nose-cone, the light blue jackets with the light grey-blue bomb, and the red sweater with the red bands, are very nice. The contrast of the straight walls, the diagonally parked bombs and the curved group of people is quite pleasing, too. A for composition, C for technical skill.
  • He should use a higher resolution camera.
  • He was a very bad photographer if he didn’t centre those people properly, that’s for sure.
  • He was on a scaffold. [Wouldn’t that be rather dangerous]
  • He was standing in a Russian nuclear weapons museum. He may also have played basketball [But not at the same time, one hopes]. http://www.vniief.ru/museum/museum_e.html shows another picture of the same room.
  • He is smart because he is trying to keep away from the nuclear weapons. Was it you Dr Bob? [Good heavens no. *I* would have zoomed in on the crumpet in the front row. After taking the picture, of course.]
  • He worked for the government and had Q clearance, at least. The other thing I might say about him was that he attended Columbia High School in Richland, Washington, where their school mascot is a bomb and mushroom cloud and that this photo was taken at the selection of the bomb style for the artwork to imprint on the school sweatshirts. As a former Bomber, I know these things.
  • He’s extremely tall and has somehow managed to capture the attention of the group of people central to the photo. Is this too literal??
  • He’s standing on top of a huge military object and might fall off any moment.
  • He’s very, very, very tall and is Russian. He has a security clearance to be in the room – mind you, if you’re that tall it would be hard to stop you going wherever you wanted. His mother’s maiden name was Smitchev. She grew up in a small isolated village outside Moscow and eventually got a job as a photographic model/marketing assistant for the Ivan Deerski Tractor Company. His father was a Hero of the Soviet Union. He finished high school, achieving only modest academic success. He attended the Moscow Photography School for the Vertically Unrestricted and now works freelance wherever he likes. His favourite food is deep fried catfish with lashings of tomato sauce. His favourite drink is tea, however he bloody wants it. He’s always wanted to be a lumberjack, and to that end he puts on women’s clothing, and hangs around in bars in his spare time. He has trouble buying regular clothes off the rack and normally shops at the “Mr Gigantic” stores common to most Northern Russian cities. [I suppose I should ask you to tell me how you know all this, but then you’d have to kill me]
  • His fly was undone – look where their eyes are focussed (and slightly glazed) Whoops, many are male, perhaps that says something about the people photographed?
  • I’ll just have to bomb out on this one by saying that he was very very tall with something of an explosive personality. With that miss I’ll conclude…
  • Judging by “his” fascination with WMD “he” has a very small penis. I like the fellow in blue jacket, striped tie, white shoes … very nattty dresser
  • Lots of things, none of them printable.
  • Semi-guess: The picture was taken by Gen. Paul W Tibbets, USAF (retired). If so, that name should be well known in history, and needs no further explanation. The people in the picture would probably be from the former 509th Composite Group, USAF.
  • She suffers from penile envy.
  • She’s male according to Bob. And possibly Icelandic.
  • Tall fan of Dr. Strangelove.
  • That he got together the Xmas trees (right side of picture), wrapped the weapons of mass destruction in red ribbons ready to send them to their new (responsible) homes to be deterrants, but forgot to get the Santa hats for the happy gathering of scientists and purchasors of this fine equipment.
  • That it was a female, and that she was ambidextrous.
  • The photographer is a man – got this from the fact that you say “Although you can’t see him…”.
  • Well, he’s obviously quite tall. He takes lovely group photo’s of the massed choir of the Doctor Bob appreciation society memorial bomb spotters club.

Comments:

  • Aaah – the joys of night shift! It’s 3am and I’m getting paid to write this! Probably more than you’re getting paid to read it …
  • Are you a real doctor? [Well, um, I have a basic medical knowledge]
  • At Dr Bob’s trivia QuizI sometimes have been quite a wizI’ve won it beforeI might win some moreBut this month I’ve been quite a fizz!
  • Careful Dr. Bob, I can tell you from personal experience that opium, liquor and bombs don’t mix.
  • Doesn’t Melbourne seem like a boring hole after the excitement of Sydney?
  • Dr Bob, yet again you allow me to realise that I am almost totally ignorant of the things that are going on and have gone on in the world around me, however obscure they may be. But I will say this: your quiz is a heck of a lot more interesting and informative than Reader’s Digest “Increase your Word-Power”.
  • Dr. Bob, if you “doctor” something you generally destroy part of it. If you “vet” something you make sure it’s OK. Is there a “Vet Bob” there we can talk to? [No but I do have a pet cat … who would vehemently disagree with your statement of the proper functionality of veterinary surgeons).
  • Good luck and thanks for all the quizzes in 2004. May the quiz be with you in 2005.
  • Great questions Bob. Pity I can’t come up with good answers.
  • Great Quiz! I’ll try to answer it with more perfection next time…
  • Happy Christmas, Dr Bob
  • Happy Kwanzaa, Dr. Bob.
  • Happy Solstice to you, Dr. Bob. And a little present for you: http://littlefuckingrayofsunshine.com/poodle_fitness.mov
  • I didn’t find one of your esoteric photos! However, I did find the room in which it was taken.
  • I love your website. [Maybe this explains why the picture on my monitor is shaking in that way]
  • I thought I’d get your quiz done early, because I’m going on holiday to good old France on Dec 4th and I won’t be back till January, so this is really the only chance I’ve got! [You missed a better chance, namely: Cancel the holiday. But I suppose you’re there now, with all those exasperating Frenchmen with their stupid Eiffel tower and onions and bicycles. And that bloody viaduct – designed by an Englishman of course – that helps you get out of France quicker. And just think – on one of the days while you were in France, I was in New Zealand where I saw and touched the actual nameplate and flag from the Rainbow Warrior.]
  • Interesting quiz. At least it made me think and for that one should always be congratulated.
  • Me likie!
  • Merry Christmas to you Dr B and I wish us all a lot more interesting quizes. (Hmm, what’s the plural of quiz?) [No need, there is only one]
  • Q. Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-six-year-olds? A. Because there’s twenty of them!!!
  • So, tell all Dr.Bob, no Chrissy type brain torturers because Santa has it in for a skeptic, that it? Mind, if he doesn’t do better this year with the pressies, he can disappear into thin air, and I’ll have his reindeer for lunching on.
  • Started trying to be funny – which never seems to happen, so then I tried looking up the answers, still no luck. Merry Christmas Dr. Bob!!!!!!!!!
  • Sure I didn’t know the answers, but this is the first time in a while I’ve been able to think of much to say in response to any of your questions.
  • This month I am more flippant than usual. 43 degree C maxima and 27 degree minima temperatures have broiled my brain. [I recommend less hot showers and less cold showers. Anyway what’s the weather like there in Broome?]
  • Very stylish new website, Dr. Bob. Please tell me you had some help! [Oh yes, I do NOTHING except list & edit the answers and set the questions. Our tireless Webmaster did all the layout]
  • Will Australia be politer than Canada on George The Second’s next visit down under? [Oh yes Andrew. Australians are famed for their manners, tact and diplomacy]
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