Answers for March 2004

Sorry late again, I got back from one holiday only to find an urgent message summoning me overseas again, although this time at someone else’s expense so I had ANOTHER holiday two weeks after the first one – and also very nice too. Anyway, now I’m back and things should return to normal. Well, as near to normal as anything ever gets on this quiz. WINNER for March 2004 is the appropriately named

Win Fowles

Win is a tireless respondent from Queensland’s Sunshine Coast who obviously feels the need to fill out his time with something worthy, and what better pursuit than Dr Bob’s quiz? Imagine what he might be doing otherwise. Onyer, Win.

Question 1

When the CIA hide their secret messages in digital picture files (steganography) what pictures do they generally use?


Rumour has it that they use Monet, Renoir or Rembrandt

And of course:

  • I could tell you, but I’d have to kill you.

Other Answers

  • I have the impression(ist) they have good taste.
  • This one. [Groan…]
  • Aha. My 1st response was pictures of beautiful naked ladies. But then the whole point is to avoid attention. Let’s see. Pics of George Bush Jr?
  • Digital ones!
  • Dirty ones–to distract spies from looking for the secret messages.
  • From what I can gather the CIA prefer to hide their messages in paintings by Monet or Renoir or some other serious artist. Now terrorists prefer to hide theirs in pornography… you may not like their politics but you’ve got to give them top marks for style.
  • I don’t know, but I’ll have a guess at postcard type shots if overseas and family pictures if they’re home.
  • I guess it’s typical CIA to publicise the pictures they use to put coded messages in. They’d be the ones marked, “Secret messages in hidden in this picture”
  • I’d hide it in spam to make it look unimportant . . . so to answer this I just need to open some of my spam to see what kind of images there are . . . gasp
  • A mail box, to make it easy for dumb spies.
  • Stills of Laurel & Hardy, the Keystone Kops and other employees of the US govt
  • Naughty ones – unhappily these days however, because of PC one supposes that the naughty bits of girly pics are covered over:1st agent: Corr eh, get a load of this.2nd agent: Oh yes, really stirring, the girl covered in some old grandma’s dress.
  • Obviously, invisible ones
  • Ones of the Penthouse Pet of the year – it gets pretty bloody boring working for the CIA: the hours, the dress code, everyone accuses you of “violation of privacy” and all that Big Brother crap, the conspiracy theories, the trips to Area 51 in the dead of night. Something needs to break the routine. And what happens? You look at a picture of Miss July, AND IT’S BLOODY WORK! Typical.
  • Photos from the “Boob Camp” cruise. So clever, really. Everyone is so busy trying to figure out how those poor girls can even stand upright that they never think about the possibility of secret messages.
  • Pics of stegosauruses, of course. (Insert italicised ‘Groan’ here.)
  • Recreations of Monet, Rembrandt and Renoir Pictures, while terrorists use porn. It is so cliché it almost hurts.
  • They generally hide the secret code in that fuzzy picture of Donald Rumsfield shaking hands with Saddam Hussein in 1983. The secret message usually decodes as: Don’t get photographed doing what you are about to do!
  • Well, certainly not porn. They’d spend all their day searching for the right pictures to hide them in! Oh, so THAT’S how they missed the intelligence leading up to Sept 11. D’oh!
  • J.Edgar Hoover in a dress.

Question 2

What opera has the first sung line “Oh what boredom – I think I’ll hang myself”


Lady Macbeth of Mtsensk, by Shostakovich

Other Answers

  • A very short one
  • Actually, that’s what the audience sings during Phillip Glass operas.
  • All of them
  • All of them should.
  • Billy Budd?
  • David Bowie , The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders From Mars. Even if it’s wrong, it’s fun to type Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars. [Well, I can think of more and better ways of having fun. But we don’t go there do we?]
  • Either “Siegfried”, I don’t know as I have never stayed awake long enough to listen to the first sung line, or “Einstein on the Beach” by one P.Glass.
  • I thought it was a quote from that earnest ABC bloke with the Brylcreem, you know, the grey-headed guy who introduces the late-night TV Question Time session when Parliament is sitting.
  • GottenDammerAndBuggerItandOhShitAndHowBoringAndPhillipGlasserung
  • I sing that at the start of *every* Oprah show…. oh, you said OPERA….
  • I’d like to say something by Verdi but it could apply to any opera: the mistake is to translate lines into English – the banality of many of the songs undermines the music and golden voices. Never, never, seek a translation, ruinous of pleasure.
  • It would have to be “The Marriage of Figaro” – sounds like something said when contemplating marriage
  • Manning Clarke’s History of Australia [I don’t know of such an opera. But I suppose it could be a proposition – with libretto by Samuel Beckett, music written by Philip Glass and played by Hawkwind. I’ll call the Reykjavik Opera House and see what they think]
  • One that was nowhere near as entertaining as the playbill that convinced me to spend $20 to see it…
  • The Billy Graham Story.
  • The Bold and the Beautiful – I can’t help but think of those words straight away
  • This is a trick question, they don’t sing that usually until at least 5 minutes into the boredom.
  • Which one doesn’t?
  • What is it with you and these Russian artists? [Well there was quite an interesting story in relation to this opera. Stalin went to see it and did not like it – walked out half way through. Shostakovich’s career took a bit of a downward turn after that.]

Question 3

What happens if you dive from Jervois Quay in Wellington NZ?


Well various things could happen, most of them unpleasant as the sea has receded and the road of that name is now well inland.

Other Answers

  • Can you do that? It’s a street you know. Technically though one could “dive though a window” perhaps cutting ones self badly. Or “dive into a shop”. [Or go shopping in a dive, of which Wellington has many … several … well, one or two.]
  • Considering it’s a street, your facemask would fill up with dirt. You’d probably get arrested as well.
  • Define the verb to dive?
  • Everyone hopes your next breath is in Australia (and us Kiwis will be sad if you don’t make it)
  • Hmmmm. Seems like a trick question Dr Bob. You presumably don’t get wet, or won’t drown, unless it’s among the discarded fush & chup wrappers or dried sheep droppings littering the place.
  • If you dive west you land in the Convention Center. If you dive east you land in the Events Center. [What happens if a convention is also an event?]
  • One things for sure – you’ll find no bloody toheroea (from which is made the world’s most divine soup).
  • That being a street, you would likely land on a sidewalk. Or perhaps in the city water treatment plant…
  • The other lemmings follow me.
  • The polar ice caps melt.
  • The referee gives you a yellow card
  • Towards the water, or away? [Makes no difference]
  • You become so bored, you hang yourself.
  • You get a $100 fine and four demerit points off your diving license
  • You get wet. Obviously. [No! Not obviously at all]
  • You get wit and swum wuth the fooshes
  • You get your quay jervoised!
  • You git a beng on the heed (more or less). It is a street in Central Wellington for those simpler souls who are still confused, like New Zealanders (another gratuitous and entirely unnecessary insult to a charming and talented people).
  • You hit concrete. Don’t ask me why. It’s probably another trick question. [But I’ll tell you why – it’s mainly because of gravity, that and the presence of concrete]
  • You hit your head on a parked car?
  • You might get run over by a bus. [You’d have to coordinate it pretty well then. I suppose you could wait until you see a bus and ….]
  • You’ll probably graze something on the asphalt.
  • You hit your head on the bitumen. Who cares? It’s only New Zealand.

Question 4

Complete this quote from Japan in 1569 “I, the Lord Tadaoke, detest seeing …”

Actual Answer

“… the lid of the kettle removed before the water has begun to boil.”

But he should have said:

  • “Collingwood make it into the grand final”
  • “…or hearing honorable Muscogee Okie blokie attempt karaoke at house of Tadaoke.”
  • “…so I shall wear sunglasses henceforth”
  • “I, the Lord Tadaohe, detest seeing… ARGH” cos an over-enthusiastic servant didn’t wait for the whole sentence & put his eyes out.
  • “…. the Emperor in MY karaoke bar.”
  • “my self misquoted”. Really Dr Bob how many Japanese in 1569 could speak English? Really? Well not that guy. Lets try Babel Fish again “I, はTadaoke 主、見ることをひどく嫌う” Hmm! Are you sure Tadaoke is Japanese Dr Bob?
  • “silly signs in the subway which look like a man with an erection, a ADD child on its mother’s lap, a radioactive pregnant woman and a woman giving birth. It makes our country look depraved. And silly.”
  • “The Last Samurai” starring Tom Cruise. [Then he would not have liked to accompany me on my second holiday, which entailed four flights around Asia on Cathay Pacific, very nice airline but that was the main film showing on all four of them….]
  • “….blue and green, without something in between.”
  • “…advertisements for penis enlargement and weight reduction and age reduction tablets on the internet. The naked women are fine, and the Giant Panda baby in San Diego zoo. Absolutely gorgeous!” (Just like you Dr Bob!)
  • “…Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens”
  • “…weird stickers on subway windows.”
  • “..reality Kabuki shows. I can’t stand it when they vote off my favourite character!”
  • Buddhists? Christians? Spaniards? Guns? Japan’s history is a much more interesting read than Iceland’s. Thanks for the change of venue.
  • “commoners with dirty feet. Henceforth, all shall wear elevated wooden sandals to keep one’s feet out of the dust.”
  • “dancing acrobats who are not actually bats”
  • “Doctor Bob”
  • “fat women waking up next to me in the morning”
  • “Madam Tadaoke and all the tadpoles.”
  • “my sushi limp and runny”
  • “Naked News on Foxtel”
  • “parking tickets on my car”. Oh, 1569, huh? Change that to “parking tickets on my horse”
  • “re-runs of Shintaro”
  • Shoguns? Having seen <i>Shogun</i> I wouldn’t blame him.
  • “smartass Westerners”
  • “talentless plebs wreck perfectly good tunes in my name. In an effort to gain some distance between this awful pastime and my reputation, I am renaming Tadaoke to Karaoke.”
  • “the piss taken out of Kiwis”
  • “townspeople. They know not their place, nor have honour, they are shopkeepers and traders. They, in their selfishness, show obedience to neither lords nor emperor nor fight and glory in battle. Theirs are futile lives.”
  • “I, the Lord Tadaoke, detesting seeing myself misquoted on the internet for the amusement of peasants”

Question 5

Which children’s program stars a latex puppet based on Constantine’s head?


  • Art Attack – a dreadfully wholesome program on Disney Channel, inspiring the kids to create little in situ installations over your floor with the remains of dinner, the contents of the fridge, medicine cabinets, that sort of thing. The presenter, Neil Buchanan, used to be a guitarist in a late 70s/early 80s heavy metal band called Marseille. The head is called “Head” and it is clearly an adaptation of the remnant of the Basilica statue of Constantine, made less stern and friendlier. It used to do the links.
  • It would have to be based on the Bust of Constantine, since the Romans hadn’t invented Pictures … so it has to be Baywatch it has lots of latex busts
  • “Bill and Ben, the Flowerpot Men”, possibly, or not.
  • “Debbie Does Dallas”? (Constant head and lots of latex – well, silicone actually, but why quibble over details – and it’s certainly a program about making children, if not strictly for children.)
  • “The Banana Splits”, Constantine was the model for Fleegle, Bingo, Drooper and Snork.
  • A latex puppet based on Constantine being given head? What’s children’s programming coming to?
  • Ah yes it must be the Thunderbirds. Don’t believe me? Look here down at the bottom is easiest. Then here see the statue of Constantine’s head? Proof positive.
  • Good Morning Australia
  • I don’t even want to know.
  • I have not the slightest idea, but if you mean Constantine the Great, Roman Emperor, it must be quite a scary show.
  • I’ve heard about this before. Too bad I can’t remember where.
  • Mogdiglianna in the Ferals ABC TV
  • Mr Squiggle…It is a little known fact that Constantine had a large pencil-like protruberance on his face where his nose should have been. It must be true it’s on the internet.
  • Oprah…. oh hang, I got that wrong again, didn’t I?
  • Order in the House starring John Howard
  • Parliamentary Question Time
  • Punch & Judy
  • The Jackson Five
  • The Late Show with David Letterman
  • The Muppet Show? Geeze, Dr Bob, where do you dig up this useless information?
  • Thomas the Tank Engine
  • Uncle Gumpy’s Holy Roman Punchius and Judicum.
  • Which…???!!! Perhaps I’m mistaken, all the shows are puppets. Though, admittedly, to look like Constantine is distinction. So, this is what has befallen once magnificent Rome: a puppet theatre for the entertainment of juveniles. Horrible, horrible.
  • It’s Tuesday and The Onion probably just updated its website. I’m off. Just score me on Q1-4 and Q6.

Question 6

What song is believed to have been inspired by this bicycle?


Silver Machine

Other Answers

  • “All I Want For Xmas Is A Grey Bicycle” which was a big hit for Maurice & The Monochromes and went as far as # 7 on the Australian charts in June 1971.
  • “Bike” Pink Floyd (Barrett). You aren’t going to give credit to the people who just give up and type “Bike” are you?
  • “Born To Be Wild” – Steppenwolf
  • “Come Jump in my Car” by the Ted Mulray Gang?
  • “Fat Bottomed Girls” (which was always played with the song “I Want To Ride My Bicycle”).
  • “I’ve got a brand new bicycle You’ve got a brand new key” inspired by Daisy on a bike made for one.
  • “My White Bicycle ” by Tomorrow in 1968 [Holy shit, I knew one of the actors in that, more correctly spelt as Toomorrow. Wonder what happened to him]
  • “Sit on me, I’m a bicycle seat.” I’ll sing it for you. AHEM: Life would be oh so sweet, if I were a bicycle seat. Ride, ride, little cheek. Sit on me I’m a bicycle seat. Thank you.
  • “The Pushbike Song”
  • “Whiter Shade of Pale” by Procol Harum
  • Any and everything by Peter Andre
  • Either “American Pie” or that thing by that singing Belgian nun.
  • Good on ya cobber!
  • “Green Limousine” by the Badloves.
  • Hmm, could be the title song from “Kronan the Dyslexic Barbarian” or even the theme for the upcoming movie of Asimov’s “Foundation” series (although the bike’s number plate would more correctly read “738FE” if this were the case). Nope to either of these – too arcane. Hey, I’ve got it – the bike inspired the Sex Pistols’ version of “Daisy, Daisy” (‘You’ll look dumb, Upon your bum, On a bicycle built for one’).
  • I like to ride my bicycle? Thank you for digging up my memories of this horrible, horrible song.
  • I think it was a Queen song . . .<i>Fat Bottom Girls</i>?
  • Life would be oh, so sweet, if I was your bicycle seat…
  • Not having a clue (about this and many other things) I’ll go with the old standard – a bicycle built for two.
  • Queen’s “Bicycle” song. You know the one: “Bicycle! Bicycle! I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike. etc.” Not one of their best songs – I like “Under Pressure” better (and thank you, Vanilla Ice, for stealing other peoples’s brilliance, palming it off as your own and then fooling stupid teenagers into believing you are original. You will BURN IN PLAGARISTS HELL, YOU THIEVING BASTARD! Sorry, had to get that out of my system. Freddie was a great loss to the music world and people like Vanilla “not an original bone in my body or iota of musical talent” Ice just annoy me.)
  • Raindrops keep Fallin’ on my Head
  • Some stupid opera where the first line is sung “Oh what boredom – I think I’ll hang myself”
  • The pushbike song but I reckon the truth is, druggies and pushers.
  • The pushbike song. Or at least a pushbike song, well a song that includes a pushbike in it somewhere..I think…help me…..
  • Wonderwall: Oasis
  • You Can Ring My Bell
  • You know the Swiss army has a knife, trust the Swedish army to have a bicycle. Funnily enough one song that was a bit inspired by that bike was an advertising jingle for the electrical company National. Sung of course by a Swedish group called Abba. Dr Bob of course won’t believe me (as usual) so go here for positive proof. There they are, actually riding on the things. [Even if they can only afford 2 bikes for the 4 of them. And I wont tell the joke about the bike not having a crossbar]
  • You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel


  • As you can probably gather, I made all of my answers up all on my very own! 😉
  • Dearest Doctor Bob, do you offer a service whereby for a large wedge of unmarked notes stuffed in a brown envelope I could be declared the winner? Like the Oscars(tm) only the envelope will be a bit smaller.
  • I’m very pleased to have won the quiz, especially since I live so close to Australia’s revenge on the USA, Ken Ham (Mel Gibson with his tasteless “Patriot” and “Passion” movies being a close second). In the neighboring state of Ohio, the Ohio state government’s Board Of Education has adopted lesson plans that include “critical discussion of evolution” which include links to creationism and “intelligent design” websites. I’ll no longer think of Kentucky as more primate than Ohio.
  • Good luck to The Kiwis in the forthcoming rugby league test against Australia
  • Good quiz Doc. I really think you are getting back to your obscure best with these questions. Keep it up, that way I know I will never win a monthly quiz.
  • Having “latex” and “children” in the one sentence may attract the wrong kind of visitors to this website.
  • Hi Dr. Bob! I’m still alive. We have been busy writing the screenplay for a film to rival Mel Gibson’s latest work. Our film is named, “Dude, where’s my Cross?” [Get Bunnings Warehouse to sponsor it]
  • Hope you had fun on your vacation
  • I felt guilty (not really) enjoying this fine quiz once, or twice a month without being a Skeptic member. Now it didn’t make sense for me to join the Australian Skeptics so I did a web search for Michigan Skeptics. But, I don’t believe they exist. Get it? I don’t believe they exist. That’s funny! Hey, how come you’re all not laughing? [Because we don’t really exist]
  • I’d like to be the 208th person to note that this is March, not February. Watch that cutting and pasting!
  • If you follow the link to snopes, It explains the origin of the sign ….. [Curses!]
  • Oh dear
  • Oh, how I’ve missed your suaviloquy, Dr. Bob.
  • The quiz is getting easier all the time. Probably got something to do with just making up the answers, although you’d never guess.
  • This quiz is becoming a bit of a monster, huh? If you need help I’d gladly put my hand up [well that’s very kind of you to offer, but I am busy with the quiz right now]
  • We are no longer allowed to use the internet without permission from an executive, who is probably too busy to give permission because he is on the internet, so a very brief and inaccurate performance this month. Sorry. How’s things Dr Bob? Got that Icelandic business out of your system yet? [no. No. NO!!]
  • Well Dr Bob as you never seem to believe my always totally correct answers (I refer you to the Jan 2004 Q6 and my “It’s a girl thing” answer as a good example of me being right as usual) I have this month included some URLs to prove my points on a couple of answers. It’s on the web so it must be true.
  • Why isn’t there mouse-flavoured cat food? Or cat-flavoured dog food?
  • You’ve left it for entrants to add the nudity this month, re Q1.