Answers for May 2006

A big, bonzer mailbag this month with many good answers. Commendations to Bill Yeats, Steve Merdith, John Coffin, Barry Ocker, and Andy Minett – but a long overdue recognition as the WINNER after years of hanging in there goes to

Steve Dempsey

of London, UK. Gor blimey, knock it on the ’ead, know what I mean, innit?


Question 1

Q1 If you visit Dr Kent Hovind’s Dinosaur Museum, officially where should you puke?

Answer

(After a ride on the Spinasaurus) In the shrubbery, and not on any of the rides.

Answers

  • Over any tax return forms that are lying about. This gives him an excuse not to fill them in.
  • “As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.” Having quoted the bible, it probably should be near the dinosaur vomit…. But officialy, all over not-a-real-doctor Kent Howards face. And in his hair. And down his shirt.
  • According to Skeptical Inquirer a year or two back, the guides’ scripted narration requires them to quip after the “Circle Swivel Springasaurus” ride that patrons: “should puke in the bushes and not on any of the rides.”
  • After a ride on the Spinasaurus, in the shrubbery, and not on any of the rides. As to *when* you puke, that depends on how much brainless creationist drivel you can stomach. (I’d give it about four minutes for myself; extra points to anyone who can aim accurately and get one of the guides in the face. Double the bonus if he’s got his mouth open.)
  • All over “Dr” Hovind of course. But what was he doing in the bushes? Oh my Gawd!!!
  • All over the place – how could one help it?
  • Answer for Dr. Bob: Inside. Answer for Dr. Kent: Outside.
  • Anywhere, the puke will add to the realism of cavemen doing brain surgery on T rex’s
  • Anywhere you want to.
  • As far as I’m concerned anywhere is OK, but my preference would be in the close vicinity of the proprietor. Also I suspect it’s a safe bet that I wouldn’t visit the great attraction.
  • Beside a dinosaur, so he can show that human vomit and dinosaurs once coexisted.
  • Brachiosaurus Barf Bags? The Veloceraptor Vomitorium? The Stegasaurus Spew Section? The Panoplosaurus Puke Pit? The Rhabdodon Regurgitation Room? The Hadrosaurus Hurling House? An Ultrasaurus Upchuck Urn?
  • From your mouth, from anywhere else would just be plain weird.
  • How much beer did I have? OK in the bloody bushes if you want to be pedantic. But that’s just the kids right?
  • I wish I could, but I have no vomit reflex. It’s a good job I don’t get drunk. Do they have a copy of the Origin of Species for just such an occasion. Reports on the web suggest that the Museum might be closing, for lack of a building permit.
  • I wouldn’t (visit the Dr’s Museum)
  • If given the opportunity, I would chunder – officially or otherwise – on Dr Kent Hovind. Rather than an Answer in Genesis, my Act would be more one of Exodus; certainly it would be a Revelation to the good doctor. (BTW, only Americans ‘puke’. Australians ‘chunder’. Tch.)
  • If you are there in an official capacity, I would advise you not to puke anywhere.
  • If you can’t find ‘Dr’ Kent’s white patent loafers to decorate, ‘puke in the bushes, not on any of the rides’
  • If you have the time and presence of mind, into the official ‘Puke Basket’. If you don’t, anywhere but Dr Kent’s lap, unless your name is G Bush.
  • In the bushes and not on any of the rides, but I would find it difficult not to puke at the mindless patter of the “tour guides”.
  • In the bushes and not on the ride (No, that is not ON the Bushes however tempted you may be)
  • In the bushes, according to one site. But, you know, that’s a really boring answer. Tough!
  • In the bushes, and If I did visit there I probably would too.
  • In the bushes, though it’s not that rides that would make me puke.
  • In the pot containing Mrs Caveman’s Stegosaurus Casserole.
  • In the t-rex’s mouth
  • In your car before coming in.
  • Initially, upon entry, to set the tone of the visit. But officially one should “puke in the bushes and not on any of the rides”.
  • In-sufficient information
  • Into an easily disposable plastic bag to eradicate the remnants of a flu virus that may be proof of *shock* evolution.
  • Isn’t there some dino-shaped ride which invariably makes a child sick?
  • It’s been shut down, so I guess just outside the locked gates
  • No puking allowed in the park! Please wait until you have left the area.
  • Nowhere – it’s closed.
  • Officially you shouldn’t. But don’t tell dr. bob that.. (how awkward for him..)
  • On Dr Kent Hovind because of his absolutely stupid ideas and unbased teachings that embarrass himself and others.
  • On Ken Ovid, I was going to puke over one of his bible tracts, but decided I respected them more.
  • On the laws and building codes of Pensacola, Florida. Just like he does.
  • On the official puke catcher. He is recognisable by the sign above his station which reads… Bring it up Here.
  • One would desperately hope that it might be on ‘Dr’ Kent himself, but no, he is rarely in residence, so if dizzied by the Springasaurus experience, you are apparently advised by the nice young men to “puke in the bushes and not on any of the rides”.
  • Out of your throat.
  • Over the shoes of the guide who tells kids to puke in the bushes and not on any of the rides
  • Pensacola, USA
  • Puking is an unofficial occurence down the front of ones shirt wherever one may be.
  • Right on top of the bastard. Maybe that’ll convince him to purchase a building permit. 🙂
  • Start in the barfing lot.
  • The holy grail
  • The toilet would be traditional
  • Under the dinosaurs tail
  • Visitors are asked to puke in the bushes… not on any of the rides. (Although I puked in the ticket booth when I found out there was a $7.00 donation “required” to enter this sham museum.)
  • Well anywhere really: it may be difficult to restrain this reflex. But may be difficult to puke anywhere in the museum as it appears the grounds have been closed as of 7th April due to an absence of a building permit (he didn’t think he needed one as God had already approved). But officially, “in the bushes and not on any of the rides”.
  • When you see his Ph.D. thesis. Copies of it are used as toilet paper, since you are not supposed to use the Chick tracts for that.
  • Would Kent make me puke? Oh yeah OK in the bushes then.
  • You can’t – it is currently shut down by order of the local courts. http://www.pensacolanewsjournal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060407/NEWS01/604070340/1006 I can’t find any references to its reopening so if you need to puke – you’ll need to do it outside the park… They are having a prayer vigil so the Judge might change his mind before the hearing today (9th May) – but I wouldn’t hold my breath on this one.
  • You should most definitely puke in the bushes, not on any of the rides, although I think I’d be puking before I even got in the gates.

Question 2

For reasons beyond the scope of this question you find yourself in a three-way gun duel where it is agreed that single shots will be fired in turn. Your opponent A shoots better than opponent B, but as you are known to be a worse shot than either of them, you are allowed to fire the first shot. Which one do you aim for?

Answer

Shoot into the air. A or B will then aim at B or A; if he hits (these would be males, wouldn’t they) you’ll get the next shot; if he misses, then we’re back at the same situation.

Additional Answers

  • “opponent A” and “opponent B” suddenly feel exceptionally embarrassed over the “dull” and “generic” names bestowed upon them by the writer of this question and wish to withdraw from the situation. Unfortunately for me, this leaves me no option but to aim for myself. Fortunately for me, I have a terrible aim. Unfortunately for me, its not quite that bad.
  • A
  • B
  • If you get him you are a better chance of being missed by the inferior shot B. If you miss there is still a chance B might get A and thus you are still liable to walk away.
  • Aim for “A” – The best shot will attempt to take out the person he feels most threatened by. That is unless he hates you more than he hates “B”. Then you are screwed.
  • Aim for B because you’ll probably miss and hit A who is a better shot
  • Aim for B, you might hit A.
  • Aim for the ground. The person firing second then must aim for the third in order to eliminate the chance of him being hit by the third duellist..
  • Aim? The Bazza man is too pissed to aim. Probably a good thing. If I actually hit any of them the other one will shoot me next.
  • Answer for Dr. Bob: Got ready to do a tree diagram with probabilities of 1/4, 1/2 and 3/4 for the shooters with the idea of generalizing once I had the answer in the special case. Decided to shoot at the worse shooter instead so the good shooter wouldn’t be pissed. (Pissed(American): Adj. Angry). Answer for Dr. Kent: The atheist.
  • Are you sure it’s a GUN duel, Dr Bob? Small weapons like rifles, revolvers and pistols are not ‘guns’ except in the eyes of journalists and other ignorami but because it is reasonable to assume you are neither (suck, suck, do I win now?) then ‘gun’ it is. This means my first shot would vaporise both A and B and I wouldn’t even need to aim straight; I’d employ a bloody big 175mm with an airburst nuclear round fired from 20km away. Take that, you evil A and B bastards!
  • As an expert at Doom, you know the old game. I blow them both away with my rocket launcher, or maybe I should use the chain gun. How am I on shotgun shells? They are too far apart to use the BFG.
  • Assuming that you mean that we each get one shot only and that B shoots after me (as the 2nd best shot), then I would shoot in the air. This is because then B’s best strategy is to shoot at A (since I am no threat, having already fired), if he misses there is a 50% chance that A will shoot at me, and if he does, presumably there is a less than 100% chance he will hit me. On the other hand if B hits A, then no one will shoot me and I survive. Thus my chance of getting shot is less than (assuming A is not a perfect shot) 50% of the probability that B misses A.
  • Both of them are going to aim at each other before they aim at you, so does it really matter?
  • By definition a duel involves two, so I’d probably just casually wander off and hope the other two stayed convinced they were duelling with each other.
  • Doesn’t matter since I will miss anyway!
  • Firstly, you run backward a bit so it’s likely you won’t hit anything at all. Then you aim for oppponent B. Clearly at this range you won’t hit anything at all, but opponent A will know that you weren’t aiming for him. After your errant shot is fired, it will be opponent B’s turn, assuming that the shot order will correspond to the level of skill with a firearm. Because you aimed for opponent B, he will aim for you in revenge – however, since you backed away before, he won’t be able to hit you at this range either. Then it will be opponent A’s turn to fire, and he will be forced to shoot opponent B, as you are further away and did not fire upon him at all.
  • For A of course. Where’s the catch? You dont want him firing at you after he’s taken out B.
  • For reasons beyond the scope of this answer I would aim near to whichever opponent was not shooting next (probably A), but deliberately miss.
  • Get the trio to form a quartet and sing a single duet in turn, enabling the octagonal firing sequence concurrently.
  • Ho ho, you should deliberately miss in the hope that one of your opponents will kill the other. However if you are that bad a shot, it doesn’t really matter where you aim.
  • I aim to deliberately and obviously miss. With a bit of luck, they’ll both try to take out their greatest threat, which isn’t you. Hopefully one will kill or wound the other, leaving you as the first person to have a potential winning shot.
  • I aim to miss A, Presumably B shoots next and hopefully hits A. Best case would have A mortaly wounded but living long enough to shoot B. But Duelists? Can ya trust em to do anything sensible?
  • I’d shoot A, then quickly, turn and shoot B cause they cant complain I cheated once they are dead.
  • I would aim at myself since I am a notoriously bad shot I will probably miss myself and take out both of the others. Hey it was good enough for Kennedy and the Governor of Texas.
  • I would shoot at opponant A. Theory being, if I missed, opponant B would shoot him, leaving me to shoot opponant B. If I hit him, well, I guess I have more chance of opponant B missing me back…..Either that, or try to line them both up to get them both in 1 shot…..
  • If I shoot at B and miss then he shoots at A and might hit him. But is it then my turn again? Even if A gets a shot he might shoot at B and might hit him. My turn now? Did I mention I was a better shot than I said I was?
  • If my skill with a rifle in real life mimics this “artful” one, the I should aim at B, as this gives me the best chance of hitting A, my major risk.
  • If the duel is to first blood, and being as outclassed as you describe, I’m thinking discretion over valor and aim for my foot. If the duel is to the death, I suppose you try to get both of them to give one last hug goodbye and aim for whoever is in front.
  • If you take the rationalist view, it doesn’t matter as long as you miss. As long as both the others are alive and are acting rationally, they will try to take out the better shot, which isn’t you. I would probably go for B on the principal of not annoying the better shot, but deliberately miss. Whoever of A or B then has the next turn, will go for the other as the better shot. Any problem which has caused this set up of duel will have been a three way dynamic, so once one of the others is shot, you have a far better chance of patching it up with the other.
  • I’m bringing my Howitzer – I’ll fire a single shot at whichever of them is closest, which should put the nearest one over the horizon, and the concussion will get the other one. (If I was dumb enough to show up with a handgun, I’d’ve maximised my chances of probable survival by deliberately missing both of them, but brute force can go a long way to compensating for competence, just ask George W. Bush).
  • It depends. I see 3 ways of emerging triumphant in such a duel. 1) Aim for person A, if you don’t hit, then the 2 others are going to keep shooting at each other until person B is dead, then, you might just get lucky. 2) Shoot in the air, then person B is free to shoot person A, then you can shoot him as well, having had time to calculate air resistance and wind velocity. This would work better if the duelling ground is a small cardboard box. 3)After they call you chicken, visit the Blacksmith’s shop…
  • Just after being awarded the first shot, you should waiver between the two for several minutes, then fall to the ground, crying: “I’m sorry, I can’t kill either of you, you’re my mates, Bwahahaha! This is soooo wrong! How did it come to this. Let’s make up and have a beer,” etc and then with loud sobs, walk off in the opposite direction and hope no-one shoots you in the back.
  • My thinking is B because A will finish you off cleanly whereas B may just mangle you, but I disagree. As I am likely to miss whatever I aim at I would aim at me and finish myself off painlessly and with no fuss. On the other hand I may miss me.
  • Myself
  • Myself, then they can shoot each other by all means
  • Myself. Then, while the seconds are distracted by the foul, I run away (I’d miss, of course, being such a lousy shot)
  • Neither. If you manage to shoot A or B, the other will then take aim at you. However, if you wait until A shoots B, or B shoots A (as it is in their interest to aim for each other), you have the first shot at winning, having had no one aim for you yet.
  • Neither. Your best chance for survival is to shoot into the ground. A will try for B… or… B will try for A, then whoever survives has no shots left.
  • Opponent A as he is the largest threat, and if I kill opponent B on my first shot then it means opponent A will defiantly have the next chance to shoot at me! Also, as opponent B is a larger threat to opponent A then I am logically opponent A should fire at opponent B and not me.
  • Opponent A is likely to take out B, as he knows that he is a better shot than me. Opponent B is likely to aim at the best shot, i.e. A. If I shoot A, then B will see me as the threat and eliminate me. The same is true in reverse if I shoot B. Thus, the correct solution is not to shoot at all. That, or off the sadistic b*****d who arranged this.
  • Opponent A making sure opponent B is standing close behind him.
  • Opponent B at a moment when opponent A happens to be standing behind him.
  • Opponent B, if my aim is that bad by aiming at opponent B i should hit opponent A and kill him.
  • Press the barrel along the side of your chest and pretend to shoot yourself. Fall heavily, and play dead. ‘B’ won’t bother shooting you, ‘cuz ‘A’ will be shooting at him. So ‘B’ will shoot at ‘A’, royally pissing ‘A’ off, and ‘A’ will shoot ‘B’. Dust yourself off, and congratulate yourself on having a brain the size of a planet.
  • Shoot at opponent B, in the hope that the best shot (opponent A) will side with you, not against you.
  • Shoot in the air, then A or B will kill each other and you can have a pot shot at the remaining one.
  • Shoot yourself first (merely a flesh wound)take a dive and let them sort each other out
  • Shoot yourself…but do it gently so you don’t die. Then the other two won’t be allowed to shoot you, as per the “no double shooty-shooty” rule I just made up.
  • The Creationist.
  • The fattest one.
  • The immediate and obvious suggestion would be to shoot at the greater threat, A. However, since I am the worst shot my plan of threat-reduction might well fail. My best bet, if rules beyond the scope of my planning hold true, would be to inflict a disqualifying wound to myself and let A and B have at it.
  • The one standing in front of the other one and pray for the “magic bullet”.
  • The one who is closest to me.
  • The one with the bad haircut. This is from ‘Dueling Hints’, page 35, #204, written by Al Hamilton.
  • The person who gets the second shot is the only one who will live, unless you shoot yourself just a little bit.
  • Well, I hope they’re paintball bullets because this just doesn’t seem like a good idea at all. I would choose whomever was wearing the gingham shirt.
  • You aim for your own foot. You are likely to miss, and neither A nor B can afford to waste a shot at you and leave the other alive and armed.
  • You use a shotgun with a wide spread – that way you may be able to take them and both Kent Hovind and Ken Ham with one shot…
  • Yourself. At least then you know you’ll hit the target and you’ll be spared the suspense.
  • Yourself – you’ll be shot dead anyway.

Question 3

Genghis Khan said “Write everything (laws) in a book”. What colour was the book to be?

Answer

He said “Write everything in a blue book”

Additional Answers

  • A colour that starts with A so I get to be up near the top of the list of answers. Um! Black? Hey black can start with A if I want. A black book, see.
  • A rather pretty lavender with cute taupe highlights and a delightful rose-pink pansy motif on the scalloped front cover. (Genghis’ hairdresser was the only Mongol who could write.)
  • A tasteful white for the pages, and black toner for the text?
  • Amber, to get this answer near the top of the list. But really does anyone know? Hardly anyone ever saw the book.
  • Answer for Dr. Bob: Fuchia? Answer for Dr. Kent: Heathen Yellow.
  • Any color he wants.
  • Aubergine with gold leaf decoupage.
  • Beer coloured, you know amber like the amber ale. What else?
  • Black
  • Black – lived near the black sea and colour in printing was unknown or too expensive. In other words no idea
  • Blood red, the color that supports most of the laws according to Genghis.
  • Blue
  • Brown – made from brown rice.
  • Brown, covered in mud.
  • Brown. Because everything all put together is always brown.
  • Dark maroon/brown – the colour of dried blood
  • Empress Red 79
  • Ghenghis actually said (amonst other things) “Khün bür törzh mendlekhdd erkh ëolööteĭ, adilkhan ner törteĭ, izhil erkhteĭ baĭdag. Oyuun ukhaan, nandin ëanar zayaasan khün gegë öör khoorondoo akhan düügiĭn üzel sanaagaar khar’tsakh uëirtaĭ.” Roughly translated it is the little black book.
  • Gold
  • Golden
  • Golden, to match his horde?
  • Golden. According to this symbolism, the color of Black designates North, Blue indicates East, Red is the color of South, and White is the color symbolizing West. The middle, or central area is represented by the Golden or yellow color. Traditionally, all Mongols of the line of Chingis Khan were said to be members of the Golden Family. The reason for this is that Golden, the color of the middle, is also the color of the political concept of Central Authority
  • Green
  • Green – ‘coz he nicked most of them from the Muslims
  • I imagine you are talking about the Yasa. As it was almost certainly scrolls rather than a book, it was probably off-white
  • I would imagine it was yak colour because the cover would have been made from the hide of one. It was called the yassa code. Or not.
  • In fact, it was a cerise cover with azure piping and a delightful yellowish colour to the paper.
  • In Xanadu did Genghis Khan a coloured legal book decree,
  • So Alf, his trusty scribbler ran
  • With tester pots and one paint can
  • All in a bain marie.
  • Then Alf, in genuflection deep
  • With dour deportment asked: “Oh, Sire
  • Please name the colour you desire
  • Your legal book to keep”
  • That Mongol Mogul, evil lord,
  • Inspecting all those at his leisure
  • Indicated his displeasure
  • With a slash of sword.
  • But then Alf capitulated
  • Though he was decapitated
  • To his second, Khan called “Fred,
  • Let’s make the book that gorgeous red”.
  • It started off a very vibrant rich red, that very shortly darkened into a dirty rusty stain, just like the blood he spilt [and vomitted on his death/last marriage bed]. Remember, kids: quaffing and carousing cause GI bleeds!
  • It was all in black and white Genghis, or Jengis as he was known after a few kumriss down the pub, was notoriously colour blind, so everything was black and white. There is no truth to the rumour that Eddie McGuire is currently trying to get Genghis as a posthumous member of the Collingwood Football (Frottage) Club. Although Genghis would have been a great player, I’m not sure his type of violence would be tolerated at Collingwood (he was too much of a wimp for them).
  • It was made of parchment, but given he was supposed to have been responsible for the death of some 60 million people then red would be a fitting colour.
  • It was to be written on scrolls, so beige I guess.
  • Law book colour.
  • Leather bound, because brown does such a good job of hiding smudges, embossed with gold leaf trim. The pages were to be white and at least 60# to withstand basic wear and tear with a nice helvetica font in 10 point also in white because the Khan wasn’t really big into reading and didn’t think anyone else should be, either.
  • Magnolia. His followers later gave him the nickname “The Mad Mongolian Magnolian Mongoloid”…he didn’t like that though; “I also like red and green”.
  • Mauve
  • (Mon)Gold.
  • Nobody knows. Except me of course. I’ll just channel him. What’s that GK? Red with Gold trim? Cool.
  • Pre 1950 all photographic evidence shows the world to be in black and white. The book must be in black and white.
  • Puce. Genghis Khan wanted everything ‘puce’. He was known (behind his back, of course) as ‘the churl in the puce greatcoat’.
  • Rainbow, because laws are gay…
  • Red
  • Red and so was the tape that tied it up.
  • Red orange, to match the color of the flames he burned it in.
  • Red, or not.
  • Red.
  • Red. And yellow. And pink. Mabey green. I’ll go with green. Sounds very Law-like.
  • Something that didn’t show the blood or the booze, I’d guess. I’m pretty sure it won’t be a pattern with little fluffy bunnies on it. I’ll be Genghis Khan’s mum never tried to make him cover his school books with contact with little fluffy bunnies on it – excuse me, I have to go and have a childhood trauma flashback…
  • The book was read.
  • Twas Blue – though the pages were the colour of turned out yaks hide.
  • Um, I just shot myself in the last question. do you really expect me to be able to answer more questions? well? how am i supposed to type??
  • What colour *is* human leather, anyway?
  • What ever the law told him it to be
  • Which book? The Great Yasa (or Yassa, or Yasak) was supposedly engraved on iron (or gold) plates. Since ‘Yasa’ only means ‘decree,’ and no fragment of any copy exists, it is not really known if an actual book was ever really assembled. However, at a big 1206 shindig, Genghis DID request that his henchman Shigi-Qutuqu (or Shigi Kutuku, or Shigi-khutukhu) would serve as judge and record his precedents for all time in writing. What color was the book to be? Depends on who you read.
  • According to David Morgan (The Mongols) ‘a blue book.’
  • According to M. Prawdin (The Mongol Empire) ‘on blue pages with white bindings.’
  • According to P. Ratchnevsky (Genghis Khan: his life and legacy) ‘in blue writing on white paper.’
  • Take your pick.
  • White
  • White – with black writing (and pictures of half naked women on page three). Sorry, I’ve been reading the tabloids again.
  • White as in the Eight White Codons of Genghis Khan, but they were on scrolls, not books and there is significant academic doubt that he did, in fact, order that everything be written down at all and it may be that the entire story of the Khan’s involvement on basic law giving was an invention of a later era, using his name to garner credibility..
  • Who cares, but did he get Laws to write a book?
  • You cannot write in a book, you have to accept the truth….. There is no Book.

Question 4

One of the five Marx Brothers was once a Freemason – how did his involvement with Freemasonry come to an end?

Answer

Apocryphally, Harpo having no money at the time swapped his Freemason badge for, um, intimate favours from a lady, so that may have brought him undone. Or maybe they realised that his name spelled “Oprah” backwards, and couldn’t stand the thought of it. My own theory is that he did That Trick With The Apron (honk, honk) in public once too often.

Additional Answers

  • Dan Brown (the rank below black belt) and the Pope kicked him out for trying to be funny whilst worshipping one of the “Mary Statues” from “Lost”
  • Did he die? Well yes he did but you know what I mean. Ha I just had a crazy thought. Imagine the Angels bugging him for harp lessons.
  • Do you even listen to me?
  • End, every one want’s to talk about endings. How did Harpo start with the Freemasons would be a better question.
  • Groucho – “I would never be a member of any club that would have me as a member” … Bet you get a stack of this one.
  • Harping on about Marx brothers trivia again. Sigh! I dunno, did he die? Or was he just really sick?
  • Harpo – he lost his club t-shirt.
  • Harpo (born Adolph) exchanged his Freemason’s pin for the sexual favours of a young person
  • Harpo did not use his tongue anyway, so cutting it out was not very threatening.
  • Harpo gave his pin to a young lass, swapping it for some short term favours of the sexual variety.
  • Harpo Marx was kicked out because he couldn’t keep his ***** to himself, but none of the others were ever allowed in…
  • Harpo swapped his Freemason’s pin for the sexual favors of a young woman. Either the pin was very valuable, or the woman was not.
  • Harpo. He swapped his membership pin for a “leg over” with a lady of negotiable virtue.
  • Harpo. [Wink, wink. Mime removing lapel pin. Close index finger and thumb. Insert index finger of opposite hand through circle formed. Repeat.]
  • He (Harpo) sold his Freemason ring for “sexual favours”
  • He converted to anti-masonic Catholicism, which is a bloody big ask for a masonic Jew (although he thought it well worthwhile to get away from all the tiresome billygoats, funny handshakes and ambitious real estate agents).
  • He died
  • He forgot the secret hand shake
  • He got strangled by a CEREAL killer because he was trick or treating as cheerios
  • He kept laughing and cutting up at the meetings.
  • He sent them a letter: “Please accept my resignation. I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member” – Groucho Marx
  • He swapped them for some sexual favours from a young woman
  • He tried to sell his masonry skills, hence becoming a notfreemason
  • He used the sacred scroll as a napkin
  • He used the secret hand shake.
  • He was attacked by a koala
  • He was blackballed – a very painful ritual involving a pair of compasses, a pair of testicles and an extremely large version of the King James Bible.
  • He was kicked out because he broke the secret Freemason agreement of secrecy.
  • He went professional and charged for his masonry services.
  • He went to prison and was henceforth known as an unfree mason.
  • He would never want to be a member of a group who would accept him as a member.
  • I have no evidence one was a freemason [Ah well, it’s a secret society. Therefore having no evidence PROVES that someone was a freemason]
  • I have not been able to find any reference to when Harpo parted ways with the Freemasons, so presumably this occured when he died. I could be wrong.
  • I heard a rumor that he swapped his freemason pin for some favours from a girl?
  • I knew a freemason once. Maybe more than that. They drink heaps at the meetings he told me. So maybe Harpo just got pissed and forgot to go any more.
  • It is believed that he swapped his freemason’s pin for a bit of sex from a girl.
  • It was Adolf/Arthur/Harpo (take your pick of the names). He is claimed to have swapped his Freemason’s pin for certain favours from a young lady. Truth is that he was harpist at the time… (sorry)
  • It was Harpo and I can’t tell you because you aren’t a Mason.
  • It was Harpo, and it ended because it ended, you know, well of course you know.
  • Judging by the observed alcohol consumption of the Artarmon Masons, he died of liver failure.
  • Karl! Actually Harpo, when he finally tired of eating babies.
  • One day, while broke, he gave his Masonic Pin away in return for sexual favors.
  • SEX-tuplet
  • The Freemasons expelled him when he published the Communist Manifesto
  • The masons discovered he was actually a catholic and booted him
  • There was five? I never forget a face…
  • They decided to start charging for membership.
  • They discovered that he was Jewish, and that was that.
  • They initiated dues, becoming the Duespayingmason, and he wouldn’t cough it up. (see #1).
  • They kicked Groucho out when he said he wouldn’t join any club that would have him as a member. Although some comment on a forum suggest that Harpo may have been kicked out for trading his pin for sexual favours.
  • They noticed he was a Jew?
  • Unsure
  • When he started off a new fantasy order called St John Colonia.
  • When lonely and down on his luck, Harpo traded his Masonic pin for the attentions of a lady of negotiable affections.
  • When production on the film Duck Soup ended.
  • Who?
  • Zeppo was the Freemason, but when Groucho decided to strike out on his own, poor Zep had to start charging to make ends meet.

Question 5

What proportion of the mass of the human body is due to bacteria?

Answer

15%

Additional Answers

  • Come on, Dr Bob – bacteria can’t have mass. They’re not human so don’t have souls so can’t be catholic so no mass. Sorree! (Don’t you know anything about theology? Tch again…)
  • 0.0000001%
  • .005%
  • .01%
  • .01% A little more if it is hot and I am sweating alot.
  • 0.5%
  • 5%
  • 10% dry body weight
  • 10% DRY weight according to a book by a famous scientist. But why would anyone bother with dry weight? More like about 1.362% or about a Kilogram. Assuming the body is reasonably fresh.
  • 12%
  • 12.2%
  • 14%
  • 16.8239 X 1002.698(x + c)%
  • 20%
  • 23% for humans… 94% for people from France.
  • 50%
  • 60%…i think
  • 90% of the cells in your body are bacteria.
  • 91%
  • 99 44/100%
  • 100% in some people
  • 100%
  • 100% – The digestive system is run by bacteria. If that doesn’t work the whole show is buggered and the person will kark it.
  • 100% – we couldn’t live without.
  • 100%, without bacteria we would never have evolved. 😉
  • About 0,1 %. 0,2 if you have been to a McDonald’s lately.
  • About half. Unless you’ve just visited my local curry house, then it’s about 99 per cent.
  • All of it – THE MATRIX HAS YOU
  • All of it. Without millions of generations of bacteria churning away, more complex forms of life, like us, would never have arisen. If you mean what proportion of an individual’s weight consists of bacteria resident within/upon him. Then you need to subtract the weight/mass of 40 trillion very small bacteria from the total, leaving the weight/mass of 35 trillion much larger cells as a remainder.
  • American human or say, a Kalahari Bushman human? The bacteria in the average human gut (which is probably the largest amount of them in there) mass about a kilogram. So if the human was big and fat maybe less than 1% but if the human were small and fit about 2% or just a tad more.
  • Answer for Dr. Bob: Lots of cells are foreign cell, but they are generally small. Let’s say 10% on average. Now my square dancing partner in 9th grade gym class was a different matter … Answer for Dr. Kent: My body is 110% filled with the Holy Spirit.
  • Approximately 225% of the mass of any human body is due to bacteria. The reason we only wind up with 100% is that 125% is comprised of the little understood ytivarg bacterium which has no mass. This bacterium is known to cause weight loss and is strongly believed to be the root cause of anorexia nervosa.
  • Are we talking about Kent Ovid again, I would say 1% bacteria and 99% scum.
  • Bacteria doesn’t exist. Show me scientific evidence that it does, and I’ll add $1000000 if you prove evolution.
  • Depends a lot if it’s before the monthly wash or after. This can vary from .001% to roughly 36.4%. See the website Bodybacteiacountsbeforeandafter washes.org
  • Depends on how bad your acne is. In my heyday, I’d say anything up to 50%
  • Depends on what you’ve been eating. After a nice fresh salad, about 0.0002%. After that chicken salad your roomate left behind the couch during the party last Saturday, 23.0%.
  • Depends on who you are talking about. Bob’s proportion would be considerably more than others.
  • I assume you mean wet mass ­ if so about 1.4%
  • I don’t know, but I imagine a creationist would say bacteria accounts for around 25kg in my body due to the infection of my godless atheist soul.
  • I dont think I want to know. Eeeewwwww …. I didn’t
  • I personally have a large supply of totally pickled bacteria who I am good mates with. As one would be. But ‘cos I am big and fat they only mass about 1% of me.
  • If it weren’t for Bacteria, the human body would not exist as we know it, so 100% of it’s mass is in effect due to bacteria…. If there was no bacteria, we would have evolved differently, and who is to say we would call ourselves human in this parallel dimension?
  • In an average adult the bacteria weigh about 1kg and the number of individual organisms easily outnumbers the total number of cells in the human body. Therefore I would consider that to be about 1%, but I am of fairly generous proportions and may therefore be somewhat biased in this matter
  • In the case of some political figures – all of it! However, since you asked I’ll just give you some figures and let you work it out… Since the reference human has a mean density of 1064 kg/m3 excluding bone minerals,817 a BCM of 28.8 kg makes ~0.027 m3 of cells; taking 8000 micron3 per cell gives a total of ~3.4 trillion tissue cells. Thus the human body contains ~35 trillion native cells, of which only ~10% are tissue cells, plus ~40 trillion foreign (mostly bacterial) cells in the colon for a grand total of 75 trillion cells. The number of tissue cells comprising each organ may be crudely estimated by multiplying tissue volume by the mean tissue cellular number density, or ~125 million cells/cm3. Or to put it simply – I have no idea!
  • Is that gram-positive or gram-negative bacteria??
  • It varies with gender, of course; all males are made of 100% Boy Germs.
  • It’s about 90% of the number of cells (Wiki) and 10% of our weight (SJ Gould).
  • Let the answer sought equal “b”. Thus b = 100 – a (where “a” equals the proportion of the body not due to bacteria.
  • Mass is independent of any psycho-babble woo-woo influence of bacteria.
  • None of my mass is due to bacteria. It’s due to virus. Fat virus.
  • Number of bacteria cells is 10 to power 14 and human cells 10 to power 13 (number does not relate to mass) But the proportion using numbers is 90.90% Thank goodness most are necessary and friendly
  • Only about 3% by mass, but with ten bacteria to every cell in my body, I’m beginning to wonder who is really in charge and who is the commensal here…
  • Scientists say that you have around 100 trillion bacteria cells in your body, about 25% of your total number of cells. I, however, like to wash occasionally.
  • See question 6 – about that much
  • That part of the human body that is not water, muscle, fat, soft and connective tissue, skin or other such components. OK, Dr Bob, I admit it, I have no idea…
  • The backside portion proportion
  • The whole is due to bacteria if we are descended from bacteria.
  • There is probably about 1 kg of bacteria – so about 1-2%
  • Too much
  • Ultimately all of it. Didn’t we evolve from bacteria?
  • What human body? Are we talking Paris Hilton here or some random Sumo wrestler? Maybe one who can spell? Then we have “due to”. So all of it really otherwise one would be dead would one not? Dry? 10% Me, wet? 2%. Somebody else? Ask them.
  • Whose body – Yours or mine?

Question 6

What’s this?

Answer

Fossilised ichthyosaur vomit.

Additional Answers

  • Easy-peasy Dr Bob. Dr. Peter Doyle from Greenwich University in England is holding the fossilised regurgitated stomach contents of an ichthyosaur, a dolphin-like reptile. It shows they were eating a type of prehistoric squid, and then throwing up its skeleton.
  • Fossilised pene arabriata thus proving the existance of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
  • A bronze casting of Jackson Pollock’s ‘Blue Poles’
  • A checked shirt, red tie and black trousers obscured by some kind of mineral formation.
  • A creationist carefully destroying evidence of evolution.
  • A creationist holding final proof of the Great Flood! Why? 1) Real scientists don’t wear ties; 2) These fossil belemnites are impressively current-aligned (current flowing towards the viewer as indicated by the fact that their pointy ends are directed the opposite way) — clearly only the Great Flood could be capable of such a feat.
  • A digital image. Oh sorry. It appears to be a person of questionable fashion sense holding a piece of fossil filled rock.
  • A fossil of razor shells.
  • A fossilised seabed or the packed down contents of Fidel Castro’s ashtray. And then I twigged the link to question 1 and found the picture of fossilised vomit here:http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn1910 with a mention of my Alma Mater, University of Greenwich.
  • A geode
  • A geologist with terrible dress sense
  • A hard, bumpy, rock-like object.
  • A man with no sense of fashion holding a fossil
  • A photo
  • A picture of my ex-wife’s meatloaf. This also makes it an excellent argument against form over function…
  • A pretty cool looking rock.
  • A really bad shirt and tie combination (I hope that’s not you, Dr Bob) and a rock containing lots of teeth (I hope that’s not you, Dr Bob!)
  • A shirt made out of a tablecloth.
  • A tablecloth out of an Italian cafe made into a shirt, hiding behind a rocky thing??
  • Answer for Dr. Bob: EeeWWWWWW. Answer for Dr. Kent: Proof that all hard things- including fossils- can be made in a short time as God wills.
  • Boring best guess answer. Nautiloids, probably Orthoceras. Marine life that existed in ancient seas between the Ordovician and Devonian periods. Or an old fossil, wearing a red tie. HA, HA, HA. Oh!
  • Bullets
  • Considering i’m dead, im doing mighty well. and yes, i am going to continue avoiding this question. cough. what IS that???????
  • Dinosaur footprint from Dr Kent Hovind’s Dinosaur Museum. See how authentic it looks?
  • Dr Hovind holding the vomit and displaying very poor dress sense.
  • Dr. Bob the world famous Polydactyl shows off the plaster cast of his hands.
  • EITHER It looks like a cluster of ammo rounds embedded in solidified mud, OR it’s a bunch of fossilised lipsticks dropped overboard from the Ark by Noah’s female relatives during the Great Flood (you can buy replicas to use as paperweights in the gift shop at Kent Hovind’s Dinosaur Museum).
  • Fossil bones from Dr Kents original ‘Puke basket’.
  • Fossil dung that’s been stepped on.
  • Fossil of a prehistoric dinosaur bird
  • Fossilised bullets
  • Fossilised cigarette butts?
  • Fossilised dinosaur puke caused by dinosaurs vomiting up indigestible creationist theorists.
  • Fossilised prawns (found something in my freezer like this)
  • Fossilised slate pencil urchin spines, or as ‘Dr’ Kent Hovind says, ‘Beowulf’s toenail clippings, about a thousand years old’
  • Fossilized Bamboo
  • Fossilized ichthyosaur puke. Apparently the poor little thing was riding the “Circle Swivel Springasaurus” and lost all the lovely shellfish he had for lunch.
  • Fossils
  • Gun bullets from a 22 set in a block of rock
  • I don’t know
  • If you can possibly avert your gaze from the very hideous gingham shirt, the petrified bullets are quite nice.
  • It appears to be some-kind of nonliving mass… but appearances can be deceiving, perhaps it’s a chameleon?
  • It’s a fossil you dumb person…
  • It’s a fossil. And he seems to be holding some kind of ancient rock.
  • It’s a lump of petrified wood. Or something.
  • It’s obviously a relief map of Australia drawn by Tom Cruise’s thetan as it approached Earth some 75 million years ago. You can clearly see Cape York and the east & west coasts, although Tassie is yet to break away and the Great Australian Bight is still a bit chocka. (BTW, is it being carried by John Travolta? Could be, if the bloke’s poor dress sense is any guide. Red tie with dark check – well really!)
  • It’s picture of a person in a check shirt with a red tie and black pants holding a lump of rock with fossils in it. The picture is a bit blurry when I try to zoom in but maybe some sort of cephalopods? Was the big one towards the top right called Harry? If so he was around about 400 million years ago. Ha ha, I remember Harry a good old nautiloid he was. Gave the trilobites something to think about I can tell you. Harry Orthoceras I think his name was. It’s been a long time though so don’t quote me on it. Ah yes the Ordovician, they were the good old days. Young people now don’t know what it was like.
  • It’s what Mark Latham did to my car after I waved a camera at him. You think that’s petrified; you should have seen me.
  • Kent Hovind or Ken Ham’s brain.
  • Loverly. Good set of fossils. Nice clean shirt as well. But a plain RED tie? Sorry, um, they look like some sort of sea creature from a long time ago. probably crept across the ocean floor some hundreds of millions of years ago. Or swam, or posted on the old internet way back then. I can’t remember what they are called. Some sort of nautiloid? Probably they could spell better than me. *#^(@#!)*&%$ Hey they had a different language right? Noodley type appendages and such. It’s not me asking the questions.
  • Obviously it’s ammunition all melted together. Or fossilised sugar cane. No wait..it’s fossilised bats. Yep its certainly the bats. Or a whole pile of pens glued together. Definitely.
  • Old fishes. In other words, a good serving of Surstromming.
  • One of the tricks that GOD likes to leave about the whole world to fool paleologist and others that are going to HELL for doubting the veracity of the BIBLE. (Capital letters–just like the looney tracts that those darn Creationists seem so fond of)
  • Peanut Brittle
  • Petrified “joints” from a paleolithic pot party. As we all know… the “roach” has survived since prehistoric times.
  • Petrified bamboo
  • Some old fossil. Or do you mean what he is holding in his hands? If so then some old fossil. Probably shelled marine creatures from hundreds of million years ago. But really why would he wear a tie like that? With that shirt?
  • Something Dr Bob found in his bed sheets, the morning after the staff office party.
  • That is a photo of an assortment of fossilised bullets and artillery shells. It would come from Kent Hovind’s theme park [as one would, rapidly] and shows that fossilisation is a fast acting event and give absolute proof the Earth is only 6000 years old. It would sit along other such finds as the fossilised golf ball, fossilised orange and the fossilised hat of AIG fame.
  • That is a VERY nice shirt.
  • The picture resolution is poor, but my guess is fossiled bellimites (squid) remains or similar
  • This is a photo of a ham sandwich. It comes from Sam ‘n Ella’s takeaway deli in Innamincka. Burke and Wills didn’t like it much either.
  • Is this the legendary 160 million year old fossilised ichthyosaurus vomit found by Peter Doyle in a clay quarry in Peterborough, England – Photo by Patrick Barth? Just a hunch. [(sigh) Andy, you and your hunch. Go and pull on a bell rope].

Comments

  • A decent batch with a nice catch to the picture question.
  • Are you sure you’re not deliberately filtering my quiz answer emails? As I said last time I knew they were bad, just didn’t realise they were that bad…But they weren’t there again BWAHAHAHAHAH!
  • As a geologist who has occasionally dabbled in palaeontology I am delighted to finally get a picture question I can answer.
  • Change your name!…and your shirt. the tie can stay. i suggest a black button-up collared shirt, that tie and black pants held up by a black diamond belt…GO GREEN DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Comment for Dr. Bob- Re: April Short answers – I’m going to try the bonus question you posted: “Ulaan Bataar railway station.” You shouldn’t have said ironically. It made it too easy. Comment for Dr. Kent: Amen
  • Dang, clicked the clear button and had to retype everything just after I’d forgotten the three answers.
  • Did I win? Did I huh? I even contacted the old Khan for you. Ok maybe he lied about the book and maybe that isn’t Harry in the fossil plate. But that is a red tie and how can you ask about proportions when you don’t give a mass for the human concerned? As to A and B in the dual how was I to know B got A’s daughter pregnant? I’m sure it wasn’t me I only met her briefly in the pub. Once or twice.
  • Dr. Bob I forgot to write my name on last months entry. Just shows folks believe the governments warnings that marijuana makes you … Look at the pretty birds
  • Fabulous.
  • Good ‘puke’ questions this month! Keep it up (or down).
  • hahahahahaha aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh haha hahaha haha, bolloks i just had a heart attack!!!!!!!!!
  • Hi Dr. Bob!
  • Hope to receive a reply explaining the correct answers! [Which I sent, and got the reply:] Ah, you want balderdash! Will try again when I am at home and have more time!
  • I always start off with the best intentions of being serious. I really do! honest…..
  • I apologise for my spelling this month.
  • I had a fantastic time reading about Kent Hovind. What a guy!
  • I just want to know if I’m suicidal or not [Well if you’re reading this now, you’re either not suicidal, or not very good at it]
  • I love the Dinosaur Museum questions – it’s on my agenda for my next visit to the States. Unfortunately it’s closed due some godless atheist unbeliever conspiracy (double tautology there) but I’m sure once the unbelievers are smitten by those lightning bolts it will reopen and all will be well…
  • I’ll be back next month, this rocks!
  • Interesting questions. I’d like to be able to view a bigger picture for Q6. [So would I, but the only picture I could steal was this many pixels]
  • Is it Christmas yet? I like Christmas. A tree with lights and Santa. Do they have Christmas in Mongolia Dr Bob?
  • It’s much more fun if you don’t google.
  • Its very difficult doing the quiz now Dr Bob. I’ve changed job and the new one use Symantec internet content filters, which ruins my lunchtime by cutting out virtually all interesting websites, even news stories from national newspapers. Very poor. On the other hand, very few of the references to that nutter of Dinosaur land fame are shown either.
  • May you be touched by His Noodly Appendage…
  • Nice challenging mixture
  • No comment
  • Saline tastes funny
  • So, why DID I find myself in a three way duel? And did I win the duel or die horribly? I hope she was worth it!
  • Sorry Dr Bob. I posted my last effort after a few beers and I think I forgot my name. Please feel free to delete one or both of my entries.
  • Thank you for your effusive email today re the April quiz results. I am sort of, like, ecstatic. (Still have a long way to go to match Dave Hawley’s hat-trick, however. Sigh.)
  • The Machines have taken over
  • The sooner Saturday morning grocery shopping is officially declared a contact sport, the happier I’ll be.
  • This is fun but hard
  • Weird
  • When I was in high school I used to love the poem Kubla Khan – especially the bit about the earth breathing in thick, fast pants: Gaia, the snowdropper, HA HA HA HA HA …. She tried her hand at verse Byronic, but ended sounding quite moronic.
  • Whew! Just in time, it’s the 31st today. How long will I have to wait to see all the other answers? Hey that’s a better question than the ones in the quiz.
  • You mentioned that your questions usually have a theme. Maybe that means #1 is a Barf Bag, #2 is vomit and beg off due to illness, #3 is Puke Green, #4 is Groucho who puked on the Freemason version of the Grand Poobah, #5 is 15% all in the lining of the stomach and #6 is fossilized dino-spew.
  • You stumped me baby!