Answers for March 2010

Our WINNER illustrates another case of nominative determinism –

Win Fowles


Question 1

What was Kim Jong Il’s score when he played his first-ever round of golf?

Answer

38 under par; he eagled the first hole, and got 11 holes-in-one. All his (surviving) bodyguards attested to it. He chose not to play again, however, saying “This game is too easy”.

Additional Answers

  • An amazing 38 under par. Not sure how many lost balls were included in that, or whether he counted airswings
  • 38 under par:  possibly also his IQ or his current body temperature.
  • 38 under par. he claimed eleven holes in one but I think that was actually the bullet holes in the scorer…
  • Eleven holes directly – like Tiger Woods!
  • [WINNING ANSWER] Close to perfect – he scored with his driver on the way to the course, the golf club receptionist when he got there, his caddy, the barmaid at the 19th and, for good measure, his wife and her fourteen sisters when he returned home. (That’s his CAR driver, Dr Bob. Kim would not dream of scoring with inanimate objects, although I must concede that most North Koreans fall into that category.)
  • He came in 38 under par apparently. I reckon he might have shaved a few off there.
  • Hole in one on every hole, natch – so 9 or 18 depending.
  • No matter what it was, I bet it was better than any of his playing partners.

Question 2

Florence Nightingale got all ready to go to the Crimea, but her departure was suddenly delayed, why was that?

Answer

Her pet owl died. The soldiers bought her another one.

Additional Answers

  • While preparing for departure to the Crimea for war nursing duties, Florence placed the owl in the attic of her residence thinking she would be safe while providing her a means for food while ridding the space of mice. Alas…the trained and domesticated bird was literally forgotten then found dead due to her inability to function without her mistress. Broken hearted, Florence delayed her departure and arranged for the services of a taxidermist.
  • ‘Nightingale tried to go to the Crimea to work, but was met with protests from officials, who said that her only area of authority was in Scutari.’ Is that where we get the word for the lowliest job in the hospital, ‘Scutwork’?  She was only the Superintendent of the Female Nursing Establishment in the English Military General Hospitals in Turkey, which excluded the Crimea, but was permitted to arrive once declared she was ‘Almoner of the Free Gifts in all the British Hospitals in the Crimea War Zone. My favourite line from this ungrammatical account, since I didn’t realise those were the choices: ‘Her nurses were also causing her problems, they either got drunk, or got married.’
  • I believe that there was some contention that nurses should come under their religious superiors. By the way, she was superintendent of a Hospital for Invalid Gentlewomen prior to offering her services (obviously Valid Gentlewomen didn’t need a hospital)
  • She had rescued a young owl and had kept it, but in the confusion and kerfuffle surrounding her impending departure the bird was neglected and died so Florence hung about to have a funeral for the owl  (whose name was Athena)
  • A nurse’s strike at her London Homeopathetic Hospital workplace held her back, but only for a time that was too short to measure.
  • Couldn’t decide what dress to wear? Either that or her owl died.
  • I couldn’t give a hoot..
  • Waiting for God to have a chat with her

Question 3

There are 1,189 chapters in the King James Version of the Bible (OT plus NT). Therefore there is a middle chapter – which one is it?

Answer

Psalm 117

Additional Answers

  • Among a swag of pedantic answers I’m sure this question has brought, the real answer is Psalm 117.
  • That would be Psalm 118 – and the middle verse is: The voice of rejoicing and salvation is in the tabernacles of the righteous: the right hand of the LORD doeth valiantly. (Exactly what it doeth is not specified!)
  • Wow, netroversy:  apparently scholars have be slain for thinking ’tis #118, but I’ll go with the 595th chapter, Psalms 117
  • Psalm 117
  • Psalm 117
  • Psalms 117
  • The 595th chapter, very obviously. Why do you make your questions so easy, Dr Bob?

Question 4

While we’re at it, what is the shortest chapter in the KJV Bible

Answer

Psalm 117 again!

Additional Answers

  • Shortest chapter:  also Psalms 117.  But as for the shortest verse, which I memorised to prove I am a cleric and scholar and should be Popess:  John 11:35 , in a James Joyce accent for Mar 17th:  ‘Jaysus wept!’ The other one I know:  ‘And my beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him.’  Of COURSE it’s about a christian’s love for his church.
  • Jesus wept Dr Bob, surely you aren’t dragging out that old question again!
  • Jesus wept, Dr Bob! How in God’s name am I, a nontheist, expected to know this goddamned answer? Strewth!
  • Psalm 117. Didn’t I already mention that
  • Psalms 117
  • Refer Q3.
  • Sigh, Psalm 117

Question 5

A small, differentiated minority of true Icelanders have Icelandic as their second language. What is their first language?

Answer

Icelandic Sign Language has been officially recognised as the first language of deaf Icelanders.

Additional Answers

  • High Icelandic – the one without any loan words
  • Old Norse?
  • Arabic?
  • Icelandic sign language?
  • Polish
  • Probably Celtic, though according to Britannica’s national comparitive statistics, 155,000 icelanders speak icelandic, and 6,000 speak Other.
  • Psalms 117
  • Their first language? ‘Obscene’, just like their national debt and the price tags on goods in Icelandic shops.

Question 6

What’s this?

Answer

This is the Rosetta Stone, although it is better known for what is on the other side. I just felt the back of it has not received the attention it may have deserved.

Additional Answers

  • A small piece of Galactic rock brought to Earth by Xenu 75 million years ago. The rock was originally stashed inside Vesuvius but now rests in John Travolta’s lounge room, where this photo was taken.
  • It’s Mrs. Rosetta Stone!
  • Some sort of big stone with runes on it – almost certainly Icelandic.
  • The back of the rosetta stone?
  • The backside of the Rosetta stone
  • The other side of the Rosetta stone.
  • Well, going with one of this quizzes themes, lets say Icelandite

Comments

  • At the museum, there is a painting in which Adam and Eve are holding an apple. A Briton says, “They are Britons. The gentleman is sharing a delicious apple with a lady.” A Frenchman says, “They must be French. They are walking around in the nude.” A North Korean says, “They are North Korean. They have no clothes and little food but think of themselves as living in paradise.”
  • So Pauline Hanson is migrating to Britain. But I thought she was against foreigners moving in, for fear they might take over the country. Oh, wait…
  • It’s raining.
  • I’m afraid I’m not doing well this month – after Kim Jong-Il it all seems so pointless. How does one follow someone who is the world’s best golfer and whose birth was heralded by the appearance of a double rainbow and a new star in the night sky?

Have a go!

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