Answers for February 2005

Well this month got off to a brilliant start with the picture showing a lady with one leg, one nork and one chess set. But forces greater and wisdom deeper than mine were brought to bear, and rather than shoot a hole through the middle of the girl, out went nork, leg, torso and head. I was wondering about censoring the chess set too … especially since I was told that Ayatollah Sistani of Iraq is down on it, along with alcohol, uncovered women and music. (Actually, he says music is OK as long as you do not enjoy it – so my CD collection would be fairly safe. As for chess, on the other hand – if you HAVE another hand – see http://www.sistani.org/html/eng/menu/4/?lang=eng&view=d&code=129&page=1). So to celebrate my last Icelandic question and last naked-lady question for a long long while – this month I am actually awarding a prize – of a week in exotic Broome, W.A.!Oh, those camels! Our WINNER this month is the only person to get the second quote for Q5 –

Rosie Love

Who lives in ….. Broome, W.A. …..


Question 1

Why would a barber in Geneva rather cut the hair of two Frenchmen than of one German?

Answer

Because he gets paid twice as much.

Other Answers

  • For the unadulterated pleasure of it, oh, you said hair, I thought you said throa……..
  • Are there barbers in Geneva? I know that one can obtain a financial haircut in nearby Zurich but isn’t Europe’s only snipper that barber of Seville?
  • Aside from the obvious that he would earn twice as much for doing two haircuts instead of one, they tip more. Swiss barbers also adhere to the old theory that Germans have squareheads and are therefore twice as difficult to cut as the more rounded, pointy French head.
  • At first I thought the barbers in geneva must hate the germans more than the french. Then I thought maybe the germans are excessively hairy. Then I concluded that, just as any other business, more business is more profit and the answer may have nothing to do with the persons involved, but rather the number involved: the barber prefers to make more profit.
  • Barbers are like taxi drivers: they love to talk with their customers. In Geneva Swiss barbers speak French, not German like in Zurich or Bern. So, better a double work chatting than just a silent one.
  • Because Geneva is in French Switzerland, so he would have problems understanding the German customer. Mind you, even someone from German Switzerland would not be able to talk to Germans, considering their wacky dialect.
  • Because Geneva is located much closer to France than to Germany – and in that western part of Switzerland French language prevails
  • because he doesn’t like Germans
  • Because he would make twice as much money. Francly, I would rather do Brazilians for free.
  • Because that barber in Geneva most likely speaks French. In Geneva French is spoken differently from other parts of Switzerland.
  • Because the Swiss-German is such a weird dialect that a speaker of “normal” German is unlikely to understand it. Thus it may be impossible for even a multi-lingual (but not Swiss-German speaking) barber to keep up their pointless empty chatter with a Swiss-German speaker – or for that point may be unable to communicate “just hold still a moment while a clean up this area over your carotid with this newly sharpened cut-throat razor”.
  • Because two frogs equal one kraut?
  • Because two heads are better than one. Monetary wise. Well Conan the barber in Hypoboria or wherever just wants more money.
  • Frenchman never shut up when they’re together and are less likely to notice the barbers mistakes whilst the silent German watches him through the mirror all the time.
  • Germans insist on “hockey haircuts”.
  • Germans tend to be unclean, hairy gorilla men that require hours of grooming, while the French are pansy’s that groom and get haircuts every second day. It’s pure profit people!!!!
  • He would have heard all (both) German jokes.
  • Heads are smaller and tips are better
  • He’ll make twice as much. Some months have 31 days, how many have 28? If a plane crashes halfway between Australia and New Zealand where will they bury the survivors? et c.
  • It is safer
  • Je ne sais pas pourquoi.
  • Personally, having been in France, I would rather cut the hair of two Germans any day. Personal hygiene, my dear fellow! But to get back to your actual question ummmm, haven’t the foggiest. Germans are lousy tippers?
  • Simple math. He would be paid twice as much.
  • Switzerland? There is a Geneva in Nebraska (USA) where my mother taught school in 1943. I’ll wait to answer until I know which Geneva it is.
  • The Geneva Convention mandates it.
  • There could be numerous reasons, including the high proportion of bald frenchmen, however based on the assumption that the barber is after a Quid and not lazy I’d say it’s because the return on two haircuts is better.
  • They tip better.
  • To be quite franc, they would not want to leave a mark.
  • Um, lingering national guilt over laundering Nazi war loot? He makes more money from two haircuts than from one? You get a better class of skinhead in France? Hitler? Titanic? Iceland? Oh, this is ridiculous, I don’t even know any barbers in Geneva. I’m going to flounce off now and look for some less silly questions to answer…..
  • While Frenchman are generally silly looking in mickey mouse tee-shirts, Germans have been known to wear g-string bathing suits when on holiday (shudder…)
  • You SEEN Einstein’s hair!? It’s like Baghdad in there! I’d cut TEN Frenchmen before I attempted that death trap. As for Kaiser Wilhelm’s Moustache! The actual verified 8th level of Hell for hairdressers.

Question 2

Approximately what force is exerted in the stem of an apple hanging from a tree?

Beautiful Answer

1 Newton

Uglier Answers

  • A bit less that required to break it. But if you add one Newton it might break and fall on someones head. So causing some weighty pondering on matters of much gravity. Or not as the case may be.
  • According to Apple’s website, the iMac G5 weighs 11.4 kilos. According to my year 11 physics education (which is wearing into year 12 as we speak), f = ma. Gravity is 9.8 m/s/s, which gives me an answer of 111.72 Newtons of force.
  • According to the lutec people this apple stem is a source of infinite energy. Where is this tree growing?
  • Air Pressure is once force. Gravity is another. I can’t think of any others (except for heat) without the apple itself hanging off the stem (I mean you are talking about a stem hanging off a tree without the apple, right?)
  • Approximately, exactly the force of gravitational attraction to every other object in the universe + the net air current force + the strong and weak nuclear forces + van der waals forces + the energy of light reflecting off the surface + any not included in the above list to 17 decimal places.
  • Depends on the mass of the apple. African or European? Assuming 100gms, then a force of approx 1 newton. Seems somewhat appropriate doesn’t it?
  • Earth acceleration is roughly 10 meters per square second, and an average apple weighs about 100 grams, meaning that it would be about one Newton. Ironic, considering the results of one Newton being hit by an apple.
  • Er, one Newton?
  • F=ga, I dare to say… where “g” is usual “g” and “a” the mass of the apple. If it is wrong, please substitute the “=” sign with a standard “i”, learn a bit of trivial Italian, and you’ll discover a very intense natural attractive force.
  • Fruity Jedi force.
  • Gee, I don’t know. (Yes, yes, I know the Gee is a unit of acceleration & not force.) I guess it must be equal and opposite the force of gravity on the apple, or it would fall, as some would have it happened to old Isaac, or float instead of hanging!
  • Hmmm, the force in the stem. IN the stem. Hmmm again. As one who abhorred physics as a child, one can but waffle about newtons (appropriate for an apple) or the defence force or the police force. I’m sure the last two are wrong, so how about a guess – is it six kilopiconewtonmetres squared? Or is it really the case that a medium size apple (~100g) will exert a force of one newton?
  • How deep an answer do you want? The force of gravity exerts a downward force equal to the mass of the apple X ‘g’. In accordance with Newton’s Third, this is balanced by a tension force which exactly matches it. Thus the net force is zero.
  • I can’t do apples; Mr Tytler, my hippy pacifist physics teacher, was obsessed with oranges. He’s probably the only science teacher I’ve ever heard of who could work oranges into explanations of nuclear disintegration, electric field theory and thermodynamics. The one thing I remember clearly from force analysis (some 19 years ago now) was his explanation of why being stood on by Mr Mintern, the Vietnam vet chemistry teacher, in high heels would be worse than being stood on by an elephant. Mr Mintern’s theoretical design of an apparatus to extract useful energy from a physics teacher in a giant bomb calorimeter was no less intriguing. Watching those two cordially despise each other made my high school science education an intriguing, engaging and happy experience. Education ministers, take note. Oh, I think the net force on the apple is zero, seeing as it’s not actually going anywhere, being still attached to the tree; to do the vector analysis, I’m sure that Mr Tytler would ask 1) which planet the apple tree was growing on, 2) what happens if the tree falls over and 3) if a tree falls on a chemistry teacher in a forest and nobody is there to see it, who gives a stuff?
  • I discussed this in great detail with my original answer, however on reflection you don’t usually find stems detached from the apple, and still hanging off the tree. There must be some sort of force that causes this to happen. I just can’t put my finger on it.
  • I would say around 3 Newtons (tension).
  • Is “Eskimos!” a sufficiently “approximate” answer?
  • It varies on the ripeness of the apple and the quality of the stem, but usually just enough to allow me to remove it from the tree. Occasionally just enough to remove the apple from the tree and me from the ladder or branch.
  • Oh ask Newton – force of gravity downwards and equal force upwards from the stem, nett force zero? otherwise it would move, forget about the wind
  • One newton, no doubt.
  • One Newton?
  • Technically Dr. Bob whilst the apple is still hanging from the tree it’s still PART OF that tree. So an apple CAN’T hang by its stem naturally from a tree. That means the force it exerts can’t be measured. Except in unreal numbers. Unreal Force would be a good name for a comic book superhero team.
  • The apple is not moving so I’ll have nothing to do with this problem. Instead I’d just like to let you know that 365 days of drinking low calorie beer is a lite year. (You inspired me with #1 now I’m on a roll).
  • The force of attraction, F, between two bodies of mass m1 and m2 is given by: F = Gm1m2/r2 where G = the universal gravitational constant 6.67 x 10-11 N m2 kg-2 But I’m sure you knew that already.
  • The force of gravity – not approximately, either.
  • The question is vague and ambiguous. It doesn’t state if the apple is in the act of being stolen or simply getting stoned.
  • The size of the force depends entirely on whats hanging from the other end of the stem. Alternatively the answer could also be “some combination of the strong nuclear force, the weak nuclear force, the electromagnetic force and the gravitational force”
  • We can use Newton’s Second Law. Since the stem is in equilibrium the net force on the stem is zero. This means the downward pull of gravity by the earth on the apple F(apple) is balanced by an equal upward pull on the apple by the branch F(branch). Thus Fnet = F(apple) + F(branch) = 0 . I really wish I paid more attention in my Physics class.
  • Who knows? Oh i forgot you do
  • Zero of course. The upward force from the branch is balanced exactly by the force of gravity.
  • Zero sum force – otherwise it would fall off.

Question 3

What (other than their value) is unusual about banknotes of Zambian kwacha?

Answer

The ink comes off

Other Answers

  • A value laden question if ever there was one. Their collector value exceeds their monetary value. Amazingly, on Thursday, February 3, 2005 1 Zambian Kwacha = 0.01336 Iceland Krona which is the same as my IQ x 1/1000, or my chest measurement, whichever is greater.
  • “Kwacha” is an anagram of “Chakwa” which, as metaphysical folk would know, is an especially mysterious Zambian chakra first identified by Deepak Chopra during his voyage to darkest Africa late last century. And isn’t naming your currency after Chopra’s chakwa chakra just a tad unusual?
  • After long contemplation of the banknotes, the only unusual thing I could find was the man with the stupid grin on the old notes. Thus, my answer is: “They portrayed someone high on crack on the notes”.
  • Apart from being the only banknotes in the whole world with “Zambia” on them, they are also the only notes to bear Dr Caleb Fundanga’s signature. And yes, there are many other points of uniqueness, such as when Zambia issued its new polymer kwacha notes, they completed the A to Z of countries with polymer notes, and as soon as they were issued there was a run on the currency. Alas, the ink hadn’t dried properly and attendees at the launch had red and black stained fingers.
  • As flexible as the exchange rate.
  • I’m not sure to have understood what I’ve found about them, but it seems to me that the note’s value have been raised of a factor 1000, but in order to save costs of reprinting, the old notes should be read “mentally” as multiplied x1000. Probably I didn’t understand (this can happen only in my country, not in a normal one), so my answer is: there is always the picture of a slave breaking his chains.
  • It has been known to change colour (to avoid confusion?) and it floats. Sounds like an aquatic chameleon
  • It’s the only African currency made of polymer.
  • It’s the way they spell the production company Kawasaki and also the novel design concepts of premature fading and erasable serial numbers.
  • Its weird name.
  • It’s worthless, er make that worth less than the country’s coins.
  • Nobody outside Zambia knows what is unusual about them.
  • That kwacha means dawn and that they are made of polymer.
  • The 1 Kwacha note features cotton picking and the 10 Kwacha note features a “chainbreaker” – their currency appears to send a mixed message to their population…maybe that’s why the value is allowed to fluctuate within their own country.
  • The 1000 and 500 notes are printed on polymer
  • The banknotes picture a bald eagle, of which there are none in Africa.
  • The new polymer banknotes are so low in value, they are printed for durability rather than for forgery concerns.
  • The sheer improbability of anyone with a name like Zambian kwacha having any banknotes at all.
  • Their dopey name “Kwacha”. Unique to Zambia out of the entire sector of the galaxy. Except for Malawi. The word means sunlight or dawn or something like that. 100 ngwee (bright) make up 1 kwacha. So 100 brights make a light. That makes sense. I think, sort of.
  • Their name? Christ Dr. Bob, where do you get ’em?
  • Their presences in Queensland. Conspiracy theory or another case of Queensland incompetence??
  • They all have pictures of animals on them.
  • They all have the same design, just different colours.
  • They are just like old country newspapers – you can hang them on the inside of a country dunny door.
  • They are made from cloth, in a range of colours, and sizes, suitable for all seasons (my favourite is a little black number…)
  • They are made of animal skin?
  • They are made of cloth
  • They are polymer like ours
  • They are printed on the foreskins of the Zambian kwachahorse. Fortunately, this animal is extremely well endowed in the reproductive area, so they only need to circumcise about 10 a year to keep up with the demand for new notes.
  • They are square
  • They dont exist
  • They have a hologram. They have nice colors and pictures of animals.
  • They like Australian are polymer
  • They range from 1K to 50,000K. The zeros on the K1,000 and higher denominations have the zeros much smaller than the other numbers, allowing for them to be dropped in the future if they rebase the currency, allowing the K10,000 to become K10.
  • They’re a strange shape. I’m going to guess round.
  • They’re pretty well useless everywhere else
  • Ticket machines in Melbourne trams wont take them. No, hang on, ticket machines in Melbourne trams wont take any banknotes at all. Um, if you fold them a certain way, you get a picture of Bronwyn Bishop and Boris Yeltsin doing something gymnastic and unseemly (also illegal in Tasmania). With a map of Iceland in the background.
  • Unlike Australian plastic notes, they’re probably made of paper – how strange.
  • What to say – they share the same picture on the front (with minor alterations), they look like monopoly money, their s/n is vertical… take your pick.
  • You can smoke them and get high.

Question 4

When a meteorite hits the surface of the Earth – which, by definition, they always do – immediately after impact, how hot is the meteorite?

Answer

Not very – a few hundred degrees C. White hot material forms at the surface, but it gets ablated and poor conduction keeps the heat away from the remaining material. It is then slowed down by friction with the air and reaches a terminal velocity.

Hotter Answers

  • 10,000 Celcius
  • 2000 degrees
  • 98.6 degrees
  • About 40 degrees centigrade which is what it is in Broome as I type (keeping an eye on the sky just in case)
  • About 500 degrees (celsius, farenheit or kelvin, whichever is closest)
  • According to the “Meteroid-boy” magazine, the average meteorite that meets its end on earth is a 7 / 10, but, with a few meteor-beers, this rating can rise as high as a 9.
  • Around 1600 degrees C. Hot enough to produce shocked quartz, and to vaporise dinosaurs and creationist loonies. Now, all we have to do is work out how to steer them meteorites…..
  • As hot as an Icelandic Geyser.
  • As hot as the feverish imagination of Ken Ham, looking for objections to evolution.
  • bloody hot….????????
  • BRRRR! Cold rock. Millions of years in the cold of space. Don’t expect it to heat up much from a few seconds of friction.
  • Damn hot, sweaty under the armpits hot.
  • Define “immediately”. In an astronomical context, “immediately” can mean centuries, so the answer is “not very”.
  • If it hit the oceans it would be hot and wet, which is great if you are with a woman, but its no good if you’re in the jungle.
  • Do you consider water to be the surface of the Earth? Or is the impact only when it actually hits the bottom of the ocean? If the latter, then by definition immediately after impact they stop falling.
  • Duh … Which meteorite, what was it made of, how big was it, what angle did it strike at, did anyone measure it. Who bloody knows?
  • Hot enough so the water it lands in is heated sufficiently for a nice cup of tea.
  • Hotter than hades, but it’s hard to be precise as meteorite-proof thermometers have not been invented.
  • http://mars.astrobio.net/news/article15.html says maybe not so hot. So since meteorites from Mars don’t get so hot as to kill life then life could have originated on Mars and then traveled to Earth on a meteorite. By similar logic since Venus is cloudy and clouds are often over swamps, Venus has swamps. When the Earth had a lot of swamps there were dinosaurs. So probably there are dinosaurs on Venus.
  • I fear this question is too hot for me to handle.(That is if you mean just after the kinetic energy is converted into heat; in which case my answer is “bloody hot”.)
  • If it’s large enough to make it to the earth’s surface without being burned up, then it’s probably large enough that the centre of the meteorite is still quite cold.
  • I’m not an expert so how should I know?
  • Let’s assume it doesn’t get too much impact force so the shock warming by deformation won’t be too important. Then on its crust it’ s got the temperature of boiling silicate or iron (depends on meteorite species) which might be some 2,000 to 3,000 Kelvin. The additional air friction energy is absorbed by the evaporation enthalpy of the crustal particles which go off. The core temperature can vary depending on its size. Silicate meteorites may have lower temperature within their core than the ones of nickel-iron due to the bad heat conduction of the material
  • Lukewarm.
  • Not hot at all – probably just above ambient temperature
  • Not too much. They’ve been hotted by the atmosphere, but they were also a bit cold, before, in that almost-absolute-zero environment. I guess about 1000 degrees. Please take note I’ve intentionally said nothing about the temperature scale. I’m ready to use Celsius, Kelvin, Farenheit, Reaumur or even a brand new one, in order to have a score in this question.
  • Not very hot
  • Not very. They would be quite cool.
  • Okay, let’s assume the surface they hit (this time) is rock, and defiantly not water. In that case there is a very loud, earth-shattering KABOOM exerted by the meteorite immediately after impact.
  • Outside is blindingly hot. Inside and the ejecta is variable, with some researchers claiming inside temperatures and ejecta may remain below 100C or even 40C.
  • Pretty hot
  • Really cold
  • Really hot, is that celcius or farenheit?
  • Similar to the heat emitted by Uranus.
  • Somewhere between absolute zero and a million billion squillion degrees kelvin.
  • Somewhere between Jennifer Hawkins and Summer off the O.C. on a comparative scale. Really Hot.
  • That depends on whether it is wearing this seasons swimsuits, or an outdated design.
  • The ones that I measured were around 1100 degrees C.
  • The outer layer of the meteorite is burnt off in the atmosphere, so the extreme heat never reaches more than a few millimeters into the rock, so the core of the meteorite should be no more than 40 deg C.
  • This must be one of these theoretical type questions, because I don’t think anyone has actually had a little thermometer out there to check. Otherwise, it’s HOT, DAMN HOT!
  • Too hot for bare hands. Be sure to use pot holders to pick it up.
  • Trick question. The meteorite shatters on impact and is no longer called a meteorite.
  • The answer depends on the composition of the meteorite and in what part of the body the meteorite hits the Pope. Obviously, If it hits the Pope in the chest, particularly the heart, the temperature would be significantly colder. Whereas if it hit the Pope in the arse, where the cardinals continuously blow hot air, it would be hotter.

Question 5

Complete this quote from Dr Johnson to his friend, the actor David Garrick circa 1750 “I’ll come no more behind your screens, Mr Garrick, because ….”[‘because’ inserted to stop you Googling direct to the answer]

Answer

“ … the silk stockings and white bosoms of your actresses excite my amorous propensities.”
Or possibly “… the white bosoms of your actresses do make my genitals to quiver”

Other Answers

  • I’m only eleven so how I am I supposed to know?
  • I have no idea
  • I’m lost.
  • “… I think that my premature ejaculation is now under control.”
  • “… there is an abominable lack of girls, here”. Well, I’d say something similar, at his place.
  • “….. the silk stockings and white bosoms of your actresses excite my amorous propensities, and Mrs Johnson will beat me black and blue with my own dictionary again if she finds out.” All right, I made that last bit up, but it’s what I would’ve done if I’d been Mrs Johnson. Silk stockings and white bosoms, indeed, you fat old letch.
  • “… for the silk stockings and white bosoms of your actresses excite my amorous propensities.” Must remember that one – “amorous propensities” – great pick up line…
  • “… your acting sucks and I’d rather be beaten with a large stick than endure any more of your performances in Dial M for Murder.”
  • “… although I know you are a fine actor, acting is no longer my chosen talent.”
  • “… I want to sit out front and watch the play”.
  • “… the silk stockings and white bosoms of your actresses excite my amorous propensities” … though you garbled the quote a bit, making it somewhat hard to google. I am ashamed of you, Bob.
  • “… of Dr. Bob’s censorship.”
  • “… my supply of ostrich feathers is totally depleted”
  • “… Desperate Housemaidens is on in 10 minutes.”
  • “… Films have not been invented yet”
  • “… I’m impotent.”
  • According to my Oxford, the quote says, “I’ll come no more behind your scenes, David; for the silk stockings and white bosoms of your actresses excite my amorous propensities”. Does this question say something about you, Dr Bob?
  • because I prefereth Shakespeare.
  • because you can’t act.
  • I do not want to.
  • I’d rather be playing chess in Finland.
  • I’ll be not going on “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” any more.
  • I’m leaving for Iceland.
  • I’m only eleven so how I am I supposed to know? [Well, you have just found out]
  • I’m tired of seeing you naked behind them!
  • my foot hurts
  • Now I am due to go in front of them
  • screenz meanz <add word that rhymes with Heinz, and has an amusing relationship with the word screen and whatever the hell Johnson said, here>.
  • Sigh. Use one site to get the first name Samuel. Then search again to find http://andromeda.rutgers.edu/~jlynch/Texts/BLJ/blj49.html. Search for the text on the page. Basically Dr. Johnson is to David Garrick play as [insert local conservative politician] is to question #6.
  • The silk stockings and white bosoms of your actresses excite my amorous propensities (the other form (from John Wilkes)) is after actresses: “do make my genitals to quiver”.
  • There’s a naked chess-playing lady behind there.
  • Very tricky cos you got the quote wrong bob, according to my research he didn’t say because or Mr Garrick, so in theory the quote can’t be completed. So…. I’ve only got this to say: ‘I’ll come no more behind your scenes, David; for the silk stockings and white bosoms of your actresses excite my amorous propensities.’
  • you don’t need my assistance anymore.
  • you sir are an imposter. The David Garrick we all know was killed in the library with the rope by none other than Colonel Mustard! The David Garrick in this room is the voluptuous Miss White!!
  • You slept with my wife!
  • You stink!
  • You touched my bottom!
  • You’ll open a can of “whoop-ass” on me!
  • “You’re a bloody poof and won’t leave me alone.”

Question 6

We haven’t had nudes for a while, so here’s a girl wearing only a chess set. (A) Guess where she lives? and (B) what is wrong in this picture?

Explanation of the distortion of the female form:

During my perpetual Googling on all things Icelandic I came across (so to speak) an article “Women of Iceland” which turned out to be from Playboy Magazine. This featured 27 females, none of whom was suitably attired for that country, although one of them had an Icelandic pony, and this one had a chess set.

I got told off for putting up the full version, so I edited it down to just the chess set. I think I’ve exhausted the Icelandic and naked-lady threads for a while now. Especially after the telling-offs I received last month. So there will be no naked ladies, no Iceland questions etc for a very long while – or until I run out of ideas, which will probably be sooner.

So here is Dr Bob’s take on the game. The CHESS game, that is.

Thank you to those of you who gave advice before I analysed the position. The position of the chess game, that is. The Kings are on adjacent squares – if those are kings. But it does looks like it began as a legitimate game, as many of the black pieces are on their starting squares if you turn the board around. I think the board looks like this –
a b c d e f g h (corner towards camera)
8 . .BB . .BBBN .
7 . .BP . .BP .BP
6 .BP . . . .WB .
5 . . . . . . .WQ
4 . .WK . . . . .
3 . . .BK . .WB .
2WN . . . . . .BR
1 . . . . . . . .
(side towards girl)

As it stands, the BK is in check from the WB but how could this check possibly have been administered? – therefore the BK has been moved.

Answers

  • The girl is Icelandic (yes, really) and Icelanders are supposed to be good at chess.
  • The girl is trying to cheat by nudging the WN from a1 to a2 while you are looking at something else.
  • The girl has only one leg. I mean … how much use is that?

Answers to (A) – Guess where she lives?

  • Baltimore.
  • The cave in the center of last months picture. (No way am I removing the safety filter from Google’s image search). My serious guess is England. The tone of the picture and the degree of nudity resemble the pictures inside English tabloids.
  • China
  • Sweden
  • ARG you censored the picture!
  • As you placed a question mark here, I assume that you mean “Do you want to guess where she lives?” and answer “No”
  • Chinaman’s Knob (an actual peninsula in the North-west of WA)
  • Do you really believe we may conclude that she lives in Russia just because it is a Russian chess-set? Please, restitute your Skeptic badge, Dr.Bob.
  • Do you want a street address or will the name of a city do? It doesn’t really matter because I have no idea. My guess is Scandinavia.
  • I don’t know where she lives, but she can stay at my place anytime.
  • I refuse to answer this question because you have changed the picture mid month. The first picture was of a beautiful naked woman with nothing wrong in the picture that I could see. Now you have removed the woman and introduced a picture of a boring chessboard and someones arm.
  • I’m guessing in an apartment and the two black pawns directly together can’t be in that position.
  • I’m not an expert on pawnography, but I’d say it’s from the Check Republic.
  • In her residence, probably in a city, town, village or other locale
  • Italy? (suntan, carrara marble) – Belgium? (tip blanket)
  • Las Vegas, Nevada, USA. B) What is wrong is that an American is playing a game requiring skill, cunning, intelligence, fairness, and equanimity….
  • Near a warm spring on Iceland. It only attracts arm fetishists.
  • On my computer screen as a screensaver.
  • Reykjavik
  • Russia
  • She clearly lives in a Republic, because there are no kings on the board!
  • She lives in a warm enough climate that such acts of near nudity do not result in flash freezing.
  • She lives in Iceland. No doubt she was being pestered by the photographer “Now show us yer map o’ Vestmannaeyjar love, heh heh heh”
  • She obviously is not real. No self repecting woman plays chess in the nude. So she lives in some nerds computer, probably shared on the internet somewhere… The Nerd is gay, and trying to hide the fact by including a naked woman, however he forget to include the woman in any significant way, instead focusing on the chess set.
  • She probably lives with my ex-boyfriend, or at least did at some point. If you knew my ex-boyfriend, you’d agree this was very possible.
  • Silicone Valley. [Groannnn]
  • Where does she live? Next door, I hope. Drool slobber..
  • Uh, she lives at her place. Which may or may not be in Iceland. But then this is Dr Bob’s quiz so if not it would be a nice refreshing change. Hint! Hint!
  • She lives in the dirty imaginations of Australian skeptics
  • Somewhere warm like finland
  • 16 Station St. Box Hill. (You did say guess).
  • She lives above the chip shop.
  • She’s obviously a Czech, mate.

Answers to (B) what is wrong in this picture?

  • Good God, Dr. Bob. Everybody knows my sister can’t play chess.
  • I can’t see all of her
  • the chess set is the focus of the picture
  • The two kings can’t be on adjacent squares
  • With white on the right it appears there is a pawn on the first row? It may be there is only one king? Perhaps if you zoomed in on the chessboard I could see the pieces better. No, never mind about that on second thought.
  • Three things: 1) nowhere in the rules of chess does it say you have to get nekkid to play (that’s Twister you’re thinking of); any woman who is dumb enough to believe that you have to nude up to play chess deserves any degradation she gets, 2) that looks like a chess set made of chocolate, in which case it would long since have been eaten by any female within cooee and 3) the pieces are placed randomly on the board, not as a result of a game in progress.
  • This is soft porn – if she had brains enough actually to play chess she wouldn’t be there, would she?
  • As a red-blooded male, what is wrong is that you can’t see enough of the girl. Are you going to correct this situation, Dr Bob? Or are you waiting for some “Queen” or “checkmate” gags?
  • Black has one king, one queen, two rooks, two knights, two bishops, three pawns and some piece she’s holding. White only has pawns – it has no king! [Arrgh so this must be in a country that had no king, at least from 930-1262 AD …..] Therefore my powers of deduction tell me, that as this woman is white she has no king! Because she has no king it means she’s not a queen which explains the absence of the queen as well. It also explains why white’s kingdom has no knights, no bishops and no castle. Therefore for question 6.a the answer, obviously, is that she is a princess that lives all alone in an empty would-be kingdom.
  • How can there be anything “wrong” with a picture, it is what it is. The chess pieces are unusual and unconventionally positioned, the image appears to be a composite but these things are not in themselves “wrong”. I expect better questions Dr Bob.
  • I will not answer this. Every time I look at a picture for long while thinking about this, it changes into a monster.
  • (i) It shrunk (sigh). ii) What exciting amorous propensities!!! iii) Strategic placement of bedroom items iv) The other player isn’t concentrating (on the game) v) Two kings adjacent – not usually allowed but I guess we could make allowances in the circumstances.
  • Nothing 😉
  • One of the kings is missing. Perhaps it is providing her with a mammalian wedgie.
  • Pawn on back row
  • She has neither white bosoms nor silk stockings, and has yet to mate or, worse, checkmate.
  • Some of the chess pieces are half black and half white! How the hell did that happen!?
  • The black rook is in a position that it would unlikely reach under fair play.
  • The Kings appear to be on adjacent squares.
  • The photo’s been edited since last time I was here so you can only see her bleedin HAND, that’s what’s wrong with the picture! [But the hand can be very erotic. At least that’s what my mate Danny, who’s a bit deaf, says….]
  • The sheets are ruffled.
  • The two kings are in adjacent squares which is against the rules.
  • the white square is down at the bottom right of the board, where it should be at the bottom left.
  • There’s nothing wrong with the picture mate, it looks mighty fine to me. (Or it did last week – you’re not censoring it now are you?)
  • There’s too much material on the bed. That and no white king.
  • What is wrong in the picture? I can’t see, that’s what’s wrong. There seems to be a black & white something-or-other in the way.
  • Where is her opponent? She is playing with herself!
  • Wrong? The only thing wrong is that no-one in their right mind would be playing chess on a bed such as this with a lady such as this………
  • As for what is wrong with the picture, well, that’s obvious. You can’t see any naughty parts.
  • It’s not quite well visible but White seems to have 2 “white” bishops
  • Lot of things are wrong: maybe both the Kings are under check (are they really in adjacent squares, or it is my low-definition monitor tricking my eyes?; maybe there are Bishops on same colour squares; a knight in the square is against every strategic advice, and so on…. Most of all, what is really wrong is that “after-the-shot” censorship correction that faked a blank sheet exactly over the F=ga of the girl.
  • pieces incorrectly placed (not hers the chessmen)
  • The two Kings are too close to each other??? is dat even a king?
  • What is wrong with this picture is that its on this website–please stop posting naked pictures here.
  • Obviously, we see too much of one frivolous distraction and not enough of the other.
  • The chess set is covering too much (?)
  • There’s too much of the chess set showing and not enough of the girl
  • they are lying down and cannot play in this position?
  • White’s stuffed.

Comments:

  • Again, I believe I’ve got all the questions right (though others may not). Well I’m bound to have a question right at any rate, which is still better than most people – including you Dr. Bob.
  • Are you a robot because these questions are impossible to answer?
  • Bob’s my uncle
  • Caution. These answers contain a humour vacuum which will suck the funny out of anything within two miles. Always store within a zero humour container made from old Eddie Murphy tapes.
  • Comments unnecessary.
  • Fun but a failure – me not you
  • Hi Dr. Bob! I found my way back to you at last.
  • Hi Dr. Bob. Know an overzealous religious nut? Get them a poster of David Bowie’s “Heathen” album cover artwork. Guaranteed to make you the target of lots of prayer.
  • hi, i’ll be here til thursday, try the veal!
  • How about a special quiz next month on the Things You Did Not Know About Charles and Camilla? Should be easy to track down six vacuous questions from their two vacuous lives. [Q1: Is it true that the Queen congratulated Camilla and gave her a gift of a weekend in Paris, with car and driver? Q2: Have you seen the poster that is going around for “Two Weddings and a Funeral”?]
  • i have no idea
  • I haven’t done the quiz for a while, so it was pleasing to see such a pleasing picture question. When you find out where the lady in Q6 lives, let me know – I want to show her a few moves with my pink bishop.
  • I Like it!
  • I never knew surfing the Skeptic’s website at work would get me fired for prOn.
  • I sucked today Bob. I was thinking about TV too much. My undying love to y’all Dr. Bobbage.
  • I think it’s time to recycle some of the older questions so I have a better chance of getting something right.
  • I’m back. Two shop moves, two fights with landlords (one senile 88 yo, one nasty, nasty chain of shopping centres), numerous hours poring over commercial leases & legislation, two VCAT appearances (one win, one draw) and a wedding. Have I missed anything?
  • Isn’t it about time we had a male nude NOT YOU DR BOB all done in the best possible taste, of course, just to even things up a bit I SAID NOT YOU DR BOB since we’ve had plenty of nekkid or near-enough nekkid wimmen? How about some eye candy for the ladies out here amongst the Fabulous Quizzees PUT THOSE BACK ON THIS INSTANT we’re not asking for no nekkid wimmen NOT ON YOUR HEAD, just for equal time – equity and diversity, and all that. A buff young thing from Iceland would be GET AWAY FROM THE WINDOW AT ONCE acceptable. You may ask an associated question for propriety’s sake IF YOU DON’T STOP THAT I SHALL TELL MATRON.
  • it was a waste of time. im stupid!
  • Knowing one helps nothing with the other 6 questions, bah.
  • lmao
  • More nudes, more nudes.
  • Nice, Dr. Bob. Ugh.
  • No time for googling this month so I just made the answers up. Actually it seems not to make much difference. Well Ok I did google a bit on the Zambian money question. Then made up the answer anyway.
  • Restraint. I waited until the night of the first to fill out the quiz this month Dr. B.
  • So, you thought you could get away from me and my inane coments? No, in spite of all the doctors pronouncements of impending doom I am still here. And, so far, getting better, though ever so slowly. So you will have to go on deleting my tripe for some time yet, I hope.
  • Strip-Chess, gosh… I have to try to write down the rules (and also to improve a bit my chess ability, I fear…)
  • Texan: “Where are you from?” Harvard graduate: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.” Texan: “OK, where are you from, Jackass?”
  • Thanks for all the help to Tsunami survivors that Australia is giving. Skeptics are going good service showing that psychics didn’t adequately foresee or warn of the impending disaster.
  • Thank you
  • The first rule in Dr Bobs quiz is when in doubt the answer is Iceland.
  • This was a good quiz, I managed to get a correct or somewhat funny answer to each question… you thought they were funny, right?
  • Thx to Wikipedia and the Gutenberg Project
  • very hard dr bob. feeling very stupid
  • Whats going on??? SHREIK
  • Where’s the equal opportunity Dr Bob, if you’re going to alter questions mid-month?!
  • While on holiday we built a big shed to house our boats. [And the harvest has been poor this year. Oh sorry, I thought you were Jones the Spy]
  • Why no questions about Iceland this month? [Ha!!!]
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