Answers for November 2005

Winner this month is –

Mr Mutwehir

Good on yer, Mutty.


Question 1

Who, while cooking soup and wanting a soft-boiled egg, invented the idea of putting the egg in the soup in order to save on washing-up?

Answer

Albert Einstein

Other Answers

  • A peasant or a gypsy, a camper or possibly a Scotsman
  • A truly brilliant man. What a great idea. I wish I had thought of it. Only someone like Albert Einstein could come up with that. So I guess it must have been him.
  • Actually this is such a banal “invention” that I bet the first person who did it won’t ever have been noted. It’s probably one of the first things that happened after the first fireproof vessels were made.
  • Edgar allen poe
  • Ethelred the Unready
  • Garfield the cat
  • Had to be a chap, house chores being the bane of a chap’s life, and having to face the horror alone for a period, realised, to remain sane, cooking eggs in a separate pan just doubles up the loathed task.
  • Hmm, I was going to say Bronwyn Bishop but any egg she handled would, either by osmosis or in the manner of Medusa, be hard-boiled well before going near her wretched soup.
  • I did in my student days – …..oh you wanted the first! Should have said so. Probably some nameless chinese or japanese cook several thousand years ago.
  • It sounds just like another major scientific breakthrough by our favorite bachelor Isaac Newton.
  • It took me a while to consider how putting an egg in soup could possibly save on washing up, so it definitely wasn’t me. Then again who washes a pot after it’s only had boiling water in it, so I still have a problem with comprehension.
  • James Earl Jones
  • Jamie Oliver
  • John Howard, got it from George bush who said”Don’t get soup on your face, Steel Man’..Howard bunged an egg in as he’s a bit smarter than George,,,
  • Mungo Miele, who then had a better idea and invented the dishwasher.
  • My roommate at the university.
  • Oooh, ooh, Dr Bob!: was it Frank B. Gilbreth, the original time & motion efficiency guy who wrote Cheaper by the Dozen? I’m amazed he didn’t just add Morning Fresh to the soup, thereby cutting another step. I’ve owned chooks, and I wouldn’t want what’s usually on the outside of the egg to get into my soup. Of course you could wash it, but doesn’t that add another step?
  • The Queen
  • Some horribly lazy person whose name should be forgotten.
  • Somebody who wasn’t really very good at inventing stuff.
  • the most idiotic orc on the planet becasue if u do that it will tast like s*#t
  • This raises an interesting philosophical question: which came first – the chicken soup or the egg soup? It likely that a Christian is the answer to your question given that Judaism linked to chicken soup, therefore the offspring of Judaism should be linked to soup of chicken offspring.
  • This was Groucho Marx in the classic movie ‘Duck Soup’ As the name implies, the egg was in fact a duck’s egg. The British Army took this idea up and taught combat soldiers how to cook not only their eggs and soup, but other liquid delights by using the paper bag they were carried in as the utensil. (Wet paper does not burn and if the heat source is suitable, water can in fact be boiled before the bag catches fire.)
  • Un petit d’un petit. (Ee ad ad an oeuf of life, poor tige.)

Question 2

Who was the first person to utter the word fuck as part of the formal eulogy at a British memorial service?

Answer

John Cleese (at Graham Chapman’s funeral)

Other Answers

  • Ah well actually it is little known that it was my great grandfather. But that it is so little known that it can’t be the right answer. But a famous person who said fuck in a eulogy was John Cleese. Because the late Graham Chapman asked him to. Which proves he wasn’t the messiah but was in fact just a very naughty boy. Graham that is not John.
  • Billy Connolly
  • Chaucer? Billy Connolly? Prince Philip? I’m sure it wasn’t Bronwyn Bishop because anyone she chose to eulogise would have been well and truly fucked beforehand by the ALP or more likely by other members of the Liberal Party and she would not need to utter the naughty word herself. Anyway, what would she be doing at a British memorial service unless it was for a member of her beloved Royal Family, at which one would be constrained not to say “fuck” for fear of winding up with an abbeyful of upper class twits suffering uncontrollable fits of the vapours?
  • Dunno, but Graham Chapman would have turned over in his grave.
  • Dylan Thomas occurs rather easily to the noodle, undoubtedly some-one like him, though Jeffrey Bernard is a good candidate; eulogies are nasty things to endure, having to give one nastier still, saying `fuck’ during delivery of one of that ill-conceived thing is, therefore, an understandable reaction.
  • Gosh, I typed “fuck” into Google, and all I got was references to Hummer 2s and the Lane Cove Tunnel.
  • I once heard the Queen say Fuck the fucking fuckers!
  • John Cleese delivering the euology for Graham Chapman in 1989. BTW, Cleese has recently had a new species of lemur named after him.
  • John Cleese for Graham Chapman
  • John Cleese’s eulogy for Graham Chapman
  • john howard
  • Margaret Thatcher
  • Mr B. Fuck (Jnr)
  • Prince Charles
  • Prince fucking Philip
  • Probably Prince F***ing Philip, given his penchant for bad f***ing language. I’m sure a certain ancestor of his would not have been f***ing amused.
  • Some potty-mouthed foul mouth whose mouth should be thoroughly washed out with soap.
  • Sure, sure you want me to google for fuck at work. Good try Bob. (I mentioned it once but I got away with it)
  • The head usher, who had the unenviable task of introducing Her Royal Serenity Princess Fat Fuck, seventy third in line for the throne of Sitson Barge-arseburgh, a little know Princessipality not far from Moldovia.
  • The Queen, when the Corgi got run over
  • The Queen, on being handed a note informing her that Australia had voted to remain a monarchy.
  • This is a particularly interesting question. As everyone knows, the manufacturers of ‘RINSO’ have claimed that their laundry detergent is the Finest Universal Cleaner Known. Their advertising strategy was that if Omo won’t whiten it, and Persil won’t brighten it, then FUCK it.
  • This month I didn’t have quiz luck / On many questions I was stuck / But all my time I wasted in oogle / All because of Dr. B. and Google / I searched for ____
  • Tony Atkins
  • Winston Churchill [Unlikely. He was told off for describing Hitler as “a guttersnipe”]

Question 3

Recent research has shown that a certain marine creature has many eyes and four brains, and what other body part in profusion?

Answer

“The box jellyfish, Tripedalia cystophora, a cubozoan, is a bizarre, highly poisonous predator . “These are fantastic creatures with 24 eyes, four parallel brains and 60 arseholes,” says Dan Nilsson, a vision expert from the University of Lund in Sweden. (Source: New Scientist, 8 November 2003, p. 34)”

Other Answers

  • 2 doodles
  • Actual “bodies”. This animal is known as a “fish”. Whilst to the observer a “fish” may look like a group of individual animals, actually, each is a part of a single collosal animal….the “fish”. Why do you think the singular is the same as the plural? ??Hmmmm, got you thinking. Also regard “sheep” in the same light.
  • Bottoms.
  • Box jellyfish have four brains, 24 eyes and 60 “arseholes”*. Just like the British government. *Official scientific nomenclature, I do believe: http://www.newscientist.com/channel/life/mg18624995.700
  • Chironex Fleckeri, a box jelly fish, has four brains, twenty-four eyes and over one hundred tentacles
  • Dunno but it must be related to John Howard
  • Eight Irish sky divers trying to hit a beach.
  • Energy channels.
  • Fingers
  • It was a 4 man submarine and the other body part were pink torpedoes.
  • Its spleen
  • It’s the rare Bronnyus Bishopus, an exoskeletal sharklike creature that inhabits the shallow foreshores of Lake Burley Griffin where it lies in wait for unsuspecting politicians and public servants. Upon spotting one passing by, it propels its forked tongue at lightning speed and impales its victim on the horns of a dilemma while simultaneously applying makeup and hairspray to itself, no mean feat as I’m sure you agree. To do all this successfully it has many eyes in the back (and front and top and bottom) of its head and keeps its four brains in pristine (i.e. unused) condition in case it catches John Howard one day and has to match his intellect. The other body part in profusion is of course gall bladders, needed because no other creature on Earth has so much unmitigated gall.
  • Jelly Bellies. (Perhpas not funny if Jelly Belly candies are not sold overseas, or if belly is only an American word for the region of the body including the stomach).
  • John Howard
  • Optic nerves, to connect all those eyes with all those brains. Do I get a point for this educated guess?
  • Penises! (The certain marine creature is barnacle.)
  • Penises, or is it Peni?
  • Reproductive organ so he can keep at least one brain above one of the other protuberances
  • Scales
  • Skin (four also)
  • Stingers, millions of them. The Chiornex fleckeri it would be, 24 eyes, 4 brains and millions of venomous stingers. Luckily hardly ever to be found lurking in a dark alley. Common name Box Jellyfish.
  • Tentacles
  • The other body parts in question are 8 arms and legs, 8 kidneys, 4 spleens etc. The creature is a four-man submarine.
  • This is the dreaded puddingfish. This creature is transparent and resembled jelly. It has multiple legs for use when stranded on the beach. Unfortunately although it has many eyes and brains, it is also quite stupid and has no sense of direction, and therefore generally travels away from the water and subsequently dies.

Question 4

What is the origin of the saying “He is as thick as two short planks”?

Answer

Actually I have no idea and I cannot find it out. Maybe it’s because planks are an inch thick but they don’t look very thick because they are so long, so if you saw a short one it would look quite thick, and of course two would look even thicker.

Other Attempts

  • A short plank or short strake is a particularly thick piece of wood used at the stern of a wooden ship. Two of them would be very thick indeed. Nearly as thick as my great grandfather to whom the term probably refers.
  • Ah … this refers to a young apprentice electrician. As everyone knows, to make an electrician, it is necessary to give a refrigeration mechanic a lobotomy. The particular lad involved unfortunately had a speech impediment and people thought that he wanted to be a bricklayer instead, hence the phrase as short as two thick planks
  • Because bricks weren’t invented at that time….otherwise it would be “as thick as a brick” !
  • Catt’s equation (via Maxwell) although there is a later poem by Ian anderson
  • Comes from the old French saying “Il est comme epais comme deux short planks”.
  • Dont know the origin but i know it means to be very stupid
  • Dr. Bob’s school report.
  • Einstein. It’s an atomic-level joke, originally being “…as thick as two short Plank’s constants” … suggesting a scientist has missed out some part of an equation, making it shorter. Oh how we laugh.
  • From planks or strakes on wooden boats. Some had to be carved to fit from thick short planks so this became a description of the epitome of thickness
  • From the bloke that said “Cut twice, measure once”
  • I believe it’s British.
  • I don’t know, but my boss used to say it.
  • Italian
  • John Howard
  • Late Pleistocene.
  • Navy, during the days of walking the plank.
  • Noah referring to his son who had just struck his thumb with a hammer for the 4001st time
  • Originated by the same bloke who said of Bronwyn Bishop, “She is as short as two thick planks”.
  • Pirates
  • Shakespeare?
  • Short planks were particularly thick planks, which were used to carve the sternpost in wooden ships. At least, that’s my reading of this Wikipedia article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strake There are so many “it”s and “that”s in quick succession that it’s hard to decypher what the subject of the relevant sentence is. They couldn’t have been used to carve the strakes. ….. Later: Sorry, I meant “which were carved into the sternpost” … you wouldn’t get far trying to carve anything with a short plank. Of course I had to stuff that question up, didn’t I, leading to the obvious comparisons with aformentioned blocks of wood.
  • That´s what high priest Caiaphas uttered when he first heard the prophecies of a certain carpenter from Nazareth.
  • This has changed in the translation. It was originally American and Northerners would say “he is as thick as 2 short Yanks” when talking about southerners. George Bush and his daddy are common day examples!
  • This was originally used in 1272 (late March), by Klungveld Orgraffer of Munster while planking with short thick pieces of oak. Relatively speaking – the shorter his apprentice cut them the thicker they seemed. After a few days of this Klungveld put two (and two) together and compared them to the apprentices IQ
  • Wasn’t it something to do with Rasputin, and not in reference to his mental capacity.
  • When Giles Corey was pressed to death between two planks at Salem Village (now Danvers), Massachusetts in 1692.
  • Whist it is tempting – and cheap – to suggest it was from the Irish building industry it is in fact a bastardisation of the Pygmy term “as short as two thick planks.”

Question 5

The emperor Nero compelled all Roman house owners to erect a porch over their front doors that a man could stand on. What was the idea behind this?

Answer

To assist in fire fighting.

Other Answers

  • Defense
  • Every porch was thought to have it’s own protective God(dess) Unlike the low doors in Scotland with the Queen’s portrait over the lintel so that everyone had to bow before entering (useless info for you)
  • Give speeches maybe
  • Good to stand on while fiddling & they burn well. Also used up short planks and was a good place for John Otto Cleese to stand while saying Fuck.
  • He wanted to improve Roman architecture and provide convenient watch-towers for emergencies
  • He was a peeping tom
  • His brilliant plan to safeguard Romans from the infamous “shit-on-them-while-they-are-unlocking-the-front-door” giant condor.
  • His political advisors put him up to it as image damage control after the fires of 64. {Pause while I turn down my cynicism). It was an effective method of fire prevention launched in response to a terrible tragedy.
  • Probably just in case Janus felt the need to pop in. Janus? You know, the god with two faces, often represented over doorways?
  • Probably to keep people sheltered when caught out in the rain
  • So as to avoid being splattered with sewage.
  • So every man could be in a position to see Rome burning from his home…
  • So he didnt get wet
  • So he, the emperor Nero, could stand on said porch and urinate on the heads of people going in. Nero had a sick sense of humor.
  • So that fires could be fought from standing on the porches
  • So that if Bronwyn Bishop visited the house during a violent thunderstorm the porch would stop the lightning from using her hair as a massive conductor and hence destroying the front door, the house, and all its inhabitants. Smart bloke, that Nero.
  • So that they could pee into the street without getting wet.
  • So the barbecue would not get wet. Backyards were not invented until the Europeanisation of Australia.
  • The Emperor Nero Burning ROM v5.0.0.4 (his full name), had shares in the local garage. Demanding the erection of a Porche over all front doors meant car sales rocketed, and his dividends, erm…went up. However, not all Romans were proficient in the arts of car-balancing, and many poor yeomen were squashed in freak light-wind-rocking-car accidents.
  • The idea is a place to watch for the enemy coming.
  • The idea was all sorts of things, including good for the porchmakers.
  • This was so that men could urinate into passing water carts to replenish them in the event of a fire. These carts were the fore-runners of current fire brigades.
  • To fight fires from. It seems a bit nutty but well that’s just the kind of guy Nero was.
  • To keep the rain off the soldiers standing guard of the virgin boys of each house
  • To not fall off. [That’d be a modern-day idea worthy of Canberra. Of course one can not fall off if there is no porch].
  • To raise new taxes?
  • To watch out for fires?
  • Well, it wasn’t actually, it was George Bush’s mother giving advice to New Orleans natives.

Question 6

This (partially censored) sketch from “Great Moments in History” depicts what famous event?

Answer

Here’s the uncensored picture

Other Answers

  • “oops I think it’s the battle of Hastings 1066”
  • A John Howard wet dream!
  • A time-travelling Viking cussing while trying automobile driving for the first time.
  • Canute “driving” the saxons away?
  • Caesar and his warriors and Pompeii [No – Caesar would have been in no fit state to drive by 79 AD]
  • Clearly, it’s an unsure Gough Whitlam driving to Yarralumla on 11/11/75 accompanied by four acolytes. Unknown to him at the time, one of the ‘acolytes’ is a helmeted (and therefore anonymous) Bronwyn Bishop along to ensure that, on pain of irreparable damage to the vice-regal family jewels, Kerr doesn’t stuff it up.
  • Harold shooting himself in the foot before he got shot in the eye
  • King Ethelred the Unready driving the troops to an away fixture with the famous viking typographical error, Knig Cnut.
  • Luciano Pavarotti driving away at the battle of Hastings. Or maybe Descartes finding himself, although it should really be the other way around.
  • Oh, so you want us to actually go to a library, do you? A library? Good grief, you’ll be asking us to exercise our brains next.
  • Osama Bin Laden
  • Queen Boadicea after winning the battle & before she removed her disguise…
  • Santa’s elves being deported to Guantanamo Bay.
  • The assassination of Arch Duke Ferdinand
  • The commencement of WWI, the Hun riding in a car instead of trampling Brussels and France on horseback.
  • The first rabbit to be hit by a motor car in England
  • the first war vehicle?
  • The Romans realising they could no longer go to Scotland for their holidays after building Hadrian’s Wall
  • The short-lived invention of time travel in 451 BC.
  • This is easy. It depicts the drive of the Attila the Hun, you see everybody thought Attila was a bad person, but in fact he was truly misunderstood. He simply wanted to travel through China with his companions.
  • You know that looks like the actor who played William Tell in the TV series. But he wouldn’t be driving a car. Probably it’s some guy who got lost and ended up in America. In which case it must be Chris Columbus. But where did he get the petrol from? Or maybe they are just sitting there, waiting, lost.
  • The discovery of Iceland in 874 by Ingólfur Arnarson. The full speech bubble reads: ¨Oops, I think this discovery will lead to endless trivia questions…¨

Comments:

  • Back again, after a Swiss miss in Patagonia…
  • Bit harder this week. Well done Grommit. Last few have been too easy
  • Far too easy again this month! [Well yes it is easy, if you settle for 0/6 right]
  • Given the arrests of so many alleged Muslim terrorists this month, together with the reactions of so many Christian fundamentalists, I must say that if I were God, I would forbid anyone to worship me. What a peaceful place the planet would then be…
  • Hello! Dr. Bob!
  • I DON’T KNOW ANY OF THESE. I ALREADY FEEL STUPID. [Well, press the Caps Lock key, and you’ll look less stupid]
  • I have no recollection of this event.
  • Keep up the good work (whatever it may be)
  • Marvellous work Dr. Bob! Another quiz full of scintillating questions that demonstrate your brilliance once more, etc. etc. Have I won?
  • Need a win, it’s been too long between drinks… are bribes in order, and, if so, where should I send the aforementioned?
  • Oh, “P-o-r-c-h”!
  • Thanks Doc. This was easy, more please.
  • The movie “North Country” is an excellent one about women fighting sexual harassment in the employment environment. All work places, all public and private places, need anti-sexual harassment policies.
  • Two months in a row where I think I got all the answers right? Impossible. There must be a trick here somewhere. Perhaps the picture question?
  • Web searches are boring, unless you happen to be searching for images on question 2
  • Weird lol
  • Wonderful selection of questions – I like it when google (or I) fail because I then receive enlightenment I hope
  • you are a fuck witt and a wanka i hate your stupid questions.
  • you are rude..hehe [he he he]
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