Answers for January 2010

WINNER is –

David Frankland


Question 1

According to the Islamic scholar Hafýz Zahabi in his book Great Sinners, what class of persons shall endure the greatest suffering on the Day of Judgment?

Answer

Chess Players

Additional Answers

  • Andrew Lloyd Webber
  • Good gravy, chess players even more than artists. Female chess players must be extra-crispy/frozen, depending on which hell temperature he believed in.
  • Chess Players. In particular artistic female chess players possibly from Iceland.
  • Chess players?! Surely he meant bootscooters and celebutantes?
  • Answer of the month #1 The greatest sinners in the known universe are the inconsiderate, selfish morons who use mobile phones on the train.
  • The really naughty ones!
  • Those who change Mazhabs, because Talfeeq and changing Mazhabs is not permissible. I thought you would already know this, Dr Bob.

Question 2

What privilege did Shefqet Bey Verlaci hold, although he decided not to exercise it?

Answer

As part of a long-running family feud, he was entitled to kill King Zog of Albania.

Additional Answers

  • Although Verlaci had broken an engagement of his own, after King Zog broke his engagement with Verlaci’s daughter, Verlaci could have killed him. And didn’t. And the tobacco industry sung his praises: Zogelujah, Zogelujah, Zogelujaaaaaah.
  • AMEX platinum card — not because he was a man who did not believe in spending other people’s money, but basically because Albania didn’t have credit card facilities in the early 20th century. No? Okay, how about he had first dibs on new brides on their wedding nights? Semifeudal rights due to the fact he was a huge property owner?
  • Back to Albania again, Dr Bob? Verlaci’s unexercised privilege was his constitutional right as PM to drive a Torana through Tirana at midnight at 100mph with a blonde floozie by his side. But he reportedly only had a clapped out Falcon and a dumpy harridan wife so was both unable and unwilling to exercise any privileges at all. Other sources claim his privilege remained unexercised because the Mazhabs in his prime ministerial Torana were broken and needed changing, something that his Islamic mechanic was clearly forbidden to do.
  • Never ever answering another question evenly remotely connected to King Zog ever again ever.
  • Shefqet was given the privilege to marry King Zog’s daughter. He opted not to exercise her, or the option.
  • The right to choose any shrubbery he/she decided to.
  • What a fantastic name I’ve got. Sounds exactly the same whether I’m pissed or sober……

Question 3

According to a joke told in the days of Communist East Germany (GDR), why did the USA, USSR and GDR collaborate to raise the Titanic?

Answer

The USA wanted the jewels presumed to be in the safe, the Soviets were after the state-of-the-art technology; and the GDR wanted the band that played as it went down!

Additional Answers

  • The screen doors for the USA’s submarines.
  • I say I say I say Do you know why the USA USSR and GDR collaborated to raise the Titanic? No – I don’t know. tell me – Why did the USA USSR and GDR collaborate to raise the Titanic?
  • No, no, no – it was PRAISE the Titanic. The Yanks always praise icons, the Soviets always praise mass sacrifice, and the East Germans just wanted to see if Leonardo de Caprio was still alive.
  • I can’t believe there are web sites devoted to east German humor.
  • Answer of the month #2They wanted to ask the captain “Is Len in?”
  • To get to the other side.
  • To make sure Astrid Peth (aka Kylie Minogue) really did fall into the burning pit of the Titanic’s hull to stop the second lamest acting ever seen on Dr Who — which is a big call, but Adric was surely the lamest and Martha is a close third.

Question 4

How did one of the big hits by The Seekers arise from a discussion about Stalin’s favourite film?

Answer

The Carnival Is Over – is the ONLY song to pinch the tune Stenka Razin, from the film Volga Volga.

Additional Answers

  • The Carnival is Over inspired by Volga-Volga. Although I prefer my theory on Hey, There, Grigori Girl.
  • If I had a hammer. Well, he already had the sickle.
  • Depending on who you ask, either Tarzan or Volga Volga was Stalin’s fave flick. I’ll plump for the latter because the lyrics of the Carnival is Over make no sense really if it’s Tarzan. Contrary to first impressions, Volga Volga is not a movie about Wagga Wagga’s Russian sister city; it is about our good friend Stenka/Stepin Razin who drowned his wife rather than share her with the hordes. Anyhoo, it being the sixties and The Seekers being young, I assume they had some kind of pseudo-extentialist debate on the artistic merits of altenative arthouse semiotics and someone had read a Margaret and David review on the merits of Volga, Volga and, hey presto, some lyrics were attached to a Russian tune about jolly old Razin.
  • Georgia Girl – Stalin’s girlfriend was a Georgian movie star – really!
  • It went like this: Bruce Woodly, Paul Simon, Tom Springfield and their mate Raza were sitting around the table after a good curry reflecting on the movies that Stalin enjoyed. Bruce: Didn’t Stalin only have one ball? Tom: No that was Hitler and I think it was made of Rubber. Paul: Maybe Stalin had a Red Rubber Ball at which point Paul and Bruce went off a wrote a song together and Raza let off a big one. Tom: Oi that was a Stinka, Raza. Raza: Wasn’t Stenka Razin one of Stalin’s favourite – it has a catchy tune. Tom: Hey why don’t we steal the tune and call it the “Carnival is over”
  • John Clarke (Fred Dagg) Australia’s leading comedic communist and Stalin impersonator used the Seekers tune the Carnival is Over to close his version of Sydney Olympic Games (The Games) the tune is an adaptation of a Russian folk song Stenka Razin aka Volga, Volga mat’ rodnaya. Coincidentally Volga Volga was Uncle Joe’s favourite movie. He used to whistle the sound track as he watched dissidents being freighted off to the salt mines.
  • Who are The Seekers? And who, for that matter is this ‘Stalin’ of whom you speak?

Question 5

Dr Bob’s keyboard fell onto a hard floor, and three of the key caps flew off. Which three?

Answer

CTL, ALT, and DEL. What has Dr Bob been doing?//////////quiz201005a.jpg////////////

Additional Answers

  • Good question, let me know when you work it out.
  • Likely most-oft-used keys from words like ‘Australian Skeptic’, ‘Fuhrer’ and ‘Titanic’: E, T and U
  • I was going to post an answer to this then realised it made me look like the stupidest person on the planet. Instead, I’ll maintain a dignified silence to maintain the mystery of whether I am or not.
  • I’ve run 100 double blinded placebo cross over tests and the keys that most often pop are Ctrl, (numeric) Del, and (numeric) Enter. If I win will Dr Bob buy me a new keyboard ’cause my test one is bggred.
  • M, Y and C. I only know this because ‘myc’ is a terrific Scrabble word.
  • The loose ones
  • Thinking cap, right kneecap and left kneecap

Question 6

///quiz201001Q6.jpg///This is the working end of a hand-held tool, like a screwdriver but having two small metal projections on a flat face. What is it for?

Answer

For undoing screws that have one-way heads (i.e. that are not meant to be undone).

Additional Answers

  • To loosen the screw that has the matching 2 little holes.
  • If it’s not a key, it’s a helluva circuit tester: ZOT!!
  • Is a jet rocket or a fluorescent lightbulb still considered a ‘tool’?
  • Bloody IKEA – so that’s where it got to.
  • Cattle prod…for raising the dead…if they dont get up after being hit with one of these they are proper dead. Worked for me. Voice of direct, personal very physical experience. Have you seen this cartoon? (www.xkcd.com/242) I guess this means I am not a scientist – once was quite enough.
  • Extracting Mazhabs from Talfeeqs when the Mazhabs are broken and must be changed. But the downside is that the person doing the extraction shall endure the greatest suffering on the Day of Judgment, for it is written that changing Mazhabs is not permissible . This conundrum can only be resolved by driving a Torana through Tirana at 100mph at midnight without a blonde floozie by one’s side, a detail that completely escaped Shefqet Bey Verlaci.
  • For use in trivia quizzes!
  • It’s a form of electric cattle prod that is used by political parties’ Whips to shock backbenchers and keep them awake during boring speeches and political junkets. Fran Bailey’s tolerance threshold has exceeded the maximum electrical pulse possible, hence her immunity, but it works for most of the others.

Comments

  • Dr Bob, did you hear about the people who went out for a NYE drink and ended up snowed in at their local pub and had to stay there for three days? Three days!!! I used to dream about things like that happening to me!!!!
  • Happy New Year, Dr Bob.
  • Happy New Year, Dr. Bob!
  • qwerty
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