Answers for May 2011

Answers for May 2011. Also, catch up on the 2007 answers newly added to the Past Quizzes Page! Winner is, not due to Q4 but a serendipitous correct answer to Q6 –

Edi Winkler


Question 1

Ants are known for their hard work – how much time off do they get?

Answer

Ants are inactive 78% of the time

Additional Answers

  • A bit, but they sleep in shifts – since multiple ants can pass for a single ant, it appears that they are always on the job. A bit like taxi drivers, really.
  • Antz are “known” for their hard work, but really they’re neurotic slackers. They spend all of their time smoking weed, dropping cones and thinking up convoluted plans that will enable them to overthrow the honest, hardworking and upright army antz. Like General Mandible. What a sweet guy. What was the question?
  • As anyone who has been to a summer picnic and had ants arrive as unwanted guests knows, ants are wicked. It is a well known fact that there is no rest for the wicked, therefore ants get no time off. Final proof is that there are no internet sites offering leisure products or services to ants despite their huge numbers. If there was a market there would be a sales team after it.
  • I don’t know the ant-swer to this one.
  • None due to their poor skills at forming unions, associations or organisations.
  • One source sez ants have 253 1.1 min naps/day [non-queens]. Queens nap longer, and achieve REM-like dream sleep. Army ants march for two weeks then stop for three.
  • Very little, and it’s infrequent too.
  • They ANTicipate four weeks ANTual leave

Question 2

Dr Ignaz Semmelweis made his medical students wash their hands before doing the rounds of his maternity ward, and the mortality rate dropped from about 80% to near zero. What was the next change made in ward practice?

Answer

The students complained to the board of directors, the hand-washing was made optional and the mortality shot up again – but the students were sons of wealthy families that were paying the directors’ salaries, and the dead women were only poor people who bred too prolifically to start with, and anyway in those days anyone going into a public charity hospital expected to die, so everything was OK again.

Additional Answers

  • His students pissed and moaned like whiny little bitches about how demeaning it was to have to wash your hands, like a common servant, or something, because they were gentlemen and therefore clean, so the head of the hospital told them they didn’t have to if they didn’t want to, and sacked Dr S. The mortality from puerperal fever shot back up to the pre-wash levels, but at least the students were able to continue to spread filth from the dissecting room to the wards with their gravitas intact, and that’s what’s important, right?
  • Did they stop wiping their autopsy scalpels on their lapels?
  • Fools! You’re supposed to anaesthetise the patients BEFORE the operation!
  • He made all of the midwives, nurses, surgeons, technicians and “machine-that-goes-bing” mechanics wash their instruments. As many of these instruments were wooden guitars with cat-gut strings, the experiment was a failure. Except for the “water pipes” which benefited greatly. Ooh, look at the pretty clouds.
  • He made them change their clothes, thereby making the mortality rate drop by a further 30%, thus the mortality rate was down to 110%. This makes him the first Hungarian to raise people from the dead and he received many accolades for this. However the resulting zombie infestation did not impress the authorities and he spent the rest of his years in a cell in Thailand.
  • Hospitals hired prettier nurses.
  • Machines, lots of machines, particularly one that goes “Ping”, all turned on most of the time just in case the hospital administrator comes by.
  • Sexy nurse uniforms.

Question 3

Poor old Iggy Semmelweis ended his days as a resident of an insane asylum – but what actually killed him?

Answer

Septicaemia from a cut on his hand – oh, the irony.

Additional Answers

  • Overenthusiastic administration of the most modern psychatric therapy that the facility had to offer at the time.
  • Being forced to listen to the moronic drivel of some tit using his mobile phone on the train
  • Cherms. Sadly it was cherms in an unwashed bong^D^D^D^D “Water Pipe”. Are you cooking toast?
  • His chlorine hand wash bill. If only he had kept up payments he may have been able to get the tender loving asylum guards to wash their hands before delivering the get-well beating that was to lead to his only slightly ironic cause of death.
  • No no, not insane asylum – cell in Thailand I said. Anyway, he was of course killed by over-consumption of hand soap (which, as it is illegal in Thailand he had to smuggle into the prison using bags of cocaine to hide it in). However, following his lavender-smelling demise, he naturally rose from the dead and haunts the inhabitants of Atlantis to this day.
  • Septicaemia – bloody shame, really.
  • Sniffle. Blood poisoning in Pest. But not before he was taught by Skoda, now a division of Volkwagen, hence the Hitler connection FTW.
  • Sexy nurse uniforms

Question 4

Which team won the Icelandic Football League in 1913 and again in 1914?

Answer

Fram, due to no other teams entering.

Additional Answers

  • Eyjafjallajökull. (They’re a bit hot-headed. You’ve got to lava them though. They’re owned by a rich oil magmanate. These puns are terrible.)
  • I understand the team ‘fram’ Eyjafjallajökull blew all the opposition away.
  • Knattspyrnufélagið Fram, which sounds like ‘Not spurn ye fellatio, Ephraim’: words to live by.
  • No team. You actually have to have an opponent to play against in order to win anything. Being the only bunch to show up then grabbing the silverware doesn’t count. We see what you did there. Nobody’s impressed.
  • Reycky…. Rayk…. Rej…. (one moment, looking for an atlas) Reykjavík. As the only team in the competition that never washed their “instruments”, and as all the other teams were actively preparing to defend Iceland from the potential of an invading Cherm Army, they got to play with themselves in those years. Interesting fact, they didn’t win another championship until the back-to-back years of 1937-38. Another strange fact….. Zzzzzzzz
  • The Eyjafjallajokullers. They would have won again in 1915 if the whole team had not been wiped out while training in the shadow of their namesake as it detonated.
  • Tottenham COLDspur !
  • Who knew that Steven Bradbury had Icelandic training? (other than the fact that he races on ice). Fram were the only team to turn up so got the silverware…

Question 5

Are there more book titles that start with “1001” compared to starting with “1000”?

Answer

Yes, there are about twice as many – you get the feeling of a better bargain or a less limited scope with 1001 compared to 1000

Additional Answers

  • 1001 is bigger, so given that growth is always good to avoid economic stagnation there should be more 1001.
  • I only know of the “1001 Nights” so I guess the answer is ‘yes’. Of course there are probably books I don’t know of called “1000 Sex Positions” and “1000 Ways to Catch Halibut” in which case the answer is ‘no’. You choose, Dr Bob… [O crikey where do I start? Well, Google on 9781605500539 ]
  • I’m going to say ‘Yes’, because the damned things are EVERYWHERE. As in ‘1001 Items you must Verb before you Die’. They’re vermin. They infest every book shop I visit. They vex me. There’s clearly money in it, though, so perhaps I should produce one myself: 1001 Quizzes YM Do BYD? 1001 Fundamentalists YM Ridicule BYD? 1001 Idiots YM Slap BYD? I’m off to do some research on that last one. Starting with people who produce books with a title in the format of ‘1001 Items you must Verb before you Die’.
  • Would that be binary or decimal?
  • Yes, a Titanic number more.
  • Yes. They are far more successful than a mere 1000 book as they have the added bonus of an extra 1. Combined with the special low price of $29.98 (a full 1c less than the competing 1000 series), the steak knives and the water pipe paraphernalia, they walk off the shelves. (And doesn’t that freak out Bill and Ted, the bookstore sales-dudes?) Remember, be awesome to each other.
  • After doing EXTENSIVE research, I can conclude emphatically that I don’t actually care….

Question 6

quiz201105q6


What is the purpose of the cone in this picture?

Answer

It prevents unauthorised persons from entering Canada.

  • I don’t see no cones, man. No cones hear man. (Stage whispered “No Ted, flush them, don’t burn them”). Oh! I get it! Ants. Time off! Cool man!
  • It’s a worm crossing assembly point. See that white line? It’s a worm travel corridor so they can get across the asphalt, from one grassed area to the other. They assemble at the cone, and wait for a lollipop worm to make sure the traffic has stopped.
  • Must be the French symbol for “Piss off tourist – we’re not going to speak English (but will be delighted to take your money)”
  • Probably something ridiculous, such as demarcation of an international boundary. Yes, lets say it denotes the point at which the police force in two international countries have jurisdiction.
  • THAT’S NOT A CONE! THAT’S THE TIP OF AN UNDERGROUND SOVIET MISSILE! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE DR BOB!!!
  • The purpose of this or any other cone is no more and no less than to have a volume of 1/3 pi r squared h, a formula I remember from my school days and have never once in my long life had occasion to use.
  • To block the road silly, where did you learn to drive? It does however form a lovely attraction to the eye that then draws your focus to the centre of the image and then upwards to the trees and sky leaving one feel much better and more relaxed. So what is this question aboot ehay?
  • To remind non-Canuck Commonwealthiers to drive on the right right side in this land? Brit Chunnelers to Belgium?

Comments

  • Missed sending in the April quiz on time. Sorry. Did it while visiting Germany recently and got no response from the local wifi when I pressed ‘send’. It’s still buried somewhere in my netbook. Answers were much better than my pathetic efforts for this month, too. Sigh…
  • I couldn’t win the March to the Sea quiz with rhyming ‘brahmacharyad’ in a limerick?! Dr. Bob is one tough crowd. I’m sure that would have made me poet-laureate in New Zealand.
  • I hope to hell I win, because it took me ages to come up with my witty response to Q4. Comedy gold I tells ya!
  • A workmate just walked into my office, asked if I’d help with a manuscript she’s writing – then slapped me. What the hell?
  • I expected the Spanish Inquisition.
  • One of your questions asked “Who was the last English Captain to tour Australia undefeated?” Your answer is wrong, Captain Cook did not discover Australia, he was promoted to Lieutenant before his trip and then promoted to Commander upon his return, after his second trip he was promoted to Captain. He was the captain of the ship at the time of discovery but he was NOT Captain Cook.
  • Seriously Dr Bob, the subtext in these questions… I think you’ve been reliving the Hawkwind years a bit too much…. man. Not putting any extra pressure on, but today is my birthday, and as all the presents so far have been less than, shall we say less than combustive, nudge, nudge,…. The last person who didn’t give… me…. …. …. What was I saying?
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