Answers for March 1998

Our WINNER for March comes from an obscure town north of Melbourne, as indeed many people of discernment do:

Phillip Mitchell


Question 1

Who is the Patron Saint of Skeptics?

Answer

St Thomas, the apostle. “In art, the most usual representation of him is the Incredulity of St Thomas” (Oxford Dictionary of Saints). John 20:25 – The other disciples therefore said unto him, We have seen the LORD. But [Thomas] said unto them, Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe.

Alternative answers:

  • Oh, as if. [O ye of little faith….]
  • Thomas Covenant, The Unbeliever.
  • Nobody knows … there was a patron saint but one day, he/she went somewhere and was given the wrong directions by St. Christopher, and has never been seen again.

Question 2

There are no questions about aardvarks in this quiz, so let’s move on to the second animal in the dictionary – what is it? (Clue: it begins with A)

Answer

Let’s hear it for – the Aardwolf!

Alternative answers:

  • Aardervarks
  • Aardwolf, followed closely by the aardzebra
  • Ardministrator (they may look like robots, but under the grey synthetic suit/tie is a hairless white ape)
  • In my dictionary, the second animal is Me. I wrote my name on the flyleaf some years ago… and it begins with A!
  • The silverfish squashed between pp 8 & 9. Shame there’s no aardvark questions, Dr Bob – for example, What is the mating call of an aardvark? (Aardvarkfark, aardvarkfark).
  • Knock knock, who’s there? Aardvark, Aardvark who? Aardvark a million miles for one of your smiles my maaaaaaaammmy.

Question 3

When dining with Arabs who eat with their hands, which hand do you eat with?

Answer

The right hand. The Koran gives no instruction as to which hand to eat with, but it does specify that the LEFT hand is to be used for wiping, um……..

Alternative answers:

  • I should think I would eat with my mouth!
  • Your own hand – it’s considered impolite to use anyone else’s …
  • Your own hand. If you wait for them to feed you, you’ll starve!
  • The hand that is holding the fork. Just because they’re all using their hands, it doesn’t mean you have to tow the line
  • The RIGHT hand. The left hand holds the stone when they wipe their … So the left hand is thus considered unclean, especially when water and soap is in low supply. Or is it the right hand that holds the stone? Oh dear….
  • Your right hand – unless you’re an amputee, in which case you have to try to snatch the food out of your neighbour’s right hand using only your mouth.

Question 4

The men who built the Pyramids were paid with two types of food – bread, and what?

Answer

Bread and ONIONS. Imagine the atmosphere in there when they worked in the enclosed spaces – good thing nobody smoked.Alternative answers:

  • Truffles cooked in a white wine sauce, glazed with honey and encrusted with almond flakes.
  • A concasee of mature goat’s cheese in a raspberry coulis, with a balsamic avocado dressing.
  • Filet de boeuf madelaine, avec courgettes bourguignon flambe and chips.
  • Larks tongues done to perfection in a dill cream sauce, washed down with a crisp white from the upper reaches of the Nile. [All of the above, in a big bucket]
  • Beer, but what were the women paid with?
  • Bread and *circuses* – or have I got my classics confused?
  • Bread eh…….. sheer luxury! When I were lad we ‘ad nowt to eat but ……
  • Kellogs(tm) Breakfast Cereal Bars. I saw it on TV, it MUST be true!
  • Pizza – a lot of people don’t know that they used Italian architects .. (They were originally meant to be giant cubes – cf. Pisa ….)
  • Space food sticks (come on – humans couldn’t have possibly have built the pyramids by themselves, and every one knows that space aliens eat space food sticks).
  • Vegemite

Question 5

The Beatles’ song Sexy Sadie was originally titled …?

Answer

Maharishi (“you made a fool of everyone…”)

Alternative answers:

  • Correct. “Sexy Sadie” was originally titled. There was no other song called “Sexy Sadie” until then.
  • Sexy Brunnhilde – the Beatles were in their Wagner period – but that didn’t scan
  • “Sexy Sam”? Waaay before my time! Who are the Beatles anyway?
  • ‘Bob, the transvestite shipping clerk from Clairecraft’s has his hand down my pants, and I dont care’?
  • Mahavishnu’s Got a Brand New Sarong