Answers for August 2002

What a pathetic bunch of incorrect responses. Only Steve Symonds got Q3 right and only Tarquin Morningwood got Q4 right. Scraping the bottom of the barrel, I see that only two got Q6 right, the first being

Hein Verduin

and the second was Joost Verduin, who probably peeked and copied – Holland is a very small country. Hmm’ph. You must all try a lot harder.

Question 1

In UK TV’s Thunderbirds, the puppets actually do change expression – how many heads were there for each major character?


Four – and the heads were re-used from earlier series (Surpercar, Stingray etc).

Other Answers

  • 5….4….3….2….1
  • One, but it met all expressions, smile, smirk, sarcasm, stupor
  • 15
  • One looking slightly scared, one looking slightly worried, and the standard one which looks like they’re stable but still in a coma
  • 32 – I never saw the show. This question is stupid and comes from some ‘puss-brained moron’. I just learned this expression and i’ve been trying to get it into polite conversations whenever I can, you ‘puss-brained moron’.
  • 4: Besides bored there was sleazy, pouty, moany, and spent…although the pornographic heads were rarely used. Coincidentally these were also the names of the four dwarfs that were cut from Cinderella.
  • 4; Happy, sad, surprised and aroused (for the adults only version)
  • 40
  • 5
  • 5 – two basic ones plus three more for smiling/frowning/sleeping. Rumours that Tintin occasionally had Alan Tracy’s head have been discounted. [No it was true – but it’s in the adults only version]
  • 5, as a guess: Happy, Sad, Angry, Worried, and Neutral.
  • 6
  • 7, that’s 4 more than Harrison Ford.
  • As puppets don’t have to go to the bathroom (as we in the USA express it), there were no toilets, no “heads” for either major or minor characters.
  • Dunno, but who would want to be seen giving head to a Thunderbird?
  • Five, one was added later in the series to the original four.
  • Fjórir (btw I don’t recall a “major” character being in Thunderbirds, nor a sergeant or a captain, let alone more. Are you sure you don’t mean Fawlty Towers, which had a Major in it? I think he only had one head).
  • Four, apparently: one with a neutral expression, one smiling, one frowning, and one for blinking (I weep when I think of all the little polyesters that died to make Virgil’s eyebrows). The Yul Brynner lookalike bad guy also had eyes that lit up demonically to indicate that he was plotting crimes against humanity. Funnily enough I once had a phys ed teacher who did the same thing, for the same reason.
  • Four, for each of the main expressions. Happy, worried, hard at work and shit scared. As a happy high-functioning autist, I envy the Thunderbirds their range of expression and fluid movements.
  • Four: neutral, frowning, smiling and sleeping. A bit excessive really. Schwarzenegger just used one expression to build an entire career.
  • Four – normal, randy (where the eyes lit up), shagged out, and one where the hair stood on end and steam came out of the ears. Other body parts had various sizes too, but you only see those in the R-rated version.
  • I always thought they had one head, but are you saying they were from Tasmania and were trying to hide their extra ones?
  • I never heard of the Thunderbirds. They must have been popular during my sex, drugs & rock ‘n’ roll years of the 70’s when I didn’t own a T.V. I looked them up on the net and are they ever ugly. And kind of scary, too. What was the question again?
  • Let’s count: 1-Normal Head 2-Smiling head 3-Frowning head 4-Blinking head with eyelids closed 5- Blinking head with eyelids opened. Should I add even the set of miniature teeth? Naah… after all, I never knew about the existence of those puppets, before the question.
  • Millions..bloody millions..but the real question is how many strings eh?? How many bloody strings bob?? The world is running out of strings…they were warned but did they care..well..huh..NO! just mark my words…
  • Lady Penelope: “Parker, take my dress off”Parker: “As you wish, my lady”Lady Penelope: “And Parker, take my bra off”Parker: “Really madam – this is most embarrassing”Lady Penelope: “Parker, take my knickers off … and don’t let me catch you wearing them again”
  • One, for each expression.
  • Only one or two, the sexual slaves couldn’t handle anymore than that….too many splinters
  • Probably three – normal, happy and sad. Virgil’s expression when he saw Lady Penelope without her gear was a one off – F.A.B. was originally spoken by Virgil and means Flamin’ Alright in Balsa.
  • The same as all the other puppet movies like Rambo, Rocky etc.
  • The Thunderbirds had expressions? That’s a new one on me. You know the Thunderbirds had a great influence on me as a child, I blame the way I walk today on the Thunderbirds [Hah! just the way you walk….. you should hear what my wife says].
  • Did you know all the Thunderbird Pilots were named after the first American Mercury, Gemini and Apollo Astronauts. [No, in fact. I never realised this, despite 35 years of prancing up and down and saying “Gosh Virgil there you are”]
  • There was about 5 heads for each character, apart from Scott Tracy who was modelled on Sean Connery so he only needed one – a bemused smirk
  • There were two copies of each character to start with as it was filmed on two stages. Apart from the standard head, they also had a frowning, a smiling and a sleeping head. Two copies of each makes eight heads for each of them.
  • They change expression?? What show were you watching??? [Look, it was the 1960s]
  • They were puppets!?
  • This is stretching the memory. Each major character had one smiling face, one worried and working (beaded sweatty brows featured), there was one just serious, and one for fighting with bared teeth? Can’t remember any more than that, so I guess, four. Any more and I guess the props room would be getting very messy.
  • Three – sydney, red and noosa. Minor characters had but one head – dick.
  • Three, but two without necks.
  • Three. John Howard was used as the model, so they were somewhat limited.
  • Two – one with mouth open, one shut.
  • Two for the males and one for the female.
  • Two. One with a hat and a serious expression and one without.
  • What do you mean “puppets”? They were all real actors and I’ve seen their later work on late night TV.

Question 2

In the film Casablanca> how many times does Bogart say “Here’s looking at you, kid”


Four. Unlike “Play it again, Sam” which he never says.

Other Answers

  • 0
  • 1
  • 1 too many!!!!
  • 108
  • 12, however the dozen scenes of Rick watching his houseboy change ended up on the cutting room floor.
  • 2 – once after “you have to think for both of us.” and after Ricks “hill of beans” speech. He was not trying to imply that she looked like a hill of beans.
  • 3
  • 40
  • 7
  • Bogart was an American and as such spoke without an Australian accent, he said “you” not “ya”. He said the phrase in question four times, just enough to make sure we remember it better than that “play it once more” nonsense.
  • Depends on how many zeros they put on his check
  • Four again. A recurring motive in this month’s quiz answers is beginning to emerge….
  • Four: neutral, frowning, smiling and sleepy. A bit excessive really. Bogart had to use all kinds of expressions to build a career.
  • He doesn’t. He says “Here’s looking at you, kid” with the stress on the “you”. He says it four times.
  • He said “ya”? I thought his diction was better than that (for that one word, anyway). I’m certainly not going to sit through ‘Casablanca’ to find out, not even for your quiz. Dreadful movie. Hated it <disdainful sniff>. You disappoint me – get a better film, Dr Bob. Ask a question about “Kelly’s Heroes”, or “The Battle of the Bulge”, both triffic fillums! <accompanies self on virtual tuba, launches into oompah version of the Panzerlied> Ob’s stürmt oder schneit ob die Sonne uns lacht, Der Tag glühend heiß oder eiskalt die Nacht… why are you looking at me like that?
  • He says this a number of times equal to or greater than the number of times he says “Play it again, Sam”. (It’s a fair bet…)
  • I think it’s more of a “here’s lookin’ at you, kid” myself. ya is more of an open mouth sound wouldn’t you say…i can’t imagine bogart saying “ya”….it’s a closed mouth “yew” sounding you.just listen to it again, i think you’ll find i’m right.
  • More than 1.27*pi and less than the square of 2.0025
  • My radar for silly and generalised phrases tells me to say none [it’s not working very well – you may have pigeons nesting in the dish]
  • Never, although he does say “Here’s looking at you, kid” four times.
  • Nonce. I read somewhere (probably in Woman’s Day) that H Bogart was distantly related to HM the Q, or the late Princess of Wales or some other famous Pommy sheila, so I couldn’t imagine him ever using such vulgarity as “ya”. Don’t you know the Queen’s English (Proper response – “Of course I know she’s English. What did you think she was, Japanese or Icelandic?”). [OK but her great-grandmother was German and her husband is Greek]
  • None, although if you play it backwards, he says “heres looking at ya, satan”
  • None, Bogart is not the charactor in Casablanca, Bogart is the actor, so you need the charactors name to answer the question.
  • Nun – I mean none
  • Once. Twice. Three times. I don’t know.
  • One more time than Ingrid Bergman says “play it again sam”
  • Precisely 14 times fewer than to fourth wife Lauren Bacall on their wedding night.
  • RICK: I haven’t the slightest idea.GERMAN OFFICER: We will begin with two.RICK: Why two?RENAULT: Make it ten. I am only a poor corrupt official.ILSA: We are only interested in two…MOOR: Two thousand, four hundred.LASZLO: I’ll raise it to two hundred thousand.RICK: Ah, that’s the new German seventy-seven…4?
  • Same answer as Q1: Two. One with a hat and a serious expression and one without.
  • Spray it again, dam. Once was too many.
  • Too many times, was I wrong I was still cheering for the Nazis, never really liked Bogart. I did enjoy Treasure of the Sierra Madre, where Bogart got bumped off at the end. “Badges!, Badges!, we don’t need no stinking badges!”
  • Too many.
  • Twice, I guess. Once in Casablanca, once in Paris, still young and gay.
  • What’s it to you, kid?
  • Zero, none, zilch. This comment was never made by either Mr Bogart or by the character he played. He did mutter something similar when conversing with an animal psychologist, to wit “He’s looking at Yak id”.
  • Zero. He says sometimes “He’s looking at you, kid”. “You”, not “Ya”. Look, even my word processor protests with a red thin line if I write “ya”. Tsk.
  • Zero. This is a false Casablanca quote on par with “Play It Again, Sam.”

Question 3

In the King James Version of the Bible “his” is used as the neuter possessive. When did the word “its” enter the English language?


Shakespeare invented it. (English changed more from 1500 to 1600, than from 1600 to 2000)

Other Answers

  • In the King James Version, Leviticus 25.5 you will find “That which groweth of its own accord of thy harvest thou shalt not reap”. So your initial premise is wrong. Thought you’d like to know :o) [Dang! But it is the only “its” in the whole 1611 work. Someone having a joke perhaps]
  • “Its” was first used as a punctuation contraction of the possessive “it’s” in 1842. The KJV bible was produced in 1611.
  • …hmm..i’d say round about the same time as tits…bits…fits and twits. yes all the its words would have been discovered at the same time..rhyming , yep little known fact that rhyming is really responsible for the growth in the english vocabulary. Something for you to ponder on.
  • 10:38am, April 15, 1875 or thereabouts.
  • 1598 according to Merriam-Webster
  • 1598, some time in the afternoon.
  • 1598. Yeah, I know, the KJV was started in 1604. But being a bunch of religious fuddy-duddies, the planners insisted the translators used traditional English rather than modern-day slang.
  • 1648 after the great radish famine of York.
  • Purchased Duty Free by Capt. James Cook during a stop-over in Dubai on his return to England.
  • 1865
  • 1867
  • 1875
  • 1910
  • 1940
  • 1969 when Monty Python started
  • 1996 – the year when well-known neuter possessive Pauline Hanson entered our beloved federal parliament.
  • 19th century
  • A web search revels ITS as a acronym for Intelligent Transport System. So I guess it entered the English language around the time of the creation of the Lotus Elite. Alternatively as personal pronoun of the third person and neuter gender it must have been first used to describe my first girlfriend who was totally sexless.
  • about the same time as “his” and “her”
  • after it’s was put in…just as a joke to confuse people and make them fail english tests because of that stupid apostrophe
  • Around 1600 the neuter possessive came into use. Not so excessive – wouldn’t a frowning, smiling or sleeping possessive be a great idea?
  • Before that, but the writers of the KJV were sexist old so-and-sos.
  • Before the search for the holy grail, because they use it in Monty Python and the Holy Grail
  • During the 10th century Cockney transgender rebellion.
  • I can’t speak for the (so-called) New Testament but the (so-called) Old Testament was written in Hebrew and there IS no neuter possessive in Hebrew. So, where in the translation from Hebrew to Greek to Latin to English does the neuter possessive come in? And where do the Christians get off stealing the Hebrew Bible? They can write their own damn “Old Testament.” Anyhow, its first appeared in the English language with Monty Python’s Flying Circus, of course.
  • I dont know the exact time, nor which date, but would suggest that the word “its” was introduced after the King James Version of the Bible was written…..
  • I don’t know, so my guess is at the time of female emancipation.
  • I guess it would be in the late 18th century, when people started getting all sentimental and gushy over all things natural, leading them to gross acts of personification and criminal anthropomorphism.
  • Immediately before each episode of Monty Pythons Flying Circus
  • It was unknown during the time of Milton and Shakespeare, came into use during the ninteenth century.
  • Look, I don’t think any of this is relevant, is it? I think the REAL question here is: why a duck?
  • May 5th 1216 but as it wasn’t invited we kicked it out. Again on October 7 1498 this time allowed to stay on probation. Finally in 1995 on the release of windows 95 all standards of good english were abandondededed. Its been anything goes since then.
  • Not in the first edition of 1611, but yes in the 1660 edition. 342 years ago. Here in Italy, we are more of three centuries late; we still refuse neuter words. Always, always fixed with sex… what a shame.
  • Not long after “tis” fell out of popular use.
  • Not surprising really as James I, despite fathering innumerable offspring on his wife (Queen Beryl) was reputed to favour blokes for a bit of hanky panky up the palace. (This fact, when dropped in conversation, causes some amusing reactions among fundamentalists, who regard the KJV as the ONLY True Bible – just say “Oh you mean the one authorised by the Royal Poof?” and watch their colour change.) On the other question, “its” never entered the English language because everyone thinks it should be it’s. Just ask any editor.
  • November the eighth 1612 at 2.05pm.
  • Only when King James was describing his wife. Things had been a little tense, since King James said you can’t trust something that bleeds for a week and won’t die.
  • Right after it. [Gosh, I can’t work right after it – I usually have a cigarette. And get fresh grass for the sheep]
  • Right around the time that retro went out and peasant came in
  • Shortly after ‘it’, when first tried to describe a plural.
  • Sometime around the printing of the King James version. Previously, it was ‘his’ ‘hers’ and ‘hits’ but they wererunning low on haitches so it became ‘its’ (or, rather ‘hits’ became ‘its’ (remember the rule, ablative absolute when in walking distance of a gerund.)
  • The creation of Monty Python required an “it’s”. Brian borrowed the “it’s” for the movie about his life. Ignoring the punctuation God thought, “its good” and passed it on. Ignorant bastard.
  • The King James version was published in 1611. Shakespeare used “its” as the neuter possessive in Romeo and Juliet in 1595, Measure for Measure in 1603 and Alls Well that Ends Well in 1604/5. I can’t find a usage in Chaucer so it would be somewhere between Chaucer and Shakespeare. Perhaps Malory although I can’t find my Morte D’Arthur to check.
  • The OED says 1598.
  • When cockneys, who couldn’t pronounce the letter h, tried to tell what their successful longbow shots were.
  • When King James’ editor noticed his poor grammar and corrected it for him.
  • When Michael Palin stumbled towards the camera in that shabby outfit.
  • When Monty Python’s Flying Circus first went into production – they needed something for the man in ragged clothing to say as he staggered into frame.
  • When the English language was created.
  • When the show “it’s a knockout” first went to air in Australia in 1985
  • When they neutered King James.

Question 4

Which (non-human) animal causes the most injuries to zookeepers?


Zebra. Bites hard and does not let go!

Other Answers

  • 13 year old boys.
  • A bird, surprisingly enough. I believe it is the Double Breasted Mattress Thrasher.
  • According to, the current score is Big cats – 150; Primates – 130; Elephants – 120; Bears – 40. Thus, a la Blake: Tiger, tiger, in the zoo, Gets irate at me and you, Takes it out upon his keeper, who gets sent to the Grim Reaper.
  • Americans
  • Assuming that zookeepers are people who own zoos then the answer has to be lawyers who are suing on behalf of injured patrons.
  • Bees
  • Birds [And you know what they say about the birds and the bees]
  • Children
  • Chimpanzees [Easily distinguished, as being more hairy and better behaved than children]
  • Clarify – most injuries in total, or most injuries per animal? Traumatic injury and/or transmissible disease? I’d say zookeepers should watch out for: 1) arthropods/microbes, because working in a zoo must bring you into contact with all manner of opportunistic bugs, OR 2) elephants, because if I was an elephant and some idiot biped pipsqueak made me do all those stupid tricks, I’d bide my time then sit on ’em when they least expected it.
  • Elephant. Ok, it is big, and so… but when you say “injuries” do you include even mosquito’s bits? In this case, ah-ah!
  • Elephants cause the most deaths. If “injury” means time off work for zoo keepers, you really should include (animal-like) protozoa responsible for diseases such as amebic dysentery, sleeping sickness and malaria. If you want to be pedantic and classify Protista as a separate kingdom, then what about bites from animal borne ticks, fleas and mites.
  • Elephants followed by porcupines. [understandable – if I was being followed by a porcupine I would run like hell, and not look ahead very carefully]
  • Elephants kill excessively, mostly when wearing their frowning head.
  • Elephants – they are rotten sneaky bastards who will step on you when they feel like it, without any warning. (That’s why it’s the symbol of the republican party)
  • Elephants. Evidently elephant keeping is one of the most hazardous jobs in the world.
  • Elephants. They have a good memory for wrongs they have suffered and there is the stomp factor as well. I saw an Indian film once where a guy who was condemned to death was killed by being stomped by an elephant.
  • Ferrets, the zoo keepers keep up the tradition of the annual Ferrets in the Trousers competition. They still haven’t learned to feed the Ferrets on anything that doesn’t resemble a worm, or slug.
  • Fleas! The dirty beasts are full of them, and they jump on the zookeepers and inflict bites in search of fresh blood!
  • German Sheepherds are the most dangerous dog, and I guess people are more likely to injured by them than by zoo animals, as such, German Sheepherds.
  • Germs, causing discomfort to zookeepers and non-zookeepers alike. Or possibly a donkey. Donkeys cause more human casualties worldwide than airplane crashes do (which is why you should never let a donkey fly an airplane).
  • Google lists bears, leopards and sharks as non-human animal causes of accidents. Perhaps the common denominators here are teeth, appetites and fast.
  • Gorilaz
  • How serious does something have to be before it counts as an injury. If we’re talking fairly slight, a porcupine or maybe a possum (those buggers have bloody sharp claws). It would be something small which is handled regularly but can still deliver a nip. I would think they’d take more care with the larger and potentially lethal animals.
  • I guess that’d be elephants. London Zoo haven’t got them anymore, they are too dangerous, although wasps might be as bad.
  • i know it’s going to be something weird…let me go through my list of maiming items…it has antlers (or horns), it’s heavy, it has teeth… antelope?
  • I would say BEES if you count bee-keepers. Then I would choose……snakes.
  • I’m guessing elephants, which are big, nasty and aggressive, not to mention producers of copious slippery shit.
  • It’s those bloody tortoises, slimy camoflaged bastards, lurking there in the undergrowth, just waiting for you to trip on them and break your neck.
  • It’s those nasty little tuataras. They can give you a nasty bite. Those _damn_ tuataras.
  • It’s those pesky little penguins isn’t it?? i knew you couldn’t trust them..oh yes they look sweet enough but turn your back for one second and you’ve had it. out come the sharpened herring scales, a group of them bustle together to push you in the water…youre doomed, you mark my words. keep an eye on them. thugs the lot of them.
  • Koala Bears…. either that or Llamas…??
  • Lions
  • Lizards
  • Mosquito or perhaps baboons. But then again Dr Bob.. what do you mean by the word ‘most’? Does that mean the most bodily harm or the most frequent or the most amusing?
  • My ex Steve? oh I mean a Monkey
  • Primates.
  • Prior to the mobile phone it was Elephants, making a truck call was inherently dangerous. Now days I believe it is the goose, if you have ever been goosed you will be aware of the dangers
  • Snakes
  • Steve Irwin. He’s not human, he’s a crocodile man.
  • Stoats.
  • Well, elephants are the most dangerous; obviously a minor disagreement with an animal of that size is a major threat to a human. But the MOST injuries? Probably the zookeepers’ own pet dogs at home.
  • West Nile Triffids.
  • You would think elephants, but… I’ll go with elephants. I’m probably wrong, but I doubt “small furry mammals” would be allowed as an answer. If so, and it’s right, I will kick myself.
  • Zebra
  • Zoology students. (Though they are not so much non-human as sub-human.)

Question 5

If you were 1 mile (sorry – 1.609km) away during the Battle of Hastings, what sounds of the battle would you have heard?



Other Answers

  • A bit of DJing, a bit of the 60’s 70’s 80’s and 90’s and a bit of the new stuff…
  • A few larks perhaps. There were no guns just arrows, swords and spears. A few horses and lots of yelling but I doubt if the sounds would have carried a mile.
  • A few snooty frenchmen loudly slurping wine while they complain about English ‘cuisine’ and the local t-shirt hawkers selling “my mum and dad went to Hastings and all I got was this lousey blood-stained blouse” tops.
  • A lot of chinking and moaning
  • Arrgh!!!!
  • Bang
  • Cannons
  • Canon [No, they were all in the bushes with the choirboys]
  • Death
  • Funny you should ask, Dr. Bob. As it happens I was 1 mile away from the Battle of Hastings. Unfortunately my incarnation in 1066 was as an adder (Vipera berus) and since snakes have no ears, I couldn’t hear a damn thing.
  • Furious clicking sounds. Investigation would have revealed a gaggle of medieval Margo Kingstons knitting the picture of Harold getting it in the eye for the main newspaper of the day, the Bayeux Tapestry.
  • Gunshots, cries of people getting shot, the usual..??
  • harder… HARDER
  • Horns tooting ‘Onwards pagan soldiers’.
  • I bet the answer is none, because gunpowder was not around. I would think that you might possibly have heard something in the right conditions and if they were clanging vigorously enough. I think more research needs to be done before we reach any rash conclusions.
  • I don’t know this either so if the answer’s not nothing or screaming and yelling then it’s probably something strange like singing, or the people of Battle yelling “If you’re going to fight the Battle of Hastings, piss off back there.”
  • I don’t know, I wasn’t alive then… what did you hear bob?
  • I wouldn’t have heard anything, I wasn’t born till 1963
  • If you were one mile away on the seaward side, “Glub, gurgle, slosh”.
  • In decreasing order of likelihood (and depending upon which direction you were 1 mile away) – – the screams, first of triumph then of pain, of the Saxons- the taunts of the Saxon peasants before the battle- puffs and pants of the English who were running late after the trek from Stamford Bridge- the French chef muttering about how to preserve the meat from all the fallen horses- the shrieks and giggles of William’s campaign equipment
  • In which direction? With the wind blowing from which quarter? My first guess would be nothing, but I recall that back before motorways and ground vibration experts could listen for approaching armies by actually putting “an ear to the ground.” Hoof beats might carry farther through the ground than through the air.
  • Just the gunshots.
  • ‘KERPOW’ ‘SPLAT’ ‘KERBOOM’ ‘UNHHH’ ‘ARGHH’ ‘BLOOIE’ (Sometime, when you are reading your kids their nighttime comic book, just read the action words, and nothing else. The kids love it and it makes the violence more vivid.)
  • My own heavy breathing as I ran further away
  • Not much. Horses, swords, stones and arrows make little noise hardly enough to travel a mile – the distance between the two opposing camps at Senlac Hill and Talen Hill. Perhaps one might have heard the screams of Harold when the Norman arrow drove its way into his eye.
  • Nothing unusual.
  • Nothing, I am hearing impaired. People who are more fortunate may have heard something, but the question asked about me.
  • Nothing. You would hear wind if it was a windy day….. If you can’t hear a football match that far away, I doubt you could hear a battle…
  • Ohh, shit!, Excuse me is this yours?, Get off me bloody foot, you oaf, AAARRRGHR, Ouch, Zap, Zowie, Whack, Thump, EEEEEK (They have never been too sure about Olaf), Take that, watch out, oooohhhhh, look over there is that an elephant (followed by the sound of someone copping a spear through the guts), Hey Harry, look over here!, ohh that has go to hurt. Hey you, horn head, sod off home!, here we go, here we go, here we go. See you Jimmay, I’ll shove ma fist up your arse (speaks a Glaswegian on a drinking tour or South Eastern England).
  • One would have been able to hear the “Song of Roland” sung by the Minstrel, Taillefer, who was in King Williams court. He sang it to lead the army of William into battle.
  • ouch…ow..stop that! look i’m running away..go fight the others, THEY want to fight..i’m only here because my dad made me…leave me alone…i said stop that!! ow that really hurts!!
  • Probably me trying to measure exactly 1609m during a bloody noisy and dangerous battle.
  • Probably not a lot – I doubt I’d be able to buy batteries for my hearing aid in pre-Norman Britain.
  • Probably something like: Clank, clank, thud, scream, clank, bam, thud, splat, clank, thud, wham clank.
  • Screams of agony as broadswords slashed through human bodies like sides of beef.
  • Shrieking probably, that and some guy complaining (in olde english) that no one will stand still so he can finish his bloody tapestry.
  • Some bloke shouting “Not in the face, not in the face!”
  • The constant thump, thump, thump of Saxon after Saxon hitting the ground dead.
  • The gnashing of teeth and the pulling of hair. Then an exchange of insults in 2 languages. Then the sound of metal piercing flesh. Then expletives. Then an eerie silence. Then and finally the sound of a page in history being turned.
  • The Last Post
  • The odd banjo, a couple of bass guitars and the sound of a Sopwith Camel droning overhead.
  • The sound of a single sword clanging? The sound of a Saxon falling down when there’s no one around to hear it? Someone shouting “Get that William-the-Bastard!”?
  • The sounds of arrows going WHOOSH, WHOOSH WHOOSH! and soldiers yelling OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!
  • Trumpets
  • Wait a moment… I have to cut&paste: so… “As soon as the two armies were in full view of each other, great noise and tumult arose. You might hear the sound of many trumpets, of bugles, and of horns; and then you might see men ranging themselves in line, lifting their shields, raising their lances, bending their bows, handling their arrows, ready for assault and defense”. Ok. I guess you can hear a trumpet or a horn a mile away (or not? Hmm…).
  • War trumpets could be heard from that distance, as could the sound of sword on armour, combatant’s screams etc. Harold’s last profanity as he realised his predicament must surely have been heard from this distance.
  • We cannot know. Bishop Odo forgot to order the soundbites for the Bayeux tapestry.
  • Well, as the main felling was done by arrow, and there wasn’t a lot of armour around, pretty much the only noise would be groans and shrieks, battle cries and that sort of thing, but you probably wouldn’t have been able to hear it from that distance. I wouldn’t have anyway, because I’m pretty much deaf in my upper register.
  • What with the lack of explosives, pretty much nothing except possibly the occasional bugle.
  • Who, me? None – I’m too deaf. I do well to hear passing sirens, let alone the clink of steel on steel from across the next field. Anyway, don’t those loser jerks from the Society of Creative Anachronisms have an unfair advantage here?

Question 6

(What opera, doc?) An opera is in progress here, believe it nor not… which one?


The recent Polish production of Akhnaten – see Philip Glass wrote music for this scene that is unlike anything else in any opera – I guess Ms Plewinska thought the costumes should go along with that. Hell, what was a Pharaonic funeral really like? We just don’t know.

Other Answers

  • It’s “La Borda Defensa”, by post-modernist opera wunderkind Phillipe Ruddocci. This work relates the touching story of a faithful servant’s willingness to indulge his aging master’s view of the world, and includes the highly acclaimed duet “Si si si bambini in de si” (Yes yes yes, the children have been thrown overboard) scored for two tenors, fog horn and whoopee cushion.
  • A clearly silly one.
  • A gay drag chorus is doing a skirted kick routine (but then why are the woman actresses below bending backwards–are they trying to “in” the gays)? I guess it’s “Aida.” And it looks anachronistic for the actors to be carrying what appears to be submachine guns.
  • A new opera called “Georgie and his friends visit Iraq” by his good pal Rummy. Coming soon to your local opera house.
  • A Spanish Opera: W y Saddam – una commedia.
  • Aida
  • Aida. Well that’s my guess, because the dude up the back looks vaguely Egyptian. No idea about the goosestepping Huns in little skirts though.
  • Always a picture question! How do I do a google search on a picture? It looks like “Antony and Cleopatra” but the people with helmets look decidedly feminine. How about “Anthony and the Amazons” or “Cleopatra in Drag”
  • Annie Get Your Gun
  • Antony & Cleopatra
  • Bananas in Pyjamas version of “Aida”
  • Dialogues of the Carmelites
  • DrBob’s conversion from Womankind to Ape.
  • Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
  • From what I know of Dr. Bob, it’s either something Finnish or one of the operas written by Kim Il Sung.
  • Gotta be something from Wagner judging by the spiked helmets, the rifles and the tall teutonic tarts tripping triumphantly across the stage. I vote for Das Liebesverbot, an obscure early Wagnerian opera notable only for its disastrous first performance in 1836.
  • I don’t know but by the looks of it I would say it would be a gay one since the Roman soldiers are wearing skirts and carrying assault rifles.
  • Is it a remake of Aida set in Nazi Germany?
  • It all looks kind of Greek – is it Elektra (about Helen of Troy)?
  • It is obviously the Opera of the Luft-Panzer. A group of tank paratroopers discover the joys of wearing greek outfits and march on Berlin to protest to the treatment handed out to them by Hitler and his cronies. Goering, embarrassed by the whole affair, is forced to disband the Luft-Panzer and ship them all to the eastern front as a group known as the 6th army. True story, except for the bits about Hitler, Goering and the Luft-Panzer.
  • It looks like a Nazi version of The Beggar’s Opera.
  • It looks like an opera around Shakespear’s Antony and Cleopatra, but looking at the heads I think it is a Thunderbirds Opera using heads numbered 1 – 7 for expressions.
  • It’s the Grand Goose Step from Aida, as performed by the Waffen SS Sixth Panzer Div Opera Company at Bayreuth in 1944. It will be noticed that they are out of step, which accounts for why Germany lost the war (Don’t mention the War.)
  • Jesus Christ Superstar? Mel Brook’s History of the World? Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar performed by an off-Broadway cast? No clue, to say the truth.
  • Joseph and the technicoloured dream coat?
  • Just let me find the ticket stub and I’ll tell you…
  • Manning Clarke’s History of Australia? I have no ‘Id-e-a’.
  • “March around in funny clothes and sing words which, when translated into English, are extremely banal” by Erich der Meisterzinger. You will notice that the front row of the audience is not all that happy with the lyrics; some are holding their noses and others are vomiting on their shoes.
  • Mein Kampf
  • Monty Python’s “Silly Walks Through The Ages”
  • Nixon in China? [Not far off!!! Well, 3,000 years out and the wrong side of the planet ….]
  • Okay, so we have goosestepping SS stormtroopers in what looks like kinky ancient greek gear, a troup of trained assassin synchronised swimmers at the front and some sort of chrysalis to the rear – I’ll put my money on some really malconcieved Aida.
  • Probably Madame Butterfly – though knowing the effect of cross-cultural misunderstandings it could be anything from Gotterdammerung (hence the helmets) to Tommy (hence the guns).
  • Something from the Ring?
  • Spartacus? (i only guessed cos of all the russel crowe impressionists)
  • Springtime for Hitler!!
  • Stayin’ Alive?
  • Swan Lake is invaded by the Third Reich (second act).
  • Turandot
  • The answer is likely to be a) Captain Beefheart b) Peter Gabriel c) Philip Glass. I stick to c) – probably Akhnaten. [Ah yes! The other two did not write any operas]
  • The Nutbush
  • The Valkyrie
  • The Wall? It looks like a bad Rock Eistedfodd act.
  • This would be the famous Opera “Springtime for Hitler”. Written by Mel Brooks. With such famous lines as “Don’t be stupid be a smartie, come and join the Nazi Party”, and the famous Hitler Rap.
  • Well, given your preoccupation with a Mr.Glass, I feel Akhnaten is a really good guess.
  • What isn’t it could be easier than what it is. If it is Puccini the only possibility is Turandot which has a parade before the execution but there’s no gong in sight. Verdi is possible with a very odd Grand March from Aida (but what the ancient Egyptians are doing with guns I don’t know). It’s not Mozart. It could be Wagner, but I agree with Rumpole that “life is too short for Wagner” so take your pick from the Ring cycle. Whatever it was, I hope the singing was up to scratch as the design is rather weird.
  • Who cares?
  • Who’d have thought the Gay Pride Parade drew its inspiration from an opera?
  • Why has one got bigger boots? fourth from the left bloody big knee high jobbies….eh? [Because he’s the sergeant] Is this important to the recognition of the opera or not? I can’t answer these questions without this kind of information. What kind of a quiz is this??
  • With “postmodern” (or as we opera singers call it: “eurotrash”) direction, it could be Traviata, Boris Godunov, or the Magic Flute for all the audience would know. Still, taking note of the salient features: dancers at work, a military parade, men in kilts etc. it is probably the triumph scene from Aida. (Unless its Moses and Aaron).


  • A report from Kentucky: Ken Ham appears to be concentrating on churches and church schools, and for the moment appears to be letting state parks and public schools alone. Well, there’s more money to be made at the churches . . .
  • All is forgiven. Please return the goat and the leather clothes and you can have the whips back.
  • Don’t call me ‘doc’! Don’t call me “Mac’ either. It is ‘Sir’ to you, if you don’t mind, you ‘puss-brained moron’ (sorry, I’m not in a good mood today. It’s that loud merry-go-round right outside my window…..) [Huh! You’re lucky it’s outside your window … mine is inside my head]
  • Dr Bob, I came across your website in the www and feel, having read the bios of the NSW committee, that perhaps I should join. [Good heavens, one glance at our NSW cttee should have scared you away] I have a healthy disrespect for all things supposedly supernatural and am glad to challenge anything (except my wife when I am late home).
  • Dr Phil, the woman I love is in love with some-one else … an unworthy type who’s leaving her for a job on the other side of the world. Do you think I should approach her right away or should I wait till her sorrow has diminished?
  • Fun test.
  • Good Luck!
  • Hanson is as Hanson does.
  • Hey, I didn’t google at all for this one.
  • Hi Dr. Bob. How can I emigrate to Australia? The USA is totally insane. Maybe I shouldn’t say that. The FBI is probably monitoring my computer.
  • I heard a vicious rumour about Dr Bob the other day. Wanna hear it – he actually exists!
  • I love you and I want to have your children. [Sure, I’ll package them up and send them right over]
  • I say, I say, I say. Two elephants fell of the stage boom! boom!
  • I seem to have lost the plot.
  • I spent time actually looking for the answers to this month’s questions. And even if the answer to number 5 is wrong, I expect you to be SOOO impressed that I found this little bit of trivia, it should be counted as correct. (with extra credit)
  • I thought you were going to ask about big brother… [No we only deal in trivia. Big brother is too important for us, because it makes so much money]
  • I was going to say ferrets for Q4 because I hate them, but it would be wrong. They are horrible smelly things. Mind you, if you did tread on one all those revolting little ribs would probably crunch like honeycomb and you might slip in the entrails and hurt yourself. I was bitten on the inner thigh once by a ferret – the little bastards.
  • If you don’t give me ten dollars I shall strip.[To which Dr Bob replied: Get ’em down]I must warn you that by dropping my virtual trousers (to show off the Amazing Scars ™, I once caused a large number of the denizens of the newsgroup to virtually pass out, but you asked for it…. right, I’m standing right in front of the monitor on the chair so you can see, ready? <click zzzzip shuff shuff whuffle> TADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dr Bob? Dr Bob? Oh dear, another one, fetch the tea things Ermintrude, and put a large spoon of sugar in it…..
  • I’m changing the words to the song “that’s amore”. So far: when you fart in the bed and nothing gets said… that’s amore! Help gratefully appreciated. [Well if you eat a lot of beans, that would probably help.]
  • I’m doing a quiz for my newspaper at school, and I need some good questions, and I hope you don’t mind. If you could send me the answers to them, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again,
  • I’m only a child! aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh
  • In the Bible, in Matthew 2 verse 1, it is said that the wise men who visited the newly born baby Jesus came FROM the east. Then in verse 2 (and again in verse 9) it is said that they had been following a star that was IN the east. I ask you this, O Australian Savant: these men, were they Wise or were they Lost?
  • It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.
  • Keep up the good work Dr Bob.
  • Money does grow on trees, but unfortunately the banks own all the branches.
  • Once again, I’m completely stumped. My ISP obviously has a deal with you, whereby it will never identify the correct reference to the questions you ask. Bugger.
  • There should be an in built spell checker when submitting the quiz. Mi speelin is veri bade an I dont wont 2 lokk 2 sili.
  • This is my first go at your questions. I cannot believe some of the stupid answers to your past questions. I pride myself on commonsense and let’s hope that future contributors can progress to my standards.
  • Tune in Next time when Dr. Bob says to Nurse Janet. “Quickly nurse, we have to get this man to surgery” “Surgery, Dr Bob, What’s that?” says Nurse Janet. “It’s a big sterile room with bright lights and expensive machines, but that’s not important right now” says Dr Bob.
  • Uhh…. I am late. August 28th, how is late… But here, in the normal emisphere, it’s holidays time…
  • We have plenty of youth. How about a fountain of smart?
  • Well, that quiz wasted 5 minutes of my boring life….
  • Whats a Dr. Bob?
  • When the red red Bob-bin come rob rob robbin along, there’ll be no more sobbing when Bob starts throbbin…. (I can’t go on.)