Answers for March 2003

Sorry I have been more rushed than usual this month. And some were too easy, or to hard because everyone thought there was an easy answer which was wrong anwyay … look, enough of this subtlety (as Saddam Hussein said) – the WINNER this month lives so far back of Bourke he’s almost in the Indian Ocean –

Murray McGlew

of Dandaragan, WA – which is within easy reach of Perth, but Perth is not within easy reach of anywhere else (except Dandaragan, or Pretoria)


Question 1

The opera _Einstein On The Beach_ includes the lyrics “How much do I love you? Count the stars in the sky. Measure the waters of the oceans with a teaspoon. Number the grains of sand on the sea shore. Impossible, you say? Yes, and it is just as impossible for me to say how much I love you . . .” And remarkable too … why?

Dr Bob’s Answer

Because if you work it out, these 3 numbers are all about the same, or the order of 10^22. OK, if you want to check it yourselves, Steve Moratti found these: http://www.astro.utu.fi/~cflynn/sand.html, http://www.miamisci.org/tripod/whysand.html, http://pages.prodigy.net/jhonig/bignum/indx.html (click on 10^15, 10^21), http://ask.yahoo.com/ask/20010810.html, http://www.yahooligans.com/content/ask_earl/20020705.html and http://www.howstuffworks.com/question208.htm

Other Guesses

  • Aaarghh, not another bloody Philip Glass question!!! he screams. The numbers are as countless as the P. Glass questions asked by Doctor Bob.
  • Because they are all exactly the same, to the last digit. Ref. Mathematics for Practical Engineers, vol. 2 “Rules of Thumb”, 1988. “If in doubt, any unknown factor can be approximated by the following function: Take the biggest number you can think of and double it.”
  • All of these thing’s are a impossible task, as they are all endless, the more we count, measure or even feel, the more we seen to find.
  • And those are lyrics! “Yes, and it is just as impossible for me to say…” No. They cannot be sung. I think.
  • Because all of these amounts are estimatable, quantifiable, so therefore the amount of love expressed here isn’t impossible to express.
  • Because I don’t love you anyway. So there.
  • Because the Lyrics are terrible. They don’t scan and it would take a genius to write the musical score that could make them sound anything less than forced and pretentious.
  • Because they are all the same number, comparable to Avogadro’s Number, 6.022*10^23. And even more interesting is the fact that the inverse of Avagadro’s Number raised to its own power is the estimated probability of creationism gaining any validity.
  • Because they are huge but measurable. How big is the average grain of sand? 1mm cubed? how much sand on the beach? Couple of thousand cubic meters. How many grains of sand on the beach? How much will Amerika spend in Iraq, billions.
  • Because they are really, really big, I mean REALLY big. So big that your brain explodes trying to imagine them. Really think of the biggest number of things you have ever seen in one place and that isn’t even close to a fraction of what these numbers would be. Oh sure this is a bad answer but nowhere near as bad the music for the opera. But what numbers? “Count the stars in the sky” it says. The ones I can see? The ones I can see with binoculars? The ones I can see with a big telescope? That is a variation of 3000 to billions. “Measure the waters of the oceans with a teaspooon”. OK then. While I’m doing it, where do I put the water I’ve measured? Answer that one and you have solved a small problem for the Noah’s Ark supporters – where did the water go after the flood? “Number the grains of sand on the sea shore”. I certainly hope you are not introducing the Carl Sagan relationship between numbers of sand grains and numbers of stars. Sagan was wrong (he was only human, he’s allowed to make one or two errors)
  • Einstein could not speak? (not dumb) Oh dear count my brain cells with a teaspoon
  • Einstein was not a very good surfer so he stayed on the beach counting things and working out ways to impress the chicks. It was remarkable that any girls liked him because he was a dork (and not very handsome).
  • Everything Glass did was remarkable…toooo remarkable!
  • Finite but uncountable for all practical purposes
  • Gold section. Quite easy: A is to B as B is to C, so B is the gold section between A and C. A bunch of astronomer, oceanographicers and sandologists coordinated by Dr.Bob has discovered that the number of teaspoons needed to collect the oceans is the gold section between the stars and the grains of sand. Exactly up to the seventh decimal position.
  • I have no idea. I don’t do opera (not even on Google)
  • I would remark that love is not a number like ‘583’ or ‘20,422’, not even if you add ‘grains o’sand’ or ‘teaspoons’ or ‘5ths’ (1 star = 63.4 grains of sand = 284.32345 teaspoons of ocean?) Remember the tactic ‘I love you 10 more than any number you can say.’ … ‘Then I love you 10 more than that!’ annoying, but useful, depending on your perseverance.
  • If it is “impossible for me to say how much I love you”, this would mean that they don’t love them. I’ve said many such a statement to girls I haven’t loved. A bit of an odd and insensitive way of conveying the information, though.
  • Infinite yet finite.
  • It had no intermissions.
  • It’s all music to your ears, sweet nothings like stars, grains of sand , each little drop of the stuff Tars love, thar she blows.
  • It’s an opera, you don’t ‘say’ it, you sing it.
  • let me count the ways ————————————————————————-
  • Because EOTB is the first (and possibly the last) mime opera.
  • Now for another round of “Read Dr. Bob’s Mind”. Could the remarkable thing be that in this opera by Philip Glass, these words are in plain speech, instead of song or recitative?
  • number of teaspoons = grains of sand. Did you know that number of molecules in a lungful of air = number of lungfuls of air in the atmosphere? (or so I’ve read)
  • Promises, all, all false. A.Don’t have a ditch large enough to contain a lake’s worth of counted love. B. If you believe I love you, the thing about counting the oceans by the teaspoon, can you imagine one would do something as tedious as even imagining counting sand. C.Obviously you do.. take a hike to the planets.
  • Remarkable for two good reasons: Firstly, “Einstein On The Beach” is the only opera ever written by Neville Shute. Secondly and even more remarkably, its premiere performance in Melbourne starred diva Ava Gardner as Madame Curie. Poor Ava had a head cold and was evermore labelled “Madame Offkey” by the vindictive Victorians. She never returned to Bleak City, and who could blame her?
  • Remarkable in the fact that it’s not impossible for him to say “How much I love you” seeing as he just said it. Either that or he has a terrible stammer on his ‘h’ when he speaks. Or Cosmo would have us believe that not saying how much he loves her is just another example of the complete male bastard and his unwillingness to commit to a relationship, goddamn it! Geez, women. Can’t live with ’em can’t axe murder ’em. But, really, I’m not bitter about the divorce.
  • Remarkable numbers, you say? Must be some nice round figure, like tens of millions. Or perhaps the number of grains of sand is prime.
  • Remarkably treacly, and the author of that scene is named Samuel Johnson! Also the last scene (or ‘knee play’) in the opera [Yes and since the opera lasts 4.5 hours with no intermission, the last scene is particularly welcome]
  • Something about there being more stars in the sky than there are grains of sands on all the beaches of the world or some garbage like that i ‘spose…honestly what is it with these Philip Glass related questions???
  • The Counting Crows did an entire Opera on the song? The things we learn
  • The first web site I found on this topic was in German so I used the handy instant translator provided. Here is an exact quote from the translated version: “A gel gene player, kostuemiert as an old man, plays a brilliant solo one in the orchestra ditch.” Yes, the orchestra ditch it shall be, from now on.
  • The numbers start from the more possible – count the stars, and then get more and more impossible. We are still discovering new stars, but no one discovers new ocean water or more sand, they simply haven’t had the time to count them. Then again they can be matematically calculated, however the apporximation of this caculation would not be accurate to the teaspoon/to the grain.
  • These numbers are seriously BIG, and by the time you finished counting them you would be seriously past your USE BY DATE. And hey, they would decrease and increase from one microsecond to the next…scarey. A better pickup line might go “hey Einstein – howsabout a root?”
  • These questions are impossible to answer because……….all these objects (stars, water, sand) change in number. That is to say, there is no finite answer. Stars are born and die. Water evaporates and condenses. The sands change with the tides.
  • They are all about the same order of magnitude (about a googol).
  • They are all the same number (which I’ve temporarily forgotten), AND coincidentally if you multiply the musical merit of “Einstein on the Beach” by that exact same number you get to the level of “The Magic Flute.”
  • they are exactly the same number (to the nearest 10^14)
  • They are not impossible numbers. None of them require the use of i in the computation.
  • They are really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really really, really, really, really big. And then some.
  • They are variables, not numbers.
  • They form complex patterns gradually over time. The opera does the same with sounds, images and transitions called “knee plays” over a five hours of bum-numbing tedium – or so I am told! (The brain can only absorb what the backside can endure after all.)
  • They would all count as big lottery jackpots.
  • Um, because they’re big and awe-inspiring and hugely variable and subject to change without notice and beyond the comprehension or control of mere men? (Just like me, really…..)
  • Unfotunately the lyrics were spoken in the day time at an english beach so unfortunately no stars were counted except the morning star which was quite visible at that time there was no sand only jagged rocks which would cut you just to see how much you bleed so no sand and unfortunatley although a teaspoon was handy as soon as he started to count the teaspoons of water it dissolved because of the capsized tanker 1 km offshore that spewed forth biohazardous chemicals everywhere. So I believe that the man professing his love was looking for a good way to break up with his girl.
  • We humans don’t have the faculties to deal with immensely large numbers. (It is said that those classed as genius can mentally and accurately picture numbers up to 400,000 or so)
  • Weeeee-eeee-eeeeed? Flobba flob blobloblob lobba obla, flobba-blobba blooloolooop blooloolooop BIG.
  • Well, according to Samuel Johnson who made this all up the number of stars in the sky is EXACTLY the same as the numbers of grains of sand on the sea.
  • What was remarkable? It was probably the first opera to mention the word teaspoon.
  • Who cares?
  • Why? Oh, Dr. Bob! Eeeeeew! Wild thing. You make my heart sing. Screw the numbers.

Question 2

The Greek island of Lesbos has nothing (well, nothing in particular) to do with lesbians – what is the derivation of the word ‘lesbian’?

Answer

The Greek word “lesbiazein” means “to lick the genitals” but I’m not sure whose, or whether the word might have come from the island name. Sappho had a husband and a daughter so was at least AC/DC. She is among the very few significant female intellects that are credited by our male-dominated culture, but that doesn’t shed any light on her preferences..
And don’t forget, girls – the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. So you stick in the knife from low down, upwards and to the right.

Other Answers

  • “Le”t”s” be fr”ien”ds
  • A young indigenous woman named Noot had a father named Les. One day, Les was down on the beach, while Noot was playing dress-ups with her best friend Flot. To cut the story short, Flot happened to be naked when Noot said, “Les been down da beach, les been playing wid himself, me not like men no more.”
  • According to the 12th man-he/she is an umpire.
  • Actually both words come from the island, lesbians were the inhabitants of lesbos. A peaceful utopia with no men to screw it up for them. They were warrior women like the amazonian warrior princess although instead of one breast they cut off both breasts to perturb their former male oppressors. It all reminds me of a funny joke How many militant feminist lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2, one to screw it in and one can suck my cock. (instead of suck my cock you change it to one to wash the dishes or bake me some pie, but you just never get the same result)
  • As a woman who is attracted to women and philosophy, I don’t think you can go past dyke to name a woman who does woman to woman sexual activity. Bugger the dead language from dead white males.
  • As much as I hate to contradict Dr. Bob, every source I could find shows a definite connection between the island and the term. The Greek poet Sappho was purportedly the lover of many a young woman in the 6th century BCE. Living on the isle of Lesbos, she truly was a Lesbian lesbian. (And yes, Webster’s says that is a correct use of the word, even though some current-day inhabitants of Lesbos disagree.) Sources exist at least as far back as from the 18th century, where the terms “Sapphic” and “lesbian” are used interchangeably to signify female sexual entanglement.
  • ‘bian’ has it’s roots in Greek and can roughly be translated as “floor covering” or more acurately as “carpet”. ‘les’is derived from the Persian word “lesk”, which is translated to “licker” or sometimes “kisser”.
  • Bloody Hell, talk about a PC question! Make sure you’re not sued by some yankee feminist, Dr Bob. Lesbos was originally an island where only women were allowed to live… I think Ovid wrote some steamy verse about the place (shame he was banished to Turkey by Augustus). More to the point, another poet, Sappho, was born there. She had a reputation as a lover of her own sex, this helped to create the word Lesbian in its form today
  • Bwahahahahah!(No, wait… that perfidious guy has always the last word, in this game. Better to slow down with laughs): My respectable English Lord, I’ve looked in many English, Italian, Spanish and French etymologic dictionaries, and all these are wrong; they all stupidly believe that “lesbian” comes out from “Lesbos”, as like “sapphic” comes out from “Sappho”. I wrote several letters to these institutions, warmly protesting against their thoughtlessness, and they remained widely surprised by my rage. Now, I am waiting the First day of April (why this date sounds a bit nasty?) to show them why they are wrong. Especially Oxford English Dictionary and the Italian Accademia della Crusca are really on tenterhooks.
  • d(l*e*s*b*i*a*n)/dl = e*s*b*i*a*n etc… [Ah I see. Very witty. A pun on the concept of “derivative” is integral to this answer]
  • Derived from the French “les bian”. “Bian” is a type of interior wallboard used in housing construction. In English these wallboards are better known as “tongue and groove”.
  • Do you expect me to go wobbly web surfing at work looking for words like lesbian??? I’d be out on my ear in a flash? All my hard copy says Sappho lived on Lesbos, she like girls, people who lived on lesbos were called Lesbians…over time Lesbian came to apply to the women who like women living on Lesbos.
  • Dr. Bob I’m not touching this one, all the good answers are too politically incorrect… I looked up lesbian on Google though and gee I got some interesting sites (and sights).
  • Flobba-blobba flobbadobadobadob squeeeeek, ekki ekki “Sappho” flatin phoet floooobadobadob “female consorts” flobbaeuphamism?? Blobba-blobba “sapphism”?
  • From Sappho who was a poet from Lesbos
  • From Sappho’s hit song “Les’ be friends!’
  • From the french Les B O’s, meaning the smelly ones. An obvious slur on the Greek inhabitants of the island.
  • From the French: Les Bians, meaning “the two anchovies.”
  • Fron the Ancient Greek ‘lesby’, meaning this look like the place for an island (map of Tassie joke)
  • HA! You really just want us to type the word Lesbos into Google .. (shame on you) [<cough> <shuffling feet> <grin>] Actually though I did find this among the XXX sites-“Sappho’s reputation as a lover of her own sex, has given the word “Lesbian” an international currency.”
  • Had fun googling this one, still havent found the answer – need to do more “ahem” research
  • I believe it was originally derived from someone from Lesbos, but, seeing as it has changed it’s meaning recently, they are now known as Lesbosians. However, there was a poet from Lesbos (Sappho) who was noted for homosexual capers, so maybe that’s it.
  • I don’t know, but I have been told by boys in our barrio that the word Lesbo is derived from that versatile Italian inventor Guiggliamo Lesbo, the creator of the maccaroni drill (among other things).
  • I really don’t know where you get your information Dr Bob, but the OED has “lesbian” derived from “Lesbos” with a first recorded usage in 1601 which probably means Shakespeare used it. Originally it just meant “pertaining to the island of Lesbos”. “Lesbian vice” got its name through the practices of the poetess Sappho who lived on Lesbos.
  • I thought it came from Lesbos because that was where Sappho lived. So, I’m WRONG????? Don’t tell me I’m wrong!
  • I thought that it was because that’s where Sappho lived (or taught, at least). Did she just have a PO Box there? Holiday house? Shop front as a tax dodge?
  • In ancient Athens many taxes were paid for with chickens. Les Bian was one of many door to door chicken tax collectors. Of course, tax collectors were not very popular. Unfortunately for him, Les was allergic to roosters and so could only carry hens. The women in the villages would make fun of Les by calling out “Les Bian is scared of roosters”. Over time this was simply shortened to “Lesbian”. After Les’ passing the saying “Lesbian” came to mean anyone who took no c*cks.
  • It does come from the island of Lesbos, of course. One mrs. Sappho used to run a poetry school there, and wrote poems, although married, about the beauty of women. The island itself is named after Lesvos, son of the warrior Lapitko. Did you know that the greek verbs lesbiazo end lesbizo refer to the act of fellatio? But they have nothing to do with etymology of Lesbos.
  • It had to do with Lesbos’s favorite daughter – Sappho, who was a lesbian twice over.
  • It is french “Les Bian”, meaning “The ones that swing the other way femininily”
  • It was the original greek term used to describe the lowest form of society who were employed to the lick the carpet of upper-class Greek dudes
  • It’s ancient Greek for “Gee this is a good video.”
  • Lesbian – A gay woman. The ancient Greek poet Sappho lived on the island of Lesbos. As Sappho became known for her poems celebrating love between women, the term lesbian changed its primary meaning from “one who lives on Lesbos” to “a woman like Sappho and her followers.”
  • lesbian (adj.) – 1591, from Gk. lesbios “of Lesbos,” Gk. island in northeastern Aegean Sea, home of Sappho, great lyric poet whose erotic and romantic verse embraced women as well as men, hence meaning “relating to homosexual relations between women” (1890) and the noun, first recorded 1925. Slang variant lez is from 1929.
  • ‘Lesbian’ is named for the Lichenostomus lesbia, a little honey eater with a long, sticky tongue.
  • Lesbian makes a better adjective than a noun.
  • Lesbian rule was a mason’s rule made of lead which could be bent to fit the curve of a moulding – also legal; a pliant principle of judgement (forget “lessbeing” said about this the better I told you forget it) Seems that everything was flexible and sinuous – well I would never allow sex to rear it’s pretty head but………..
  • Lesley and Brian were happily married but changed their joint email address after brian had a sex change operation and became in’r’ticulate. (according to Brewer 1.pertaining to Lesbos 2.pertaining to Sappho a homosexual poetess from Lesbos 3.flexible ruler used by masons for measuring curves)
  • Lets be Man.
  • Literally it is “pertaining to Lesbos”, however I suspect there were some pretty hot (& hairy) chicks there of unusual sexual persuasion. (Hell, how do I know – I just like watching.)
  • lizards who play with cats
  • Most dictionaries have it being derived from the fact that Sappho of Lesbos was a reputed lesbian.
  • Natives of Lesbos… but whence naming of Lesbos.
  • Oddly enough history will show that the fixation of the unnatural world of homophiles were usually around men, however now we can say there are more female gay people. To demonstrate that homosexuality is a bad thing such words as faggots, cock-munchers, poofters and arse-rammers were invented. Unfortunatly not all of these words were sutible for this new or rather diffrent set of homosexuals (they had to be a diffrent set because they didn’t mix sexually with the other, male set). For this reason people called them lesbos which would literally mean less-boyz.
  • Sappho the poetess (who definitely liked the ladies) lived on the isle of Lesbos – circa 700BC. (An issue requiring spindoctoring for the Greek Tourism Development agency’s publicists today?)
  • Sappho, a poet who admired women in her verse, lived on Lesbos. And died there too. That’s about all that’s certain. So, naturally, your evasive edwardians drew a nice comparison along the lines of removing a direct reference at least once. Hence Sappho may have been a homosexual; Sapphism is the attraction to other women; a lesbian is one who indulges in the Sapphic vice. About the nearest poor old Victoria (really the matriarch of the Edwardian era – The Victorians by comparison were so much more direct) could get to a description of tribadism. Or it might be the lack of a simple behaviour analagous to buggery which tripped all ages up in finding a single descriptive. Whatever, Kraft-Ebbing was a german – I don’t think I need say any more – they never seem to be able to come to grips with being pliable. Love it nice and hard. More appealing to me are echoes of an archaic sense of lesbian as in ‘Lesbian rule’: a mason’s meter made of lead which could be used to copy a curve. Hence the nice figurative use: a pliant philosophical principle of judgement. Mathematicians who like the idea that maths is based on logic and yet cannot be reduced to it would be familiar with the use.
  • Sappho, a resident of the island of Lesbos, wrote poetry about the issues of women’s relationships – including sexual attraction. Some homophobic twits decided if she was writing about it, she must be engaged in it (discounting the existance of Sappho’s hubby).
  • Short version: Sappho lived there.
  • Since a few Emeporers and barbarian kings were into sodomising, men, boys and the arabs, camels, a pr. girl, ex psych. majorette, realised the need for a little spin. Not fags, boys and camels, just female cross-dressers, hence: let us stray beyond ordinary sexual mores. The island was an odd little place, its name therefore made for a happy pun first used by the queer brigade… lesbian.The PR girl made a faux pas, however… ` we Lessoes…’, hence Lesbian. N.B. it didn’t save the reputation of oil-drillers and towel-headed camel rooters.
  • The Delphic Oracle: one day a nasty sodomite shall arise by the name… I have to wait until the drug filled voice of god is completely raucous for this one.. ah, here it is, lesb.. no,, onamist.. ah; Osama bin laden. What’s a bin? Oh what the heck, a bloody handed lesbian shall teerorise males in tyhe west and join with the son of those bitches. Lesbians, all of them.
  • The Lyric Poet Sappho who was, by all reports, homosexual was from the Island Lesbos. Hence Lesbian…
  • The original inhabitants of the island were the Lesleys, a previously unheard-of Australian country-and-western group. And in true ancient Greek-western tradition, and due to the fact they were the only ones there, they were less than careful about their personal hygiene. No-one liked to visit. Hence “Les” plus “BO”, giving rise to the name (pron lezz-boe, rhymes with oboe).
  • The original meaning of the word Lesbian is an inhabitant of the Greek island Lesbos which was home of the classical Greek poetess Sappho who loved women and composed many poems about her female lovers.
  • The poet Sappho was associated with sapphism (what we’d call lesbianism) and dwelt on the island of Lesbos, seems like somehting particular to me. The derivation of the word lesbian is simply pertaining to Lesbos.
  • The word lesbian refers to the people of Lesbos. It has been stolen by the “gay” community. Bit like poof, a thing we used to put our feet on when we sat on the lounge. Can’t put our feet up and I feel sorry for Holland, sitting there without any DYKES.
  • There once was a poet named SapphoWho couldn’t find a word to rhyme with her nameSo she decided to wear steady shoes & not shave her legs That unsuccessful poet (from Lesbos) called Sappho
  • This question sucks, and so does the answer.
  • Unbeknowns to most of the world… Australia and Australians were the masters of planet Earth prior to the Egyptions and the Incas. When Australia flooded during the last big thaw nearly all evidence was lost. Amazingly our language survived. Simply put Lesbos was actually named Les but due to the numbers of non Aussie speaking members of the discovery party the name was misinterpreted when one of the crew were asked What’s the name of that island? The answer came that’s Les Boss! Now as you know we are humanbians so it is only right that that women humans are called Lesbians because if you get lucky you may get to lay next to one. Again Les is derived from the mispelling by the French of Lay. Gee they even changed the meaning of the word Les! Of course the males of our species are menbiens and the children are kidbiens. Simple really!
  • Wait a minute–the ancient Greek poetry of Sapho of Lesbos does express women’s love for women, and that is the derivation of the word lesbian, so how can Lesbos have nothing to do with lesbians?
  • Well you see Dr. Bob, there are some women who don’t like men and don’t want to marry them and…oh never mind.

Question 3

Translate into English: “combat emplacement evacuator”

Answer

Spade. Yes I’m going to claim a win here as everyone said “shovel”. You try digging a combat emplacement with a shovel. Although, I got this from a 1994 book – but in the light of recent developments, if you dig in sand a shovel would probably be OK. But then it would all collapse on you when you go far enough down.

Other Answers

  • Having tabbed 30 miles overnight on a ‘bipedal nocturnal redeployment’ (forced night march), you would fall to the ‘specialist infantry combat surface’ (ground). Not wanting to be wasted by a ‘short-range anti-personnel artillery’ (mortar) round or ‘long-range, high explosive personnel decimator’ (howitzer) shells, you would proceed to excavate a ‘combat which-is-normally-nowhere-near-deep-enough emplacement’ (foxhole) using your COMBAT EMPLACEMENT EVACUATOR (shovel).
  • Super-dooper pooper scooper.
  • “Right-o chaps, run away!” (reference: Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
  • What you hurriedly become when your lover’s partner comes home unexpectantly
  • Hand grenade or tear gas
  • A device for digging foxholes, a shovel.
  • A Front line Soldiers Toilet (I wonder if they’re camouflaged? Or perhaps there’s an international treaty – like not firing at red cross vans)
  • A shovel (if you’re a Merkin – the ADF just calls a shovel a shovel). Presumably, you evacuate dirt out of the ground to get a hole as an emplacement so that you can hide in it and do combat. Although I think in my case, the order of actions would be reversed: following combat, I’d use it to dig an emplacement for my bowels to evacuate into because I’m pretty sure I’d be scared to the point of shitting myself.
  • a shovel … but nobody ever accused the Pentagon’s doublespeak as English
  • A shovel, according to 90% of the first 2,000 websites I looked at… Ok, so I only looked at 2 websites and they both translated it as shovel.
  • A sort of enema, forward deployed, for chaps who don’t want to mess up their khaki shorts.
  • A spade for digging a foxhole. Or more possibly “frantic digging a hole in the ground with spade, bayonet, spoon, tin-opener, hands, ANY F**KING THING! now that the bullets have started wizzing about in earnest”.
  • Army speak for shovel, it appears. Another example of the inefficient ways of the military.
  • Army Talk for shovel. Another example is “terrorist”, which means an enemy, especially if you’re much more heavily armed than he is.
  • Bodybag. Becoming standard issue for footsoldiers, with name and serial number included. Makes clean-up easier for the generals.
  • Bomb
  • Door. Just as a foot impelled vertical enhancement device is a ladder.
  • Ejection seat
  • Enemy enema bag.
  • Eric Olthwaite would brain the perpetrator of that bit of tosh with a Spear and Jackson – and deservedly so.
  • Fight diarhea caused by objects stuck up the anus.
  • Fleeeeee. Run away….
  • Flooba loobalooba English loblobla: “Tool used to emplace combat evacuations”. Flobbadobbadob, digga digga plop plop slop scrappa scrape.
  • Fox-hole digger
  • French rifle, barrel plugged with cement and gas chamber choked with rags of used surrender flags. Use: dig out of harms way, `combat emplacement evacuator – a pun on bowel movement as a code for French army warfare doctrine. [French rifle for sale: never fired, dropped once]
  • From the French describing a technologically advanced method the French army is drilled in, how to shit themselves when faced by the Wermacht and Saddam Hussein.
  • Hans Blix
  • Hard to find evacuation exit
  • Hmmm, two choices here. 1. A back-hoe. 2. A flamethrower. I rather lean to choice#2, if for no other reason than because I like the smell of napalm in the morning.
  • Hmmm. Thought it might be a slop-bucket, turns out it’s a shovel.
  • I don’t know, but it’s listed on the US schedule of illegal weapons of mass destruction.
  • It’s symbolism for getting rid of the brown nosers that might be in your ass, before going in to battle.
  • Latrine… for soldiers to be used in soldierly fashion by soldiers of French army … quartermaster no. … issue date..\ order no. …These last 3 items are top secret.
  • Legs (for running away).
  • Let me think… Bunker? No. Sandbags…No. JCB digger…No Shovel…YES! (bloody hell, and they complain about the government not being able to call a spade a spade)
  • Nothing like the US Military for calling a “Combat emplacement evacuator” a shovel!
  • Poor bugger that owns a shovel. If you got em, smoke em and if you ain’t, dig a latrine.
  • Port-a-loo or in the Aussie army “digger dunny”
  • Retreat!
  • Sandbag lifter and relay runner
  • Shovel. Or in older military terminology, “entrenching tool”
  • Shovel. Please take note that I needed just ten seconds to discover that “combat emplacement evacuator” is a shovel, but more than five minutes to discover that a shovel is a silly “pala”.
  • Sorry DrBob, but if you aren’t going to tell us what language to translate from we aren’t going to get very far. Here’s a translation: “combine empethetic evaluation”.
  • Strictly speaking, it already is in English (militaryspeak dialect). A synonym would be “shovel”.
  • Surprise, surprise..some military dunderhead in the good ole US can’t say the word SHOVEL and has to come up with a complex nonsensical name for it. Man talk about ‘lack of’ military intelligence.
  • Tank
  • The nearest track that leads in the direction of away………..
  • Toilet paper.
  • Trenching shovel
  • You may think it’s a spade and should be called a spade…but I know it to be fingernails!

Question 4

Do hens like spicy food?

The answers speak for themselves:

  • According to Audrey McElroy “poultry seems to have no objection to the taste or sting of capsaicin”. But that doesn’t mean they like it, if given the choice.
  • According to Iowa Public Television, they are indifferent to spiciness.
  • At the Indian restaurant we frequent, the local hens have been know to order the vindaloo ‘extra hot’. It may be dangerous to generalize here, as many hens may not like spicy food, or may not even like Indian food. That’s allright
  • Before or after they are cooked?
  • Blobbalobba lobbalob!! (They don’t object. We fed our chickens anything, and only once did one explode. Great for pre-spiced chickens!
  • Cackle, cackle, splaaark.. its eco-terrorism.
  • comme ci comme ca
  • Definitely – an extract of capsicum (capsiacin) is put into chicken feed to reduce the birds’ susceptibility to contracting salmonella etc.
  • Hey, we chooks wrote the ad, we want chicken tonight, and we want it hot spicy, but no curry.
  • I don’t know, why don’t you ask Mrs Bush herself? Coming from Texas, I’m sure she does.
  • http://www.research.vt.edu/resmag/sciencecol/2002hotchick.html
  • I would say it depends on the hen. Some of them prefer more your standard European style fare – tastefully cooked meats on steamed fresh farm vegetables, or possibly lightly cooked seafood and piquant sauces on al dente pasta. While they take time to get to know, they do seem to be the most succulent of birds. But there are also, indeed, hens who do like spicy food – Spanish or possibly even subcontinental spices, redolent of their native lands. Very tasty birds, those! And that nice little brown one in the corner is giving me the eye, the little sweetie!
  • I wouldn’t know. We’ve just killed all our chickens here in Holland, and Colonel Saunders is off to Iraq.
  • If we gave ours curry they would eat it but get diarrhoea as a consequence. So yes they do like but no, you shouldn’t give it to them.
  • In the interests of science I tried a few laying pellets, and the answer is no, they are very bland.
  • It depends – for example they don’t like hot chili peppers.
  • It depends if the hens like the food itself without the spice. Since hens do not register chillies as hot, they usually scoff spiced meals. This I can attest to, having scraped many vindaloos into the chook bucket after the beer-induced attraction wore off.
  • It would be useful if a portion of them did, then people would get runny eggs straight out of the pen.
  • Judging by the way eggs taste these days chooks are certainly into prawns (they’ll eat spicy food if hungry)
  • Mexican yes, creole no.
  • Mine do
  • Most definitely, it helps them become more fertile
  • No
  • No – However they do appreciate a good low fat dairy dessert followed by a quality Muscat and a fine Cuban cigar after dinner by the fire.
  • No. It’s part of their universal consciousness. They all have an intense dislike of curries, hot sauces and condiments in general.
  • Nope. Gives ’em the squitters. And their eggs then taste like shit too.
  • Not if they expect to get laid after the date.
  • Of course how do we get hot”n”spicy chicken then?
  • Of course they do – where else would KFC get their hot & spicy chickens from? (You don’t have to answer that…)
  • Of course they do. How else would the Colonel make his spicy chicken strips. You know the ones that burst into flames when you eat them. Thank god they don’t like petrol.
  • Of course! How else do you get the perfect eggs for huevos rancheros? Those hens are eating jalapeno peppers from day one.
  • Of course, do think curried eggs grow on trees?
  • Only after the laying procedeure
  • Only if they can have a Toohey’s Blue Ice to wash it down.
  • Only KFC Hot and Spicy.
  • Probably. After all I do. Especially Spicy hens legs! (Oh, and that bit called the “chickens oyster”….Yum!)
  • Recent research from Virginia Tech University says hens fed with capsaicin – the chemical that makes chilli peppers hot – have a lowered risk of catching salmonella. The hens themselves cannot taste the capsaicin, so the answer would have to be no.
  • Sure, they love it. Especially KFC’s zinger burger.
  • They are too chicken to eat spicy stuff
  • They better eat what I give them, before I eat them. I want a big meal.
  • They can’t tell one way or the other. Different taste buds and all that. So it is both Yes and No
  • They dont mind it and doesn’t it reduce salmonella poisoning?
  • They must….. every time I make a Chilli dish I seem to have chicken in it…..
  • They’re usually too stuffed. Where do you think spicy chicken wings come from? Actually, with a poor sense of taste, unlike owls, they don’t give a hoot.
  • This depends on the individual hens and the kind of spice. Possibly, yes.
  • We can’t know, because they can’t taste it. <into molecular biology lecture mode> See: S.E. Jordt and D. Juluis (2002) “Molecular basis for species-specific sensitivity to ‘hot’ chilli peppers” Cell 108:421. Avians (and toads, for that matter) cannot sense capsaicin, the vanilloid pain-producing chemical in hot peppers, because they express an insensitive version of the appropriate receptor. This receptor is a non-selective cation channel, formed by a polytropic membrane protein designated VR1. The authors of this paper used a chicken cDNA library (screened with a rat probe) to clone chicken VR1, and showed that it doesn’t react to capsaicin. <yawn> Already did this story on 3RRR-FM science show more than 12 months ago, Dr Bob. (http://home.vicnet.net.au/~einstein/stories/stories2002/index.html , 17th March 2002, ‘Sam Cyborg Science’), explaining why covering your hot chips in chilli sauce won’t stop the cheeky emus at Healesville Sanctuary from trying to eat them
  • We don’t know, do we. Do you speak Hen? But capsicum definitely can be good for you, if you are want to avoid Salmonella (and you are a hen).
  • Well, I’ve been given to understand that they like their roosters saucy…….
  • With or without yum cha?
  • Yes
  • Yes this reminds me of another well known joke why did the chicken cross the road? To get some cajun chicken!!!! enough said
  • Yes, and at my last gig, they like spicy men as well.
  • Yes, but not the old chooks at the nursing home.
  • Yes, No who cares if they like it I’m sure they’ll eat it if they have to eat it.
  • Yes. I can motivate this answer with plenty of arguments, but considering that if I say only “yes” I have 50% of probability to get a point for correct answer, I prefer to no motivate too much.
  • Yes: hence curried eggs (sorry boring, everyone will say that)
  • Until this morning, I didn’t know. In the interests of science I decided to try out the remains of last night’s curry on the chooks in the backyard. The curry was a Thai green curry made with pork. The remains of the rice had soaked up all the liquid so there was a firm mixture of curry and spicy rice which I scattered to the fowls. They scoffed it up. Two of them even fought over a rather nice piece of pork. The chooks in question are Tabulam Greens, a locally developed breed that lays eggs with lovely green shells. It may be that chooks that lay brown or white eggs don’t like spicy food, I don’t know, but my chooks like Thai green curry. [And now you can invent Tabulam Green Curry]

Question 5

Who was Huey Duey & Louie’s mother?

Answer

Dr Bob has no idea, but is sure that some will tell him (and help him to spell “Dewey” as well).

  • A brainwashed chook.
  • A duck, for Christ’s sake.
  • A senile sentimentalist.
  • A smart broad called Della who obviously subscribed ahead of her time to the well-documented Disney anti-parent agenda, evidenced by the number of orphans in Disney movies
  • According to “the Disney Zone” it was Donald’s sister Della Thelma (Dumbella) Duck. Donald and Della were twins born to Hortense McDuck and Quackmore Duck.
  • According to the ancient legends, Donald had a twin sister named Della Duck, also known as Dumbella, who was married to the brother of Daisy Duck. The triplets were sent to visit their Uncle Donald in 1938. I guess their mother never came to get them and they have remained with Donald until this day. (I personally think that Huey, Dewey and Louie are the illegitimate children of Donald and Daisy and the “nephew” thing is a cover.) If Donald and Daisy got married and Donald’s sister is married to Daisy’s brother, then someone will end up being his own grandpa.
  • Ah, but things are never that simple in comicdom. According to canon from 1937, when DD was still a newspaper comic, their mother is Donald’s sister Della Duck. According to Carl Barks, considered by many to be the definitive duck cartoonist, her first name was Thelma. In the 1990’s, newcomer Don Rosa has re-established the original Della, and this seems to now be official Disney canon. The last word should go to Donald himself, who (says Rosa) called his sister Dumbella.
  • Alas, this is not known. Remember that cartoon where the stork was shit-faced and so delivered the wrong babies to the wrong houses? Well, this is the result. Donald found H,D & L’s eggs in his refrigerator.
  • Barbara Bush.
  • Carl Barks, who’s the father AND mother of them all.
  • Condoleeza Toohey.
  • (It’s “Dewey”, Dr Bob. Tch.) Creatures sans genitalia are unlikely to be the fruit of any mother’s womb, even that of a humble duck. But, harking back to another better-known miraculous birth, perhaps there’s truly a Virgin Mallard out there somewhere. [Quite possible, as I bought my copy of Trout Mask Replica from Virgin records – which at the time was a single shop in a first-floor cupboard in Oxford St – and later Virgin signed up the Magic Band, but most of them left to form a band called Mallard]
  • Daisy
  • Della Duck. Who is she, where does she come from and why doesn’t she appear in the cartoons? Why the hell doesn’t she look after her own kids and stop palming them off onto Donald? Is she some sort of drug taking, vodka swilling trailer trash?
  • Della Duck. You can satisfy you perverse curiosity on duckman.pettho.com/characters/della.html [No you can’t – I went to this page and it’s full of ducks]. Please note that she magically passed from cousin to sister status, not to mention that first she was just a name in a letter, then a child in a flashback story, and never adult, apart in a formal family tree.
  • Della, who was originally called Dumbella
  • Depends on whom you ask – in the 1950s, she was listed in Carl Barks’ (one of the Disney artists who created the character) Duck family tree as Thelma Duck, but later apppeared in Don Rosa’s (another creator) family tree as Della, Donald’s twin sister. There may have been deed poll involvement. My own theory is that a sort of ‘single white female duck’ incident occurred, in which an interloper named Della murdered Donald’s sister and assumed her place in the clan and Donald kept quiet about it (if someone did away with my sibling, I’d keep quiet too, in the belief that a psychotic deluded homicidal maniac couldn’t possibly be any worse). I’m looking forward to seeing that episode on the Disney channel.
  • Donald Duck — otherwise “he” would have been called Donald Drake (she doesn’t get a mention)
  • Donald Duck’s sister, Dumbella. What a terrible name!
  • Donald Fauntleroy Duck and Della Thelma Duck (nickname Dumbella) were the offsrping of Hortense McDuck (Scrooge McDuck’s sister) and Quackmore Duck in 1920. Hence the nephews’ mother was Dumbella, father a randy unknown drake.
  • Donald’s sister, Donna. Unfortunately Donna was a crack whore whose children was taken away from her by the state after she was seen as unfit and given to Donald to look after – when a bitter lawsuit between their uncle and their great uncle, Scrooge McDuck ensued for the custody of H, D and L. Old moneybags McDuck ran Donald out of town after a mysterious set of photos of Donald in only a sailors hat and vest (pantless) surfaced in a local newspaper (actually owned by McDuck)
  • Donald’s sister, Dumbella Duck. The really interesting question is “Who was their father?”
  • Dumbella Duck…My earliest nebulous sexual fantasies revolved around Daisy Duck….but we wont go there.
  • Dumbella, Donald’s sister
  • Dumbella, Donald’s sister would appreciate it if you spelled her son Dewey’s name correctly
  • Dumbella.
  • Dumbella, Donald’s sister. Doesn’t EVERYBODY know that? [It appears that everybody except me does]
  • Dunno, never heard of ’em. I have heard of Huey, Dewey and Louie though.
  • Greenies. After all, they produce fantasian cock and bull in Dick and Dora style.
  • Huey’s mother was a chef. Dewey’s mother was a library classification systems analyst. Louie’s mother must have been a fly.
  • I gather it was someone called Dumbella Duck. Disney never did like women.
  • It’s a little know fact that Daisy is not the biological mother of the triplets. But rather, their real mother is none other than Gemima Puddle Duck, conceived during her supernova affair with D Duck himself.
  • I’ve never seen this woman in my life.
  • Lesbie, the lesbianisimed-drag-queen-transexual.
  • Lobba lobba Anna Murdoch eeeeeaaaaaacccchhh grungh grungh ugh.
  • Michael Jackson? Would explain a few things.
  • Minnie Mouse (Shhh……)
  • Mrs Della Thelma Duck. Affectionately known as “Dumbella” Duck. (Really early character in the Duck Saga – lost her marbles and did a runner: just like Home and Away’s Flamin’ Alf?)
  • Must be Donald’s sister or sister-in-law. I don’t recall ever seeing her in a cartoon, so she must be one of those heroin junkie ducks. Take the kids away from the terrible mother and give them to another duck with a severe speech impediment…the courts suck.
  • Not Della or Dumbella, but that rotten skank ‘Thelma’. She had a fourth, named Phooey who lived in Finland.
  • Okay – these are cartoon characters… different rules of procreation apply in this universe, so mothers are not required.
  • Once again the Yanks have destroyed the Aussie language. Donald was a drake but had the surname Duck. Now some have said that his nephews were from the Duck side but I now believe that isn’t true. Daphne Duck, Donald’s Sister sat on the eggs of Daffy Duck another drake with the surname Duck. Genealogical records of the two Duck families show that their is no linkage between the two duck families so the nephews are not inbred. Daphne duck is the mother of triplet boys.
  • This question Quacks me up
  • One of those lizards that live in New Zealand. Whoops I guess the “what came first the chicken or the egg” arguments just fell through. It was two happy lizards and a dose of radiation. I didn’t say she was mad. I just said she was f****** Goofy.
  • Some lucky duck, I mean she got rid of them didn’t she!
  • Thelma.
  • There is some confusion between Della, Dumbella and Thelma.
  • There’s three names here: in a 1937 sunday paper comic her name was Della, in a 1938 animated short feature it was Dumbella, and in the 1950’s Carl Barks made up a Duck family tree in which he called her Thelma. And by the way, it’s Dewey, not Duey.
  • They all had different mothers. Donald chose to live his life without wearing any pants… that’s when accidents happen… thrice.
  • They didn’t have one. They were conceived by a bloke, someone from the Disney mob.
  • What a can of worms. My “research” turned up a Thelma, a Della (possibly one and the same duck) and one reference to a Dumbella. All are mentioned as Donalds sister or even twin sister.

Question 6

What can one do to help the farmers of Myrtleford?

Answer

Have A Barbecue

More Helpful Answers

  • Pray for rain
  • “Piss on the fires!” Myrtleford, in the north of Victoria, is home territory for my mum and dad, so reckon I should know this. The “mist” in the background of the wide shot is actually bushfire smoke from this Christmas past, giving the game away.
  • “Stop Howard’s War, Help Our Farmers” or “Don’t Flush, Help our Farmers”
  • De-programme the chooks brainwashed by Greenpeace. If kindness doesn’t work, try Lesbians, that’ll scare the crap out of them.
  • A rain dance.
  • Advice them (ugh)
  • Bloobaaa bloobaa dancy nakey! Flobba flobba flobba blop!
  • BRING BACK THE DAMN HOOKERS!!!!!
  • Build them a new pub. It is depressing just to look at the photo of the town’s bar.
  • Buy local
  • Buy some cigarettes? They seem to be big tobacco farmers.
  • Buy their produce.
  • Buy them some farms.
  • Buying their wine? Smoking their tobacco? Bringing them water against firebushes? [Er, that’s ‘bushfires’ Piero] Giving them money? Paying to them a flight to Paris? Providing them better shop windows? Buying their used tires?
  • Clean up after the cows.
  • Donate money, rain, remove tyres.
  • Eat beans.
  • Eat more beef. The farmers are having a hard time in the drought, their cattle are dying so what better way to help than eating the cattle so the farmers don’t have to pay to feed them and the money paid for the meat at the butchers goes back to the farmers. Overall a win-win situation for the farmers. Ummm…not so good for the cows.
  • From the looks of things, I’d say the farmers need enough money to move far away from Myrtleford.
  • Gee, gosh, lots of things give them money, water, free provisions of anything useful.
  • Get better advertising boards.
  • Give ’em some water
  • Give them bigger signs to put on the wall and maybe give them some money to help with the hard times
  • Give them money because they require a major project to help create economic development in the town and capitalise on the tourist traffic which passes through all year round.
  • Give them some duct tape and plastic sheeting then tell them to duck and cover.
  • Get better ads.
  • I believe the Myrtleford tobacco industry is in decline so I would suggest that one could take up smoking – although from the look of the photo there’s plenty of it about. .
  • I guess you could build a farm in Myrtleford seeing as there are none that could help the poor jobless farmers – the closest thing to farmers are tobacco farmers but they are purveyors of death so they go f*#k themselves (and yes I do smoke so God bless my advocates)
  • I think Myrtleford was one of those places where the local women cavorted in the nude in a rain dance. I presume, therefore, that this poster is a call for women to bare all in the interests of drought relief.
  • I think they need help designing more informative posters, however I suspect it is something to do with saving water
  • Indeed, what can one do? I say buy their products. Since the place is Oz’s tobacco producing centre, lighting a cigarette is a first step.
  • I’ve often asked myself this very question…”What can one do?”….Its a poser to be sure.
  • Light up?
  • Mmmm. Looks a bit like a butcher’s shop, so perhaps “Buy Local Meat.” It’s a tobacco growing area too, so it could be “Smoke more cigarettes.”
  • My guess is that we all should rave against the Kyoto agreement, which threatens to slightly embarrass countless people in dusty Myrtleford and elsewhere in USA, Canada and Australia. Why should they care? OK, forget it. It’s only our children’s and grandchildren’s lives.
  • Oh, I’d reckon getting naked and dancing around in a field would help _a lot_.
  • Oh, it’s probably an ad for something ironic like a sausage sizzle, or a stump burning. Right now, sending hay or rain would be useful. Anybody got any rain they’re not using?
  • Peel the gray paint off the poster? Smoke bootleg cigarettes? Drink bad wine? Become obsessed with parochial Aussie issues for the sake of trivia competitions?
  • Quit laughing and buy some blue sky from a tobacco farmer (donate money to the bush fire appeal)
  • Quite a lot – you could start by hauling away that unsightly pile of tires. The answer I’m sure Dr. Bob’s looking for is to smoke as much as you (cough!) can. That is, if you can get your hands on fine Australian tobacco crops like they grow in Myrtleford.
  • Rain Dance Naked
  • Remove that awful blob blocking the text above “HELP OUR FARMERS”. I’m guessing they can stop throwing their waste out the window as they drive, starting fires, nicking scarecrows, replacing crop-dust with rat-poison and lower taxes?
  • Sack Bracks. Soon.
  • Sell the white Camry and buy about $20000 of water, or whatever it is those farmers need!
  • Send them a cartoon book, how to run a business and make profit, by the ACTU.
  • Send them your used clothes for those cold nights in the cardboard box under the bridge, or spare a few coppers for a nice, warm cup of tea or the next bottle of meths.
  • Shoot that damn cowboy, he’s always disturbing customers as they go by, causing them to miss the news headlines on the shop window.
  • Smoke locally grown produce (Of the legal kind, of course)
  • Smoke more ciggies? & support your local tobacco famer
  • Smoke more of whatever it is they are not growing
  • Start thinking more of tobacco-farmers, and stop being selfish! Smoke more cigarettes!
  • Stay away! Just stay away!
  • Take up “the gentle art of smoking” cigarettes and aggressively lobby Canberra for laws making it compulsory for Australian-made cigarettes to use locally grown tobacco. (Myrtleford’s farming crisis comes from tobacco giants (BAT) refusing to buy Aussie tobacco as it’s too costly – Myrtleford is a major tobacco growing region.) Alternatively “facilitate strategising” to redevelop the town as an agricultural theme park for the mass tourism market.
  • Um, go to Myrtleford & read the sign?
  • Very little. In fact nothing. It’s best to just put them out of their misery really – the humane thing to do. Living in Myrtleford is a fate far far worse than death.
  • Well one way to possibly find out the answer would be to drive to Myrtleford in the vain hope that it is still up in the window, but as I am in South Australia and not Victoria – FAT CHANCE. Lets help our farmers by buying french farm goods, then they’d be forced of the land and into 9 to 5 jobs that go 48 weeks of the year, rather that 3 to 6 monthly jobs that require working hours of dawn til dusk. Maybe, just maybe then will they see why everyone else hates the National Party.
  • Well they don’t need blue paint tyres.
  • Well, I don’t know. Didn’t all their tobacco go up in smoke in the bushfires recently? Buy black market smokes? Stop and buy cigarettes in Myrtleford next time you drive through? Have a glass of wine at the pub? Buy a bottle of wine a week? Research the next phylloxera test? Breed virus sniffer dogs? Tell the farmers to give the land back to aboriginal range management a la woodlands for roos and birds? Give the farmers all a pension now. It’s got to be cheaper than subsidising them.
  • What are they complaining about? They just got a couple of inches of red topsoil dropped on their paddocks. I suppose they want rain next. No offence it has been a bugger of a year. I guess the missing word is either God or canberra

Comments

  • Ah good, no Bill & Ben questions this time. But now Glass is back. Well, one can’t have everything.
  • Am I too late? Am I too late? Am I too late? Am I too late? PLEEEEASE!!!!
  • Are the monthly quizzes themed or unthemed: it matters, don’t want to imitate Bollywood Hams.
  • Are you by any chance related to BOB, the evil entity from Twin Peaks?
  • Bad night, ran out of beer half way through so I drank water. YUKKK
  • Billig Och Bra? That’s right.
  • Blerh comments? YOU ARE NOT WORTHY TO RECEIVE EVEN THE MOST OFFENSIVE COMMENT FROM MY WORTHY SELF.
  • Bloody Philip Glass…I’ll bet the window in the Myrtleford photo was even installed by the Philip Glass Company!
  • Bumholes! (Long time no submit. And I still can’t think of anything funny to say. What a waste of a life.)
  • Cadaveres stercusque ad culmen semper exsurgunt.
  • Don’t bother to ask “besides humans, males of what species get into contests over who can piss highest up the tree?” in a future quiz, Dr Bob, because we did that story last year, too. <disdainful sniff> Can do better, must try harder.
  • Dont hit me for the bad lesbian call
  • How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris ? Nobody knows, its never been tried. Yes I have noticed a french theme running through my answers, don’t ask me why – because generally I don’t really have anything to do with people that eat snails, horses or frogs legs.
  • I fail, but I hope with style [I’ll try that – I usually hope with desperation]
  • I had a sheet of brilliant answers, and I lost it. [So did I] Aaarggh!
  • I have some suspicions regarding recent contests. As that fine poet said “Did she bribe with minted metal?With Everton toffee thee persuade?”In the picture of the people on the ship deck, could theperson last row, fifth from the right possibly have the initials ‘J.K.’?My friend Kofi is going to look into this when he gets time.
  • I just wanted to tell you I got the hen answer, thats all.
  • I made everything up this month.
  • I see that Pauline Hanson moved to NSW and promised to mend her ways and not speak her mind. Just as well – she’d have nothing to say.
  • If Donald Duck’s sister is married to Daisy’s brother and Donald marries Daisy, he and his sister would have the same inlaws, as would Daisy and her brother. And if Huey, Dewey, and Louie married April, May, and June, Daisy’s nieces… Oh my God, I’m so confused.
  • If it weren’t for you Dr Bob my brain would switch off from inactivity so thanks so much.
  • I’m all for Dr. Bob. Completely in favor of Dr. Bob. Yeah! Dr. Bob. Rah! Rah! Rah!
  • Keep up the good work!
  • Knowing your love of all things lexical, I thought you’d enoy this month’s answers. [Gosh a whole new word. It can’t be Santa Caus because he has No-El]
  • My answers are really quite bad this month, partly because I am a lazy public servant, and partly because I am a dumb public servant.
  • My brain hurts.
  • Nice quiz (let me win! let me win! let me win!). I am a keen viewer, but this is my first go at entering [The mind boggles…. Oh you are talking about the quiz]
  • One out of five, I’m improving.
  • Q3 too easy
  • Searching for lesbians is kinda tricky with a very active firewall. Its far easier with a butch haircut, nose ring, flannel shirt and a pair of Doc Martins.
  • Sorry for the swear words dude – I tried to make it as clean as possible.
  • Thanks Bob
  • The current issue of the USA magazine Psychology Today has an article about John Mack, Harvard University, and “alien abduction.”
  • This is my second attempt at one of your quizzes. I even did some research for these answers instead of answering all of them with crap like I did last time.
  • this is real serious fun. thanks for the exercise mate.
  • War is like love, it always finds a way. –B. Brecht.
  • What is this Lip Balm fetish all about?
  • Whilst I am totally embarrassed by my answers… I tried!
  • Why is Philip Glass in every quiz? [We ask the questions]
  • Wow, I actually knew the answer to one of them!
  • YAWN!!!!!!
  • You’ll appreciate that I waited till the 124th Albert Einstein’s birthday to answer to Q1. Considering this, the mere fact that I probably didn’t really understand what Q1 says, is just a detail. [it probably helped not to understand, as you were one of the very few to get it right]