Only about half the usual number of replies this month. Just as well as I’ve been flat out too.
Here’s how Neanderthal Man used to catch the Woolly Mammoth: Dig hole, wait for mammoth to fall in. But catching Dr Bob is much easier: Dr Bob digs own hole, and jumps in. Actually this notion seems to have been newsworthy this month. It’s nice to see that my kitchen is not as untidy as some others. Maybe it was all those chicken sausages and 7-Up.
Anyway, I got Q3 of the October quiz wrong (and many got it right) – thanks to Hein Verduin and many others for pointing it out. Concerning men standing on poles, the unseen area is 6371 sq ft = pi*R^2 where R = 26.sqrt(3). The wrong answer R = 39 arises from drawing the man’s line of sight through the equator of the ball. In fact his line of sight passes through points at latitude 30*N on the ball. I knew this (of course) and set the question to trap people (of course, yes indeed) then I misplaced my answer, I worked it out again in haste and fell into my own trap! Arrghhh!
And as has been requested: “I expect sniveling, groveling apologies to all the good people of Australia and the internet. Of course what I actually expect is some creative excuse for how you were actually right, even though some other peoples’ answers could be seen as technically correct.” Well folks, I am sorry to disappoint you – I have no creative excuse – only a snivelling, grovelling apology. Snivel. Grovel. Sorry. See, I told you so.
I also request permission to alter my answer for Q4 of the October quiz, to include myself among those in whom I was so intensely disappointed. LOSER for October is Dr Bob. WINNER for December 2003 is
Henry VIII’s ruthless agent Thomas Cromwell got a brilliant law passed that allowed a person to be convicted for conspiracy without identifying who with – who was the first person to be prosecuted under it?
Answer By Moving One Word:
Henry VIII’s ruthless agent Thomas Cromwell, who got a brilliant law passed that allowed a person to be convicted for conspiracy without identifying who with, was the first person to be prosecuted under it.
Consequentially Incorrect Answer:
- Not TC himself, was it?
- As a lawyer I guess I should know this but I don’t. Must have been sleeping in the lectures on Ye Olde English Law. But anyhow that’ll be $500 for my opinion on the matter, thanks. Oh and I asked my boyfriend and he’s a barrister so you owe him $1000.
- Did he? Oh well. Anyway probably wasn’t Tom himself. He was done in by an “Act of Attainder” passed by Parliament after he had been thrown in the tower. Might have been that Duke Whatsisname. Maybe it was Cranshaw? Why? It’s a Melon like a Casaba.
- Dr. Bob
- He was – unfortunately, his cat dobbed him in. [Nearly right – it is said that a cat may look at a king – and it was one of those two that dobbed him in]
- His boss Cardinal Wolsey – that’s the way to speed up your career!
- I pulled up many pages of British history and spent at least an hour reading through them. I was at work and didn’t mind spending lots of time on this. At some point during the research, I forgot what I was looking for. Internet does that to you. Links to this and that and eventually you find yourself on some website founded by Pope Jerry who claims to be the real pope and has a nice photo of himself in a purple gown.
- I was going to say David Hicks, but Bob Brown’s pinup boy is yet to be prosecuted. Must be Lee Harvey Oswald for conspiring with the mysterious and as yet unidentified G. Knoll.
- It has to be Thomas himself. Later known as the Karma clause.
- Johannes Ashcroftus, First Duke of Terra
- Leonardo DiCaprio.
- Me, and I’d do it again muahaha
- Meryl Streep.
- Probably Thomas Cromwell. That’s the sort of dark irony appropriate to this quiz.
- Sir Hubert Jeremiah Fauntleroy Daisy Grimshaw III of Apartment # 11, 22 Swindon Terrace Barkleyvilleshire North West London, England. Hubie was seen talking to an anonymous person in a darkened alleyway near Fanny Chichester’s knock-shop by a community-minded citizen
- Sounds like a trick question. So I’d have to say Thomas Cromwell. [He found it to be a bit of a trick new law]
- Thomas Cromwell himself, for recommending the King marry Anne of Cleves. He was accused by the Duke of Norfolk (the King didn’t want to change religions).
- Thomas Cromwell, of course, hoisted on his own petard.
- Thomas Cromwell. Game, set, and splat.
- Uh. It seems too evident that the answer should be “Thomas Cromwell”, so I fear it is not. Anyway, Cromwell was actually executed according to the dreadful “Act of Attainder”, but its invention dates since XIV century, according to my sources… so, I give up. [As did Thomas Cromwell]
How many kilometres did Amundsen himself pull a sledge on his historic return journey to the South Pole?
None. Indeed he was fatter and heavier when he arrived back, than he was when he set out.
- According to http://www.theice.org/spstay.html Amundsen visited the Pole on 12/14/1911 and Scott on 1/17/1912. However, it states “The South Pole was not visited again until 31 October 1956.” Thus, there was no return journey TO the South Pole, although he did make it to Antarctica (not the South Pole) in 1899. Thus I still debate your insistence on this being a return journey TO the Pole. In regard to the question, one source I found stated “Thirty-nine days later the party returned to Framheim, as planned, with all five men and 11 dogs “hale and hearty”” so the answer is 0 KM as he had dogs for it.
- 0 (thats zero)- who in their right mind would return to the south pole on a sled.
- Another ambiguous question. Are you asking how far he pulled the sled on the way to the pole, on the way back from the pole or over the entire journey? Anyway, he started with five sleds and dog teams. At the pole he had one sled and eleven dogs and they made it back. They gave the excess dogs to the other dogs for food. People who run with dogs do not normally man-haul the sleds themselves although they will help the dogs over tricky bits. If Amundsen did help the dogs out it would have been over metres rather than kilometres.
- Did they bury him there? If so I guess it must have been on a downhill stretch he pulled.
- He didn’t pull a sledge at all- the dogs did it. You must be thinking about that stoic idiot R.F. Scott.
- He only went about 2 metres before he realised it was much less effort to catch a few penguins and harness them to the sled.
- He wasn’t able to even budge the sledge. He pulled and pulled and pulled and pulled and pulled and pulled and fell over. His dogs rushed up and licked his face until he revived.
- Musta bin a bloody sight more than that Bobby Falcon Scott fella on his historic non-return journey…
- None – he used dogs, which proved to be much better suited for the task than Englishmen. And tastier too!
- None is the obvious answer: he never returned to the pole.
- None, but his stunt double got it on the 3rd retake.
- None. Dogues did the leagues for his mob.
- None. He used dogs, unlike Scott who pulled himself the whole way (I think I misphrased that…)
- None. He went to the North Pole ?
- None. They had miles back then.
- None – his dogs did all the pulling and then he shot them.
- One too many.
- The dogs did all the pulling (of the sledge that is)
- Uh? Well, zero. According to his diary, they had three sledges and 18 dogs at the start line, and after 99 days and about 1680 miles they arrived back home (well…. “home” is a big word…) at 80° deg. S, with two sledges and still ten dogs (well… even this number can be optionally increased – the missing 8 dogs were in the stomachs of the ten still alive). So, no need to pull a sledge by himself, for our old Roald, I guess.
- Well he had been to Antarctica once before he actually went to the pole. Also the dogs were killed and eaten on the polar journey so there weren’t many left on the last day. But that wasn’t technically “to” the pole. So I would say none or maybe about 5 to 7 depending on how you think about it.
- Zero – he was pushing it.
- Zero, he flew in a sleigh pulled by reindeers.
In what year did humanity realise that the body of the Sun was not like the bodies of the other planets?
1929. Until then (well, suspicions began in about 1920) the Sun was thought to be a solid body with an atmosphere that was on fire.
- 1468 (the year my mother in law was born.)
- 6523 bc. Of course, they didn’t know what the number of the year was, but they did know about the sun thing.
- About 13-and-a-bit, when puberty hit.
- Ah, trick question Dr. Bob! The Sun is not a planet…
- And with humanity you mean all of mankind? I don’t think IFES members have reached that conclusion yet. Besides, the sun is made of gas and therefore is not a body.
- Based on the average moron one encounters on the street (who thinks Satan is in control of TV and is trying to destroy the institution of marriage), my answer has to be that humanity as a whole has yet to realise that the sun does not revolve around the earth much less that it is unlike other planets.
- Have we?
- Hugh the Manitee was on his annual vacation at Club Med when he realised this.
- I do not know in what year “humanity” realised – some parts of human kind do not know even now. Think it was Galileo (or some other smart European) who devised that the then known planets circle the sun. Hey that is nothing to do with “the body of the sun” Sorry I do not know who reckoned that it was somewhat warm – probably the sun worshippers to whom I can relate, except here in Broome where we adore the rain (when and if any arrives)
- I guess it hasn’t happened yet, as I am part of humanity, and rather stupid. Is the Sun the hot one?
- Is that all of humanity or just Europeans?? The greeks knew, but then again so did Emguni Gnodvauilch the not so well know Mayan Astronomer. However some of humanity still doesn’t know… So what year would that make it….
- It was in 1972, when the Soviets decided to up the ante in the space race by landing the first man on the sun. The astronauts objected, claiming they would burn to death, but Comrade Brezhnev insisted, saying “Of course not, you will be flying at night.”
- Jeez, you mean to say that the Sun ISN’T like the other planets and that Moon thing? What’s the difference then? Who says? Noone’s been to the Sun, so you can’t prove nothin, nyahh nyahh, where’s the evidence, you skeptics suck.
- Now this one is tricky. Galileo pointed his telescope at the planets in 1609 that would have been the first time anyone saw the bodies of the “other” planets. [He also pointed it at the sun, which did not do him any good at all.] But the ancient greeks had a pretty good idea about planets around 600BC. As to humanity as a whole well alas I know a few people who still don’t realise it.
- Other planets? The SUN is a PLANET? When did that happen?!
- The same year humanity realized that the body of Michael Jackson was not like the other bodies on planet Earth. [MJ has the body of a 14 year old child – it’s in his spare room. The drug squad raided Neverland and found Class 1 in his kitchen, Class 2 in his lounge and Class 5C in his bedroom]
- The sun is not a planet. The writers of Genesis knew that.
- The year 2001, when an 8 year old looked at it while wearing sunglasses and noticed it had interesting bumps and curves.
- The year that Icarus went up for a closer look.
- The year that spectrograph measurements got captured? Now where’s that astrophysics qualification so I can dust it off and *really* display my ignorance? BUT congratulations Dr B, I got sidetracked at the FAQs on the Hubble site and am on tenterhooks now for the next results from Beta Pictoris.
- What, you mean the fact the Sun is bloody hot didn’t give anyone a clue?
- When the body of the Sun was featured in a nude centerfold spread of Planetary Playboy magazine.
- When they realised other planets existed, but did not give off nearly as much heat or light did, and could be looked at without hurting ones eyes
- When they tried to send a probe to it, as they had with numerous other planets. [Dr Bob cannot resist adding: They should have sent it at night]
- Who represents humanity? There are certain indigenous tribes which still believe the Sun to be like other planets. So the answer is never (or not yet). In the Bible, in Genesis chapter 1, it is written that the sun was created to light and warm the earth. So the answer is 5000 B.C.
- Whose this “humanity” person and where do they live? I imagine that waaaaayyyy back in the caveperson period even the dimmest Cro-Magnon would have at some stage thought that bright shiny ball in the sky was a little unique.
- You’re kidding? Don’t they even have McDonald’s?
In the epic film Lawrence of Arabia, how many females have speaking parts?
- None. Tee Hee Lawrence was a big girl but. And I am not discounting the ululating Bedouin women. That’s not ‘speaking’.
- 0 (Amundsen’s dog did the voices)
- 1.5, but I’m not sure if the second character is female…
- About 50, who stand up on a hill shouting “Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo etc.” to their menfolk as they go off to war. (Well, it sounds kinda like that. You try and transliterate it.)
- And just how many would you expect in a hom-erotic film full of Arabs? None
- Barring doubts on certain actors sexuality and various unscripted ad libbing by female camels I believe there was none.
- By jove, old chap. Isn’t it enough we actually let them be in it?
- Contrary to popular belief, there are. Several camels say “beeeeeh!”, or words to that effect, and I reckon there must be females among them.
- Counting Peter O’ Toole? One.
- If by “speaking parts” you meant mouths, tongues, etc, then all of them, except Sanam Mu’talla, whose tongue (being the most moist) was used to keep the camels comfortable under the klieg lights.
- I don’t know about speaking parts, but I’m guessing most of them have naughty parts.
- I have yet to meet a female with a “speaking part”. I would suspect that anyone with that sort of muscular control would very quickly be picked up by makers of “those” sorts of movies.
- I once met a female who had a speaking part… [no doubt while acting in one “those” movies?]
- If my wife saying “when will this be over so you can do some yardwork” counts (after all, 4 hours is a long time), then 1; else 0.
- If we exclude female camels from the final count, the answer is a big none.
- According to some porno websites (that I’ve only been told about, anyway), some women seem to be … umm, quite clever with certain of their parts, but as for speaking, well … Oh. I see. That wasn’t actually the question, was it?
- Just one; the mongoose.
- Mmm. This smells of tricky question too. It is easy to discover that in Lawrence of Arabia there are not females with speaking parts for all the 211 minutes of the movie. Only few nurses and even less silhouetted Bedouin females are scarcely seen, never heard all the movie long (and that proves the film is pure fiction, not historic at all). But probably Dr.Bob has discovered something new, about the film. After all, the British media recently discovered a girl in the real Lawrence’s life, so…
- None. Also Albert Finney was the first person considered for the role of Lawrence. “Our Albert” as we call him was brought up in the house next door to my father and his family. Don’t care about that bit? OK, just none then.
- None. And that’s how it should be in all walks of life.
- None. I’ve never seen a female part that can speak.
- Shouldn’t give women speaking parts – next thing they’ll want to vote!
- Some of the women in the film have speaking parts (tongues, lips, etc.), they just don’t have any dialogue.
- The women have all the ululating roles, the men have all the speaking roles. Mind you, in the scene where the German planes attack Prince Faisal’s camp, there is a least one female voice calling out “Curse you Red Baron” or some such but you cannot identify the speaker.
- Two – Clarissa the Camel in scene #221 who whispered to Lawrie that she wanted to have his baby, and Iris the hooker who growled at Lawrie for not washing all the sand out from under his foreskin in scene #475.
- Well, there was this female camel…
What song is also known as The Italian Chiropractor’s Song?
I Want You Back
- “Take your foot out of your mouth, Luciano, ‘cause we’re having tortellini tonight.”
- A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Foramen
- A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forearm
- Ain’t nobody going to mess with the centre of my being so I know little about those masters of wallet manipulation. I am amazed at the volume of sheer crap about it on the net. But then, I am also amazed at the volume of sheer crap on the net.
- Alas, no time for a funny answer! [But there’d be time for a lass] Fill this space in with something witty instead, please, Dr Bob. Include references to gnocchi because it means “knees” in Italian.
- Amusing incorrect answers are failing me. Research yields nothing. I’m losing my edge. [Hmmm, this would make quite a good libretto. I can imagine Pavarotti, with expression of suicidal despair, singing this and then leaping, sword in hand, from a tall mountain]
- Any song by Bach or Offenbach clearly qualifies. So does John Lemon’s We All Live in a Yellow Subluxation and that Scottish one By Yon Bonny Vertebrae. Too easy, Dr.Bob.
- Anything Pavarotti is singing whilst in flagrante delecto
- Back off Bobster, this is a twisted question.
- Bad to the Bone
- Because you need one afterwards?
- Beethoven’s 5th Symphony.
- Chansan de Chiropratique d’Italia
- Dem Bones, Dem Bones, Dem Dry Bones
- Don’t you mean “The Italian Proctologist’s Song?” [No! I’d only get bum answers]
- Dunno, but it must be a cracking good one.
- I haven’t the faintest idea and I have indulged too freely in seasonal pleasantries for the brain cells to be working at their optimum level to think of a witty suggestion.
- I think there’s one in “Sweeney Todd”…
- Il Canto Chiropractore.
- It’s-a not so bad, it’s-a nice-a place, Ah, Shaddap You Face
- La Vie Boheme.
- Lady In Red
- My Tiny Foot Is Frozen? I know that this is going to be a very humorous (as opposed to humerus) answer from you Bob
- No chiropractors here in Italy, only dirty smart naked-woman touchers. A fortiori, not singing chiropractors here. Or it is a science fiction song, or you’re kidding, Dr. Bob?
- Perhaps the theme from The Godfather? Well he does break legs. Failing that my votes on “Shaddupa You Face”.
- Smoke on the Water
- Snap, Crackle, Pop – the Rice Krispies (breakfast cereal) theme
- The Birdie Song
- The Eye of the Tiger
- The Foot Bone Is Connected To The Ankle Bone
- The Lumberjack Song, with the word “lumberjack” replaced by “chiropractor” throughout. Strangely in italian it has a similar rhythm to the original.
- Whoa-oh black Betty, bam-ba-lam whoa-oh…
- Ye Bonny Banks and Vertebraes – yes I know, not really Italian
- I thought I’d make up an answer for this, but then I realised it would be a spineless thing to do and probably get Dr. Bob’s back up. So then I thought I’d disc-uss this with a friend who said I had a lot of nerve pinching his answer. Then I realised I couldn’t get any vertebrae references into it so I gave up of my own ac-cord.
What unique opportunity has been missed in the advertising of this product?
Answer (well, actually, not):
Sorry, you’ll have to wait till next month as nobody got it so I am running it again with some clues. And yes Andrew, it does involve a naked lady in the shower. (Update 5 Jan 2004: the first right answer has come in)
Meanwhile, we have these Better Answers Than the Real One:
- The product before it at strawberry.net is for Bust Friming. Ah yes! Bust Friming, as practised in Outer Mongolia (because it’s too cold for them to get it right)
- Useful also for Bust Friming, if you believe the ad. Girl: “What are you doing” Bloke: “Please believe me – I am Friming your bust”
- Nope, not a single, solitary idea (humorous or otherwise). I must compare well with the designers of this pop-up.
- “Dual-purpose: can also be used to boil eggs (this may become an expensive activity if done often)”
- “H2O from top to toe”, no? Well it seems not to be on that web site at the moment. That other stuff the Breast Friming (yes “friming” whatever that is and if it’s a typo it’s on all the other web sites that sell it to) seems more interesting. Casaba melons aren’t green either. Maybe they should have put it in space?
- A change to have a naked lady pictured using the product to douche with.
- A naked man stroking himself all over with melon gel. In fact the answer is a lemon, which is an anagram of melon.
- A picture of a lady in the shower with big melons.
- An order box (I’ll take 16 tubes please)
- “Casaba melons are yellow and wrinkly, now you can be too!”
- Come on Dr. Bob. This is an Internet advert – where’s the Viagra references or the porn links? Or is this the watered down version – hence the H2O+ reference?
- Did they really miss an opportunity? They are selling water (H20+: well, water plus, ok…) at 60.42 dollars per liter, and they also miss an opportunity? They are smart enough for me, chum.
- Dr. Bob’s face should be on it. [Well, Saddam Hussein and Margaret Thatcher’s faces are on the Moon, and indeed what better place].
- Given that we’ve witnessed on several occasions now Dr Bob’s soft porn collection and his predeliction for chicks in showers I’d say a photo of a naked woman demonstrating use of the product. [Well, pretty close but she is using the actual melons rather than this product, and not in a conventional way].
- Gratuitous nudity
- Hmmm, hard one this month…that’s it, hard one! Got it, Dr.Bob – Unique opportunity missed to advertise penis enlargements or stronger erections in the gel popup like they do in every other bloody advertisement on the whole flaming Internet.
- Initial impression answer to #6. Yes, this ties in with the lady screaming in the shower 2 months ago. She had discovered she was using water melon gel and not casaba melon gel. Well, should I try that answer? [Not really, but you are getting warm – unlike the lady in the shower]
- It can also be used to flavour seafood, chicken, and five varieties of rice
- Linking it to the Casaba Melon Institute which looks to be as big a work of fiction as a label about bathing with cucurbits.
- Made with Organic Aloe Vera.
- Note: This particular gel is best used when applied manually to the bodies of young attractive women. Also note: If you know of any young attractive women who would like Casaba Melon Shower & Bath Gel applied manually to their bodies by someone, please contact me.
- Sigh…just thinking of whose melons they could have bathed and showered is making me….oh damn. And this isn’t even my keyboard.
- Subscripting the 2 so it would be the chemical formula for water? I notice that H2O+ also markets a Bust Friming product according to Strawberry.net.
- That they managed to fit an entire melon into such a small tube
- the opportunity to say that not only does the gel wash your melons, it will probably be good for washing the epidermis.
- The opportunity to say what Fluorescein Green colouring can do for your skin?
- The opportunity to solve world poverty and bring peace to all mankind and a new red bicycle for little Johnny
- The price? The label? The window isn’t open? Positive water ions (H20+)? I give up – can’t stand advertising anyway … that’s why they invented remotes & off switches & mouse buttons.
- The unique opportunity of showing a picture of a nude archaeologist unraveling the mystery of an otherwise obscure and enigmatic civilization, while scrubbing her clavicle with Casaba Melon bath and shower gel.
- The world’s greatest opening band, The Casaba Melons, could have been used!
- They should have inserted a picture of Pamela Anderson taking a shower, clearly showing her breasts the size of two juicy fresh …(Sorry about this. Got carried away.)
- To also advertise it as a shampoo, conditioner and oil-free moisturiser.
- Use as a sex/marital aid.
- Well, it won’t be massaging the bath gel into two casaba melons, held like buoyant breasts in front of an otherwise naked wench, because that’s been done to death. Hang on, since casabas are all wrinkly, the wench would have to be about ninety. That would make it unique.
- What are you doing buying skin care products Dr.Bob ?
- http://www.mostbeauty.com offers a money back guarantee as well as free shipping for it so they could have put ‘free shipping’. Or, since the casaba melon has white flesh, then grinding it up must make green, or …….. zzzzzzzz
- Bob, I stumbled on this site after a web search for something else. I only got Q4 right without research. I’m not sure what the rules are . . . [Well Jeff, that makes at least two of us]
- Does Uranus have painful asteroids?
- Dr. Bob haikuisn’t hard to do when youdon’t have the answers
- Has anyone actually ever sat through and watched all 4+ hours of Lawrence of Arabia to know if there is a female in it? [Well ducky, I heard of some people who watched it, ooh so avidly, but they were not very interested in THAT]
- I came. I saw. I sobered up, I went home.
- i like your name. Bob is a cool name. would you like to join my cult? the cult of the Happy Paddlepop… we even have a bible! (the Kqische – still being written)
- I’m refusing to go google’ing to get the answers – it’s like advertising, a total waste of time (for me)
- Jeez Dr. Bob, you haven’t gone all metrosexual on us, have you?
- Just tell the gentleman from last month that the original Italian Job police cars beaten by the Minis were Alfa (Giulias I think) NOT bloody Fiats. I know this because I had an amazing argument about this with someone when it first came out 30+ years ago. (Needless to say I was right or I wouldn’t have mentioned it again)
- Much harder than last month Dr Bob. Very obscure. Keep up the good work.
- No cheating this month – did not even “‘phone a friend” so my zero score is all my own.
- Not fair, questions too hard this month, more eskimo questions next time please, though penguins or peanuts will placate me [and probably in different ways, too]
- Not enough time this month for your hour of power magister. The Kylie CD is in the mail – you bastard.
- Thank you so very much for not putting any pictures of naked ladies in this month’s quiz. [Ha!! Just you wait!!]
- Then there was the dyslexic who sold his soul to Santa. *THUD* So how was your Christmas and New Year, Dr Bob? [Well, it was better than that]
- These questions should all be arrested at immigration control and subjected to humiliating interrogation in a darkened room by a 245 lb lesbian guard with a club-foot, hare-lip and an overdue library book [that sounds like a fine idea]
- This time I only needed to change the course of history once to answer the questions correctly, tsk tsk, must be getting easier
- To be pedantic, the answers to the picture question last month that mentioned “zero gravity” on the space station are a bit off – the space station and other orbital debris are still well inside the Earth’s gravitational field (probably less than 1% reduction, in fact). They are in free-fall, which gives rise to the apparent lack of gravity.
- Who on God’s green Earth would want to smell like melon? You’ll attract ants…and be stalked by Tupperware salesmen waving those little yellow melon baller gadgets.