Answers for May 2001

Again a close field with many nice answers, but the winner this month is –

Leon Down


Question 1

What colour are the stripes on a zebra?

Take your pick

  • Black [Dr Bob’s favourite answer]
  • White
  • Black and white
  • Black!…no, white!..no, black!…no, white!…
  • I can’t tell. The photos I have of them are black and white.
  • No colour as black and white aren’t colours, but if Black and White were colours I would say White, or Black depending on which one was the correct answer.
  • A Zebra has stripes???

Also:

  • A zebra lived a good zebra-ey life – he defended his territory, protected his mares, sired strong foals and led his herd to the seasonal feeding grounds through the years – until one day, one young upstart stallion kicked the bejeezus out of him, then took over the herd. The old zebra died and went to heaven, where he was welcomed by St Peter. They chatted for a bit, and the zebra asked, “St Peter, there’s something I’ve been wondering about since I was a foal – as a zebra, am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?” St Peter thought about it, then replied, “Well, I really don’t know, I’ve never wondered about it before.” “Is there a zoologist here I could talk to?” asked the zebra, but St Peter suggested, “Hey, why not go and ask God? He’s all-knowing, so he’ll be able to tell you.” So the zebra went to God’s house, where God was weeding a rosebed. [Weeds grow in God’s rosebed? I mean, who’s God around here?] “Pardon me, Lord,” says the zebra, “but I’ve often wondered, since I was very young – as a zebra, am I white with black stripes, or black with white stripes?” God smiled serenely at the zebra, and answers, “You are that you are.” The zebra, satisfied, thanked God, and wandered off to enjoy heaven. A few days later, St Peter bumped into the zebra again, and asked, “Hey, did you get an answer on the whole stripes thing?” “Yes, thanks”, replied the zebra, “God told me: ‘You are that you are’, so I’m white, and my stripes are black.” St Peter frowned. “Well, that’s certainly the sort of cryptic answer that I would attribute to the boss – but how did you figure out that it meant that you were white, with black stripes, and not the other way around?” “Well,” said the zebra, “If God knew I was black, with white stripes, he would’ve said, ‘Yo, m’nigger, you be dat you be!’ “
  • According to http://engineering.union.edu/me_dept/students/formula.01/SAE_Files/sssetup.JPG they seem to be red.
  • After George Bush Snr has driven over it in a Land Rover a few times, red.
  • After puddling about in Photoshop for half an hour or so, I have concluded that zebras have blue and green stripes. (Ask me and I’ll send you a pic)
  • Aha. Clever. They are white stripes on black. How they know this, I don’t have a clue. But I read it somewhere as a kid. [Goats can read?]
  • Back when I was but a slip of a girl and we had only monochromatic TV, the stripes on the eponymous cars in Z Cars were white. And the rest of the cars were black. As were most of the cast – we had extremely monochromatic (not to say dogmatic) TV, no shades of grey for us. Then colour TV came along and Z Cars went off, to be replaced for us pommycopshowophiles by The Bill, wherein we learned, much to our horror, that pandas are actually red and white. Nevertheless, I can still hum the theme from Z Cars – dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah (you need a sound card to get the true flavour). But even more sinister forces are at work in Brit TV (if you know where to look). It can be no accident that the senior officer in Z Cars was Charles Barlow and the senior officer in The Bill is Charles Brownlow. Now that simply can’t be a coincidence and I think it bears out David Icke’s contention that the British Royal Family really are shape changing lizards. Think about it – you’ll see that I’m right.
  • Black and White stripes which help to hide the zebra from its predators who are all colorblind. By standing completely still a lion or tiger cannot see the zebra against the brown and green background of the jungle.
  • Black and white, occasionally red (that is after a lion has ripped it in half so it probably doesn’t count)
  • Black on white and sometimes white on black depending on the species. On the extinct zebra species, a sort of greenish hue (and quite sticky by now I should think)…
  • Black or brownish black (and I suppose you could say that there are others which are white or creamy-white although zebras do appear to have black stripes on a white background rather than the other way round. There are sections of all white – no stripes).
  • Black or dark brown. It cost me a trip to Werribee zoo and I had to endure “traditional” African music (electric guitar & bass, synth, & a Pearl drum kit) to find out.
  • Black. Oh, hold on! Trick question. Three answers: (1)Black stripes on a white background. (2)White stripes on a black background. (3)Alternating black and white stripes.
  • Black. Or is it white? Maybe I’ll just call it SBS Test Pattern colour…
  • Brown or black or white, depending on 1. their species 2. whether you assume the base colour is black, brown or white.
  • Brown.
  • Define colour?
  • Depends on the time of year, its service, nationality and rank, but most commonly white when worn on the sleeve.
  • Depends on whether the local felines have been exercising. If so, you’ll find some red stripes among the white & dark brown ones.
  • Depends on your definition of colour. If it includes black and white, then they are black and white. Otherwise you could say omnicoloured and acoloured…..
  • Depends on your viewpoint – a zebra could be a white animal with brown stripes or a brown animal with white stripes or simply an animal with brown and white stripes. DISCLAIMER – White must also be considered as a colour for these statements to be true (see previous month’s flag question).
  • Depends what’s fashionable that year. Mind you, I’d guess it’d be difficult to catch one of the buggers and anything other than Dulux™ would slide right off.
  • Dr. Stephen Jay Gould, ex-columnist for Natural History magazine, says in his essay collection “Hen’s Teeth and Horse’s Toes” that they are white stripes on a black animal, because the striping results from the inhibition, not a deposition, of melanin.
  • Mostly dark blue and red, with a little light blue, green and white. I took a picture: http://www.ectopia.net/safi/zebra.jpg
  • None, black and white are not colours, but shades of Grey. So technically the question should have been, what level of shade are the stripes on a Zebra, or should I just sit quietly in the corner and take more medication.
  • Obviously, black and white. If your question is: ‘which colo(u)r is the background?’ Then the dark is your best candidate. http://zygote.swarthmore.edu/ecto10.html It is generally believed that zebras are dark animals, with white stripes where the pigmentation is inhibited. The pigment of the hair is found solely in the hair and not in the skin. The reasons for thinking that they were originally pigmented animals are that (1) white horses would not survive well in the African plains or forests; (2) there used to be a fourth species of zebra, the quagga (which was overeaten to extinction in the eighteen hundreds). The quagga had the zebra striping pattern in the front of the animal, but had a dark rump; (3) when the region between the pigmented bands becomes too wide, secondary stripes emerge, as if suppression was weakening. How extraordinary! Dark-rumped zebras eaten to extinction! Do we not live in the strangest of all possible worlds?
  • Off-white and brown. The colours ran …
  • Off-white and off-black, or if you are a colourblind lion in the late afternoon, a passing shimmy against the sunset.
  • Roses are red, Violets are blue, it’s neither of these, and dammit I can’t get the last line rhyming with “black and white” which it seems you have to do these days to win this damn quiz. Bugger!
  • The same colour as the ones on b zebra and coincidentally, c zebra as well.
  • The stripes are actually the “white” bits because the rest of the zebra that isn’t covered in a striped pattern is roughly the same colour as the darker stripes. Actually, the “white” colour is a pale dun or dust shade, similar to dry grass. Is that boring or what. They’re black. No, white. No, black! White! Black, white, black … Dammit, keep still you stupid horse!!
  • The stripes on a zebra are due to incorrectly adjusted horizontal hold. Once this is fixed the zebra has no stripes and gives perfect reception. The colour of the stripes therefore depends in whether it’s one of the older black and white models or a colour zebra.
  • They were originally white on black, then they changed to black on white, but at the start of this year’s season they changed back to white on black. See: www.collingwoodfc.com.au
  • This is a meaningless question. The phenomenological experience of “colour” is an emergent property formed by a combination of the observer, the object observed and ambient atmospheric and lighting conditions. [And the zebra]
  • This is not well known, but for each of the three species of zebra, there are two basic colour variations. One is white with black stripes and the other is black with white stripes.
  • To be sure you have to be more specific about dese tings; would you be meanin’ the Black stripes or the white stripes??
  • Well, almost always…but maybe…and sometimes…
  • Well, starting from the nose, black then white,then black white black white black white black white black white black, a sort of a browny greeny colour (very lush pasture on the savannah this year) and white at the tip of the tail.
  • What stripes? Zebras have spots!
  • Which ones, the cream ones or the dark brown almost black ones? Is this a trick question? Is this a trick answer? I only knew by checking out my Zebra hide pants and Leopard skin jacket in the cupboard. My favorite suit when coupled with my snakeskin boots, my otter undies, my thylacine shirt and my Lord Howe WoodHen Hat.
  • WHITE! For those of you who haven’t crossed a zebra-crossing before, you’ll notice the road is already black, and the paint is white.
  • Yellow and navy blue. The prevailing myth that zebras are black and white is a successful long term hoax perpetrated by jokester David Attenborough, who only ever films zebras in monochrome.
  • Zebran är ett randigt djur. Ränderna går aldrig ur.
  • Zebras are believed to be dark animals with light stripes on a dark background. A bit like Collingwood KARN PIES! A very pale cream colour…not white.
  • Zebras have both types …… Actually the stripes are part of, rather than “on” zebra and the colour variation depends on species and dirt encrustation. Mountain zebra (Equus zebra) are silver-white and black on the body and with brown stripes on the head. Burchells zebra (Equus burchelli) have pale yellow and broad black stripes, interspersed with fainter “shadows”, with white legs. Grevy’s zebra (Equus grevy), the largest and nearly extinct, have numerous narrow black and white stripes. (MS Encarta)
  • Zebras have crosses. Hence Zebra crossings for all the lovely people of the world, except for Luscious Lucy.
  • Zebras have stripes?!? You mean I just wasted the past thirty-five years of my life working on my grand TOE project because one of my core foundation assumptions, that zebras have spots to help blend in with nearby cheetahs, is false?! Crap…
  • Zebras have white stripes on black. Evidently Rudyard Kipling was one of the first to propose that zebra stripes were camouflage, thereby taking up the white stripe’s burden.

Question 2

In the Biblical story of the Exodus, did Moses actually set foot in the Holy Land?

Answers

  • No, he didn’t. He should’ve let Mrs Moses do the driving, but everybody knows that men will never admit they’re lost, oh no, they’d rather wander about for 40 years than get out the Gregory’s and check where they are, you know the sort of thing, “Look, dear, I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but I’m pretty sure we took the wrong turnoff past Mt Sinai…..” “Oh, knock it off, you know I hate it when you do the back-hump driver thing, and if any of you kids ask “Are we there yet?” just ONE MORE TIME I swear I’ll turn this camel around RIGHT NOW and head STRAIGHT BACK to Egypt…..”
  • Yes…or not.
  • No. Deut 34:4-5: And the LORD said unto him, This [is] the land which I sware unto Abraham, unto Isaac, and unto Jacob, saying, I will give it unto thy seed: I have caused thee to see [it] with thine eyes, but thou shalt not go over thither. So Moses the servant of the LORD died there in the land of Moab, according to the word of the LORD.
  • He sat on a hill and got dead drunk as he watched the neighbourhood decline.
  • No. Moses actually misplaced his Melways and turned up in Ascot Vale. He was directed to the Holy Land by a nice Lolli-pop lady who was manning the zebra crossing. He did not make it back – hitched a lift with Jonah and had a whale of a ^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h wound up in a Japanese experimental laboratory.
  • Why are the adjective “biblical” and the common noun “exodus” capitalised? Is this a coded message to those men I keep seeing out of the corner of my eye who have been shadowing me for the last 34 years? What does it mean Dr Bob???? Don’t do this to me!!!!!
  • Probably not, he always wore sandals
  • He did, but as it was Sunday everything was closed so no one noticed
  • Mose the Orthopod, as he was known to his fellow practitioners in the EMA, was one of the legendary bone setters of his day. Tibias and fibulas were bread and butter to him; femurs were a doddle; ulnas and radii – no problem; he could fix twenty carpal fractures before breakfast. He was truly a genius and he is often credited with writing that famous ode, “The thigh bone’s connected to the knee bone, the knee bone’s connected to the …”. But Moses had one flaw in his orthopaedic CV – the metatarsals had him completely flummoxed; try as he might, he just couldn’t work his magic on the old plates. So Moses never set a foot ANYWHERE. If only he could have waited around he could have formed a partnership with Paul of Metatarsus who set up his famous foot clinic (“epiphany” in the original Aramaic) on the road to Damascus. One of the tragedies of history.
  • Being a typical bloody male, he refused to read the map, got lost for forty years, wouldn’t ask for directions (even from God) and lay down the law with the Ten Commandments. If he did finally put a foot in the Holy Land, I’d be bloody amazed….
  • No, he got carried in. When you’re that old you’d better make sure your chair is carried. And has decent facilities.
  • Holy Moses! Did Moses actually set foot in the Holy Land? Well, of course! Hence the saying “Holy Moses!” Well actually, no! He set both feet in the holy land!
  • Nope. He died just outside its gates, it was God’s punishment for him doubting him about ever actually getting to the holy land (if I remember correctly)
  • Wasn’t Moses a druggy? Didn’t he get ‘stoned to death’?
  • Yes, but he fell through one, and then Paul, or was it George, picked up a hole and put it in his pocket. Hang on, that was Yellow Submarine wasn’t it. Oops.
  • Moses never set foot in the holy land but managed to bring his people over and give them hope for the future, unlike today’s leaders.
  • “Moses died before he ever reached Canada.” (Anonymous young scholar)
  • No – But he did get some nice desert real estate that people now fight over.
  • No. But he builds a really nice tabernacle with great feng-shui.
  • No. Unfortunately he was eaten by a swarm of angry, migrating tobacco beetles the day before he was due to arrive. He was close, but no cigar.
  • Well how could he when Mel Brooks gave him the wrong direction?
  • Yes, and sadly, he set only one foot in the Holy Land, thereby causing him to loose his balance and fall over onto a camel which in turn spat uncontrollably into the face of a nearby Israelite, whereupon the unfortunate Israelite, dripping with camel saliva, jumped up and pronounced: “It is easier to wash the spit of a camel from one’s face than it is crescere ex aliquo!” Amen.
  • Unfortunately, he broke his contract early in production, and didn’t get to film the final scene. He was killed in cold blood by a Chinese Triad-affiliated group.
  • No, it wasn’t holy yet in those days. It didn’t just become holy overnight, you know. It took many hundreds of years of superstition, ignorance, the most appalling cost in human suffering before it became holy. Thank goodness it was all worth it in the end…
  • Yes. And how the hell do you spend 40 years walking from Egypt to Israel? A quick F111 trip across the Sinai and you’re there. People walk around the world in way less time. Did they stop and smell the roses in the desert? There are NO roses in the desert, so what the hell did they do? Who was in charge & why wasn’t he lynched?? Who had the map? Was there no-one to ask for directions? “Excuse me, but I wonder if you can tell me the way to the Holy Land?” “Why certainly. Keep heading that way and you’ll be there in a week.” A WEEK!!! How f****** lost can you get? Didn’t someone notice the broken twig they passed last a few days before? I don’t get it. Up is wet, down is jungle, left is the pyramids (dead giveaway). There is nowhere else to go but the Holy Land!! It’s not like the North Pole which has no fixed point. Maybe they got there and just kept going. “What’s the Holy Land look like, Moses?” “Sand and rock I think”. “But this is sand and rocks”. “I know, but they’re not Holy sand and rocks”. “But how…
  • Well Yes!!! I suppose so!! …. or maybe not.
  • Apparently so, that is if the book itself is actual fact as opposed to fiction.
  • I think it is probably more likely that he set sandal.
  • No. It is a little known fact that Moses walked on his hands!
  • Um. This is a trick question, isn’t it? Yes he did.
  • I believe that it depends on the translation of the bible you’re looking at. According to mine, he put his left foot in, he put his left foot out, he put his left foot it and he shook it all about.
  • No, though we know that managed to cast an eye over it, so he must have been very tall indeed. Apparently, there were giants in those days. . .
  • Not a scooby mate (scooby-doo = clue)… He may well have done for all I know… But he was probably just looking for a 24hr petrol station to get some Rizla.
  • No. The MCC long room hadn’t been built back then. However Diamond Joe Gutnick has been there so that’s pretty close.
  • No. It’s not till Leviticus that they reach Canaan.
  • No, of course not. Jehovah was a little miffed about Moses striking a rock when he was instructed merely to talk to it, so Jehovah made sure that Moses died before getting to the Holy Land. As it says in Exodus 14:25: “Thou dost not want to get on My bad side.”
  • Depends a bit on your religion, I’d say, but if you mean the Jews’ Holy Land, the answer is no.
  • Yes, but that passage of the Bible was cut when Gutenberg ran short on letters.
  • No. Except perhaps as a tourist earlier on.
  • No, he got religious cold feet.
  • Obviously you’ve not seen the film – man, that Charlton Heston had groovy sandals.
  • His foot never set at all. It remained soft and pliable, and walkable on, all his long life! (Says he, neatly avoiding any real answer at all.)
  • He died taking stone tablets
  • No, Moses just stood at the edge of the Holy Land and urinated over the border and said in a deep voice “I wouldn’t want to be part of any country that would want me as a citizen. He then put on a pair of glasses with a big nose and a moustache, pulled a cigar from his pocket and with his three brothers said they were going to Hollywood. (I really think its time for my medication).
  • It turns out that the phrase, “Camel Dung” had been mistranslated as “Holy Land”. Moses did indeed set foot in camel dung.
  • Moses expired at the age of 140 on Mount Pisgah after leading his people to and seeing the promised land. He did not”set foot” in the Holy Land. (Deuteronomy 34, V4-20)
  • He fell over the line in a drunken attempt to beat The Lord’s decree.
  • No, none of the generation that crossed the Red Sea got to the Promised Land. But, as I read in New Scientist recently, inflation theory predicts that there are an infinite number of isolated 0-regions in the universe. However, quantum graininess restricts the number of possible histories to some enormous number (10^10^150 or so). As this number is not infinite but the number of O-regions is, all possible histories will in fact be played out an infinite number of times. This means that a different but equally valid Moses might have set foot in a different Holy Land. And what about antimatter Moses?… (hmm, that’s good name for a band)
  • Hollywood stars set their feet in concrete, yes? It’s just a story, so I had to channel Moses himself, to get the take on this one. Only his left foot entered the Holy Land, and you can still see it, pulsating in Sheldrake’s metamorphic fields at a resonance of .0009876543 khzatrons.
  • See Nebo and then die… However, according to Matthew 17 he finally reached it!
  • Maybe, it’s hard to say. I have the Pope Gregor approved, “Highly Abridged” version of the Bible. It’s a pretty good read, but a little light at times. For example, the book of Exodus is summed up as “Stuff happens”.
  • Nope. Due to non payment of a previous rental agreement to a certain Egyptian Gentlemen of Property and the fact that Moses had signed the lease (with a bloke called Elvis) on 50,000 hovels in Lower Memphis and then shot through with the goods, chattels, curtains and a Golden Calf, God decided that he didn’t want a bar of Moses and barred him from the Holy Land.
  • No he burned up the desert in his Triumph… [Oh yes!! Another Dr Bob obsession, well it was, years ago]
  • Oooh! I like yes/no questions. Let me get my flipping coin… *toss* My answer is “heads”.
  • Dr. Bob, if you can’t keep your bible books straight, how can you refute anti-evolutionists! It’s in the biblical story of the Deuteronomy, 34:1-6, where it says that Moses wasn’t permitted to set foot in the Holy Land, only to look into it from Mount Pisgah. (But since this book records Moses’ death and burial and the mourning for him–how could Moses’ have written it?)
  • Can there be any truth found in fiction?

Question 3

What was the reaction of the contemporary scientific community when Newton published his theory of gravity?

Correct Answers:

  • The normal for science- Disbelief, ridicule followed by acceptance
  • ?

Heavy Alternative Answers:

  • Levity.
  • “What a downer!”
  • Bewdy, Newt! (Australian TV advertising in the mid-70’s has a lot to answer for….)
  • Blank incomprehension, for the most part.
  • Envy
  • Ridicule
  • ROFLOL
  • Skepticism

And:

  • And there was much rejoicing.
  • Collective forehead slapping.
  • Interest.
  • It weighed heavily on them.
  • ‘So, Nice day isn’t it?’
  • They adopted it pretty quickly.
  • They all dropped suddenly.
  • They fell down laughing.
  • They put the kettle on.
  • They said ‘What’s this?’ After that it got technical
  • Dr Bob, here you go again pushing another “theory” like it is accepted fact. Obviously since the “theory of evolution” is just humanistic, satanic claptrap unsuitable for a God-fearing creation-scientist’s consumption, this “theory of gravity” must be equally suspect. After all, they are both only “theories”. So I for one refuse to worship the god Gravity.
  • It got them down. (I am very, very sorry.)
  • I suppose they jumped up and down a lot.
  • People threw up their arms and brought them down again, then they all looked puzzled, and sheepish (especially the New Zealanders). There was also a lot of people saying “Of course, that’s it”.
  • They probably called him one apple short of a tree.
  • The continental mechanical philosophers threw apples at him.
  • All the APPLEcations it could be used for suddenly struck them.
  • Newton was considered a heretic because of his beliefs in alchemy and anti-catholic behaviour but his contemporaries Hooke, Halley and Wren were betting that they could come up with the same type of theory but Newton had already documented his work. Except for two brief affairs with young men, Newton was a social outcast. He almost went blind by placing a knife behind his eyeball to prove some of his prism theories.
  • Freaked out! Now we don’t need God to “hold it all together!”
  • Gravity is a myth; the earth sucks.
  • According to Isaac Asimov’s Biographical Encyclopedia of Science and Technology: ” . . . the Newtonian scheme was based on a set of assumptions, so few and so simple, developed through so clear and so enticing a line of mathematics that conservatives could hardly find the heart and courage to fight it.” (The following is based on Time-Life’s “Age of Enlightenment”) However, he did have critics who “reason” like anti-evolutionists against evolution: since gravity could not be directly seen, Newton’s opponents accused him of smuggling “occult qualities” into science. Newton answered as evolutionists do: since the effects of gravitation, though not gravity itself, can be seen, gravity’s existence is proved.
  • Some refused to believe it, falling upward off the face of the earth. Others decried it, saying “There is no such thing as gravity; the earth sucks!” Still others said, “Forget about that gravity thing, can you give us your recipe for those delicious fig things you make?”
  • Isaac’s scientist mates, not known for their wit, simultaneously shrieked, “She’ll be apples!” and fell about laughing at the lack of gravity of their rather poor joke.
  • 10%: said, “huh”. 15%: got hives. 35%: quizzical expression, sore knees. 4%: increased sense of well-being. 5%: better mileage. 6%: outperformed leading brand in 7/10 trials. 20%: imagined Newton naked. 2%: beat manservant with stick for perceived impertinence.
  • Acclaim for the work was great, although he and Robert Hooke subsequently fought over the origination of the ideas. There was only slow acceptance outside England, where Descartes held sway. E.g. http://www-groups.dcs.st-andrews.ac.uk/~history/Mathematicians/Newton.html and http://web.clas.ufl.edu/users/rhatch/pages/01-Courses/current-courses/08sr-newton.htm.
  • Oh…Really… So thats why that happens.
  • They thought he had rocks in his head (or was that apples).
  • Most didn’t believe it, as it clashed with their old theory and they didn’t want to all look wrong.
  • Surprise, wonderment and of course jealousy that the rest of them never figured it out.
  • Dismay, for even then they knew that by defining the laws of the universe, you define the universe, thus limiting the possibilities. Before we know it, the other inhabitants will realise that we are confining the universe in our mental straightjacket views and take action. Mark my words, the day will come when we are isolated from the rest of the universe, locked away in an impenetrable sphere enveloping the solar system. Unable to even look at the stars… *sniff* (this answer was inspired by Greg Egan’s “Quarantine”)
  • The reaction to Newton’s “Philosophae naturalis principia mathematica” (?1687) was mixed. The scientific “community”, while generally admiring Newton’s technical expertise, did not accept the concept of action at a distance. He also received stiff opposition from King James II and the Roman Catholic Church. Seems familiar!
  • They were excited by the nifty equations on temporal mechanics. You smart arse.
  • yair well… stating the bleedin’ obvious ….they all knew about gravity, just didn’t think it was worth writing about.
  • When Newton published his theory of gravity, the contemporary scientific community hadn’t heard of it. They only found out about it afterwards…
  • Gravity was never a “core promise”.
  • Stunned silence. Then they realised that this was the end of science since everything had been discovered. The majority of them gave up science for the church, while some took up the life of peasant farmers. A notable few even tried to forget their wasted lives by taking up professional exotic dancing.
  • They took it with much seriousness and gravity; you could have heard an apple drop. Oh, and the bathwater overflowed.
  • They thought it was astrology, since it involved “action at a distance”. Or so an astrologer tells me.
  • They were rooted to the spot.
  • Disbelief. Gravity was, and still is a myth. All there is, is inertia. The world (being obviously flat) is constantly accelerating upwards. The effect that Newton describes is merely the inertia of the object measured against the acceleration of the (flat) Earth’s surface.
  • They were horrified to find such an eminent gentleman playing with his food. His mother in particular berated him, “Think of all the starving alchemists in India who haven’t even got apples!”
  • There wasn’t one. No that wasn’t their reaction, I mean there wasn’t much of a scientific community then…
  • Derision and sarcastic reviews in the Saturday supplements. This led Isaac to formulate the Inverse Square Law, which states that academic conservatism is proportional to the time spent in a tenured professorship.
  • They stopped floating around in the atmosphere and fell to the earth with a thump.
  • Newton’s adversary Hooke was surprised to see it included his suggestion that the centripetal force drawing a planet toward the sun varies inversely as the square of the separation.
  • They threw apples at him, to test his theory.
  • They fell out of the trees, laughing.
  • Nonplussed! They thought weight was a sufficient reason for us to remain attached to the earth and hence the Theory of Gravity was just excess baggage.
  • Smartarse! Like, as if we didn’t know that already! Like, sure, apples fall upwards.
  • On the continent, Descartes views were held above question and the idea of action at a distance that Newton’s theory involved was considered too bizarre. Leibnitz, grousing over primacy in the development of calculus, used his authority to oppose Newton’s ideas and obstructed their acceptance until his death in 1716.
  • They were uplifted, then they were downtrodden, then uplifted again, and downtrodden as young Isaac demonstrated Gravity with his yo yo.
  • Relief; They had long wondered why they didn’t float off into space.
  • There was some disquiet particularly with Continental scientists who stuck with the Cartesian vortex model for many years after Newton had shown it to be incorrect.
  • Equal and opposite! (I know you could see that dumb answer coming a mile off, but some idiot had to say it!)
  • Ye Usbourne book of Gravity

Question 4

Who holds the record for killing the most people by genocide?

Answer:

  • Well it depends whether you mean the most people killed or the most complete extinction. For people killed, Mr M.T.Tung at 60 million, Mr J.Djugashvili with 25M; an A.Hitler at 6M and the runner-up (or more like a runner-down in these circumstances) a Mr P.Pot with 2M. But there are more genocides than these, due to consequential actions (or misapplications) of political and religious thought, e.g. of Karl Marx, who can then be considered the perpetrator. Mr Djugashvili would figure in this category too.
  • As for success in wiping out a race, there have been significant scores including the Indonesian government (85% of some crowd they didn’t like) and the British (100% of the Tasmanian Aborigines). There’s a chart in Jared Diamond’s book “The Third Chimpanzee’ which I’ll try to get hold of.
  • Far and away above all these wretched figures put together are genocides due to perceived doctrines of God.

The Most Common and Wrong Answer

  • Hitler, A.

Alternatives:

  • “That’s nobodies’ business but the Turks’.” Apparently.
  • If it’s the record by Peter Frampton, my neighbours wife.
  • Stalin, couldn’t stand Ray Charles’s Music.
  • Hister, Nostradamus told me at last weeks Homeopathic convention.
  • According to his own [ghost-written] account, God, who did a pretty thorough job on Egyptians, Babylonians, Assyrians, and anyone else who got in the way. In historical terms, Uncle Joe and Mousey Tongue were no slouches either.
  • Alexander the Great
  • Alfred Blunt who in 1974 killed twenty seven people all named Geno.
  • Allocating records for genocide trivialises a horror so shocking … I have no words that do it justice.
  • And they’re off Ladies and Gentlemen in the Historical Genocide stakes. There are a couple of front runners, with Mr. Hitler taking a good position, followed close on his heels, by Mr Stalin, Mao Tse Tung is coming in a close third, with Pol Pot and Ghengis Khan forming a nice Asian Triad. And as they move into the late 20th century a new player emerges from the pack Mr. Milosevic and starts a run for the front. Oh dear there’s been a stumble and as all the runners go down, one breaks from the pack and makes a quick dash for the winning post. I can’t see from here due to the dust, wait for it the dust is settling and the winner is Fun Loving Stalin at 100 million. Followed closely by (the 12 years old girl loving) Mao Tse Tung. In a close finish for last place comes Mr Hitler with Pol Pot coming in last.
  • Bo Vinedust, for his mass slaughter of the people of Atlantis. Of course, this record ain’t official, but I have it from a VERY reliable source…
  • Bob Dole
  • Current, as of the 31st of May, 2001? Don’t know. Final? Me, but I’m not quite finished yet – it’s a work in progress.
  • Depends on the definition of who. If who is defined as a group then I would guess the Catholic Church.
  • Depends on your definition of “people.” According to most of those committing the act of genocide, their victims weren’t people.
  • Depends on your measuring criteria – as a total number of people killed or a percentage of population wiped out. Using the first criterion, probably the six million Jews killed by the Nazis in the second world war followed by the Armenian genocide committed by the Turks two decades earlier for which statistics are sketchy. The Turks were not as good as the Nazis at keeping records. By the second criterion, I suggest a three-way tie between the Spanish for wiping out the entire native population of the island of Hispaniola (modern day Dominican Republic / Haiti), the Maoris for ‘displacing’ 100% of the original inhabitants of New Zealand and by the early white colonists of Tasmania for ‘culling’ 100% of Tasmanian Aboriginals. All despicable, murderous acts.
  • Didn’t English wipe out the Tasmanian Aborigines?
  • Dunno for sure, but I’d say these guys (http://come.to/genocidemusic) would have to hold a number of genocide records.
  • Ford Prefect knows the answer to that, he was the only one who escaped.
  • G. J. Yahweh. Otherwise known as “God Jehova Yahweh” or just plain “God,” as in “Acts Of God,” whom we all have come to know and fear as an equal opportunity killer. Volcanoes, earthquakes, floods, typhoons, drought, pestilence, hurricanes, fires, etc., you name it, he can supply it. He doesn’t discriminate. Runners up: Stalin, Pol Pot, Hitler.
  • Genghis Khan.
  • Genocide was established as a crime in 1948, which lets the Nazis off on a technicality. Was Hitler personally responsible? Most probably by allowing, encouraging, inciting and ordering others. Who knows the full responsibility of the Stalin regime? Pol Pot probably gets the title, but there have been too many other “small-timers” adding to the cumulative waste of life. Perhaps the Americans and “Former Soviets” share vicarious liability in their less than discriminate arms sales.
  • Ghengis Khan or Darth Vader.
  • Gimme a break Dr. Bob, I’m still struggling with the zebra joke (it was a joke, wasn’t it?)
  • God. Has been known to take doing the washing up to a global extreme
  • Have you lost all sense of decency, or did you, like me, have none to begin with? Anyway, I would guess that dastardly fiend, Stalin.
  • Hollywood.
  • I do. When three friends and I joined together (in my garage) to form a techno/heavy metal/punk/rock/jazz/fusion/chamber string quartet we called ourselves “Genocide” (it was a combination of our initials and some other extraneous letters). Our first single, “Killing the Most People” was produced by a multinational label, but we later realised we should have used a multinational record company, as the label executives thought that producing a “single” meant that you had to produce only one copy. There could have been some disagreement about which one of the quartet should get the disc, but in a unforgettable tragedy, one evening I happened to drive my car into the garage while my colleagues were tuning up, and the rest (including them) is/are history. The single arrived in the mail next day and as the surviving member, I kept it (in fond memory of my fellow artistes, of course). It is of such sentimental value to me that it is not for sale, though serious offers will be considered. It’s a sad tale of the vicicit, viscisci, vicscis, tribulations of the music industry, reminiscent of all those others (Bix, Janice, Jimmi, Bird, Wolfgang, Et Al) who have been stricken down at the peak of their fame and I just can’t go on (sob) …
  • I don’t think this sort of “record” should be publicised in case other maniacs try to beat it. Pol Pot is a good contender as is Joe Stalin but what does it matter if it is them, Hitler or Henry VIII?
  • I have a record of “Kill ’em all” by Metallica – does that count?
  • If you count percent of population- probably the Jews as they entered the Promised Land, leaving only Ruth and her household.
  • In the red corner, from all parts of Europe and Asia, weighing in at over 50 million bodycount and still rising: the one, the only JOSEPH STALIN and the NKVD! Yay.
  • It’s a tossup between Hitler, Stalin and Mao, depending how one defines ‘genocide’. Then again, if one believes Sir R.Wilson, the record holder is probably John Howard’s great-grandfather. Or Pauline Hanson.
  • It’s either the heavy metal group Disaster Area, or the christian church, I can’t remember which…
  • Japan against the Chinese
  • Jesus, Columbus and Marx would have to fight about it.
  • Joshua, when the Hebrew army and him were killing all the inhabitants of the Holy Land, born and “unborn” babies included, who wouldn’t “chop wood and draw water” for them (see the biblical story of the Joshua . . .).
  • Karl Marx (No Justice No Peace – Just kill your fellow man until equality has been achieved)
  • Look, it’s 4am here. I’m sure there’s some kinda play on words with this question, but bugger me if I can see it. Let’s say Hitler so I can get back to drinking, huh?
  • Luscious Lucy the lecherous lolli-pop lady of Ascot Vale – responsible for all deaths between BC 3530 and AD 1938. She would not say why!
  • Mabel Eavesbury of Hemberville, Ohio.
  • Me. But don’t tell anyone.
  • No-body. One cannot “kill” by genocide. They are killed by guns, or bombs, or gerbils and stuff.
  • oooo um thats prolly gunna be Hitler but thats too obvious…..oh what the heck, hitler.
  • Pedantic answer: You don’t kill people by genocide, you kill people in an act of genocide. (Now excuse me while I erect my conservatory.)
  • Pol Pot
  • Pol Pot… 1.8 million… died under house arrest. Moral : Don’t go near that house.
  • Rachel Carson, for demonizing DDT. She still kills millions of Africans and Asians every year, even though she’s dead.
  • Since the Bible is *obviously* the inerrant literal truth, the winner is God, who has wiped out the entire population of the planet (apart from an insignificant handful) at least once.
  • Some religious sect, I bet …
  • Stalin, Mao, Hitler, and Attila the Hun have to be top contenders.
  • The Christian Church(es)
  • The CIA researchers who constructed the AIDS virus.
  • The human race.
  • The winner, and still champion… Genghis Khan!
  • This is to be determined at the 2001 genocidal olympics, official motto, “Taking a Stand Against Overpopulation”.
  • Um, is it Raggot my pet gerbil? (he sometimes escapes at night…). Actually I’d say it’d be God.
  • Wasn’t it those guys who were installing the Interstellar space highway and some mostly harmless planet was in the way?
  • Well, its a close contest between Adolf Hitler and the Storm Troopers (a noted German Punk Band) for “The Final Solution”, Ghengis Khan and his Shaggy Horde for “Been through Europe on a Horse with No Name”, Pol Pot (and the Kettle Blacks) for “Year Zero”, Chairman Mao and the Red Army for “Cultural Revolution, the Great Leap Forward” and Stalin and Beria for “Purges, nothing but purges”.
  • Well, no individual has ever managed to commit unassisted genocide, so ‘who’ is problematic. Also the definition of ‘genocide’ involves what people mean by ‘race.’ Stalin probably oversaw the killing of more Ukrainians than Hitler did of Jews. Are Ukranians a race? Does ‘genocide’ count if the target community is NOT completely extinguished?
  • You can’t kill people by genocide. “How did he die?” “He died by genocide” “And what about her?” “Oh she died by genocide too” Genocide, like murder and manslaughter cannot be used to kill people. Besides which, (pause while he climbs onto his soap box) genocide is the extermination of a race. Anything less is *attempted* genocide. For any charge of genocide to be successful, you would have to prove that the entire race is extinct, kaput, blown-to-smithereensky.

Question 5

In about 3000BC how did King Menes, of the first dynasty of Ancient Egypt, die?

Answer:

He was carried away. By a hippopotamus.

Historically Disputed Answers:

  • A dingo. A dingo took my king! and some crocodilians.
  • He was forced to sit through the movie ‘Cleopatra’ and had such noisy nightmares about waking up in bed with Elizabeth Taylor that his wife finally strangled him with his own wig. (Oh, all right, according to 3rd century Egyptian historian Manetho, Menes died of hippopotamus. Which is probably similar to dying of Elizabeth Taylor, in some respects.)
  • A great stone pyramid fell on top of him, and a tradition was born…
  • A hippo, but this was also a symbol for danger in general. BTW, if Horus is another name for the first pharaoh (Menes) … the date for (the tower of) Babel can be reckoned at 363 years before the first pharaoh, or 3467 B.C.! http://xenohistorian.faithweb.com/worldhis/Hist02.html#Heliolithic
  • A hippopotamus beat him to death [Then if it died first, how is this relevant?]
  • A not-yet-extinct-half-eaten, dark-rumped quagga and a Hungarian hippopotamus fell on him and crushed the living breath from his sorry pink lungs.
  • A rare and nasty for form of food-poisoning causes him to excrete his own lungs… and he then died of asphyxiation.
  • A tragic misunderstanding by the prop manager during rehearsals for the music-hall sketch where a man walks into a restaurant and says “A crocodile sandwich – and make it snappy!”
  • According to an early Egyptian historian, he “was assailed by a hyppopothamus”. (I can believe this. Hippopotami are a lot more dangerous than many people realise.)
  • According to http://touregypt.net/Back20.jpg, his death is a mystery, for, according to legend he was attacked by wild dogs and Nile crocodiles in Faiyum. This made him the first Ossie (as in Osiris) Crocodile Dundee.
  • According to legend, he was offed by wild dogs and Nile crocodiles. You would think that kings would have bodyguards around to deal with the wild dogs, wouldn’t you? [Perhaps they were really wild, and ate the bodyguards first]
  • According to Manetho (a proto von Daniken) he was “carried off by a hipopotamus” (presumably from Hungary) but later historians claim it was a Norwegian camel. The other possibility is that he never existed.
  • Aha! He was attacked by both dogs and crocodiles (a troubling visual image if ever there was one). One wonders what became of the dogs. I assume there was a cull.
  • AIDS
  • Allegedly, he was fatally attacked by dogs and crocodiles. Sadly, this same fate is shared by some modern day tourists in Queensland. The true method of King Menes’ death is shrouded in mystery. Medically speaking, he died about seven or eight minutes after oxygenated blood stopped flowing into his brain. Legally speaking, he would have been pronounced dead if his electro encephalograph readings taken 60 minutes apart by two separate neurologists showed brain death. Yeah, right…
  • Anaphylactic shock, I presume.
  • Basically by continuing to breathe for too long. This is a little-known fact: Breathing is one of the most dangerous of all human activities, as it invariably leads to death if practised for a long time (i.e. 70-100 years or so)…
  • By genocide.
  • By the look of the illustrations, he died when someone dropped a hippopotamus on him.
  • By turning his back on an over sexed hunting dog (Murder Hound is the egyptian translation). Propriety has it that he was torn to shreds, academia has it that he was screwed the minute he bent over. One of the most quotable dying words of the ancient world “thats murder!”
  • Cream pie to the face. The first known fatality.
  • Eaten by crocodiles
  • He accidentally swallowed a small set of steak knives…
  • He died, like most of us, from a lack of heartbeats; due, in this instance, to a nasty case of hippopotamus.
  • He fell on a pyramid.
  • He had a pyramid built in his honor, but didn’t realize that the person they were to be built for had to be buried inside ….
  • He was doing quite well, until those ungrateful bastards pulled his brain through his nose and pickled him.
  • He was the first known person to die of a Wasp Sting!
  • Hippo it was, turned loose on him by a certain lolli-pop lady who shall remain nameless.
  • His death is a mystery, for, according to legend he was attacked by wild dogs and Nile crocodiles in Faiyum. Just to keep things interesting, it is ALSO said that wild dogs rescued him from crocodiles (or vice versa) leading to the high importance given to those species in Egyptian mythology. [They rescued him … and then they ate him?]
  • His death is a mystery, for, according to legend he was attacked by wild dogs and Nile crocodiles. He was the founder of Crocodopolis, so my guess was the crocs had their way with him, rather than vice versa … Anyway I decided to remote view it, Bob, and discovered that it was, in fact,an alien abduction that went wrong, which caused the ultimate demise of Menes. Crocodiles and wild dogs is a conspiracy, maybe even the first in recorded history…
  • His mother found out he was dating his sister, got jealous and shot him. Point Blank.
  • Hopefully peacefully! [Yes – well, at least after that little episode with the wild dogs and hippopotamus]
  • Horribly is my guess, otherwise you wouldn’t have asked.
  • I daresay that his start stopped beating and his brain shut down as a result of oxygen starvation. Mind you I have no idea what caused his heart to stop. It could have been anything poison, stabbing, old age…. [and hippopotamuses]
  • I find it disturbing that King Menes was also know as the “King of Memphis”. Are you trying to crank an Elvis angle into this? Answer – Prescilla & smack-cocaine milkshake rammed into his eyeball. (gratuitous DAAS in-joke)
  • I have an alibi.
  • In great luxury (for the time)
  • In the intestinal tract of various wild dogs and crocodiles.
  • It is thought that he died of old age while being torn apart by wolves and crocodiles as he attempted to defend the land from a hippopotamus.
  • King Menes’ death is a mystery. According to legend he died at the age of sixty-three when he was attacked by wild dogs and crocodiles.
  • King Menes, known as Aha, giving rise to that famous statement of surprise, according to legend was attacked by wild dogs and Nile crocodiles in Faiyum.(touregypt.net/01dyn01.htm) It has also been suggested that he died from anaphylaxis after being attacked by wild bees and “unprotected”. Either way he probably said “aha”.
  • Many less imaginative and highly repetitive Dr Bob sender-inerers are going to say some thing like “One of the functions or systems vital to the continuation of life in his body ceased,” [and many did] but I won’t.
  • Of “menes-gitis.” No, actually, when Horus the Falcon flew away with his soul.
  • Over acting according to the local critics. The son was the only one to get a good review.
  • See what happens when you dance Tango with a hippo in a small room ….
  • This king was a real prick, much given to torture of his people and his many Nubian opponents. He died after surrendering to Prince Lothar I of Nubia, who proceeded to torture him to death in a bloody three day ordeal. The chronicles record Lothar as saying, “Good riddance; Menes justified his end.”
  • Well the tabloids went with wild dogs and crocodiles simultaneously. It was actually wild frogs (but nobody could work out a hieroglyphic for that).
  • Wolves & crocodiles. The preferred method for mother-in-laws. [Yes I tried it but the wolves and crocodiles all ran away]
  • You mean he’s dead? This is terrible news!
  • Young, and of something curable by modern medicine? [No – 63, and of something curable by astrologers. “Gemini, 22 may – 21 June – Watchout for hippopotamuses this week”]

Question 6

(Adulatory brownshirts crowding around Adolf): suggest a caption.

Dr Bob’s Favourites:

  • Elated staff look on as the first user gets ready to inject at Sydney’s only legal heroin den.
  • Australian Liberal Party think-tank – 1934
  • And I think I can say, without fear of contradiction . . .
  • Are you ready to order? Ja, I’ve been ready for a long time….
  • Figure 1b, Receiving Under-The-Table Fellatio While Maintaining A Straight Face
  • Hitler bends spoon!!
  • If at first you don’t succeed, try a political career.
  • If you think there’s good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.
  • John Howard introduces his new post-budget ministry to the press.
  • The Great German Chair Famine of 1936
  • Oh, this could go on for a while…
  • That one, he don’t look right to me – Get him up against the wall . . .
  • Und zen, Mein Fuehrer, I played my fourth shot out of one bunker and straight into another. Hans shouted “Mein Gott, you have done a Hitler!” Ve all burst out laughing, it was so funny!. Ah, I see you do not think so, Mein Fuehrer……
  • When I said conquer “living room” I didn’t mean MY living room!
  • Where’s Wally? Also try to find: the girl, the two Hitler moustaches, and the megalomaniac.
  • (?) [Yes, I’d have asked questions too]

I Should Have Known I’d Get This One

  • Hitler – “I’m going to kill six million Jews and a postman?” Crowd – “What postman, Herr Fuhrer?” Hitler “See! No one will bother about the deaths of six million Jews…”
    [My apologies – this one is in very bad taste…. ]

Decadent Non-Aryan Answers:

  • Tell this bastard on my right to get his hand off my leg
  • So, I’ll see you after your shower.
  • A happy Dolphie amusing his young countrymen with some stories that his friend Mengele told him.
  • Okay, fellas, let me tell you about this great idea I have! Trust me, everyone’s gonna love it!
  • The Berlin branch of the WYGHTSU (Wholesome Young German’s Hairdressers and Telephone Sanitiser’s Union) meeting in a concrete bunker in 1938 and exchanging their favourite sponge-cake recipes. I know – this is far too long for a caption, so lets just call it “Bunker Mentality”…
  • Do you think Madame Tussauds will notice it’s missing?
  • All right zen boyz. Who’z gonna be zer first vun to drop zere trouzers for zer Fuhrer?
  • All of you are the ‘weakest link.’ GOOD-BYE!
  • Putsch planning at Zum Alten Völkermörderer.
  • …and then the Lord said unto Moses…….
  • Sorry boys, I only brought two more hats, you’ll just have to draw straws for them.
  • Don’t complain about it being too crowded in here, the air-raid shelters will be even worse.
  • I can’t think of one except to reiterate that the guy with the mo was a prick! I still can’t get over all those smiling idiots in the photo glancing adoringly at Hitler. Where on earth did you find this photo anyway Dr Bob?
  • Okay, my turn. So there’s this priest, a prostitute and a German Shepherd …
  • Here, Boys and Girls is the one my mother nailed to the wall.
  • Listen Gentlemen; I was not the first Nazi, I was number 555 but look what hard work can do for you!!!!!
  • Adolf Hitler realizing too late that he shouldn’t have recruited so many thugs for the Brown Shirts . . .’Night of the Long Knives’ becomes ‘Night of the Hard Knocks’
  • Hitler’s mates come round for tea and blitzkreig
  • That “manchowder soup” was quite tasty. What was in it?
  • Bread and butter’s Inspirationaland Brown shirts are just finethat girl in white has tittiestitties just like mine!
  • There we were, in a shell-hole on the Somme; me, Hans, a peasant girl and a bottle of…………
  • Hitler as a retarded high school student.
  • OK guys, heads we invade Russia, tails we don’t. And why isn’t that kid in bed yet?
  • Who vants to see some real German sausage? eh?…
  • Okay, you ‘schwir-punks,’we’re going to play the Nazi version of ‘Survivor.’ We all vote who to kill, one by one, until everyone except me is dead.
  • So, vich hand is the pea under being?
  • Adolf: “To get to the other side.” Omnes: “Ha ha, He he, Chortle, Roar, Slap thighs, buttocks etc, massed hilarity” (Proving that you don’t need to be funny to be a successful stand-up/sit-down comedian, you only need to be a supreme dictator)
  • Adolf Hitler as celebrity chef on “Mein Haus”, circa 1939.
  • Adolf Hitler doing an imitation of one of Martin Luther’s table talk sessions.
  • Hitler distracts audience with force of personality while assistant prepares to sneak spoon off table to bend it unnoticed.
  • … then we build a new float and become Queens of the Mardi-Gras for a day …
  • I do too have a mouse under my hand!
  • Haben Sie wirklisch ein Testicle, mein Fuhrer?
  • Would you like to help me win a world record?
  • The next one to ask me how many I’ve really got will have a nasty encounter with the business end of a firing squad.
  • Adolphus Spriggs and his all male choir share 2 cups of tea (rationing had been imposed) during a break from rehearsals in the sewers of Berlin.
  • John Holmes’s home life bore little resemblance to his illustrious public life.
  • Having no respect for human life, Adolf once considered an early version of a “Berlin Wall” using strapping young Aryan men instead of bricks.
  • Heinrich Klomp (2nd from left, front row): “I don’t get the joke.” (Shortly afterwards, Lance Private Klomp was posted to be far forward scout with the Second Army, c/- GPO, Stalingrad.)
  • Goebbels had suggested that it would be good PR to get out and sell himself as a ‘caring, sharing, fun-loving kinda Fuhrer’ by joining in with some Hitler Youth activities, so Hitler jumped at the chance of a photo opportunity and joined in the attempt to break the world record for the number of Nazi sympathisers to have afternoon tea in a septic tank. (It was the flatulent after-effects of the students’ sparse wartime diet including a lot of cabbage that later convinced him that gas chambers would be an effective way of killing people in large numbers.)
  • Well that ‘no pest strip’ IS keeping the flies down, but it still smells pretty ripe in here, open the damned window!
  • If you’re in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw a ripe avocado at him. Maybe it’ll make him think how stupid war is; and while he’s thinking that, you can throw a real grenade at him. Ya, ya, das ist gut!
  • Here’s the deal, I’ll’ skulk in a bunker while you lads spill your blood in the streets, then I’ll say you all failed me and shoot myself. Okay?
  • If you were REAL herrenvolk, I wouldn’t be able to hold down my side of der table against all of you.
  • Those lazy English can not hope to match us in phone booth packing!
  • Onlookers marvel after the 1938 German sauerkraut eating champion’s performance with the long-handled spoon.
  • A whole bunch of people gather to laugh at a certain someone’s silly moustache.
  • Blond blue-eyed aryans desperately looking for Nordic ubermensch features in the short, brown-eyed, dark and creepy Fuhrer.
  • Okay, we’ll split the bill evenly.
  • Whose turn is it to do the washing up?
  • Hitler shows how to best cope with eating while feeling no remorse.
  • After you set out your cocaine on the plate, you roll the Reichmark up into a tube you shove one end into your nostril and the other end …
  • Sign-ups for the Nazi Boy’s Choir
  • FUHRER BEATS 37 COMPETITORS AT CHESS USING ONLY CUTLERY!
  • Smile lads. Next century, some lunatic named Dr Bob will use this picture as a Quiz Clue and we don’t want people thinking that National Socialism isn’t fun.
  • Where are these people? At home. Who’s their commander? Captain Dread. What are they doing? The’re being part of a chemical warfare bomb. How many people are in the photo? Two, you can tell they’re human as they aren’t smiling. Where did this photo come from? Roswell, New Mexico.
  • He was a painter, quite artistic he had that suave panacheA tasteful brown shirt, a cute toothbrush moustacheHe loved his German Shepherd and walking by the babbling brookAnd watching blond haired, blue eyed children setting fire to their booksYet they say he was a monster, the leader of the ReichBut Adolf Hitler he was my friend. Alright? Alright!<I must be on a D*A*A*S* fixation today. Go the Allstars!!>
  • Charlie Chaplin, replete with tea and sandwiches, searches for the winner among the eager young finalists in the All-Germany Silly Haircut Competition of 1940.
  • Here’s a nice caption to an illustration I found on page 148 of the October 2000 issue of APC: “Manually assigned IP addresses will speed up Windows loading.”
  • In a few short years, all of you will be famous and mostly everyone else will be dead.
  • Listen, I called Roehm and all you Brown Shirts here, because I’ve got some great de-lousing chambers I bought at a neat volume ‘mark-down’ from I.G. Farbin that I need you all to try out. Simply drop your clothes, your jewelry, your bank books, and your gold filings outside the doors, and step in. It won’t take more than a few minutes . . .
  • To prove Jew are truly a genetic blonde, Jew need to…
  • Are there any *women* here?
  • Call me Daddy.
  • Group sex?
  • KFC’s secret recipe is…
  • Once upon a time….
  • Sing-a-long-a-Hitler
  • Suicide 101, Class of ’45
  • The boys from Brazil!
  • The Last Supper
  • The orgy shall now begin!
  • There’s nothing wrong with YOUR caption Br Bob: “Click image to see an enlargement (638×735 91Kb image)”

COMMENTS

  • Quitters never win and winners never quit, but those who never win AND never quit are idiots.
  • Some days, when you wake up, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
  • Why is there this false dichotomy between anagrams and gorillagrams?
  • I hope the Easter Lizard brought everybody lots and lots of nice chokky eggs!
  • Keep Up The Good Work! Your quizzes take the boredom out of life and makes people forget their real problems.
  • Who is that bad referrer?
  • This one tested me. Sobering thoughts on Q4 and the Bonus. Was Newton a plagiarist or a late bloomer? I prefer to think the latter.
  • Do you stare at orange juice because the carton says ‘concentrate?’ If so, congratulations on being a One Nation voter!
  • I feel so dirty. There is nothing left to say.
  • My mummy says those rubber thingies don’t work. [And that there is tangible evidence for that statement]
  • I have really had fun with this quiz, I timed taking my medication so that I could do the quiz at the lowest point of my medication and just before the new batch kicked in. It has been a very interesting effect. I especially love the way all the voices in my head get louder as the medication wears off and how they all go quiet again as the medication takes effect.
  • When 40% of the quiz is old-testament era I’m struggling. How about some questions about Australian Cricket in the 1990’s? [Sorry – the Skeptics don’t tackle religion]
  • I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them Sam-I-Am
  • You are not the Messiah – you’re a very naughty boy!
  • I have no optional comments.
  • T’was the night before budget, And all through the House, No keyboard was sleeping, Nor any mouse
  • I really need to stop filling these in so early in the month, it means I have a whole month to wait to see if I’ve won.
  • I’m biding my time, ’cause that’s the kinda guy I’m.
  • I especially like the fact that most of the brownshirts above appear to be wearing their toupees backwards as a sign of deference to their leader.
  • I would like to see nude people on this page. Damn – I’d like to see them in my office at morning tea time!
  • I can lick my toe.
  • Did you know that Sagan spelt backwards is Nagas? Did you know that King Nagas allegedly protected Siddhartha from a storm?
  • Well Doctor, I’ve got this rash you see…
  • Pathetic, isn’t it; all you get from me is crap yet again!
  • Douglas Adams is no longer of this Earth? Don’t Panic! We could do with a hyperspace bypass round here … Seriously; I have the number “42” written on a plastic card here on my desk (it was “liberated” from a restaurant table sign at the end of the universe, but let that pass), so the “answer” is still safe with me.
  • Dr Bob is the coolest freak in the world, and he’s ugly
  • Netscape Communicator is called a “Bad referrer”, but Explorer works fine for submission. Seems even this site has been infiltrated by a certain Mr. Gates.
  • Once again, I am faced with the difficult decision of whether or not I should own up to these answers.
  • Ever notice how B1 gets to have all the fun while B2 has to do all the work?
  • Doctor Bob, Doctor Bob, now I wonder, now I sob, in behind the screen so bright, these questions really are a fright…
  • How much did we pay for the quiz if there is an optional question and does the question get taken into consideration when scoring. If it does then its not optional.
  • Skip doo daddily oh doo doo yeah.
  • Can I call you Uncle Bob? There’s a box in Perfect Dark, his name is Bob. My mother’s name is Bob. I’m Bobbin, are you my mother? What possessed your mother to name you Bob? [An angel] Are you sure your name is really Bob, it’s just it’s so pathetic. I’m sure Bob is a very nice name, once people forget it. Okay, I’ve had my fun now.
  • Insurance is betting a stranger that something nasty will happen to you
  • These things are sent to try you 🙂
  • How about a geological question?
  • Genocide, Hitler (having a ‘shower’ tea?), the Death of King Menes, the exodus from Egypt to the holy land and Moses popping his clogs just before getting there – it’s all doom and gloom this month. Oh well, at least it distracts me from the grey skies and rain, here in the land of beer, chocolate and vertical archery…(and paedophiles, rampant government corruption, high taxes, food crises…) [Belgium right?]
  • Entertain me!
  • Great quiz!
  • Nil
  • You have 12 balls of equal weight.

Postscript – by Olav Rokne

I’m afraid that the answer that you posted last month as correct for Harry Truman’s middle name is incorrect. Although most “officialized” biographies will agree with you that his middle name was just the letter “S,” that is a historical fabrication, covering up for the fact that he had a soviet sounding name. Harry Truman started this fallacy himself, when he was asked in a newspaper interview in 1932. He stated that the letter S had been picked as a compromise between the names of his two grandparents, Solomon and Shipp. For the truth of the matter, you have to either look at the birth records for Lamar Missouri (there is only one Truman born there on May 8 1884 – “Harry Sergei Truman.” Read the autobiography of Allen W. Barkley (Truman’s VP) or read the superlative “an Underground Education” by Richard Zacks. It is for this reason alone that Harry Truman’s birth certificates are not on display at his presidential museum. My answer of “The incorrect answer that you are looking for is “S” Harry Truman started the rumor that his parents hadn’t been able to settle on a name and had simply called him Harry “S” Truman. You see Harry was embarrassed that his middle name was in fact “Sergei”– a name which at the time sounded too Soviet for a president of the USA. “He was actually named after his Mexican uncle” was in fact the only correct answer you received on this question.

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