Answers for December 2010

ANSWERS for December 2010. This month’s WINNER is :

Ripley Perkins

Question 1

What did Uri Geller claimed to have been randomly attacked by?

Answer

Spoons

Additional Answers

  • Hmm, random? Besides, The Great Randi is a whom. “I was attacked again, after being bitten by a stray three-legged dog in Turkey … this time by a raven. Its name was Corax and it was the star of my German TV series, transmitting spirit messages to its handler, Vincent Raven. Vincent warned me that Corax would not permit anyone else to touch his sleek feathers: I immediately proved him wrong, by fixing the bird with a stare and sending promises of trust and friendship telepathically as I stroked his black neck. Then Corax sank his razor-sharp bill into my finger to the bone.”
  • A double-cross blind placebo
  • Cutlery
  • I think I can see the theme in this month’s quiz. Geller, if I’m not sadly mistaken, was attacked by billions and billions of turkeys wielding spoons.
  • I want to say a conscience but I will have to settle for Spoons. I do not want to know what they did to him during the attack as I believe a speculum can be spoon shaped.
  • Michael Jackson.
  • Skeptics…no, wait, those attacks weren’t so random. Spoons!
  • Waiters, because he encourages people to bend their spoons.

Question 2

What is the name of the red bit that hangs over the beak of a turkey?

Answer

Snood

Additional Answers

  • A Snood, which kind of relates to the answer to #1, assuming the good Dr. Bob is dyslexic.
  • Cranberry sauce.
  • Snood! [Gesundheit!]
  • Snood, oh I hope that’s right or I have just generated another silly word
  • Snood.
  • the red dangler cant be bothered being witty…. snood
  • This is where the theme kicks in. The red dangley bit on a turkey’s beak is called a Uri. It connects the snood to the beak.
  • Would that be Mrs Palin’s glasses? Alternatively – turkey jerky.

Question 3

What is the size of the unit of measurement, the Sagan? (If you have 1 Sagan of, say, bananas, how many do you have?)

Answer

“Biyons and biyons” => 4,000,000,000

Additional Answers

  • 4 billion.
  • 4 Billion. Interesting that you ask about bananas. Harry Chapin almost called the song, “A Sagan of Bananas” but his brother Steve saved the day by telling him, “Harry, it sucks.”
  • 4,000,000,000 being “Billions of something” Not to be confused with the “Wooinch” being the length of a Woo related article that a skeptic can read before suffering EES (explosive expletive syndrome).
  • A hand-waving, wide-eyed very, very big number.
  • About 2 and a half snoods, or more commonly, billions and billions. Or roughly the same number of killer spoons known to parapsychology.
  • At least 4 american billions which isnt so big really – a proper billion being a thousand times bigger. Love his quote ” We are star stuff…”
  • At least two billion, as in ‘bullions and bullions’
  • The length of an american astrophysicist.

Question 4

What excuse did John Edward give for failing to claim The Amazing Randi’s million-dollar prize?

Answer

I cannot deal with a man who has an adjective for his first name

Additional Answers

  • “Would I allow myself to be tested by a man with an adjective as a first name?” Actually, ‘the’ is an article in a prepositional phrase.
  • I dont give a tinkers cuss what John Edward does or says
  • I don’t recall the exact wording of the quote, so I’ll paraphrase: “Why would I agree to be tested by a guy with an adjective for a first name who would clearly show me to be the fraud that I am, not only resulting in the loss of any future earnings as a charlatan, but also deprive me of most of my past earnings through a myriad of legal suits filed against me by those I have bilked out of their good money (And let’s be honest, their dignity, too) over the years.” It’s not exact, I know, but it’s what I recall hearing.
  • “I am too busy accepting the “Douchbag of the Year Award” on South Park
  • Damn – I forgot this one! (Perhaps Edward again was busy at Australia Zoo attempting to channel Steve Irwin?)
  • His dog ate his psychic powers.
  • The dog ate his psychic ability?
  • Too many turkeys in the room. Of which, too few had “passed over”, it being the week before Thanksgiving in the U.S.

Question 5

What animal (other than humans) causes the most deaths in Australia?

Answer

Horse. Second is cow, from collisions with cars.

Additional Answers

  • Let’s face it, this is a heated contest each year. I mean, Australia has deadly spiders, snakes, jellyfish, reptiles, sharks, and so on and so on. I mean, really, I’ll bet there are more than a few deadly types of flower, too. A leaf in Australia can give you a wicked cut if you get too close to it. But the most deadly, according to the person who had a huge influence on my world-view is the common Wombat which provides the third most humiliating death possible, although understandably, Australians don’t speak on it much..
  • Cow.
  • Helicopters or christians or helicopters piloted by christians.
  • Horses, the best defence is to use a Pony Club [Groan….]
  • Horses. And anti-vaccer’s since they’re not human.
  • Human deaths? the humble cow we eat far tooooooooooooo much beef and milk and cheese and beef fat and suffer heart disease and die as a result.
  • The common, or garden variety Turkey Mosquito. Particularly those piloted by WWII flying aces.
  • The shark, of course. Have you tasted the local fish and chips? You’d choke and die, too.

Question 6

This is a country – yes, it’s got holes in it. What difficulty might waiters in this country experience, just before the end of a customers’ meal?

Answer

Are you Finnish? – Yes of course I’m bloody Finnish or I wouldn’t be dining here in Hels… Oi! Bring my plate back!

Additional Answers

  • Well, whaddya know: when it’s not spooning Sweden, Finland looks like Charles de Gaulle wearing his Legion of Cheese-eating-Surrender-Monkey-Honour medals. I’ve been to Helsinki: no tipping, very civilised, like Australia, so perhaps fending off tourists trying to round up their cheques? Herds of zombie reindeer, high on fermented lingonberries, breaking out of the sauna and feasting on customers’ brains? Or just everyone sitting around for HOURS over coffee and salty candy?
  • Damn again – forgot this one too. (Was it that the waiters know that at the end of the meal they are finnished earning their wages for the day?)
  • Interestingly enough, this is where the quiz comes full circle. The shape of the country looks very much like Albania and a little known fact is that Uri Geller, is in fact, a hugely powerful psychic. What very few realize is that when he projects his mental spoon-bending energy it is misdirected by the ozone layer problems and spins about the upper atmosphere for most of the day, finally descending directly on Albania in the early evening when most restaurant patrons are finishing their meal. This results in spoons bending just as ice cream is arriving at tables and leads to much finger-pointing as patrons blame waiters and waiters blame patrons. Needless to say, it has a very detrimental impact on tips.
  • OK, it’s a fairly distorted map, on the side, so that north is to the left, and all twisted around. But clearly Turkey. The problem a waiter might have is that the spoons are all bent from the recent triumphant tour of Ankara by Uri Geller. The soup drips all over the customer’s clothes.
  • [ANSWER OF THE MONTH] Since the country has holes they thought it would be patriotic to put holes in the coins. The issue is the coins have now become a fetish item and worn in an intimate piercing. The difficulties the wait staff have is ensuring they give bad service just before the bill is paid to ensure they do not receive tips.
  • The waiters don’t know when to take the plate away, because foreign customers often don’t Finnish all the food on their plates.
  • Waiter asks “are you finish?” – customer says “Joo!” – confusion results.
  • Wardrobe malfunction or anticipatory stress.

Comments

  • My favourite Randi video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Dp2Zqk8vHw
  • That’s it, I’m finnished.
  • Comment this!
  • no comment
  • Turkey, really to refer to a turkey as a gobbler seems just wrong, apart from learning more about Turkeys than I wanted to has make my therapist very happy.
  • TAM was terrific. I first thought that two and a half days would be a bit much, but it wasn’t. And I hope I can be as active and compis as Randi when I’m 82. If I last that long…

Have a go!