Questions for January 2017

This is the 20th anniversary of the quiz!! But, it is doomed. When I started it in 1997, Google and Wikipedia had not even been dreamed of, let alone invented. I am running out of obscure questions, information is so easily available these days! Anyway, here is a special Captain Beefheart quiz –

1. Captain Beefheart, when a young man would often wash his hair & keep it wet – why?

2. Why was Trout Mask Replica once chosen for Desert Island Discs?

3. CBS used a brand new disc-cutting lathe to make the master recording of Doc At The Radar Station. Once the cutting began, the band and the engineers all went out for a meal … and what happened?

4. The Captain came to regret making the too-commercial LP Bluejeans and Moonbeams. (My mother liked it). What did he advise his fans to do with it?

5. Beefheart added his cousin, Victor Hayden, to the band on bass clarinet. What was remarkable about Victor’s style of playing?

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6 comments

  1. Dr Bob’s answers – Those of you who have not heard of Captain Beefheart, a.k.a. Don Van Vliet (1941-2010), well, are you in for a shock. He was a second cousin to Wallis Simpson, the American female that King Edward VIII married, with the result that he was forced to abdicate in 1936. I bet you didn’t know that (and Edward VIII would be pretty horrified too). And I haven’t even asked how he got his stage name … Here’s the answers:

    1. He was trying to catch a cold, because he thought that would make his voice hoarse, lower and deeper.

    2. Because “a desert island is possibly the only place where I could play the record without being asked by friends and neighbours to take the damned thing off” and “It is uniquely suited to years and years of isolated listening”.

    3. Beefheart’s voice was set at too high a level, so that the friction in the groove being cut caused the waste vinyl to melt over the cutting stylus and set the equipment on fire.

    4. He told the fans to go and ask for their money back. And, if the record shop would not refund it, he would come and play a concert in their home. (Or, preferably, somebody else’s home?)

    5. He could not actually play the clarinet, only push air through it.

  2. 1. He was too stoned to get out of the shower?

    2. The auto select default programmer was too stoned to get out of the shower.

    3. The waiters at the Doc at the Radar Station restaurant were too stoned to remind them that the lathe cutting thingie would probably be cool man till it needed some nachos.

    4. Smoke it?

    5. I have discovered a wonderful Cab/Merlot/sativa blend. Good night.

  3. Q1. Captain Beefheart, when a young man would often wash his hair & keep it wet – why?
    A1. He couldn’t find the off tap in the shower.

    Q2. Why was Trout Mask Replica once chosen for Desert Island Discs?
    A2. Because a salmon mask replica was too upmarket for their customer demographic.

    Q3. CBS used a brand new disc-cutting lathe to make the master recording of Doc At The Radar Station. Once the cutting began, the band and the engineers all went out for a meal … and what happened?
    A3. They weren’t hungry any more.

    Q4. The Captain came to regret making the too-commercial LP Bluejeans and Moonbeams. (My mother liked it). What did he advise his fans to do with it?
    A4. Gift them to the Catholic Church as holy relics of an age long past.

    Q5. Beefheart added his cousin, Victor Hayden, to the band on bass clarinet. What was remarkable about Victor’s style of playing?
    A5. Vic suffered from overbotoxed lips, so played his clarinet using precisely produced puffs from his backside, into which his instrument was inserted. Meanwhile, Captain Beefheart made a fortune by cornering the market for cabbage futures, which is why he added Vic to the band in the first place.

  4. As per comment 1 I have no idea who the guy is but these answers could apply to anyone:

    1. Captain Beefheart, when a young man would often wash his hair & keep it wet – why?
    Water is almost as good as conductor as aluminium. Good for keeping out stray thought control.

    2. Why was Trout Mask Replica once chosen for Desert Island Discs?
    a) big enough to make a boat out of
    b) easy to send a message on

    3. CBS used a brand new disc-cutting lathe to make the master recording of Doc At The Radar Station. Once the cutting began, the band and the engineers all went out for a meal … and what happened?
    The crackles heard in the disc were from the bits of muesli bars that got caught in it.

    4. The Captain came to regret making the too-commercial LP Bluejeans and Moonbeams. (My mother liked it). What did he advise his fans to do with it?
    Test new disc-cutting lathes with it.

    5. Beefheart added his cousin, Victor Hayden, to the band on bass clarinet. What was remarkable about Victor’s style of playing?
    Although he came to the band on a bass clarinet, it was too uncomfortable for any length of time. Then he did the 4 minutes 33 seconds trick and never made a sound

  5. 1. Nobody but you cares.

    2. Ditto

    3. Patrick Swayze

    4. Iceland

    5. The Wonderfully Democratic People’s Republic of North Neverland

    6. I have discovered a wonderful cab/merlot blend. Good night.

  6. I have no idea who Captain Beefheart is, so I am answering these questions using the the premise that he was a 16th century explorer who was Sir Walter Raleigh’s main love rival for Queen Liz I’s heart.

    1. Captain Beefheart, when a young man would often wash his hair & keep it wet – why?
    A. Because brillo hadn’t been invented yet, and he was always ahead of his time in the fashion stakes. These days we’d call him a visionary; back then they called him wet.

    2. Why was Trout Mask Replica once chosen for Desert Island Discs?
    A. This is going to be tricky to answer as they didn’t have Desert Island
    discs in the 16th century

    3. 3. CBS used a brand new disc-cutting lathe to make the master recording of Doc At The Radar Station. Once the cutting began, the band and the engineers all went out for a meal … and what happened?
    A. Now you’re just making stuff up. You’re using a random word generator, aren’t you? At a guess, it was recorded backwards.

    4. The Captain came to regret making the too-commercial LP Bluejeans and Moonbeams. (My mother liked it). What did he advise his fans to do with it?
    A. Make coasters or pot holders out of them.

    5. 5. Beefheart added his cousin, Victor Hayden, to the band on bass clarinet. What was remarkable about Victor’s style of playing?
    A. He played the instrument upside down (the instrument or himself–it’s a deliberately ambiguous answer).

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