Questions for December

Here they are – please send sarcastic comments.

  1. How far does a NASA rocket have to travel before they say “We have lift-off”?
  2. Vladimir Putin was born in what was then Leningrad … when was the last time that Russia had a leader who was born in Moscow?
  3. When the explorer Fred Ommanney became stranded in Antarctica, how did he make a sign to be spotted by aircraft looking for him?
  4. A thief in Fareham, UK would climb over a wall with razor wire, and steal diesel fuel from the local builders’ merchants. By forensic science, how was he eventually caught?
  5. Who said, in self-disparagement “I am no Einstein”?
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4 comments

  1. Dr Bob’s answers:
    1.Two inches
    2. Peter the Great
    3. By beheading penguins and holding them upside down so that the blood dripped out, and thus spelling out words on the snow
    4. His finger was sliced off by the razor wire; police found it, took it to the hospital and looked for a match
    5. Albert Einstein

  2. 1.How far does a NASA rocket have to travel before they say “We have lift-off”?
    A. But NASA is a Yank outfit, so why don’t they say, “We have elevator-off”?

    2.Vladimir Putin was born in what was then Leningrad … when was the last time that Russia had a leader who was born in Moscow?
    A. Hmm, one of those rich authoritarian czars? Kerry Packer?

    3.When the explorer Fred Ommanney became stranded in Antarctica, how did he make a sign to be spotted by aircraft looking for him?
    A. Same way anybody does – he ordered one from his local screen printer guy.

    4.A thief in Fareham, UK would climb over a wall with razor wire, and steal diesel fuel from the local builders’ merchants. By forensic science, how was he eventually caught?
    A. Climb over a wall with razor wire? How could razor wire possibly help him climb over a wall, Dr Bob? Wouldn’t he have climbed over the wall with a rope?

    5.Who said, in self-disparagement “I am no Einstein”?
    A. One of those trade union blokes hammered by the Royal Commission’s report released today. The others are also not Einsteins but would not publicly admit it.

  3. (4). There was a story about 30 years ago from Britain, about a guy who would go around at night knocking over brick walls. The police developed a theory that he was an unemployed bricklayer who had taken to a uhh, creative, method of generating work. They named him … wait for it … Harvey Wallbanger.

  4. 1.How far does a NASA rocket have to travel before they say “We have lift-off”?

    When the dilithium crystals lose their charge.

    2.Vladimir Putin was born in what was then Leningrad … when was the last time that Russia had a leader who was born in Moscow?

    Few people know this but Vlad was a foundling and “putin” to care as a baby. Hence the surname.

    3.When the explorer Fred Ommanney became stranded in Antarctica, how did he make a sign to be spotted by aircraft looking for him?

    He set up a floodlit sound stage, organised some backing musicians and let fly with his guitar. After all there’s “snow” business like show business……. (they get worse)

    4.A thief in Fareham, UK would climb over a wall with razor wire, and steal diesel fuel from the local builders’ merchants. By forensic science, how was he eventually caught?

    Plod.

    5.Who said, in self-disparagement “I am no Einstein”?

    It certainly wasn’t George Bush.
    Einstein, Picasso and Bush were waiting line at the Pearly Gates. St Peter took a look at them and said “Too many chancers trying to get into heaven these days – you’ll have to prove who you are”, Immediately Einstein wrote out a fantastic equation. “Come on in”, said St Peter. Picasso got out his paints and did a fantastic abstract. “Brilliant work – you too can come on in. “OK George”, St Peter said, “Both Einstein and Picasso have proved who they are – what can you do?”. “Er who are Einstein and Picasso”? says Bush. St Peter rolls his eyes sadly,” OK George – come on in…”.

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