Questions for July 2013

This is Dr Bob’s quiz for July 2013 – please give your answers to this quiz by posting a comment. But as I already know the answers, I prefer to see witty or sarcastic comments! I will moderate the postings to avoid spam (and abuse), but I will try to do that quickly. The real answers will appear in August.

  1. Cryptozoologists have been hunting pumas in Exmoor and other remote parts of Britain for many years, as a result of which two animals have indeed been caught in cages. One was a real puma, an escaped pet; what was the other animal?
  2. Many Old Master paintings were forged by the artist Han van Meegeren; he sold one to Hermann Goering. What was Goering’s reaction on being told that he had bought a forgery?
  3. Some of Han van Meegeren’s forgeries are of markedly lower quality than others, why is this?
  4. The model of the blue whale in London’s Natural History Museum has been a source of wonder to children, including me. They abandoned the idea of making a mould from a real blue whale, so the model was made out of wood, chicken wire and plaster. Where did the construction workers sit when they had their lunch?
  5. A good cure for Tinea – a fungal infection between the toes – is to urinate on one’s feet in the shower. But urine is not very reactive and it would only be on your feet for a minute or so. So, how does this work?
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8 comments

  1. DR BOB’S REAL ANSWERS:

    (1) Mr. Peter Bailey, caught in his own trap after a 15-year hunt for the Beast of Exmoor.

    (2) Goering’s expression “looked for the first time as if there was evil in the world”. And I presume that a somewhat more physical reaction followed, involving bullets.

    (3) Because they are themselves forgeries, for example some were done by his son Jacques. Fancy buying a real van Meegeren forgery, only to find out that it is a forgery!

    (4) Inside the whale!

    (5) Because you would then dry your feet very thoroughly indeed, thus removing dead skin.

  2. 1. A tourist on a walking holiday, accidentally shot after beng mistaken for a bear whilst she was trying to pitch a tent at dusk. Or was that in Colorado.
    2. Whilst Goering knew from personal experience about the concept of honour among thieves, he also knew there was none among drug addicts. The war was nearly over, so he was quite philosophical when some of the more undesirable features of his personality were taken into account.
    3.There is some dispute about the quality of van Meegeren’s forgeries. The loudest critics were those trying to redeem their reputations after being taken in by the hoax. However, a logical explanation is that van Meegeren’s final work was created in prison rather than in his studio and is clearly below par.
    4. One of those benches like the one in that classic Pete and Dud sketch where Dud claimed that Degas’ bums followed him around the room. The reaction of the whale was not recorded.
    5. The trick is to do it in the shower recess, but not have the shower running at the time. It helps if you are the last to shower and do it after everyone else has left the house. Be sure to rinse afterwards as although it might not be reactive, urine leaves a smell and attracts flies.

  3. 1…Tutankhamun’s cat.
    2…Bombed Coventry.
    3…Goede Leven.
    4… Jonah’s Cafe.
    5…Pisscebo Effect.

    Please excuse my unusual polysyllabic verbosity, had too much time on my hands.

  4. 1.Cryptozoologists have been hunting pumas in Exmoor and other remote parts of Britain for many years, as a result of which two animals have indeed been caught in cages. One was a real puma, an escaped pet; what was the other animal?

    Knowing the cryptozoologists, it was probably a horse, but that depends on whether it was a 128 bit cryptozoologist or a 256 bit cryptozoologist. Or maybe I have the wrong crypto.

    2.Many Old Master paintings were forged by the artist Han van Meegeren; he sold one to Hermann Goering. What was Goering’s reaction on being told that he had bought a forgery?

    I don’t think Goering would have cared. To people like Goering, art is about being able to show their wealth and power, and having an expensive forgery would still cut it as long as people knew how much it cost. Or maybe he was already dead by the time the allies found out it was a forgery.

    3.Some of Han van Meegeren’s forgeries are of markedly lower quality than others, why is this?

    He was either going blind or was blind drunk. Both afflictions affect most artists in their later years

    4.The model of the blue whale in London’s Natural History Museum has been a source of wonder to children, including me. They abandoned the idea of making a mould from a real blue whale, so the model was made out of wood, chicken wire and plaster. Where did the construction workers sit when they had their lunch?

    I think they sat on their bottoms. But I guess they did the Jonah thing and stayed inside the whale so the boss couldn’t find them. And like every other building site, it also gave them a place to throw away their chip packets, empty drink cans and cigarette butts.

    5.A good cure for Tinea – a fungal infection between the toes – is to urinate on one’s feet in the shower. But urine is not very reactive and it would only be on your feet for a minute or so. So, how does this work?

    My work internet won’t let me look at any pages of shower urination, so I can’t tell you.

  5. 1. Pete Doherty
    2. ‘I know vat I like, and it goez mit the parlour carpet.’
    3. Who forges the forgeries?
    4. Eschewing a blowhole joke, in its mouth
    5. Eww! Don’t think it does work: urea is the vehicle, not the treatment. Unless it makes you wash and dry your feet more thoroughly afterwards.

  6. COMMENT: Dr Bob, as you can probably guess, I didn’t use the internet one little bit this time. But I am okay with getting them all wrong. I’m kind of used to it.

  7. 1. Rolf Harris, as per the Goodies episode, but I don’t think I can make that joke any more. What about Frank Spencer then?
    2. He gave it to Goebbels or Himmler as a birthday present–whichever one was his most hated enemy at that time.
    3. After Goering chopped off his forging hand once he discovered the ruse, HvM found it a bit tricky to forge as he hadn’t cultivated his ambidexterous skills.
    4. I’m going to say gob or knob as I don’t think blokes would find any other areas interesting to sit. Unless you meant the tearoom.
    5. Ugh, Dr Bob! Where are your feet when you are in the shower? Mine are right under me and therefore I’m pretty sure if I were to urinate on my feet (which, of course, I wouldn’t as I don’t have tinea) the pee would be washed off straight away. So I don’t see how it could work, unless you peed in a basin and dipped your feet in at your leisure.

  8. 1) The Lock Ness Monster (why do you think it hasn’t been seen since the 1930s?)
    2) You dare call this “The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies?” Schweinhund !
    3) You try holding a paintbrush steady when half the Third Reich is on your tail.
    4) On their arses?
    5) Thanks Mum. I know now you always told us to wear shoes when taking a shower at camp-sites.

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