Questions for April 2013

This is Dr Bob’s quiz for April 2013 – please give your answers to this quiz by posting a comment. But as I already know the answers, I prefer to see witty or sarcastic comments! I will moderate the postings to avoid spam (and abuse), but I will try to do that quickly. The real answers will appear in May.

  1. When the poet Dante Gabriel Rosetti ran out of fresh poetic inspiration (and hence, of money) what unusual action did he take?
  2. How many coughs are described in the Bible?
  3. James Joyce, being quite ill when writing Finnegan’s Wake, designated his friend James Stephens to finish it, should it have tragically needed completion. What qualified Stephens for this role?
  4. In North Korea, what musical instrument must all schoolteachers be able to play?
  5. Poor old King Martin of Aragon – all his children died, and he was busy trying to arrange who would be his successor; what went wrong?
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11 comments

  1. DR BOB’s REAL ANSWERS:

    Q1 He remembered that he had buried some draft poems in the coffin with his late wife, so he dug her up and recovered those.

    Q2 None

    Q3 Joyce believed that Stephens had been born on the same day (2 Feb 1882) and in the same hospital as himself.

    Q4 The Accordion. Kim Jong Un’s fizzly amateur atomic bomb is not his most fearsome weapon …

    Q5 He died laughing. Although he had just eaten an entire goose, which would not have helped. Well, when your whole dynasty is doomed I suppose you gotta laugh, eh.

  2. Sorry, had to google Martin of Aragon. Ate whole goose and then died of laughter at what was probably the least funny joke in the universe? Wow.

  3. 1. He went to the Midlands of England, which inspired the Divine Comedy when he realised he was as close as it’s possible to get to Pergatory without actually being dead.
    2. You read the Bible and actually counted references to coughs? You got bored with Titanic rivets then? Anyway, it’s more interesting to count the coughs they omitted. For instance, that embarrassed throat clear from Jesus as Judas kissed him.
    3. He wasn’t dead. (Now, you’re going say that that was a necessary but not sufficient condition. And I’m going to come back and ask, have you actually read Finnigan’s Wake? Any Alzheimer’s patient with a quill…)
    4. The sycophant. They all have to play the sycophant to perfection.
    5. Oh, he probably organised a joust or something and his two sons ended up both neatly skewered through the heart.

    A picture question for you – wtf does this come from? http://www.flickr.com/photos/theerstwhilekate/8678401730/in/photostream

    (For Dave Hawley: What’s the definition of a gentleman? Someone who can play the accordian, but chooses not to.)

  4. 1. He retired to the bathroom, awaiting the invention of the flush toilet.
    2. 666. Well first there was the far cough, which led first from Egypt to the Promised land, then to the Babylonian captivity. The rest is history.
    3. Stephen was the model for Finnegan, but the name Stephen’s Wake lacks a certain je ne sais quoi as a book title.
    4. The bugle. Just in case everyone gets called up for military service.
    5. He was trying to outdo England’s Henry I in a contest to find the most stupid way to die. Rather than age badly he succumbed to a surfeit of laughter, unlike the joke which must have lost something in translation from Arragonese.

  5. 1 Rosetti, Dunno, can’t find it. Probably painted a semi pornographic painting of a current flame and flogged it.
    2. Coughs in the bible – having never read the bible but studied a lot of medicine I can describe most coughs and link them to pathology but I would guess Zero in the bible .
    3. Riverrun past adam and alicés , down by the Willingdone was a namesake Dedalus same forename he has as the QANTAS aftname. Ahh the joy of nominalism was hard upon him……… drivel drivel
    4 Given the vast wealth of the country it would have to be something cheap, longlasting, occasionally edible, bland, easily constructed with materials at hand this would leave only panpipes of bamboo.
    5. His jester was a member of the goodies, who as you remember well were fatally effective with their “Icky Thump” satire.

  6. 1. When the poet Dante Gabriel Rosetti ran out of fresh poetic inspiration (and hence, of money) what unusual action did he take?
    He worked as a waiter in a themed restaurant in the western suburbs of Melbourne. In his spare time he looked for inspiration by indulging in his hobby of necrophilia.
    2. How many coughs are described in the Bible?
    Never mind coughs! That’s trivial stuff. How many instances of bipolar episodes, schizoid behaviour, entitlement issues, unbridled rage and just plain unhinged bronze-age looniness does the main character express just in the first chapter!
    3. James Joyce, being quite ill when writing Finnegan’s Wake, designated his friend James Stephens to finish it, should it have tragically needed completion. What qualified Stephens for this role?
    He was his amanuensis. Sounds groovy or possibly very suspect and worthy of police attention, I grant you.
    4. In North Korea, what musical instrument must all schoolteachers be able to play?
    The piano accordion. Perfect for North Korea too. According to Ambrose Bierce, “ACCORDION, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.”
    5. Poor old King Martin of Aragon – all his children died, and he was busy trying to arrange who would be his successor; what went wrong?
    Everyone he picked then died. People started to dread his letters, then even hearing from him, then they started running away from him on sight. He was a very lonely and rejected man…sort of like George W Bush.

    Dr Bob, PLEASE insert some witty comments. I’ve given you this straight line, don’t waste it.
    cheers
    The Indubitable DH.

  7. 1) ran out of fresh? Have to use stale inspiration then
    2) just the one, awkward cough, when Joseph said ” so you are pregnant and you’re still a – cough- virgin?”
    3) drunk and foul mouthed
    4) alpine horns
    5) a bizarre accident involving blood letting, a fruit bat and an asteroid strike but most of all a misunderstanding about the use of condiments

  8. 1.When the poet Dante Gabriel Rosetti ran out of fresh poetic inspiration (and hence, of money) what unusual action did he take?
    A1. Changed his name to Inferno Archangel Hieroglyphi. It then rained ducats.
    2.How many coughs are described in the Bible?
    A2. Tch, Dr Bob. They were scribed, not de-scribed.
    3.James Joyce, being quite ill when writing Finnegan’s Wake, designated his friend James Stephens to finish it, should it have tragically needed completion. What qualified Stephens for this role?
    A3. Tch again, Dr Bob! Joyce isn’t bloody ill, he runs bloody Qantas.
    4.In North Korea, what musical instrument must all schoolteachers be able to play?
    A4. The 47, in the keys of A & K.
    5.Poor old King Martin of Aragon – all his children died, and he was busy trying to arrange who would be his successor; what went wrong?
    A5. He thought he’d appointed a successor called Edward but, being hard of hearing, poor Martin appointed Edward the Confessor by mistake. EdCon then proceeded to stuff Aragon like he did England (although, to be fair, EdCon was not a great Cnut like his predecessor).

  9. 1. Isn’t that what Google’s for?
    2. There was an awful lot of smiting in the Bible with a concomitant reduction in life expectancy. “It’s not the cough that carries you off, it’s the coffin they carry you off in!” (Old North of England expression)
    3. He was occasionally sober enough to be able to hold a pen and not fall over.
    4. Mainly “playing hookey” as far away from North Korea as they could get.
    5. “Oh they need feeding occasionally do they….?”

  10. 1. He plagiarised the works of fellow poet, Robin O’Graves.
    2. There are three coughs described in the Bible, the near cough, the intermediate cough and the one that usually follows the exclamation “You want me to believe what?, far cough.”
    3. They had identical chakras, horoscopes, auras,qis, Kirlian images and their yins and yangs matched perfectly.
    4.Proficiency in playing The Chairman’s Pale Pink Oboe is highly regarded, but no teeth, just your own gums.
    5.Bad jokes are supposed to cause a bad comic to “die” on stage, not members of the audience.

  11. 1. Gah! I know this one: zombie poetry from his late wife’s grave. Moral: never bury your drafts, and never model as Ophelia.

    2. I didn’t know there were any. But I *do* know there are a dozen cocks in King James, and the kid who was resuscitated/slash/molested sneezed seven times.

    3. Had Jimmy snogged Nora Barnacle?

    4. Their own rib bones like a xylophone, and the accordian: everybody starve and polka!

    5. His name got highjacked by the Tolkien fellow.

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