Questions for January 2013

This is Dr Bob’s quiz for January 2013 – please give your answers to this quiz by posting a comment. But as I already know the answers, I prefer to see witty or sarcastic comments! I will moderate the postings to avoid spam (and abuse), but I will get on with that quickly. The real answers will appear in February.

  1. A cat is kept at 10 Downing St, to catch mice (and rats). A new cat was adopted in 2011 but what happened to him in 2012?
  2. In 1953, who was the first to reach the top of Mount Everest?  
  3. What colour would Coca-Cola be, if they did not add black stuff to it?
  4. The Tour de France is a notoriously difficult bike race – although Dr Bob himself has won it just as many times as Lance Armstrong – but what other French “Tour” is said to be much harder?
  5. How tall was the last Viking who died in Greenland?
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8 comments

  1. Answer1 :
    She (it was a ‘she’-cat) got stripped of her puffy red skirt and high heel sneakers, ’cause the majordome’s daughter had just turned sixteen, and her parents offered her a brand new 7” vinyl EP : “Put your cat’S clothes on”…
    (I know it’s shabby… don’t say…)
    Answer2 : Nobody.
    In 1953, if I remember well, the celebrated Mountolive “Eve” Rest was working at Madame Irma’s honky tonk bar in Pigalle… as topLESS dancer ! Then… how can one ‘reach’ a topless top ?
    Answer3 :
    Coca Cola woulndn’t exist at all !
    In fact, Coca Cola Inc actually didn’t “add” black stuff… for the simple reason that their beverage is ENTIRELY composed of tar-like black stuff ! !
    Answer4 :
    The very shrewd “Tour de main” necessary to turn the unbearable agressivity of parisian cab drivers into a universally praised, witty argotic banter !
    Answer5 : How tall, indeed ! Ow… So you noticed it, too???

  2. REAL ANSWERS

    1. It was downsized! And 11 Downing St’s cat was expected to patrol 10+11+12 Downing St. Heartless Tory bastards.

    2. Hillary and Tensing never revealed which of them got there first

    3. Green

    4. The Tour d’Eiffel (Sorry)

    5. 4’6” – well, only a few inches really, after he was buried

  3. 1. A cat is kept at 10 Downing St, to catch mice (and rats). A new cat was adopted in 2011 but what happened to him in 2012?
    The PM and the Chancellor of the Exchequer could not agree could not agree on a budget measure. Discussion became so antagonistic that Chancellor challenged the PM to a duel. The PM’s weapon of choice was the cat, and it proved to be a wise one as the resident No 10 Moggie easily disposed of his challenger.
    2. In 1953, who was the first to reach the top of Mount Everest?
    The Sherpa Tensing has my vote even if he denies it himself. Doesn’t a guide always go first? If he doesn’t, he seems to fail the first of the criteria for being a guide.
    3. What colour would Coca-Cola be, if they did not add black stuff to it?
    Colourless, like its taste.
    4. The Tour de France is a notoriously difficult bike race – although Dr Bob himself has won it just as many times as Lance Armstrong – but what other French “Tour” is said to be much harder?
    The Tour de Force is infinitely harder, and can be achieved only once.
    5. How tall was the last Viking who died in Greenland?
    The last Greenland Viking to die was approx 1.1m tall, confirming the theory that isolated populations become dwarves prior to extinction. However a number of his contemporaries had previously escaped to Ireland where their descendants were last seen in the 1950s Disney classic Darby O’Gill and the Little People.

  4. 1. It died when the Mayan calendar fell on it.
    2. The Institute for Creation Research with unfalsifiable dinosaur coprolites containing Homo sapiens DNA.
    3. Dunno. But I would be green with envy if I had the patent.
    4. Le Toure de Cheese Makers?
    5. How Tall was the last Korean to die in Greenland, not the last Viking.

  5. Why is it so hard to just have a crack? I am sure I never had to run around in circles filling out emails and stuff. I must be getting old.

  6. 1.A cat is kept at 10 Downing St, to catch mice (and rats). A new cat was adopted in 2011 but what happened to him in 2012?
    A1. He left. Mr Cameron is now searching for new pussy.
    2.In 1953, who was the first to reach the top of Mount Everest?
    A2. Deepak Chopra, together with trusty Tibetan guide Lobsang Rampa and an anonymous aura photographer who recorded the occasion for posterity.
    3.What colour would Coca-Cola be, if they did not add black stuff to it?
    A3. A sort of stripey puce with flecks of fluorescent green from the secret radioactive compound that makes Coke so addictive.
    4.The Tour de France is a notoriously difficult bike race – although Dr Bob himself has won it just as many times as Lance Armstrong – but what other French “Tour” is said to be much harder?
    A4. Anything to do with French Tourism is bloody hard. The bastards actually expect visitors to speak French (I mean, really!); eat slimy snails instead of whacking them with Defender; wait for weeks in the Eiffel Tower queue; tolerate their misspellings (e.g. Triomphe, Louvre, Merde); work out what is le or la or les; and drive on the wrong side of the road. No wonder tourists go inseine.
    5.How tall was the last Viking who died in Greenland?
    A5. Vikings still live in Greenland (anyway, Greenlanders think they are still Vikings) so the last Viking is yet to die, which means his or her height is unknown. Obviously. Why do you ask arcane unanswerable questions, Dr Bob? Tch…

  7. 1. He became a year older
    2. No one has ever climbed Everest. It was faked on a film set in the Nevada desert
    3. Who cares? As long as it’s never confused with Dr Pepper. (tastes like dentist’s mouthwash that stuff)
    4. Trudging round Paris with a heavy case trying to find some bastard who CAN UNDERSTAND ENGLISH!
    5. Under 4 foot actually. You try standing up straight after thirty years of raping and pillaging…

  8. 1. A cat is kept at 10 Downing St, to catch mice (and rats). A new cat was adopted in 2011 but what happened to him in 2012?
    1. He got into a massive fight with the Chancellors moggy as a result of some very intense discussions (ok a hissing, scratching and biting all in brawl requiring police intervention) regarding a debate as to which of the Peerage should have their slippers used as a litter tray.
    2. In 1953, who was the first to reach the top of Mount Everest?
    1. The photographer there to catch the moment although Hillary and Tenzing are still in denail
    3. What colour would Coca-Cola be, if they did not add black stuff to it?
    1. Most likely it would be clear, the answer green appears to be a conspiracy by BIG LEMONADE to bring Coke down from its dominant position and to ensure the health benefits of Coke are suppressed to ensure that Big Lemonade and Big Pharma continue to rule the world on behalf of their reptilian overlords
    4. The Tour de France is a notoriously difficult bike race – although Dr Bob himself has won it just as many times as Lance Armstrong – but what other French “Tour” is said to be much harder?
    1. The tour de drug test
    5. How tall was the last Viking who died in Greenland?
    1. It sounded like 6foot 4inches but given the next sentence was “of pure unadulterated male” I think I was reading something by Barbara Cartland rather than a historical document.

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